Anders was being a jerk and Hawke said, "Shut up, Anders." Anders said, "No, because mages are good and Fenris needs to grow up, just because he was a slave to one doesn't mean all mages are bad." Hawke said, "He was a SLAVE, he had lyrium imprinted to his body to be a weapon. Of course he's going to be angry about that. Calm your magic tits." Anders said, "I'm being oppressed and it is triggering me!" Fenris said, "Shut up, mage." Anders said, "Ey, fack you slave elf boy! Mages have hadit harder than your kind!" Fenris said, "You dense primate, magic can be controlled, being born as an elf and taken into slavery is not controllable." Anders said, "Well, maybe you shouldn't be a whiny bitch about it. Hawke, why don't you just give him back to Danarius?"
Hawke glared at Anders and said, "I will not allow Fenny to be taken by Danarius!" Anders said, "Oh? Fenny? You've nicknamed it?" Fenris said, "If anyone's an it here, it is you, corrupted mage feg." Anders glowed a glowy glow and glowed and said, "HOW DARE YOU CALL ME AN IT! I AM NOT CORRUPTED, YOU KNIFE EARED HO!" Fenris glowed a glowing glow too, and he said, "MAGE PRIVILIGED WHITE MALE SCUM SHITLORD, YOU ARE TRIGGER MY LYRIUM!" And they glowed and Varric said, "Oh, look they're gloing, must be angsty mating season."
Hawke said, "ANDY, FENNY, STOP FIGHTING AND GLOWING YOU'RE MAKING A DAMNED SCENE. GYAAAAH!" And Hawke screamed. Anders said, "I WILL HAVE JUSTICE!" And Anders glowed more than a beautiful pregnant flashlight sun and he grabbed Fenris's hair and pulled and yanked. Fenris grunted like an excited pig and reached through Anders's armor and twisted Anders's nipples so hard that Anders screamed like a 4 year old boy that saw his parents die and Fenris laughed in triumph.
Anders let out a war cry like an angry koala and put Fenris in a headlock while Fenris struggled like a cat under a blanket. Fenris bit Anders and Anders jumped away with a screech that put a Russian opera singer to shame. Anders said, "Ew! Slave germs!" Fenris body slammed Andrew like a WWE star and of course, the position was awkward. Varric sighed and said, "If you guys are going to do that, just do it in private." Hawke said, "ENOUGH." And Hawke joined Fenris and Anders on the ground, trying to wrestly them away from each other, but it just looked so awkward.
Varric said, "Oh, not you too." And Varric shook his head and walked away to give them their privacy, and to write about it. And finally, Hawke separated them and they were all very angry.
"Slave."
"Mage."
"Stop."
And to finish their rivalmance, they had a sex scene and it was alright.