A/N Strong language from the start!

Usually still lips found themselves quivering, usually expressionless, tawny eyes were quite surprised to have tears stinging them. Formally dry, hollow, cheeks found themselves dampened in straight tracks. Typically still hands shook uncontrollably.

There was no doubt that Remus Lupin had had shit day. He decided that it was definitely in the top 6 worst days of his life.

He wiped his tears on the sleeve of his robes, wondering how many people knew by now. He took a deep breath and told himself that crying was pointless, and that crying pointlessly in a toilet cubicle was pathetic. It wasn't his fault it had happened, nor was it his fault he was like ths; it was nothing to be ashamed of. But he was ashamed. He wasn't just ashamed, he was utterly mortified. He was only in his second year at Hogwarts, he'd only just turned 13 and he'd already been outed. He wasn't even sure he was but there was no point in denying it now, he'd just be kidding himself, probably better for him, in the long run, to be told rather than to have to spend years of turmoil working it out. But he still wished it had never happened.

Remus had woken that morning to the sound of one of his dorm mates owls, softly hooting at the by his bed window. It was a very beautiful owl and he wondered which one of the twats in his dorm it belonged to. They had ignored him from day one, deciding he was strange and not even worth making the effort to talk to, he had, in turn, ignored them, deciding the were not his kind of person (twats). He hadn't even bothered learning their names and simply referred to them by whichever physical attribute jumped out at him first. The owl in question had belonged to Fatty. Fatty seemed to already be friends with Ginger when they came to Hogwarts and had soon become quite familiar with Ugly Gob-Shite. Neither of the 3 had ever said much more to Remus than "Pass the water jug", "Don't touch my stuff while I'm gone" and "Don't take all fucking day in the shower this time". He unlatched the window for Fatty to let his owl in, Fatty ignored this, Remus thought it was at least worth a thank you, even if it was an insincere one. He quickly dressed and went down to breakfast, even though the sight of Ugly Gob-Shite in a small towel had made him lose his appetite.

After the breakfast which he only picked at (scrambled eggs, he hated scrambled eggs) he headed off to his first class of the day, charms. He had, precisely three weeks ago, been moved to sit next to the Potter boy after him and the long haired one that gave Remus funny looks had set the professor's chair to explode with wet start fireworks when he sat down(God only knows how they'd managed it). He had moved Remus next to Potter, declaring that he may be a good influence on him and put the long haired boy next to the whiny chubby kid that followed Potter and him around. Though he had very quickly dismissed Potter as not his kind of person, he soon found himself shocked to actually be enjoying the boys company and decided to remember his name. Potter had always just seemed like a show off, a bit of a prick, harassing poor Lily Evans (One of Remus's few friends, he thought was a sweet girl, very intelligent, very pretty and therefore very tolerable) and blowing things up. But after spending a few double lessons with him, he had discovered that away from the influence of girls and his friends he was quite charming and witty and ,perhaps, most surprisingly, extremely gifted. Despite being one of the more popular boys in his year he had a nice way with Remus and seemed to deeply appreciate Remus's great and unquestionable magic skill and intellect, which often made people dismiss Remus as a swot. Then again Potter was a radical, and if making friends with the school loner was another way to inadvertently rebel against the way things should be, he would do it.

Remus and Potter had had a particularly enjoyable lesson that day; they had worked together on a charm that made inanimate objects dance and sing, which had proved to be extremely funny, so funny ,in fact, that Remus had laughed outwardly, which was really rather rare. Remus was in such a good mood, he had begun calling Potter, James, his first name, and James had returned this atypical affection with a friendly slap on the back and a "congratulations!" for "actually calling someone by their name for once". Though his high spirits were dampened when he heard the long haired boy telling James "not to associate with half bloods, especially ones like Loony Lupin" he was pleased when James replied with a "Fuck off Sirius, your Mummy's not here, you don't have to pretend to believe in that Pure Blood bollocks anymore". James had defended him, they must be friends. He smiled inwardly and walked down to potions with Lily Evans.

"You're getting friendly with Potter now aren't you?" She said, sounding a little down trodden

"I suppose"

"Great, now I think that makes me and Severus the only people in the school who can tell him for what he really is" Remus raised his eyebrow in a way that Lily interpreted as meaning "Can you Lily! Oh please! Do tell! What is he really?" but Remus meant to mean "Lily I like you, but I couldn't care less"

"He's an arrogant twat with all the personality of a Troll"

"Okay... I thought he seemed alright" Said Remus, disinterested, his own opinion of James not even dented

"Everyone does" she smiled and changed the subject "Did you think that shrinking potions essay was hard?" Remus was impressed that she knew him well enough to know that it was pointless talking to him about people and she'd get more out of him discussing something academic. Initially, though she definitely genuinely liked him, Remus knew Lily had only made friends with him out of pity.

*

A few weeks into their first year at Hogwarts Lily might have been have only person who was aware Remus existed, though she made friends quickly and was always with someone, she would spot him in class sitting alone, or eating alone, or in the common room alone reading. It began with the occasional sad smile that said "Hi, I see you're alone there, I think you might be a little lonely or a little sad but I'm not sure if you prefer it this way and if we spoke it might annoy you but if you aren't, I want you to know I know you exist" Remus would often reply with a shy smile and slight shrug that meant "I'm fine for Christ sake, it's nice for you to acknowledge me but there's no need to look at me like you're my mother or something" it was when the bullying started that they began speaking.

Lucius Malfoy, a Slytherin, was in the fourth year at the time, he had a pointed face and sharp pale eyes and a rather stupid, in Remus's opinion, floppy blonde fringe that covered half his face. Remus had been at Hogwarts 3 months and had already acquired the nick name Loony Lupin, because of his solitary tendencies and the fact that he could often be caught talking to himself and because he would hang around in the corridors, in the grounds or sit up in the common room late at night practicing spells, giggling manically if he managed to tackle anything more difficult than a third year level, and positively collapsing with triumphant cackles if he got up to something above OWL level, making himself a pretty big target for burkes like Malfoy and his cronies. He had been messing around with summoning charms in the grounds one weekend and had accidently pulled Malfoy's books from his hands, as the summoning charm was a little tricky for him yet, the books stopped half way and wind scattered them and a few essays across the grass. It was that day that Malfoy declared war on the "insolent little mud blood" and told Remus he would "Make his life a living hell". A few short weeks later Malfoy had decided that funniest thing he could do, would be to call Remus gay and occasionally hex him, even at age eleven Remus would roll his eyes and ignore them. He didn't think it would affect anyone's opinion of him, considering he had rather quickly gone from nonexistent to Loony Lupin the Gryffindor pariah- to be avoided like the plague, he could deflect pretty much any hex Malfoy could throw at him and all gay accusations in any school, magical or non magical, were always taken with a pinch of salt. It was when other Slytherin's started to get involved that it stopped being so easy to ignore. By the time he was 12 and about half way through his first year, he couldn't walk through the corridor without being tripped, hexed or being called a faggot or a poof. If he ever walked behind a boy he would be met with calls of "Stop staring at my arse Loony" and then had spells that took various actions in trying to cover Remus's eyes or turning his neck around or bind his body or make him fall. He often had difficulty controlling the immense strength and anger he had and all werewolves had, he almost began to look forward to full moons when his lycanthropy could keep him out of the general populous for a few days. Even longer if he made special effort to really hurt himself in his wolfish state.

It had all become a little too much for Remus. One night he waited until everyone left the common room (at around one thirty in the morning) and had gone down stairs form his dorm with the intention of crying out all of his frustration. He had wanted to produce silent and dignified tears and then to disappear back up to his bed but had ended up whimpering like a little child, hugging his knees and rocking back and forth. Anyone who knew Remus was a werewolf (Dumbeldore, Madam Pomfrey his parents, 2 St. Mungo's doctors and 3 nurses) always commented on how brave he was and had never seen him cry about it since he was first bitten at 6. It was strange, Remus thought, that excruciating physical pain, he could handle but a few months of hexing and name calling had reduced him to a quivering, weeping baby. He panicked when he heard someone come up behind him, but relaxed slightly when he saw it was the girl who smiled at him, Lily Evans.

"Are you okay Remus?" she said with shocked genuine concern. It took a moment for Remus to readjust to being called by his name (he had gotten do used to fag and Loony), he was also a little taken back that a popular girl like Lily would know his name and care if he was okay or not. Remus replied weakly, his nose running profusely

"Yeah"

"You don't look fine"

"Probably because I'm not"

"I know" She smiled warmly and sat down beside him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder "Is this about Malfoy?"

"I don't care enough to get upset over him"

"It's fine if it is Remus... I'd be upset to it was me having to put up with that every day, in fact I'm amazed I've never seen you like this before, if it were me I would've cried the first time they hexed me, in fact by now I would've asked my parents to come pick me up" She took her hand from his shoulder and placed it on his hand squeezing it a little. "You should tell a teacher or a prefect, because if you don't, I'll kill Malfoy and get myself expelled, you won't want that your conscience will you?" Remus shook his head, with a tiny smile and she hugged him, Remus was extremely uncomfortable with physical contact, but it would seem more than a little cruel to push her away when she was being so sweet to him when he was practically a stranger to her. "Come and talk to me before you get yourself like this next time... not that there will be" she squeezed him again and released him

"I..."

"What is it Remus?"

"I think I might only be so upset because they're hitting a raw nerve"

"What do you mean?"

Remus was amazed he was actually telling someone this "I think maybe I might... be a bit... gay" Remus waited for her to be angry or disgusted, exactly how he'd felt when he felt a pang of sexual yearning after catching a glimpse of the male Quidditch players getting changed and when he realised that cunt Malfoy might actually be on to something.

"Okay... well that doesn't matter... only idiots like Malfoy think it's a bad thing" she beamed at him "Thanks for telling me Remus, I'm glad you didn't bottle that up" before he could even open his lips she said "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone" she brushed a few tears from Remus's face and got up to go back up the stairs, she turned back and said

"I can't remember what I came down here for in the first place you know" She grinned

"Sorry" Remus smiled a little back at her, wiping his nose on his hand "Thanks... Thanks a lot... Lily"

"Goodnight Remus"

"Goodnight"

The next morning, it appeared Remus wouldn't have to tell on Malfoy after all. A group of prefects from Gryffindor, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff had deducted over a thousand points from Slytherin and given Malfoy about a year's worth of detention. Another unnamed party had hexed "My name is Lucius Malfoy and I wear lady's underwear" on to his face in small purple pimples, a statement which was backed up by several of Malfoy's ex girlfriends.

*

Remus and Lily walked down to potions, discussing the shrinking potion essay, she tutted when Remus pointed out that James Potter was quite clearly watching her arse. James winked as she turned around, she mumbled a jinx that split his back

"HARSH EVANS!" called the long haired friend, his name was Cyril or something like that, Remus didn't care enough to remember.

It had happened that lunch time. It had been about a year since Remus's problems with Malfoy had ended and consequently about a week since Malfoy's detentions had finally finished. One of his big friends grabbed Lupin as he walked alone to the Great Hall. They pinned him against a wall and pinched his nose till Remus opened his mouth to breathe Malfoy poured a potion down his throat and marched him to the front of the Great Hall. About 200 hundred students were there already. Teachers had not yet arrived, Malfoy used the loudening charm on himself and then on Remus.

"Excuse me everyone, I have an announcement to make" Everyone turned their heads towards Malfoy, his voice echoing around the hall "Well at least Loony Lupin does, you see, he has just taken a rather large dose of vertassium! Which I'm sure you all know is a potion which makes you unable to tell anything but the truth" there was a mumble of agreement, a prefect, pre-empting Malfoy's plan got up to help Lupin but found himself hexed by one of his cronies. "So Loony, I would like you to tell us all exactly what your biggest secret is. What would you like the student body of Hogwarts never to hear about you? In fact, what is it you would hate me to know about you?"

Remus tried to keep his lips tight, but found the truth spilling from him; he expected to say "I'm a werewolf" and that he would then be promptly removed from school and condemned to cursed virtually muggle life, he might join the circus if they'd have him.

"I'm Gay" A few people gasped, most stayed silent. Malfoy practically pissed himself laughing. Remus wondered why he was bothered about people finding out he was gay more than finding out he was a werewolf... he then realised he'd probably rather that Malfoy had found out he was a big dangerous animal rather than letting him have the satisfaction of knowing he'd been right all along

"My God and I thought I was only teasing, I suppose you probably had been watching my arse when you walked behind me then"

Remus scrunched his eyes, knowing what he was about to say would earn him a lifetime of torture

"Of course not, I don't find you even remotely attractive, your hair cut is fucking stupid and you don't have an arse to watch, though sometimes I did watch it but only because the VPL the ladies underwear gave you was hard to miss and very funny" The Great Hall erupted in laughter and Malfoy quickly quietened their voices. Remus sprinted away as fast as he could, easily out running Malfoy, who soon took chase. He quickly found the nearest toilets, locked himself in a cubicle and burst into tears. Expecting to be further ostracised from the school after he was starting to settle down again, he thought he might even start making proper friends. He doubted anyone would want to get near him now.

It was quite clear, that Remus Lupin did not expect this revelation to have quite the opposite effect.