Once More With Feeling
The dark rein of Sauron was finally over, to celebrate their victory, the fellowship went to a nice Kariokie bar/Dinner called the "White Dragon".
The Fellowship tied their horses up and entered one by one into the inn. They found an empty table near the back and all but Merry and Pippin sat down.
"Where are you off to young hobbits?" asked Gimli.
"Were going up to the bar." Said Mery. He pointed to the bar and grabbing Pippin, scuffled off to the bar stools.
Gandalf chattered with Aragorn and Gimli, Sam made Goo Goo eyes at Frodo, who tried to ignore him by listening in on the conversation. Legolas fiddled with a napkin, bars made him uncomfortable.
A short hobbit approached their table.
"Hello, I'm Buck, what will be your drinks?" he asked smiling.
"I'll have a malt beer." Said Gimli, licking his lips.
"Fey wine" said Aragorn.
"I'll have an Ale." Said Gandalf, taking off his hat and placing it on the floor beside him.
"Ale for us too!" exclaimed Sam, as he stroked Frodo's hand.
Frodo looked oddly at Sam.
"And for the Elf?" asked the waiter.
Legolas looked up. "Oh…..uh, water please." He replied.
The others looked at the Elf, the waiter nodded and left.
"Legolas, this is a bar" said Gandalf, raising an eye brow.
"Yes, I know what it is" mumbled the Elf irritably.
"Well, generaly, you order beer, or some kind of alcoholic drink at a bar." Said the wizard smiling.
Legolas looked around uncomfortably. "I don't drink" he said.
The others surpressed their laughter and looked away. Aragorn whispered to Gimli. "Light weight" they laughed. Legolas's ears turned bright red.
The waiter came back with their drinks. "Okay, one Fey wine, one malt beer, three ales, and……..a water."
They all laughed even harder, Legolas looked down at the table top.
"So your saying you don't drink any kind of alcohol?" asked Gimli smirking.
Legolas shifted uneasily in his seat, he did not like the fact that he was being put on the spot. "Well, I have had Elven wine, but it's different from this stuff, we don't drink it very often. Only on certain occasions…..besides, Elves drink responsibly."
Aragorn laughed again.
"Maybe he's trying to be proper…..you know, being a prince and all." Mocked Frodo, he smiled, but his smiled faded as Sam ran his hand along Frodo's leg.
Frodo's eyes widened and he scooted closer to Legolas.
"Your so dull, Legolas! You never do anything outragious! Come one! Quite being so borning!" said Gimli.
"Yeah……lightweight" laughed Aragorn.
Legolas had had enough.
"I don't need to take this!" he said, he pushed Sam and Frodo out of the way and stood up.
Sam "accidently" spilled his drink on Frodo. "Oh I'm so sorry Mr. Frodo! Come lets go clean that up!" he grabbed Frodo by the hand and pulled him towards the bathroom. Frodo glanced back at the others, his eyes pleading for help. But the others ignored him.
"Legolas!" cried Gandalf, "Don't forget your water!" the others laughed.
Legolas sighed irritably and went to the car to sit with Merry and Pippin, who were having a guzzling contest.
"Ah! Legolas! Join us in a drink!" Pippin raised a glass to him.
"No thanks" said the Elf as he gently pushed the drink aside.
"Oh come on! Quite acting so high and mighty! Losen up! Have some fun! DRINK!" Merry said, slurring the words together.
"No really, I don't-" Legolas was cut off by the drunk hobbit.
"Wussy! Goodie two-shoes!" said Merry, teetering on his stool.
Legolas's eyes burned with anger. "I don't want to" he said again.
"I'll give you a penny!" Merry said in a sing-song voice.
"I don't want a penny" Legolas said through gritted teeth.
"LIGHTWEIGHT!" shouted Merry. He laughed at his own insult.
"I'M NOT A LIGHTWEIGHT!" shouted Legolas.
"prove it." Slurred Merry.
Legolas thought for a moment, then he slammed his hand down on the table, "Bartender! Bring me a beer!"
"That's the spirit! Slurred Merry. "Good Elf man" he said as he patted Legolas on the shoulder, and chugged some more from his glass.
*******************************************************************
( 2 hours, 3 minutes, and 83 glasses later…….)
Legolas sat holding his glass in one hand and gripping the edge of the table for balance with the other. Merry was passed out with his head on the table drooling, still holding a glass that was half full. While Pippin struggled to keep his eyes open as a VERY drunk Legolas babbled and slurred:
"I mean what do they know! They don't know me! I've been around longer than all of them! Well……except maybe Gandalf, that old fart is older than DIRT! But STILL! You think they'd learn to respect me more!" Legolas's eyes were hazy and he chugged down more from his glass.
"And do they feel sorry about it?" he continued.
Pippin opened his mouth to answer, but was cut off again by Legolas.
"No! they don't! and after all five times I saved them! (holds up three fingers) remember in Moria? Ooooooooh, they would NEVER have made it out of there without me!"
Legolas went to take another sip of his drink but found it empty. He tipped the glass over and shook it.
"Damn" he said.
He tapped the glass on the table. "Bartender! Heeeeeeeeeeey Bartender! Helleeeeeeeeew!"
The bartender turned around and looked at the Elf.
"Yes! You!" Legolas pointed at the Bartender. "I want another beer!"
The bartender raised an eyebrow, he looked at Legolas, the Elf was teetering on his stool, and his eyes seemed glazed over and vacent.
"Uh, you've already had 83 glasses, I don't think you should have anymore." He said.
"Hey!" shouted Legolas "See this bow!" (points to a spoon on the counter) "See this arrow!" (points to a fork) "I'll string it to the bow and shoot it through your head! Now get me another!" he teetered on his stool.
The bartender rolled his eyes and shoved another glass to the Elf, who took a long swig.
Pippin watched him "Uh, Legolas, maybe you should stop, your….you're a little, uh, well…..Drunk,"
"Hey!" Legolas poked him " I'm not as think as you drunk I am!" he poked Pippin repeatedly as he said this.
"Uh…..right." said Pippin looking oddly at Legolas.
Meanwhile, Aragorn, Gandalf, and Gimli were chattering away, not noticing the drunken Elf at the bar behind them.
"Where's Frodo and Sam?" asked Gimli, looking around.
"Dunno" shrugged Aragorn "They haven't come back from the bathroom yet."
"Must be a big stain" said Gandalf.
"oh yeah, Ale stains are the worst" saig Aragorn smiling.
Legolas looked up at the Kareoke stage, then at Gandalf, Aragorn, and Gimli. (Frodo and sam still wern't back from the bathroom.) and then back at the stage again.
Legolas stumbled and swayed as he attempted to stand up.
"What are you doing?" asked Pippin, but he got no answer.
Legolas, in a drunken stupor, stumbled to the stage. He grabbed the microphone from some other hobbit who was singing Backstreet Boys. He shoved the hobbit off the stage. And tapped the Mic with his finger.
"Excuse me!" he said into it.
Everyone looked to the stage.
"What is Legolas doing up there?" asked Gandalf.
"Oh my god! He's drunk!" exclamed Aragorn.
"Impossible, he can't be drunk" said Gimli.
" I just want to say, to the people in that booth over there…..I don't remember what the hell your names are…but you know who you are! And I know who you are and that's all that matters!" Legolas pointed at his three companions. "and I just wanna say…..I'M DRUNK! So HA! So much for being a lightweight!" the Elf slurred.
Gandalf rolled his eyes….' So much for Elves being responsible drinkers' he thought.
"He's not very suttle about it is he?" said Aragorn.
"No" replied Gimli shaking his head.
Legolas gestured for the music to start. The song "Girls just want to have fun" starts playing, Legolas started swaying and singing to the song. The fellowship looked at the drunken elf oddly.
Pippin, now that Legolas was no longer talking his ear off, rested his head on the table and was soon dozing. (Sam and Frodo STILL were not back from the bathroom.)
Legolas finished the first song, to many clapping and cheering. Then the next song started up, it was Madonna's "Like A Virgin"
Upon hearing the sing start, the fellowship's eyes went wide.
"Oh dear God." Said Aragorn as he placed his face in his hands.
Legolas's high pitched voive cut him off:
"Yeah you make me feel,
all shiny and new, wooo!
Like a virgin!
Touched for the very first time!"
Legolas stopped singing, a confusing look came over his face.
"Oh God" he mumbled. He ran towards the bathroom, but only made it half way and ended up puking in a pottery plant. He stood up and looked around, everything was so blurry.
He stumbled to the table where his companions were sitting. "My legs feel all tingly" he said smiling. The Elf made it half way there before passing out on the floor near Gandalf's feet.
They stared at the Elf for a moment, then turned to one another.
"I think it's time to call it a night" said Aragorn.
"Right, you get the Elf, I'll get Merry and Pippin." Said Gandalf.
"What about Sam and Frodo. I havn't seen them in a while." Said Gimli.
"Eh, there around here somewhere." Said Aragorn as he picked up the unconcious Legolas.
All noise in the Bar was cut off by a crash from the bathroom, and out came Frodo, half cloathed and hair in a tangles mess, there were hickies and bite marks all over him. He was screaming at the top of his lungs. Behind him was Sam, running to catch him.
"GANDALF!" cried Frodo as he ran pass the wizard, followed closely by Sam.
"Wait! Mister Frodo! Come back!" he cried. They ran out the door, and all could hear Frodo's maddened shrieks slowly die away as he ran further down the road.
The Fellowship stared after them for a long while, they shuddered and shook their heads.
"Come one, lets get out of here" said Gandalf, picking up Merry and Pippin.
"Yes, lets….I don't know about you, but theres just way too much male bonding going on in this place for me." Said Gimli, as they walked out of the inn.
THE END
The dark rein of Sauron was finally over, to celebrate their victory, the fellowship went to a nice Kariokie bar/Dinner called the "White Dragon".
The Fellowship tied their horses up and entered one by one into the inn. They found an empty table near the back and all but Merry and Pippin sat down.
"Where are you off to young hobbits?" asked Gimli.
"Were going up to the bar." Said Mery. He pointed to the bar and grabbing Pippin, scuffled off to the bar stools.
Gandalf chattered with Aragorn and Gimli, Sam made Goo Goo eyes at Frodo, who tried to ignore him by listening in on the conversation. Legolas fiddled with a napkin, bars made him uncomfortable.
A short hobbit approached their table.
"Hello, I'm Buck, what will be your drinks?" he asked smiling.
"I'll have a malt beer." Said Gimli, licking his lips.
"Fey wine" said Aragorn.
"I'll have an Ale." Said Gandalf, taking off his hat and placing it on the floor beside him.
"Ale for us too!" exclaimed Sam, as he stroked Frodo's hand.
Frodo looked oddly at Sam.
"And for the Elf?" asked the waiter.
Legolas looked up. "Oh…..uh, water please." He replied.
The others looked at the Elf, the waiter nodded and left.
"Legolas, this is a bar" said Gandalf, raising an eye brow.
"Yes, I know what it is" mumbled the Elf irritably.
"Well, generaly, you order beer, or some kind of alcoholic drink at a bar." Said the wizard smiling.
Legolas looked around uncomfortably. "I don't drink" he said.
The others surpressed their laughter and looked away. Aragorn whispered to Gimli. "Light weight" they laughed. Legolas's ears turned bright red.
The waiter came back with their drinks. "Okay, one Fey wine, one malt beer, three ales, and……..a water."
They all laughed even harder, Legolas looked down at the table top.
"So your saying you don't drink any kind of alcohol?" asked Gimli smirking.
Legolas shifted uneasily in his seat, he did not like the fact that he was being put on the spot. "Well, I have had Elven wine, but it's different from this stuff, we don't drink it very often. Only on certain occasions…..besides, Elves drink responsibly."
Aragorn laughed again.
"Maybe he's trying to be proper…..you know, being a prince and all." Mocked Frodo, he smiled, but his smiled faded as Sam ran his hand along Frodo's leg.
Frodo's eyes widened and he scooted closer to Legolas.
"Your so dull, Legolas! You never do anything outragious! Come one! Quite being so borning!" said Gimli.
"Yeah……lightweight" laughed Aragorn.
Legolas had had enough.
"I don't need to take this!" he said, he pushed Sam and Frodo out of the way and stood up.
Sam "accidently" spilled his drink on Frodo. "Oh I'm so sorry Mr. Frodo! Come lets go clean that up!" he grabbed Frodo by the hand and pulled him towards the bathroom. Frodo glanced back at the others, his eyes pleading for help. But the others ignored him.
"Legolas!" cried Gandalf, "Don't forget your water!" the others laughed.
Legolas sighed irritably and went to the car to sit with Merry and Pippin, who were having a guzzling contest.
"Ah! Legolas! Join us in a drink!" Pippin raised a glass to him.
"No thanks" said the Elf as he gently pushed the drink aside.
"Oh come on! Quite acting so high and mighty! Losen up! Have some fun! DRINK!" Merry said, slurring the words together.
"No really, I don't-" Legolas was cut off by the drunk hobbit.
"Wussy! Goodie two-shoes!" said Merry, teetering on his stool.
Legolas's eyes burned with anger. "I don't want to" he said again.
"I'll give you a penny!" Merry said in a sing-song voice.
"I don't want a penny" Legolas said through gritted teeth.
"LIGHTWEIGHT!" shouted Merry. He laughed at his own insult.
"I'M NOT A LIGHTWEIGHT!" shouted Legolas.
"prove it." Slurred Merry.
Legolas thought for a moment, then he slammed his hand down on the table, "Bartender! Bring me a beer!"
"That's the spirit! Slurred Merry. "Good Elf man" he said as he patted Legolas on the shoulder, and chugged some more from his glass.
*******************************************************************
( 2 hours, 3 minutes, and 83 glasses later…….)
Legolas sat holding his glass in one hand and gripping the edge of the table for balance with the other. Merry was passed out with his head on the table drooling, still holding a glass that was half full. While Pippin struggled to keep his eyes open as a VERY drunk Legolas babbled and slurred:
"I mean what do they know! They don't know me! I've been around longer than all of them! Well……except maybe Gandalf, that old fart is older than DIRT! But STILL! You think they'd learn to respect me more!" Legolas's eyes were hazy and he chugged down more from his glass.
"And do they feel sorry about it?" he continued.
Pippin opened his mouth to answer, but was cut off again by Legolas.
"No! they don't! and after all five times I saved them! (holds up three fingers) remember in Moria? Ooooooooh, they would NEVER have made it out of there without me!"
Legolas went to take another sip of his drink but found it empty. He tipped the glass over and shook it.
"Damn" he said.
He tapped the glass on the table. "Bartender! Heeeeeeeeeeey Bartender! Helleeeeeeeeew!"
The bartender turned around and looked at the Elf.
"Yes! You!" Legolas pointed at the Bartender. "I want another beer!"
The bartender raised an eyebrow, he looked at Legolas, the Elf was teetering on his stool, and his eyes seemed glazed over and vacent.
"Uh, you've already had 83 glasses, I don't think you should have anymore." He said.
"Hey!" shouted Legolas "See this bow!" (points to a spoon on the counter) "See this arrow!" (points to a fork) "I'll string it to the bow and shoot it through your head! Now get me another!" he teetered on his stool.
The bartender rolled his eyes and shoved another glass to the Elf, who took a long swig.
Pippin watched him "Uh, Legolas, maybe you should stop, your….you're a little, uh, well…..Drunk,"
"Hey!" Legolas poked him " I'm not as think as you drunk I am!" he poked Pippin repeatedly as he said this.
"Uh…..right." said Pippin looking oddly at Legolas.
Meanwhile, Aragorn, Gandalf, and Gimli were chattering away, not noticing the drunken Elf at the bar behind them.
"Where's Frodo and Sam?" asked Gimli, looking around.
"Dunno" shrugged Aragorn "They haven't come back from the bathroom yet."
"Must be a big stain" said Gandalf.
"oh yeah, Ale stains are the worst" saig Aragorn smiling.
Legolas looked up at the Kareoke stage, then at Gandalf, Aragorn, and Gimli. (Frodo and sam still wern't back from the bathroom.) and then back at the stage again.
Legolas stumbled and swayed as he attempted to stand up.
"What are you doing?" asked Pippin, but he got no answer.
Legolas, in a drunken stupor, stumbled to the stage. He grabbed the microphone from some other hobbit who was singing Backstreet Boys. He shoved the hobbit off the stage. And tapped the Mic with his finger.
"Excuse me!" he said into it.
Everyone looked to the stage.
"What is Legolas doing up there?" asked Gandalf.
"Oh my god! He's drunk!" exclamed Aragorn.
"Impossible, he can't be drunk" said Gimli.
" I just want to say, to the people in that booth over there…..I don't remember what the hell your names are…but you know who you are! And I know who you are and that's all that matters!" Legolas pointed at his three companions. "and I just wanna say…..I'M DRUNK! So HA! So much for being a lightweight!" the Elf slurred.
Gandalf rolled his eyes….' So much for Elves being responsible drinkers' he thought.
"He's not very suttle about it is he?" said Aragorn.
"No" replied Gimli shaking his head.
Legolas gestured for the music to start. The song "Girls just want to have fun" starts playing, Legolas started swaying and singing to the song. The fellowship looked at the drunken elf oddly.
Pippin, now that Legolas was no longer talking his ear off, rested his head on the table and was soon dozing. (Sam and Frodo STILL were not back from the bathroom.)
Legolas finished the first song, to many clapping and cheering. Then the next song started up, it was Madonna's "Like A Virgin"
Upon hearing the sing start, the fellowship's eyes went wide.
"Oh dear God." Said Aragorn as he placed his face in his hands.
Legolas's high pitched voive cut him off:
"Yeah you make me feel,
all shiny and new, wooo!
Like a virgin!
Touched for the very first time!"
Legolas stopped singing, a confusing look came over his face.
"Oh God" he mumbled. He ran towards the bathroom, but only made it half way and ended up puking in a pottery plant. He stood up and looked around, everything was so blurry.
He stumbled to the table where his companions were sitting. "My legs feel all tingly" he said smiling. The Elf made it half way there before passing out on the floor near Gandalf's feet.
They stared at the Elf for a moment, then turned to one another.
"I think it's time to call it a night" said Aragorn.
"Right, you get the Elf, I'll get Merry and Pippin." Said Gandalf.
"What about Sam and Frodo. I havn't seen them in a while." Said Gimli.
"Eh, there around here somewhere." Said Aragorn as he picked up the unconcious Legolas.
All noise in the Bar was cut off by a crash from the bathroom, and out came Frodo, half cloathed and hair in a tangles mess, there were hickies and bite marks all over him. He was screaming at the top of his lungs. Behind him was Sam, running to catch him.
"GANDALF!" cried Frodo as he ran pass the wizard, followed closely by Sam.
"Wait! Mister Frodo! Come back!" he cried. They ran out the door, and all could hear Frodo's maddened shrieks slowly die away as he ran further down the road.
The Fellowship stared after them for a long while, they shuddered and shook their heads.
"Come one, lets get out of here" said Gandalf, picking up Merry and Pippin.
"Yes, lets….I don't know about you, but theres just way too much male bonding going on in this place for me." Said Gimli, as they walked out of the inn.
THE END