"C'mon," I whispered to myself. "Just a few more inches." I slowly snake-crawled under the bush that was nothing but briars and stretched my hand out towards a blueberry that was the size of a cantaloupe. I wasn't drooling… yet. As my hand brushed the berry there was a sudden rolling and shaking of the ground. Before I could do anything about it, the dream dissolved away as my eyes opened to see Red staring down at me with an expression I'd never seen before. "What's wrong?" I asked, suddenly scared of something.

"You need to get up," he said in a subdued voice, glancing over his shoulder. I followed his look to see Pan sitting on his throne looking as though he was deep in thought. Pan's eyes flickered up for a moment and caught mine causing me to shiver. He went back to brooding.

"What's wrong?" I whispered, looking around. The rest of the boys were up and busy strapping on swords, cutlasses, and other sharp, piercing items. Even Stumble and Roo were getting ready for what looked like major battle. "Red? What's going on?" I wasn't sure what was worse, the fact that everyone looked as though they were getting ready to fight for their lives or the fact that everyone looked so grim and there was no cutting up going on. I hadn't been on the island for a long time, but there had been a few times when things had gotten bad for one reason or another. The worst things got, the more the jokes and the cutting up increased. I'd gotten to the point where I was pretty sure if I was ever put in Lost Boys' Field, there'd be laughter and jokes while they did it. Something I would heartily agree with. Of course I never had to worry about that since everyone knew Lost Boys didn't die. It just didn't happen even if the field might seem to say otherwise.

"Pirate fight," Red mumbled. He gestured at me to get me moving out of my pallet.

"What happened?" I got up and looked around re-confirming that all us Lost Boys were accounted for. I'd figured that maybe someone had gotten caught in an ambush or something but no one was missing. "Is Tink okay?"

He gave me one of his 'are you crazy looks. "Course she's okay. Why wouldn't she be? Anyway we have to get you a weapon or two. A sword and maybe a dagger or something else."

"Me? Are you crazy? Don't you remember what Leo and Surefoot said about me being better off throwing it at someone because I can't use it worth anything? I'd be more likely to stab me or another Lost Boy than a pirate."

"So you're bailing then? Is that it?"

"Wha…? No. Of course not." I looked around to see all the others staring at us with the exception of Peter who seemed to have vanished. Somewhere a clod of dirt fell from the ceiling and sounded like an explosion when it hit the floor because of the silence. I opened my mouth to say something, hesitated, and then let the words come tumbling out over each other. "I know I'm a coward and craven and I'm scared to death right now but that doesn't mean I'd ever dessert you cuz I know what that's like." The words had started out low but I was steadily approaching yelling. "I know I ain't much of a Lost Boy cuz I'm big and clumsy and all that other stuff but I'm still a Lost Boy and nothing is going to change that and I don't want anything to change that even if I have to fight pirates which I don't want to do." I was forced to stop and catch my breath since I hadn't bothered with any periods or commas.

"I didn't mean it like that," Red said, looking down at his feet. "I know you'll fight and all that. It's just..." He went from looking at his feet to considering the ceiling and then shrugged as he looked back at me. "Aw, everything will work out like it's 'posed to."

I'd heard better reassurances before, but that was okay. At least it made me feel as though I fit in a little more. An important feeling considering what was getting ready to happen. Suddenly Leo and Surefoot were standing in front of me. "You'll have your club with you," Leo said. He handed me a cutlass that seemed way too big and way too heavy. "Take this along with the scabbard. Here's a dagger, and check in that chest for anything else." He raised his voice. "Time to go guys, meet ya outside."

I strapped on the scabbard, which didn't fit very well, and tried a few swings with the cutlass. I'm not sure how, but I ended up with a shallow cut on my arm and a gash in the bear pelt. I dropped it on the floor, stuffed the sheathed dagger in a pocket and went over to the chest. Inside it was a bunch of odds and ends. I pulled out a slingshot and crammed it in another pocket. A quick dig also revealed a wooden sword. I pulled it out and looked at it. It'd seen a lot of use and I was pretty sure it wouldn't work real well against a steel cutlass but it fit well in my hand and there was something that told me I should take it. It was very loose in the scabbard, but I didn't think it would bounce out before I had to use it. I climbed up through my trap door, instruments of doom rattling or knocking against the side of my tunnel, and emerged out into the chilly darkness of early morning. Eddies of mist moved around Hangman's Tree and the surrounding area giving the Lost Boys a ghostly appearance as they stood huddled next to the tree. Leo stood a little bit away from the group listening to Peter. I couldn't hear what was being said, but even in the filmy light I could see Leo frowning.

In a little bit we started off towards Pirate's Cove. Peter flew above the trees and quickly disappeared from sight. I found myself trudging along next to Tigger. For once it didn't seem like we were going uphill constantly and I actually had the breath to talk. "Do the pirates have treasure or did they capture someone?"

I halfway expected some sort of sarcastic answer, but even Tigger was very subdued. "We haven't fought in awhile and it's time to. Peter and Hook have to fight because… well because they hate each other and it keeps some sort of balance."

"Balance? Balance of what?" Tigger just looked at me sorrowfully and gave a half shrug. It was impossible to tell if he didn't know or just didn't want to tell what he did know. Either possibility was equally probable.

We continued moving through the woods without any of the familiar talk or laughter that I was used to. Even though no one was talking, we weren't exactly moving with stealth either. Anyone who wasn't completely deaf would have been able to tell we were passing by. I chanced another question to Tigger. "Shouldn't we be trying to sneak up on the pirates?"

"Wouldn't be no point to it. They know we're coming."

"What?" I said it quietly but it was still loud enough that everyone could hear it. "If they know we're coming, then why don't we just not show up?" The skirmishes between Lost Boy and pirate that had occurred since I'd been on the island had happened when one group surprised the other. They were normally short, brutal things. I'd helped Roo sew up a couple of gashes received during them, but no one had died in one.

"Cubby, I'm truly surprised you'd say such a thing," a voice said from above. I looked up to see Peter drifting above me. "What kind of message would that give Hook about my bravery? Even as big a coward as you should be able to figure that out." He gave me a grin that didn't do much to take the sting out of his words and then crowed so loudly that the echo called back for a long time. A wolf howled in response from far away and I suddenly wished I was with Ember exploring.

We completed the rest of the trip to Pirate's Cove without any conversation. The trail dumped us out on the beach from where we could see The Jolly Roger at anchor to in the lagoon. Not a sound came from the ship and the only thing that could be seen on it were a couple of lanterns. For a moment I wondered if we'd ended up with the element of surprise after all, until Surefoot pointed out the two rowboats that had been left for us.

Red grabbed me by the arm and pulled me aside. "Listen up, Furball. When this happens, don't think too much. All you want to do is use your sword to block whatever someone's swinging at you trying to kill you. Don't worry 'bout trying to hurt anyone, the rest of us'll take care of that. You got a lot more to learn before you start trying that. Oh and make sure if ya do swing at anyone that they're not wearing a pelt. Everyone else is fair game. Don't go near Hook, he's Peter's, and if you suddenly find yourself fighting a pirate wearing a purple medallion who's thin as a skeleton, stay with him. He won't hurt you too much."

"Really? Why?"

"He's Sorrowful Saul and wanted to be a Lost Boy instead of growing up to be a pirate."

I looked at Red in surprise. "How do you know that?"

"Don't worry about it, Furball. Just pay attention and use this the way you need to, not the way you want to," he said pulling my sword out of the scabbard. This time it was his turn to look surprised. "How'd you end up with this? It's wood." He handed it to me.

"No joke," I said. "It's what I'm fighting with."

Red opened his mouth to say something, closed it, and nodded. "If you get hurt, I'm going to kill you after Roo kills you." He walked towards one of the rowboats and I took a look around the beach. Leo was busy talking earnestly to Tig who looked as though he was both bored and scared. Stumble and Surefoot were discussing something while pointing at various parts of the ship. Roo was swinging a sword, which just looked weird. Everyone moved towards the rowboats as Pan flew back from taking an aerial look at the ship and shouted at us to fall in.

"Okay lads, this is it. We're going to go over there and show those pirates what Lost Boys are made of. There's going to be blood and gore but in the end they'll be the ones retreating, not me. Are you ready?" The row of Lost Boys, including myself, cheered. I'm not sure why I cheered, it wasn't an inspiring speech or anything, but suddenly what we were getting ready to do was very, very important even though I had no clue as to why we were doing it. Peter looked at me and then addressed everyone again. "Be sure to keep an eye on Furball, too. This is his first battle and he's the biggest target… for a lot of reasons."

There was some more talking, a couple of words of advice, and the readying of equipment. I found myself trying to help row one of the boats which was an adventure in itself. If nothing else, it did get a few chuckles, especially when I managed to brain myself with one of the oars. All too soon the side of The Jolly Roger loomed above us, a rope ladder disappearing above from where we were. "You go last, Cubby. Just in case things aren't the way they should be."

I looked down at the water moving in the bottom of the rowboat. "I'm scared," I said in a very low voice.

"It's okay, Cubbs," Stumble said as he stood in the boat to start up the ladder. "All of us are too and so's every member of Hook's crew right now. Ain't no one knows if this is the time or not." He swarmed up the ladder in an instant, belying his name, before I could ask what he meant about it being time. I followed as quickly as I could, which wasn't real fast. Between the ladder being slippery and me being clumsy, I lost my footing a couple of times. Still, by the time I got to the deck, nothing had happened yet. The rest of the boys were in a loose, semi-circle around where the ladder was. Of pirates, there was no sign. I looked around the deck and felt weak when I saw what could only be the 'plank' on the opposite side of the ship from where we were, jutting out over the water.

A door slammed open somewhere on a deck above us and a vision in red suddenly appeared. I've read a lot of descriptions about Captain Jas. Hook and every one of them captured the man in front of us perfectly, while at the same time, none of them came close. Hook was wearing a scarlet coat with a white shirt beneath it. He wore a matching crimson hat with a pure white feather stuck in it that on anyone else would have caused snickering. He made the hat look like a thing of danger and foreboding. Beneath the hat flowed thick, black hair that had been tied in the back. It seemed to shimmer as it moved which was impossible because there was no light, save for the lanterns, for it to shimmer from. There was an ornate sword strapped to his left side and a pair of pistols on either side of his chest. For a moment I thought it horribly unfair that he had pistols and we didn't and wondered why he had two since he obviously couldn't use one with the hook. The hook was shining and sparkling like a newly minted star, also impossible given the lack of light but happening nonetheless. I couldn't take my eyes off of it, the way it moved and danced as he moved his arm. I'd still be looking at it if one of the other boys hadn't given me a whack on the back of my head breaking my concentration on it. My eyes found Hook's face.

Coward that I am, I can confidently say that I didn't know the true meaning of the word fear until I looked at Hook's face. There wasn't anything extraordinarily horrible about it as far as general looks went. He only had two eyes, a nose and a mouth that wasn't full of fangs. He didn't have any tattoos or a beard braided with ribbon and full of lit candles. What he did have was the eyes and the smile. His eyes brushed mine and I knew that he knew everything about me. Especially the fact that I was a coward, why I'd run away from the 'real' world, even the reason that I was the tubbiest Lost Boy. Nothing could hide from those eyes which would always be able to see the truth, no matter how much it was concealed. I managed to feel as though I'd horribly disappointed this man and was so concerned about that fact that I even tried to suck in my stomach so I wouldn't look as fat. For a brief instant it was the most important thing in the world that I earn this person's approval even as I knew that he loathed, hated and despised me and would like nothing more than to un-create me. As bad as the eyes were, the smile was worse. It conveyed things that it shouldn't have been able to. It let you know that he knew everything about you, that he could be your best friend, and that he would kill you without thought and compunction. Unlike the smile that says 'my killing you would sadden me but is necessary,' Hook's smile said that the only thing he'd hate is the fact that he couldn't torment you long enough before your life slipped away.

A crowing from above had everyone turn to see Pan floating by one of the masts. "About time you showed up Hook. I was beginning to think you'd turned coward on us. Something that wouldn't be surprising about an old codfish like you."

Hook tensed for a moment and then gave a mocking bow towards where Peter was floating. "Nice try, boy, but your insults won't stand up to finely honed steel. The true coward is he who won't fight his betters one-on-one but relies on a bunch of babes to have their blood be spilled for him while he floats through the air watching." There was some muttering at being called babes, but no one moved a muscle.

"Call me a coward, will you?" Peter demanded, his face flushed almost as red as his hair. "No grown-up gets away with that, especially one without two-hands." Our muttering turned to cheers.

"Grow up, boy. The truth stings, doesn't it?" He looked down at us Lost Boys as though he smelled something disagreeable. "Face it boy, this is between you and me. There's no need to bring others into our… disagreement, when you and I can finish it once and for all right now." Hook gave what he must have thought was a sincere look but which caused another lump of ice to form in my stomach. "I'll let every brat of yours leave my ship and promise never to seek them out again, win or lose, if you agree to fight me right now. Just you and me, feet on the deck, sword-to-sword. A very fitting and honorable deal that you should take. That is unless you're truly the coward I know ye to be."

Peter looked as though he was going to lose it. His face managed to get even redder and his hands were clenched into white fists. He looked the exact way someone I was familiar with in the 'real' world looked before they had thrashed me because of their mindless anger. This time it wasn't me I was scared for, it was Peter. The one who'd rescued me. The captain of the Lost Boys. The heart of Neverland. The one who was so angry that I knew he would agree with the deal even though I knew that same anger would cause him to lose.

I dug into my pocket and pulled out the slingshot. From another pocket I dug out a marble and loaded it into the cup of the slingshot. I was moving as fast as I could, but everything was happening so slowly. I heard the sound of my bear pelt shift and the sound of the elastic of the slingshot stretch as I pulled the cup back. I took careful aim and released the marble. The elastic made a twang sound and I even heard the air being displaced as the marble cut through it. There was a soft, pulpy smacking sound as the marble hit Hook's forehead, causing the Captain to stagger back a step and bringing action back up to speed and my hearing ability back down to normal. One or two of the other boys gasped as Peter looked towards us and grinned, his anger suddenly forgotten.

"Who dares show such bad form?" Hook roared, the question coming back a half dozen times from the hills. "Speak up. Who was the coward who dared launch an attack during a parlay?" He looked at me and I knew without doubt he now knew where the marble had come from, even if I hadn't still been holding the slingshot in plain sight. "Liars! Cheaters! Very well, a pox on all of you. Mr. Smee, turn out the crew. I gave you snot-nosed brats an honorable chance and you pay me back with a dishonorable attack."

Hook stomped on the deck twice with his boot. From fore and aft hatches slammed open with pirates boiling out of them. Both Lost Boys and pirates let out howls and started towards each other. I managed to get my feet moving but was very glad it was still dark enough that no one could see what I left behind.

There might have been some sort of plan or reason to the attack made by the pirates or us Lost Boys but no one had bothered to tell me about it and it sure didn't look to me like one existed on either side. I followed the other Lost Boys as they ran towards the pirates coming towards us. Some part of my mind was trying to get my attention to let me know that a battle against a million pirates couldn't possibly be won by Pan and seven Lost Boys. I tried to ignore it as best I could and swung my wooden sword in wild circles as I was approached by a pirate who looked as though he'd carve me up without a second thought. His yellow teeth were bared in a maniacal grin in a face covered with tattoos of strange mystical signs. The cutlass he held in his hand didn't waver at all as he got within striking distance of me. "Death be yours," he said in a whisper that surprisingly I was able to hear over the roar around me.

The pirate negligently swung his cutlass towards my neck. I screwed my eyes shut, swung my wooden sword towards where I thought his cutlass might be, and waited to feel a sharp pain. The pain blossomed, but nowhere near where I'd expected. My right hand burned as the wooden sword it was holding apparently stopped the pirate's cutlass from beheading me. I opened my eyes to see a huge gouge in my sword and the pirate getting ready to take another swing. I closed my eyes again and swung the wooden sword as hard as I could. At the same time I felt a pain in my right side I heard a wet, smacking sound and a gasp as there was another jolt to my right hand. I opened my eyes again and saw the pirate writhing on the deck. There was a very large bruise forming above his left eye with blood coming from it.

I stood there in shock for a moment and then dropped to my knees next to him. "Are... are you okay?" I stammered. Around me the sounds of battle raged and from somewhere I heard Pan crowing. I realized I was still holding the wooden sword in my right hand and threw it from me as though it was burning my hand. "C'mon, you gotta be okay," I begged, as I tried to wipe some off the blood off his face with my hand. All I succeeded in doing was smearing it. I started digging through my pocket for a rag or cloth or something that I could use to wipe his face when I started shaking so hard I couldn't see. This man had tried to kill me even though I hadn't done anything to him. There was no way I could even begin to try and figure that out. I knew they were pirates and we were Lost Boys and we were supposed to be trying to kill each other, but … I shook even more violently and puked on the deck. I started crawling to where I'd thrown the wooden sword when there was a triumphant yell behind me. I looked back to see another pirate running towards me swinging a spar. This time I froze so badly I couldn't even close my eyes. I couldn't think of anything as I watched the pirate get larger than life. He got within a couple of paces when his left foot went flying after it slipped in the recycled stew I'd left behind. I watched in confusion as the pirate went flying and landed on his back, his head hitting a cannon.

I stood up unsteadily and looked around, giving up on the wooden sword. It was then I found out how a handful of Lost Boys could manage to stand up to a ton of pirates. Both groups fought dirty but us Lost Boys did it with a lot more imagination. I watched as Leo and Tigger managed to put a handful of pirates out of the fight by simply bowling them down with cannonballs. Stumble was throwing handfuls of marbles on the deck, which were a lot more effective than recycled stew was. "Hey Furball, c'mere." I turned to where Red and Surefoot, standing by one of the masts, were waving me over. I went over and climbed up to where they were standing, wondering why it was hard to breathe. We were a few feet above the main deck.

"You okay, Cub?" Red asked. I nodded. "Good. I want you to grab this rope," he said handing me a rope that was attached somewhere above. "Hold on to it as tight as you can. Oh, and don't yell or anything. Ready?" Before I could say anything, Red and Surefoot grabbed me and swung me out over the deck towards a group of pirates harassing Leo and Tigger. The pirates, who were facing away from me, never knew what hit them. Tigger's pelt seemed to be missing half its tail and Leo's pelt had a few gashes in it, but neither of them looked too horribly bad and were giving better than they were taking. I swung back to where Red and Surefoot were. I almost lost my balance and fell over, but Surefoot was nice enough to grab me by the ear and pull me back. It would have been nice if it had been one of the bear pelt's ears rather than one of my real ones, but I guess beggars can't be choosers.

The rope trick worked a couple more times before someone up above cut it loose. Whoever did it should have waited cuz when they cut it I ended up landing on top of a few more pirates. I think I was the only one who got up. By this time there weren't nearly as many pirates as there had been starting out. The hood on Surefoot's raccoon pelt seemed to be missing and Stumble was sitting next to the rail staring at nothing. I started towards Stumble to see what was wrong when Red crossed my path being chased by a pirate. Without thinking I reached back, grabbed my club and swung it into the pirate chasing Red. I don't know how hard I swung, but the pirate went down. Red looked back at me with a shocked expression that turned into a grin. I was beginning to feel the way that Stumble looked.

There were a lot of other things that happened but I don't remember much of them. I still couldn't figure out why people I didn't even know wanted to kill me. I do remember blocking a lot of cutlass and sword thrusts with the club and wondered towards the end how it got so heavy, I could barely lift it. Then suddenly every Lost Boy was going over the side where we'd arrived in the boats. I hadn't seen any sign or signal, but followed along and grabbed Stumble's feet as Roo grabbed his shoulders. Impossibly we managed to carry him down the ladder to the rowboat. Halfway between The Jolly Roger and the shore I stuck my head over the side and tried to throw up again. I waited for the comments to begin when I was finished, but there wasn't a word said. Red patted my back in understanding. There was no sign of Pan.

When we got to the shore I looked back at the pirate ship. There didn't appear to be any activity on it and no indication of what had happened on board. I don't know if there'd been any pirates killed or not. All the Lost Boys were among the living but looked as though they'd been in… well… a pirate fight. There was a lot of rust coloured stains on various pelts and Stumble was still staring off in space. On the beach the waves were hitting the sand, palm fronds were moving in the wind and the sound of sea gulls echoed from everywhere. "It's not fair," I said to no one in particular.

"What's not fair?"

"Everything's the same. It's normal." Leo looked at me as if I'd lost my mind. "Things should be different. I mean look at Stumble. He's just sitting there like he's lost his mind or he's getting ready to… you know, and all I can hear is seagulls screaming like nothing's happened. It's…" I stopped because I didn't know what it was. I just knew that Events had happened and it wasn't right that things should just be going on like they always did. For some reason it depressed me so much I wanted to give up."

"It's okay, Cubby," Roo said. "Stumble gets this way sometimes when he loses a little blood. He'll be okay. Promise. You think you can carry him back to the Tree?" I nodded and gently swung him over my shoulder. He wasn't as heavy as I thought he should be.

The trip back to Hangman's Tree was as subdued as the outgoing trip had been. There were a lot more twists and turns this time, which I figured was to keep any of the pirates who might have tried from following us back. I hadn't even known there were eight bodies of water between Pirate's Cove and Hangman's Tree. By the time we got back, I think I was more asleep than awake, but at least I hadn't dropped Stumble. I helped get him through his trapdoor and managed to squeeze through my own. All of us except Roo and Stumble were sitting around the common room table. There was a solemn air and Pan's throne at the end of the room was empty. A couple of boys were eating stew and the rest were contemplating, reliving, or trying to forget from the expressions on their faces. I was hurting and confused and didn't understand at all.

"What happened? Did we win? Where's Peter?" I asked. I remembered being in battle even if I didn't remember everything that happened. Yet even having been part of the fight, albeit a very little part, I had no idea what the outcome was. What had been accomplished. Whether good had triumphed over evil.

Leo shrugged. "Pan didn't defeat Hook but then Hook didn't defeat Pan either. So no one won or lost and things will go on the way they have been for awhile longer at least. Pan's wherever Pan goes after battle." Leo suddenly looked wearier than he could bear. "Not everything is in the legends, you know."

Before I had an opportunity to ask anything else, Roo came into the room. He looked at each of us and then motioned to me. "C'mon Cubby, I need your help."

I slowly got out of my chair, stretched which caused the pain in my side to return, and followed him into the small area off the common room where Stumble lay. He looked asleep and his face was extremely pale. "Is he…?"

Roo glanced over at the raccoon pelted Lost Boy and then went back to digging through a box. "Naw, he'll be okay. He caught a sword slash in his arm that needs to be stitched up." I looked and saw a slit in the arm of Stumble's pelt. "I need you to hold him down while I sew up his arm in case he wakes up. He probably won't, but you never know."

I knelt down next to where Stumble was laying, prepared to hold him down if necessary. Roo peeled back the sleeve, revealing a short but deep oozing cut. He quickly washed it out and then started to deftly close the wound with small, neat stitches. Stumble moved a little as Roo started each stitch, but never woke. After a few minutes Roo examined his work and nodded in satisfaction. "There, that should take care of it. He'll be good as new with a few hours' sleep and the rest of us might get something other than stew for half a day." Roo shook his head, causing sweat to go flying from his head. He gave me a considering look. "You're going to have to learn to do this."

"Yeah, right. You saw me in the boat and that wasn't the only time I tossed my cookies. You should be lookin' for someone with a stronger stomach."

"Nope. A weak stomach means you still believe in a few things that the others quit believing in. That can be important."

I would have asked why it was important, as well as what it was that was so important, if I hadn't gotten sleepy so suddenly. I said something but don't know what it was. Whatever it was, it must have been interesting because Roo gave me a really weird look and came over to where I was. "Stand up for a second." I managed to make it to my feet and stood there wondering why everything refused to stay still. "You blockhead. When did that happen?"

"What?"

"You have a huge gash in your side. Wait here, I'm going to have to get someone to hold you down." He left shaking his head and muttering about mule-headedness. I didn't think it was fair that Roo thought he needed both Leo and Tigger, especially since I don't think I flinched too badly and only yelled once. I don't think the gash was nearly as large as Roo said it was, anyway.

I fell into my pallet under the common room table trying to find a position that didn't hurt. Roo stuck his head under the table after a few minutes and asked how I was feeling. "Okay, I guess. There's stuff I'm not sure of but that doesn't count."

"Everything counts. Never forget that. You saw Hook today, right?" I nodded and wanted to throw up again. "Listen," Roo said earnestly. "There's going to be nightmares. There's always nightmares. Just… be careful. They can be weird and don't even think about… you know." His head vanished. I lay there and made pictures from the pine tar gum stuck to the bottom of the table 'til the sun came back up.