I wrote this to help my brain unfreeze from its writer's block. And just so you know and probably already knew, this is before his fight with Asuma and Shikamaru.
EDIT April 2011: God, this is so OLD. I didn't really do much, just fixed little things. It was bugging the crap out of me.
The List of the Stupidest Things Sakura Haruno Has Ever Done. Recorded by the Sakura Haruno herself.
1. Pursue a lost cause, not mention a total asshole in hopes of returned feelings.
2. Offer to pay for Naruto's orders at Ichiraku.
3. Try to tear Tsunade away from a slot machine.
4. Spill her guts to a total stranger who had been ripping kunai out of all parts of his body outside the entryway of Konoha when her current mission was suppose to be patrolling.
Let's rewind.
That last one, number four. Sounds a bit interesting, yeah? Try terrifying. With a capital Oh. My. God.
"Shit!" he hissed. "That is the last fucking time I ambush a casino for you, Kakuzu!"
Sakura flinched as the man threw yet another bloodied kunai to the ground that was quickly turning a dark, sickening red. What was she doing? This was the exact suspicious activity she was to report to her superior immediately. Well, it's not everyday you see a purple eyed, white headed man lose that much blood and live to yell out a string of curse words.
She catalogued the features of him that would help Konoha ninja pluck him out from a crowd. Not that the task would have been at all difficult with that bright head of hair and the huge three bladed scythe that laid on the left side of the tree he was leaning against.
Wait.
Sakura leaned farther and squinted through the leaves of the bush. There was a glinting object on his chest. It almost looked like a-
"Whistle"
Even Sakura's common sense could recognize that noise. She fell to the left side quickly and let out a burst of relief as the kunai sunk into the tree behind her. That could have just as easily been her face.
But why would he throw a kunai at her? Sakura was absolutely certain she had masked her chakra as low as she could. She had even gone as far to cover her tracks despite other highly skilled ninja being a scream away.
Her back stiffened when he narrowed his cold eyes and stared at the bushes like he had a grudge against them. Time seemed to stretch on forever in those few seconds when finally, he seemed satisfied enough and laid down flat on his back with a painful grunt.
Sakura let out another gasp of air she hadn't realized she'd been holding. She stretched out on the ground, lying on her stomach, peeking through the leaves curiously again.
The man closed his eyes and crossed his arms behind his head. Sakura almost found it… calming. As stalkerish as it sounds, watching this man having a moment of peace under the clouds of a sunny and clear day made Sakura feel the most at ease she'd been in weeks. Saving lives and curing people of diseases could sure build the tension in someone 'till their sanity was almost ready to snap like a rubber band.
"Take a picture, sweetheart. It lasts longer."
Sakura snapped out of her daze instantly. He was still lying on his back with the same two battered and cut arms crossed behind his head, but his eyes were open now and staring lazily in her direction. A small smirk formed on his lips as if he could see her shocked expression.
There was no possible way that he could have known. At least… he didn't show any signs of knowing. Was he- was he- was he toying with her? Sakura's temper level rose to its highest capacity at the thought of this new theory.
Okay, now she was angry. No, not just angry. She was pissed. Here was a random guy who just thinks he can come along Konoha's border and pull kunai out of himself while tricking Sakura into thinking she had complete control over the situation.
What an asshole.
"You either come over here, or I come to you with my little friend." He was sitting up now motioning to his scythe and patting the patch of grass beside him as sort of sinister looking invitation.
Now that Sakura really looked, he didn't seem like a rookie ninja as she assumed at first. His Steam Village headband had a scratch through the middle. What had that meant again? Sakura remembered Tsunade mentioning it a few times. Missing nin? Something like that. But it was also the way he presented himself. As if he was the untouchable.
The impossible kill.
Now she just sounded like an overly paranoid freak. But Tsunade and Kakashi had always taught her to choose reason over emotion. Just because some guy rubs her the wrong way a bit doesn't mean she'd automatically react with violence. Naruto being non included in this resolution.
"Destroy the forest it is."
Hidan had been watching this girl with interest for some time now. Well, to put it more correctly, she had been watching him. But he had known she was there the whole time.
He found it almost cute at how she thought had him cornered like a rat in a cage. Such naïveté. And such a waste he had to kill her. She wasn't unattractive. But that didn't mean he had to right away. Most would call what he was doing sick. Luring an innocent passerby out and gaining their trust just so he could kill them.
He wasn't no damn angel.
Sakura didn't see it coming. One moment he lying on his bare back and the next he was dragging her by the hair and then releasing her roughly at the spot where she swore he hadn't moved an inch. She almost couldn't believe it, staring into his deep purple eyes, being just a foot away from a potential maniac. Why hadn't she sensed anything?
"Hasn't anyone ever told you that spying on someone before introducing yourself is rude?" he asked with a smile. "But hey, I'm a nice guy, so I'll let it slide."
"I wasn't spying! I was looking for my…"
Hidan waited patiently. He wondered what entertainment she would provide next for him.
"Cat," she said, dead-pan. "I was looking for my cat."
Liar. And a damn bad one too.
He widened his eyes in shock to encourage her. "Oh no!" Oh kill me.
"You see, he's never been away from home before. He doesn't know how to protect himself!" Sakura managed to sum up a few fake tears and they were pooling over her cheeks in streams. She smiled evilly on the inside. He was so buying it. Now all she had to do was wait for an opening and she could turn him in.
"There, there." He patted her shoulder gently.
Hidan could almost laugh. He wasn't buying this bull shit by a long shot.
"I'll just have to hope he found a nice family that can take care of him-" A sob erupted through Sakura, cutting her act short.
'Man. This chick is really laying on thick'
"I'll get you some water from my pack," he said soothingly and turned his back to her.
'What an idiot.' Sakura thought to herself. Trusting the first stranger he sees with a few fake tears? Though the sob was a nice touch.
But it was little strange. Where was his cocky attitude from before? Well, it didn't matter now that he was a dead man walking. Sakura slowly inched her hand toward one of the kunai still scattered on the ground, carefully watching every single movement he made. She skillfully brought the kunai up to eye level and aimed. He shifted slightly and allowed Sakura the perfect shot for a fatal injury.
'Now!'
Sakura threw the kunai and struck him right where his heart would be. She heard a sickening thud as it sunk into his flesh.
'That bitch actually hit me?'
He chuckled and stood, turning to face a petrified Sakura. "I have to assume you're not trying to kill me out of grief for your cat, am I right?" His face took on a pained expression when he tore out the kunai. "Damn," he commented, looking at the kunai. "I have to admit that was a hell of a nice shot."
Hidan tossed it to the side and it skidded to halt by his scythe.
He walked over to Sakura's frozen form and leaned down on two feet with his arms hanging off the sides of his legs and said, "Now, can you cut the bull shit goody two shoes act and not talk like you're a friggen sunshine fairy?"
...
"So I confess to this guy and tell him not leave, right? So he knocks me out, gives me a feeble apology and leaves me on a bench!" Sakura cried out to Hidan.
She'd been talking for over an hour to this guy, but he hadn't run away screaming incoherent statements yet, so that had to be a good sign.
"Sounds like an asshat," Hidan added before she continued.
"That's in the past though. What is really driving me toward insanity is my constant worry over Naruto and this akatsuki business." Hidan stiffened. "If we could just corner their whole group and force them into submission through good old ass kicking... then they wouldn't dare try anything!"
These Konoha ninja she talked of seemed…well, eh, but they wouldn't find an akatsuki member if they tried. Except in unexpected scenarios like this. But they were scattered all over, fulfilling their missions to capture all tailed beasts. The group rarely even saw each other. It made him smile again, knowing that she had such confidence in her village.
"Plus all my work at the hospital. It's really stressing when you're top in your field."
Hidan tuned back in. "Your life sounds like a one of those shitty dramas, pinky."
"Huh?" she asked dumbly.
He smirked again, climbing to his feet and ruffling her hair, ignoring the glare she gave him. "Never mind. Just enjoy what you have and turn that frown upside down."
Great. Now he just sounded like a damn fortune cookie. Oh, there came the gag reflex.
He heard a small laugh come from… the girl. She was laughing. What the hell?
Sakura wiped tears from her eyes. "Thank you. Really, thank you. I have never seen anyone say that before with such pure hatred."
Hidan couldn't begin to figure out this girl. But it didn't matter anymore. He unhooked the necklace that signified his religion and placed it to his lips then took one of Sakura's hands and placed it over the necklace, guiding it then to her own lips.
"Hidan. It's nice to meet you Miss Bad Liar."
He let his hand fall to his side but Sakura still held the necklace in place. He turned and walked away, grabbing his scythe from the tree. Suddenly he stopped and faced her again.
His bright eyes flashed and narrowed. "If you lose my pendant remember this: I. Will. Fucking. Kill. You."
…
Hidan walked along side Kakazu with a vacant gaze on his face.
For once, Kakazu was irritated because Hidan wasn't talking. It was a miracle, so why was he so unhappy?
Hidan stopped in his tracks suddenly, still staring blankly into space.
Kakuzu grew confused and turned to Hidan with a questionable look.
He only shook his head in shock. "Kakuzu. I talked to someone without killing them!"
'So much for my new expectations.'
Kakuzu looked to the sky and sighed in annoyance. He couldn't believe for even a second he thought he for once could have a moment of silence within a ten foot radius of his partner.
"I couldn't be prouder of you, Hidan. It must have been an especially difficult challenge for a person such as yourself," he mumbled without attempting to conceal his sarcasm.
"If I thought I was good before, I know I'm fucking amazing now!" he yelled straight into his partner's ear, the insult going right through him.
Kakazu rolled his eyes. "Aren't we Mr. Bashful today?"
Please tell me if I got Kakuzu's or Hidan's personality wrong. But I hope you liked this anyway if I did. Reviews are always welcome! Trust me, always welcome.