The Story of Fathers and Children
Sam and Callen entered the jet.
Hetty was already snuggled up in one of the comfy seats. Callen couldn't help, but think that her age was taking its toll on her. She wanted them to think that she can do it, but frankly she needed rest, just like everyone else.
This trip exhausted them both physically and mentally. The trip to Russia turned out to be more than just recovering the oil tanker. There were revelations about Callen's past, and Anna was reunited with her father.
She claimed that she didn't care for him, but when she saw him lying on the floor, his shirt turning crimson from the blood that pooled out of his wounds made her to re-think and accept that her father wasn't perfect. He wasn't perfect, but he was her father. She wasn't perfect, and yet she was his daughter. They both needed each other. Because of that simple blood connection that could turn worlds upside down. They were willing to die for each other at that moment and it was more than enough.
No father is perfect, Callen was thinking as he eased himself on the 'couch' (he thought of Arkady's pronounciation of the word) and he smiled for the first time that day.
A lot of things happened and he wasn't ready to move on yet. For the first time in his life Special Agent G Callen felt helpless. All of his team members had a family in some point of their lives. He was the only one that hadn't one and it pissed him off. Just when he thought Nikita Reznikov would be there, right around the corner, he slipped away again. But, now it was forever.
Somehow he doubted Hetty was telling the truth. He felt deep inside that Nikita Reznikov, Konstantin Chernoff, or whatever other alias he used wasn't dead. There was this small spark of hope in his heart that was telling him his father was alive. Or no? They wouldn't put the name Konstantin Chernoff on a grave that wasn't his...
Callen's brain wouldn't give him a break. He stood up and went to the counter where there was a fresh pot of black coffee. He needed something strong to bring him back to reality, and there wasn't any problem in the world that a cup of coffee couldn't fix. He caught a glimpse of his partner talking on the phone with his father and his eyes watered.
...
Kensi was thinking about her own father, too. This case was too personal for their team leader, and his mood caught up on them. She was thinking of all the happy times she had with her father, when he wasn't on a mission. How excited she was when Donald Blye would take her camping. She loved building camp fires. And she loved s'mores. That brought memories back from few months ago when her partner was talking about s'mores cakes. Her mouth watered at thr thought.
Other memories from her childhood were from fishing. She still remembered her first day when she managed to do it. She loved cars, and trucks, and almost everything the boys liked. She liked to fix the old truck her father had. She was a hardcore tomboy and nothing that Kensi Blye did or was going to do, could change that fact. She smiled when she remembered her partner teasing her of being that, a tomboy. It was the truth. And she punched him. She hurt him at that moment and the realization caught up on her. She punched him whenever she felt like it and he didn't say anything about it. Because he loved her.
...
Deeks was sitting next to Kensi and was looking through the window in the night sky. The stars and the moon shined with their full brightness and he wondered if there was a star that represented a guardian angel to all of them. He wondered if there was someone or something that could protect them from all the evil they faced every day.
He was having his own slide show of memories. But, his memories weren't happy. They were dark and intense. The horror he felt while living with Gordon John Brandel was still with him, following him, casting a shadow on his everyday life. The numerous beatings, the constant trips to the ER, the yelling, the crashing sounds...
He closed his eyes tight, something he always did when he wanted the bad memories to stay away from him. He was thinking of the emotional turmoil Callen was going through and he felt sorry for him. His whole family was gone now. Everything he craved for was forever lost. The only relative he had, turned out to be dead and burried for seven years. At least he had a father. He had memories. Some were happy, most of them sad, but still he had memories. Callen only had the memory on the beach in Romania, witnessing his mother's death.
Of course Callen didn't know that Deeks knew that info. He overheard a conversation between him and Hetty once. After that he respected the man even more.
Deeks got up to grab a cup of coffee and he spotted Callen staring in space.
"Callen?"
"Yeah Deeks?"
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. What do you want?"
"A cup of coffee would be great."
"Suit yourself."
Deeks noticed that Callen's eyes were red rimmed.
"Hey Callen, I know that you are probably angry and sad now, but if you want to talk, I'm here. And don't you go on me with all "I'm fine" thing because I know you are not."
"Always perceptive. And I admit, I stole your line."
"I will turn you in to the cops tomorrow you thief."
"You know how to make people feel better." Callen said, a small smile forming on the corners of his lips
"Thanks." Deeks replied softly, surprised by Callen's admission.
Not once Callen said anything good about him or his abilities, and now all of sudden, he says that he made him feel better. The kid plays nice, indeed.
...
Deeks dozed off for couple of hours and when he woke up they were already in the air. He noticed that Kensi had wrapped her arms around him and she was sleeping peacefully. Actually she was snoring, but he didn't mind. That was part of Kensi, and he loved everything that represented Kensi.
He got up, carefully not to wake her up and went to pour himself another cup of coffee. He needed the coffee so bad. He made a fresh pot of coffee. While he was fussing over the coffee, he didn't hear Callen approaching and when he spoke he startled him.
"You know it's tough on me to open up, right Deeks?"
Deeks jumped.
"Jeez Callen!"
Deeks poured some of the hot coffee on his hand and he almost screamed. He bit his lower lip at the searing pain. The coffee was hot and he poured a good amount on his hand. The flesh redened immediately.
"Deeks." Callen yelled
Blinding pain passed through his left arm as Callen grabbed it and dragged him to the bathroom.
"Sorry man." Callen said as he held Deeks' hand under the water
"It's not your fault. I'm always edgy when it comes to people walking from behind me. A habit my old man had."
"I guess he taught you something useful."
"He beat his knowledge into me Callen. He didn't actually talk to me about it." said Deeks ironically and Callen felt the heat of the words.
Callen then realized that the resent events triggered some unwanted memories from Deeks' past.
"Care to explain that?" Callen asked as he wrapped Deeks' hand with a bandage "This should work till we land in LA."
"Thanks."
They sat in silence for a couple of minutes before Deeks spoke again
"I know it's tough on you because your whole family is dead now G, and I'm sorry. I wish it was different. I wish your dad was still alive. He was a good man from what I've heard. A real hero. Not like mine."
"Yeah, I wish that he was alive, too."
"I always fantasized about a normal childhood. Normal family, normal father."
"A man that would stand by me and will chastise the kids that messed with his son."
"A man that would hug his son when he was feeling low."
"The only thing I received was hatred from all of them. Except at the Rostoff's house."
"37 foster homes right?"
"Right."
Deeks looked Callen in the eye.
"It wasn't fair."
"No it wasn't." said Callen "And neither was your father."
"He was a mean bastard Callen. He had this psychopatic instinct in him. He was determined to beat me and my mom as often as he could. He would get drunk and start with my mom. Then I would get my fair share. Maybe I deserved it."
"Don't say that. No kid on this world deserves to be beaten by his father."
"He made me believe that it was my fault. That I was the reason he beat me."
"He just needed an excuse Deeks. My foster parents had that same ideology."
"I wish I was born in a different family."
"Tell me about it."
"We can write book about our experience with families."
"You done with LAPD?"
"Not yet. I will leave my writer's talents aside for later."
"You are cheeky bastard, Mr. Deeks."
"Now we are talking."
Deeks' smile faded as soon as it appeared.
...
The plane landed on LAX in the afternoon. The team was exhausted and each one of them took the path to their homes. Their cars were waiting for their arrival. Hetty arranged that earlier that day, so they would go home faster. She hated to use a cab in the middle of the day after hours spent in the cabin of the plane. Her team leader was devastated from the news she delivered to him yesterday that she needed to make sure he was alright. She wasn't quite sure of that information, yet. She hated to be short on information, and she asked Nell to find out everything she could on Konstantin Chernoff. Nell wasn't surprised, since Hetty's requests were very often these couple of months. She needed to make sure of the info, because if she passed on a false statement to Mr. Callen, then she wasn't going to forgive herself for that.
And neither would Callen.
...
Callen entered in his empty house and the loneliness hit him hard.
He sat on the floor cross-legged watching at the only evidence ge had of his family. Clippings from a newspaper, the coin, the picture of his mother… He even had the toy soldier that the Comescu gave it to him when they killed his mother on the beach in Romania. After he found out his sister was dead, he went back to the house of the woman that took care of her briefly and asked her to give him the pic from Amy. The photo was added to his belongings, too.
Now all he had was pics and some text, but nothing real to hold on to. He didn't have a picture of his father. He knew him as the man savior to many people, but nothing that connects him to the word father.
Hot tears streamed down his cheeks. His whole life has been a search for a piece of happiness, but instead of happiness every time there was more hurt and disappointment. Well, at least he had Joelle. Not everything in his life was dark. He had light moments, Joelle being one of them. He felt small steps closing in on behind him.
...
Deeks was quiet on the way to his apartment and Kensi was slightly worried. She missed his constant chattering and asked herself what happened with Deeks that he retreated himself from the others. He didn't acknowledge Sam on the airport and she was surprised by that.
She noticed the way he and Callen looked at each other before they left the airport, and she wondered of what was going on between the two men. Obviously something happened on the flight back that made Deeks crawl into the shell he builded as to protect himself from the unpleasant times. Deeks was often in a bad mood since the IA investigation popped up, but Kensi highly doubted that was the reason for his quietness.
"Deeks?"
"Yeah, Kens?"
"How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine." he snapped
"Okay."
He hadn't spoken the rest of the drive.
…
Kensi was hesitant to enter in his apartment, but she went inside anyway. She promised herself that she won't leave him alone with himself after Sidorov. She was afraid that he was going to need a lot of help to deal with the issues that bothered him. And she was there for him. Except the five months in Afghanistan. She watched him enter in his bedroom. He closed the door from his bedroom and locked it twice. She stayed in front of it trying to figure out why he was like that.
...
She looked at the watch for the 20th time in two hours. She tried to convince Deeks to open the door, but he wouldn't.
She couldn't help, but think of yesterday's events. How Deeks undoubtedly shot the guy that fired at her repeatedly. Kensi couldn't help, but think of year and a half ago, the day that she was sent on the other end of the world. Lots of things were left unspoken then and all the frozen lake talk was muffled by her punch. She regretted the punch even now. It was hard on her, knowing that Deeks made a judgment call, but in that moment she thought differently.
He apologized for not taking the shot, but she never had the chance to talk to him and apologize for her act.
She was sure that she won't make that same mistake twice.
"Thank you Deeks."
"For what?"
"For saving my life yesterday. I hadn't really said thank you."
"That's why the partners are for Kens. You don't have to thank me. I'd give my life for you."
"But I treated you as a rookie in those woods in Russia."
"No big deal."
"You are a brave man Marty."
"I wasn't always."
His words gave her the answer she was looking for. She wasn't the reason why he was down.
"Deeks talk to me okay? Please talk to me. Don't shut me down. What happened with Callen? 'Cause I think this has something to do with him."
"Nothing. We had a small talk, that's all."
"Something bothering you?"
Deeks took a deep breath.
"Kensi were you afraid of your father?"
"No. He was very kind and patient with me. And he loved me unconditionally."
"Mine wasn't like that you know. He was saying that I wasn't his son, that he hated me... I wish I had a normal family. Just like Callen wanted. Now, his father is dead and he had lost the last thing he needed to feel normal for the first time."
"So you talked about your fathers with Callen. It's not like you two open up much to each other."
"Well, hard times tend to bring people together Kens."
"I guess. Deeks, will you let me inside? Please."
She heard the bolt turn twice and the door opened slightly.
She let herself in. When he looked her with his lost puppy look in his ocean blue eyes, her heart melted.
"Don't you ever do that to me again okay?"
"Okay Fern."
He smiled at her and she closed the door with her leg, placing small kisses on Deeks' face, already leading him to the big plush bed in the center of the room.
...
"Hetty."
"Mr. Callen."
"Hetty please tell me it's not true. Tell me that he is alive and that he is just around the corner. Tell me I'm not alone."
"You are not alone Mr. Callen. You have me and your team. About Mr. Chernoff, I'm not so sure myself. I've been told that he is dead and where he was burried, nothing more. I asked Ms. Jones to find more info about him. Please promise me that you won't put a pressure on her. She will tell you when she finds solid information."
"I can't promise you that, but I'll try."
"Fine. Mr. Callen whatever happens, please note that your father was a hero. Not many men can do what he did. Dead or alive, he was one of the good guys. Don't you ever forget that."
"I won't."
"Good. Now, call your girlfriend. I might've talked to some birdie that told me she was waiting for your call."
"That birdie isn't Michelle right Hetty?"
"Absolutely not Mr. Callen." said Hetty smirking.
...