All At Sea
Mac POV.
Shit! How the hell did we wind up like this? How did we get this far from where we were? Together - to so far apart. Broken! Fractured. A fissure so wide - in such a short space of time. A fight, it was just a stupid fight. Heated words, things said not meant, born out of worry and fear. And then everything changed. GOD! There's been far too much of this lately. Anger! So much rage. Why? Where has it all come from? How did we let it get this bad? Jesus! Why couldn't we see the signs leading us here? So many questions, so few answers.
I wish to god you'd stop packing your case. Look at me, please, just turn around. I don't wanna do this staring at your back. We are torn apart. All at sea – drowning in emotions kept at bay. This isn't how it's meant to be. I miss our connection. I want it back. For us to be close again. I don't wanna lose you from my life.
My anger dissipates in the face of your despair. I'm rendered motionless. Frozen by the depth of your pain. Red puffy eyes stare past me like I'm not even there. A sorrow, soul deep clutches at my heart. Squeezing, tightening, a white hot agony almost bringing me to my knees. Your tears are killing me. I refuse to believe the love between us is dying. This is not how it ends. It's not! Someway, somehow I'm gonna make this right. I wish you'd unclench your fists. Give me a sign – that you still want an us.
I feel something snap inside. Forward momentum! And my arms are wrapping around you; crushing your body to mine. A hand tangled in your hair; my lips pressed against your temple. Holding you tightly – never letting go. And you are right there with me. Fists clenching handfuls of my shirt. Your warm breath gasped against my neck with each sob. And I'm holding on – not gonna let you leave. This is where you belong. Right here with me. I'm shaking but so are you. Coming apart – no, mending. The cracks shrinking back to nothing. Until, again I'm whole. Healed by your touch.
Now is the time to talk – words to heal the rift; to put back what has been broken, to forge a stronger bond and make things right. I can't keep doing this; we can't keep doing this. And I refuse to lose you. You are my life, my world. What we have is worth fighting for. And I will fight till my last breath.
Breathing deeply, feeling the scent of you calming my tortured soul. My whispered words breathed against your ear. I love you, said over and over; the words tumble from me. I'm rambling but I don't care. I need you to know. To know what you mean to me; how I feel about you. I don't want there to be any doubt. I'm sorry. I love you, now and always. And I know we will be alright.