His family aren't here. They said... They told me, specifically and directly that they think it will be tonight. But they aren't here.
They aren't with him.
But I am.
He doesn't know. But that doesn't matter. The only person who does know is his nurse. She let me stay. She understands.
But still... She doesn't.
I can feel his heart beating against my arm as I lie here. Sometimes I don't feel it for a moment, and in that moment a shot of fear courses through me as I think he's gone.
He hasn't. He's still here.
"Hazel Grace."
He knows now.
"Augustus."
I turn to him completely as I reply. "You're here," He whispers through the dark.
"I'm here," I murmur. "Okay."
"Okay," He laughs, breathy and weak. "Where are my family?"
I sigh quietly. He seems to understand from that, and sighs back. It reminds me of how I used to communicate with Isaac in Support Group. Quietly, I laugh. "Where are you now, Hazel Grace?" Augustus asks, pulling my arm until I'm facing him on the bed.
"Nowhere," I answer. He grins slightly.
"I reject that," He immediately says. I smile. "I believe you are capital S Somewhere. I think I'll be there soon."
I snap, "Don't say that." I can't imagine him gone, even though it is coming closer to that with every passing second. I wait a second before adding, "I was in Support Group. Sighing with Isaac."
"Ah yes..." Augustus breathes. "I used to get very jealous of that small communication."
"You only witnessed it once. And we hadn't even met yet!"
He laughs, just a ghost of the old Augustus Waters laugh. "Yes well... I knew you were special from the moment I saw you, Hazel Grace."
Tears form in my eyes as he says that. "Well..." I try to keep my voice steady. "I just thought you were hot." He laughs his ghost laugh again.
"You shouldn't cry Hazel Grace," Augustus Waters says, wiping my tears away. But tears form in his eyes for a moment.
I smile weakly. "You're being awfully hipocrytical." I reach up and wipe his tears away. Suddenly we're both crying.
"Be here when I wake up," He murmurs, his eyes closing due to his cancer endused exaustion.
"Sleep fights cancer," I remind him as he falls asleep slowly, and then all at once.
I stay awake for hours as his deep breathing continues. But at some point in the night his breathing becomes irratic and so does his heart as it beats against my arm. I turn to him again, and see pain on his face. Gently, I try to brush it away, but I can't. It breaks my heart.
Suddenly he draws in a deep shuddering breath and his heart beats once, twice against my arm and then stops. His jaw and entire body goes slack as the breath he pulled in escapes. He relaxes into me and when I reach up to run a hand down his face, it's already cold.
Tears fall uncontrollably down my face and I let out quiet sobs as I sit up and push him until he is lying on his back. Reaching down to kiss him softly, I whisper: "Okay, Augustus. Okay."