Neither Harry Potter nor Kuroshitsuji belongs to me or anyone in my family. the only thing that belongs to me is the crazy shit I put the characters through.
Title: This must be what Hell is like
Author: Chakahlah
Characters: Harry, Grelle, William, Random Reapers
Abstract: Grelle is pouting due to his specialised scythe being taken from him. Someone unexpected turns up just in time to cheer him up – but can Reaper Headquarters survive not only Grelle, but the man who was Grelle's inspiration?
This must be what Hell is like
Everyone in hearing range flinched as the massive doors into their library slammed open
"William, how can you do this to me?" a well-known voice shrieked. "Not only did you remove my scythe from my possession and give me scissors, of all things, but they are dark green!"
Several of the reapers who were in the few years above the voice's owner chuckled. The man's obsession with the colour red was infamous – as was his tendency to refer to himself with feminine titles.
"You violated our laws, Grelle," a serious, monotonic voice responded. "You knowingly updated your scythe without filling in the correct forms, you killed people who were not on the To Die list and you offered to hand out private information to a human – a human who sold his soul to a demon, of all things."
"But they're Green William. How can a girl work like this? I would have accepted white or yellow – pale blue, even, if not red – but to give me a colour that defaces the brilliant red of fresh blood … It isn't fair to punish a girl like this!"
The two arguing reapers appeared in the open space most reapers used to alter a human's life story when a soft pop sounded only for a shortish man with mid-calf length black hair and eyes such a luminous green that many of the older reapers were reminded of the legends of the reapers of old.
"It serves you right for your atrocious behaviour towards that demon," William replied, ignoring the man who was now watching the two of them with his head tilted to the side as he started munching on what looked to be a biscuit in the shape of a mutilated human corpse; bones, blood and innards included.
Grelle let out a happy wail as he launched himself at William and started to babble. "Oh I knew that you only gave me these horrid things due to jealousy, sweet William," Grelle then sat up straight, looking away from the irritated man, "but you have to remember that I am a lady and as such, I have needs and desires that have to be fulfilled. I can't just wait around for you forever, you know and Bassy is SUCH the Gentleman."
William turned to face Grelle and crossed his arms. "If you don't stop that this instant, I will make sure to imbibe your new scythe with a charm to repel blood and change them to white."
"New Scythe?" the black-haired man interjected. "Why would you need a new scythe, Grelle dear?"
"Harry!" Grelle let out a high-pitched squeal, throwing himself into the stranger's arms.
"My Lord," William bowed. "Grelle's scythe was removed from his possession after he modified it without authorisation and was demoted because he killed people not on the 'To Die' list, he offered to give private information and he was fraternizing with a demon of the worst standing."
"You are starting to sound like a broken record, William darling," Grelle stated blithely.
"Is it true, my little actress?" the stranger – now dubbed 'Harry' – asked the pouting red head.
"Yes," Grelle admitted, playing with his fingers. No one in the room expected what happened next. The new comer, who looked twice as strict as William, let loose a high pitched squeal that rivalled Grelle's as he picked said reaper up and pun him around joyfully.
"Oh my sweet little Princess is growing up so fast!" he exclaimed, ignoring the sudden silence. Your very first demotion! How thrilling and to think that I missed out on seeing it." The man pouted slightly before bouncing happily. "They even took your scythe away! Do you know what this means? Of course you don't, I wasn't here to teach you about it, my poor little Gillyfower. This means that when you are promoted again, you get to design you own scythe! Isn't it wonderful? Oh, and you simply MUST tell me about your demon friend. He hasn't been pressuring you in any way has he? What does he look like? What does he do? Who is his master? Have you seen him topless? Have you tasted his blood? Is it as divine as a Reaper's? Con on girl, tell me!"
AS Grelle opened his mouth to respond, he was interrupted by William.
"My Lord, I think you do not understand the seriousness of this situation."
Harry sighed. "I have just returned from fighting a war which wasn't mine to fight – seeing thousands of humans die each day and not been about to enjoy it in the slightest. All I wish to do is have girl talk with my godchild before going and obtaining my scythe from my son before coming back here to play with the lives of unsuspecting humans until some arrogant twat or another decides that they will split their soul to gain power over me when all that it does is make me wish to completely destroy them. So you have thirty minutes to tell me what has gone on in my absence, and be quick about it Percy."
"I am not Percy, My Lord," William stated blandly. "I am William T. Spears."
"I know who you are, but you have a remarkable resemblance to one of the people from the world I just left. He too had a distinct lack of any type of personality. You now have fifteen minutes Perce."
With what could have been classififed as a glare, William reported as much as he could within his reduced time limit.
"So while I've been away, my son has retired from his position, and has been causing havoc using MY scythe. Very well then, I will deal with the foolish boy – but first, I want all the gossip on this demon …"
Grelle pulled the man out of the room, talking about the wolf-in-sheep's-clothing called Sebastian Michaelis.
-Pretend I am a line -
Four hours after leaving the room, everyone watched as Grelle appeared in ta jittery mess. Several minutes later, the same dark haired person appeared holding a very familiar scythe and muttering darkly under his breath about unruly children. When he saw Grelle, however, he shrank the scythe and pounced on him.
"You were so right about the demon," he gushed, leading the taller man to an empty love seat. "He's absolutely EVERYTHING a cock-hound needs: Good looking, hot arse, drools wortherthy abs and if my estimating skills are still as sharp as they were, he's no slouch in the meat department either."
Grelle gasped in a mock horrified fashion. "Are you insinuating that a lady like me is a cock-hound?"
Harry grinned. "I'M not insinuating anything, my sweet filly. I KNOW you are a cock-hound – I introduced you to this life style after all."
Grelle grinned, revealing all his shark-like teeth. "And you taught me all I know."
"Precisely," harry purred, "But I seemed to have gone wrong someone. I thought I taught you that physical looks were all well and good but if they didn't have a brain in their head then they were worthless. He didn't say a single word the entire time I was around them. My advice is to use him as eye candy, and maybe to flirt with every now and then but don't allow him in your bed – no imagination at all. No, if you want a man or two that can REALLY make your knickers wet with only a word, you simply HAVE to meet two of the humans in the world I was just in. Unfortunately only on is dead and therefore awaiting retribution. I'm sure that we can find a way to use his … skill set."
"Isn't that against the rules?" Grelle asked with a flirtatious grin.
"Only if you aren't the one who makes the rules, my precious little bloodstain," Harry said sweetly. "And if he isn't willing I'm sure he would be after we make a few changes to your body … how would you feel about physically becoming female for a few weeks?"
"Oh how simply delightful!" Grelle exclaimed. "Will I be able to join you in dancing naked under the full moon?"
"Naturally."
"I'll do it! Now, tell me about this man."
Harry smirked. "Severus is the complete opposite of Sebastian. He is thinly built, much like me, with a Romanesque look about him. He isn't what many would call good looking, but he has a beauty all his own – a beauty that would only appeal to those with darker interests. His voice is like silk on soft, hairless skin, his tongue sharp enough to cut strips from your flesh and a mind so devious that he had hundreds of ways of torturing you within seconds of meeting you."
Grelle let out a breathless squeak as he fanned his flushed cheeks with a hand. "Oh, tell me more."
Harry obliged with great happiness, lowering his voice so only Grelle could hear him.
On the other side of the room, one of the reapers that had joined the same year Grelle had walked up to William, looking at Grelle and his friend with concern. "Is it safe for the two of them to be together?"
"It is never safe when the two of them are together," William replied stoically. "But as Harridan is my superior, there is nothing to do but ride it out – like a cyclone."
"Can't you report them to someone hi9gher than the dark-haired kid?" the man begged.
William gave the other reaper a look that plainly stated that he thought the younger male was an idiot. "No, I cannot do that as Lord Harridan holds the highest position in this building. He is not an employee … He Is Our Boss."
The younger reaper gaped as he looked in the direct of the man who was whispering into a flushed and giggling Grelle's ear in disbelief.
In another world entirely, Severus Snape felt a wave of dread ash over him as she stood in like waiting to have his soul judged. Somehow he knew that Potter had something to do with it, and that thought alone scared him more than he wanted to admit.