I can see you on the horizon
The environ suit is gonna start failing in a bit, and I'll die from heat exposure. If I don't bleed to death first.
He reaches to his side with his left hand and feels around the wound. The wetness sips in through the suit's gloves. There's no wind. The heat is intense and he's already starting to feel it. Seems that the hit took part of the thermal insulation away together with part of his liver. He shuffles his feet carefully to rest better and props his back up against the bunker's wall. He can feel more blood slowly escaping his side.
At least I've got a good vantage point from here, he thinks. Not that it matters really, but I'll still take some of them with me before I go.
He peers over the low wall at his feet. The first wave was an all out attack. They came down suddenly, fast and unannounced. Mercilessly. The colony didn't have a warning, they never stood a chance. What they hit, they sent their bug swarms to paralyze and carry away. What they couldn't carry away, they shot without hesitation.
A bit like flower picking, he muses. Always pick the prettiest ones and weed out the defective ones. He smirks mirthlessly. Intel had it right, the Collectors aren't just interested in colonies in the Traverse, they are interested in human colonies. They want the humans. For some reason, they deliberately seek out and eliminate human colonies. No, not eliminate… more like vacate. He wished he knew why.
A low hum makes his teeth tingle again. He hates it when it happens, it makes his head itch from the inside, and you can't quite scratch your brain…
It won't be long now, he thinks, the drones will come down first, scout ahead, and pick up where they left off. I'll take some of those bastards with me, alright. Live and let die, eh?
He clutches at his rifle's butt, and grinds his teeth in pain. Come down already, I don't wanna die sitting down…
He closes his eyes and rests his head backwards, trying to breathe normally. That's it then, the part when they say your whole life flashes before your eyes. What's the point anyway, why would you want to relive every little painful moment of your life again before you die…?
A female voice floats through his thoughts:
"…. from the pit of hell …"
He feels his eyes tearing up; it's likely the loss of blood that's making him hallucinate, that's all. The voice comes back, louder, clearer.
"… come back from the pit of hell to fight…"
He clenches his fists tight. Why now? Why her? What's the damn point? No matter, he'll soon ask her in person, all those question that were abruptly left unanswered a good two years back. They'll soon meet again.
The hum is becoming quite clear, now. It's somewhere to the south, and closing in. Better start getting ready then, wouldn't want to disappoint at the showdown, would he now? He slowly stands up, steadies himself against the bunker's wall as best he can, and peers around the corner swiftly. Two Collector drones are touching down at the far end of the small plaza, kicking up small clouds of dust as they land. They look around and slowly start making their way to the center point, where the transmitter is. Yes, that makes sense, destroy all remaining communications, leave the humans incapable of calling for outside help; leave them cut off, helpless, at the harvesters' mercy. If only they had any… He grinds his teeth again, as anger starts swelling up inside him. What manner of monster are they, that unbeatable plague on the known universe… there must be a way to take them out! But how? They only come out to pillage, raid and destroy and then… they slip off like sand through a sieve, disappearing, completely falling off the grid… nobody knows to where.
At least the Geth, we know where they are…
More Collectors have already touched down, and are trying to construct something around the transmitter. With misty eyes, his curiosity gets the better of him. He carefully raises the rifle and peers through the scope, taking in the situation. Yes, two of them have taken out the panel at the transmitter's base, and there's one group behind them to the left, and three more approaching his position. He pulls back behind the wall and breaths in deeply, letting the biotic flow course through him.
If it wasn't for that, I'd already be dead, he thinks. Too bad biotics can't heal wounds. So much detail, now.
He can hear the Collectors' footsteps coming closer, and raises his right hand, focusing on it. The blue biotic aura swirls and dances around his fingertips, crawling up and down his arm playfully. He takes a deep breath quickly closing his open fist, then leans forward, arm extended, his full biotic blast hitting one monster flat on the chest and throwing it backwards, the loaded pistol in his left hand discharging at another one's head, scattering its stinking insides to the scorching dust. The third Collector, already aiming its strangely looking weapon straight at his head, pulls the trigger - and misses. He sees the creature stumble forward with a big burning hole where its chest should be, and fall to his feet. He blinks upwards in surprise, trying to fight off the taste of death in his mouth, to a different scene. There's a huge Praetorian descending in the midst of the collector swarm. Husks are pouring out of two bunkers at the sides of the double metal doors at the far end. Something, someone, has gotten their undivided attention. One of the Collectors by the transmitter lifts off into the air and becomes engulfed in a fiery glow, the unmistakable mark of the Overseer's personal attendance. As the Overseer assumes full control, its voice floats through the air, indecipherable, addressed at the group by the big metal doors.
Kaidan sees his chance. No matter who they are, they sure are no friends of the Collectors. His gaze takes in the situation as his mind races to formulate a strategy to aid the unknown allies. A sudden movement sends a blinding pain weaving through his side, bringing him down on one knee. He rises again painfully, supporting himself on his rifle, clenching his teeth at the mist forming in his vision.
I won't go down without a fight. This is personal, he thinks. I am not going down without one last fight!
He looks up to the sound of gunfire and screaming. Collectors are manically pressing down on the big security doors to the plaza with all they've got, and they're still dropping like flies. He can't help but feel a sense of awe towards the people behind that achievement. He only ever knew one team who could pull something like this off. He was part of that team. With a misplaced sense of pride overwhelming him, he steadies himself, grinning mirthlessly, muttering to himself.
"Know what, Shepard? I was part of that team. I still am. I'll see you on the flip side, baby."
Kaidan slowly and steadily raises his rifle, aiming at just about the only Collector that's left, at the Praetorian's back. He can tell by the screams that it's giving those others a hard time. He thinks it's already taken one of them down.
"I can't take you down on my own, you bastard, but I can give them the edge to do it", he mutters through clenched teeth, as he pulls the trigger.
The fat incendiary bullet twirls inexorably towards its target, and burying itself deep in the Praetorian's skin, it explodes. The Collector turns around, its attention momentarily shifted to the source of pain at its back, oblivious for the time being to the foes in front of it. It points its beam at Kaidan's direction and fires, transforming the spot where the wounded man stood into a liquid inferno. And then it explodes.
Kaidan tries to see through the mist that's getting thicker by the minute. He strains to hear a sound, any sound. Muffled sounds are drifting towards him, voices, running footsteps.
"… I'd come back from the pit of hell to fight…"
"Shepard?" he mutters, and falls into the mist.
"Bunk with me here, tonight, Kaidan."
…
Afterwards he had asked her, as they lay there in each other's arms, and her reply had come as a surprise.
Frantic footsteps approaching. A shadow falls. Hurried discussions. A familiar voice yelling – "MEDIC!"
"Why me, Shepard?" he had said. "Why did you leave Ash and not me?"
More shadows in a blur. Someone fumbling at his side. Blunt pain.
She had looked in his eyes intently, solemnly, with the most knowing look, he had thought afterwards, running her fingers down his face.
Cold. Another familiar voice, calm – "He'll live, Commander."
"Because if I was dead and you were fighting for life, I'd come back from the pit of hell to fight at your side" she had said. And he had held her long, that night.
I'm dying now Shepard…
A voice whispering to him – "Kaidan"
Shepard?
...
"KAIDAN!"
He opens his eyes to very immediate excruciating pain. His right side feels in shambles, his entire body aches and he can tell he has minor burns in various places. But he thinks he's still alive. He blinks a few times trying to focus, stop the world from spinning. He looks up blurrily at the figure hunched above him.
"Don't make sudden moves; you're still in bad shape. Garrus did the best he could, but he's no doctor."
He smiles at the mention of that name. Brief flashes race through his memory, of Garrus, the Commander and himself taking down Saren inside the council chambers.
"Garrus…" he manages.
A long shadow falls on him, and says "Right here, Alenko. Saved your ass again."
He chuckles looking at the tall Turian and coughs, his lungs feeling on fire.
"It's becoming a habit, old pal."
"No need to thank me, lieutenant, we had a few laughs, I owe you." Garrus jests, smiling. "And try not to get blown up when I'm not around, alright?"
Kaidan nods, grinning "Will do old man, I promise." He lays his head back in exhaustion, muttering "Not lieutenant anymore, Commander now…"
The shadow rises and leaves.
"Let him rest. Call Joker, get Dr. Chakwas down here."
When next he opened his eyes, Kaidan faced her ghost. She looked tired, and worried, and as beautiful as he remembered. A pang of pain, longing, anger and guilt shot through him with lightning speed. She was sat at the edge of his bunk bed, looking at him, holding his hand. He stapled his fingers through hers tightly and peered at her intently.
"At least you kept your promise", he said.
She smiled with apparent effort and nodded silently. For a moment she looked lonely and scared. He rose up, bringing his hand to her face, to wipe a rogue tear. She softly buried her head in the small of his neck. Kaidan took a trembling breath, and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight, as he had done back then, before Illos, when things were so much less complicated. After a while -a minute, a century- he took her firmly by the shoulders and looked at her questioningly.
"Shep..." he started, but she cut in breathlessly.
"I thought I lost you there…" she whispered, hanging her head despondently.
He frowned. "Look at me", he said. She averted her gaze, tears running down her face. He grabbed her arms tight and shook her till she was looking straight at him. "Look at me Shepard. I knew I had lost you. You died, baby. You died on me, and I lost you. Can you try to fathom that?"
She just looked at him, silently, almost pleading. Her tears had ceased, but her silence was an impenetrable wall, and he threw his anger at it.
"And then here you are, two years later as if nothing happened, alive and well, and saving me, and working with Cerberus! What the hell are you thinking, Shepard?"
He sat back a bit, and brushed the metallic Cerberus badge on her arm with his thumb.
"Please, tell me it isn't so…" he whispered, and then raised his voice in disdain "Please I implore you, tell me it's not what it seems!"
He looked at her searchingly, trying to divine an answer. Her silence was driving him insane. It spelled of guilt, admittance, betrayal. Her silence cut deeper than any excuse ever could. And still she said nothing. He sighed and shook his head in disgust.
"I loved you Shepard. I loved you, and you betrayed me. Do you even remember that night before Illos? Do you remember what you said? You left me thinking you were dead, to roam around with Cerberus, for two whole years, Shepard! You were an Alliance soldier, and you betrayed it all. Do you even remember what duty means?" he yelled aloud.
Finally she looked up at him, her eyes on fire. Her usual self was back, daunting and ruthless, strong and precise as ever. "I didn't betray you", she whispered and shook herself off his grasp. "I didn't betray you" she repeated louder with a clear voice, "and I didn't betray the Alliance either. I know my duty, Kaidan, and I have no choice. The Alliance betrayed us, don't you see? They have left us all to die at the hands of the Collectors, while the Reapers are still out there! And they do nothing at all. The Reapers are the real threat! At least Cerberus looks after humanity's best interest." She crossed her arms and grunted.
He blinked at her unbelieving. "Humanity's best interest?" he muttered. "You can't possibly believe that, tell me you don't believe that, these…. these people are monsters!" he exclaimed, waving his arms around furiously. "We faced them together, Shepard, how can you forget? The atrocities, the experiments? They killed Kahoku, Shepard, you were there! We both were!" he raised his hands to his face in frustration.
Kaidan suddenly realized the silence around them. He glanced around and took in the surroundings for the first time. There were quite a few people in the plaza now, and no sign of the collectors. They all wore uniforms, with the unmistakable badge of Cerberus on them, and they were all looking at them with various degrees of amusement. He suddenly felt threatened, and the realization made him even angrier. Garrus in his old armor was approaching them accompanied by a handsome young man in Cerberus attire. They stopped and stood behind Shepard, almost protectively. He glanced at the young man and his searing hot anger took a twist towards cold jealousy. He ground his teeth and groaned inwardly.
"Alenko, it's not what it seems," Garrus started in his level-headed, calm voice.
Kaidan slowly started getting up from the bunk bed. He winced at the pain, but the fury in him only fed his stubbornness; he was determined not to show weakness. Garrus didn't seem to be noticing, but Shepard did. She looked at him half frowning, half pleading, but to him, she just looked guilty. He glanced at the young man and found him examining him with a penetrating gaze. It made Kaidan feel exposed. He felt angry and betrayed and ashamed, and even angrier because of it. He could sense his biotics mixing up a migraine. Garrus went on, oblivious to human reactions.
"What the Commander says is true, Alenko, Cerberus is the only one after the Collectors, the only one quick at the scene, and only we are able to intervene in time to do some good. You know how red tape is." The former C-sec said gesturing dismissively. "The Council has buried the Reapers as a myth and they are stubbornly refusing to face the truth, that the Collectors are out for the total extinction of your entire race!"
Kaidan wasn't listening anymore. All he could see was the three of them standing there, as a team. Like their own team when they were after Saren. But now, he had been replaced. Outmoded, outdated, thus replaced. His jealousy was all that was driving him now, his thoughts, his words and his actions.
He turned and faced Garrus venomously. "We? You too, Garrus? Lost your principles again? Or have you joined Cerberus too? I can see you three will make an excellent team."
Shepard sprang up from the bed, pointing a finger at him accusingly. "That was unfair, Kaidan! And too far! Garrus saved your life back there! And so did Jacob. I think you owe …"
The young man called Jacob cut her short, with a conciliatory wave of his arm. "It's alright, Commander, I think I understand. For the record," he turned to Kaidan "we're not monsters, Commander Alenko. We're humans too, believe it or not, and we've lost friends and family to the Collectors. We're trying to save humanity, Commander, just not the way you think." Jacob carried out a textbook salute to Shepard, and left. Garrus gazed absentmindedly at his retreating back with his arms crossed and shook his head.
"You know what, Alenko? You're either too stubborn, or too blind. I just can't figure out which, and why." Throwing up his arms despondently, he went after Jacob.
Kaidan had almost managed to wear his armor, but the chest piece sent a nightmarish pain through his entire torso. He grimaced as he tried lifting his arm, and dropped his head sighing hopelessly. Shepard closed in to help him.
"Let me give you a hand with that" she said softly, all her fiery indignation having subsided at the sight of him in acute pain. She hung his arm around her shoulder, and started buckling up his armor. Kaidan watched her speechless. Her head was so close to his face he could smell her hair. He breathed in her smell and felt a knot in his throat. He had almost forgotten her smell. How can you forget something like that? Almost intuitively, she lifted up her head and saw his face.
Her countenance was solemn, as she said "I really died, Kaidan. I felt myself wither, unravel, disappear. I felt my lungs empty, void of air, I started breathing fire, I felt afraid. The most afraid I've ever felt; until today."
He winced at the poignant comment and tried to cut in, but she put her fingers on his lips softly to stop him, and went on.
"You see, when the end came I stopped being afraid anymore, because I knew you were safe. You were away, and safe. There was nothing left for me to worry or feel regret about," she shrugged indifferently, "I was dead anyway."
She turned her head and looked at the horizon beyond the colony, and then at the busy scene around them. "But today," she took a deep breath, her gaze stopping at the melted down corner of the low bunker where he almost met his death, "today, I was the most afraid."
He wrapped his arm around her shoulders tightly and pulled her close to him, silently. Shepard turned and looked into his eyes.
"Today, when I saw the Praetorian flaming that corner and you lying there in a bundle, I …" she stopped, and swallowed hard, shaking her head, a shiver running down her spine.
Kaidan leaned forward and kissed her softly on the forehead, staring at the horizon. He run his fingers through her hair absentmindedly and asked, "Why Cerberus?"
She sighed deeply, and shrugged helplessly "They brought me back. Picked me up, put me back together, and brought me back again. It took the best of two years for Cerberus to reconstruct me to what I was before the destruction of the Normandy."
She smiled at him sideways, and chuckled. "I wasn't aware or awake; else, rest assured, I'd have gotten out of there and looked for you earlier."
She shrugged nonchalantly, "I guess I owe them that much. And besides," she turned to look at him, narrowing her eyes, her jaw firmly set, "they do want to get to the bottom of this. Look," she brushed a lock of hair from in front her eyes "I run the Normandy, not Cerberus, and I run the show. Do you really believe I would ever hurt innocents?" she peered in his eyes, and punched him playfully "it's me, Kaidan, come on, come with us! You know me, and Garrus, and Tali. We're the same people. Nothing has changed."
He smiled at her playful banter but shook his head negatively. "I trust you, Shepard. But I can't come with you." He breathed in the hot air deeply "I am still an Alliance soldier, and I won't break my oath. I know where my duty lies." Kaidan paused briefly, before continuing "I guess your debt to the Alliance was dully paid when you were left for dead. I understand."
He leaned forward and kissed her again. "But I can't follow. Not this time, not now. And not Cerberus, no matter what you say. I trust you, baby, but not them" he nodded accusingly at Miranda's direction. He frowned and went on "Everybody has agendas, Shepard, especially Cerberus. Conscience isn't the same for everyone. Just be careful." He tentatively moved his arm around a couple of times, and then held her close, thoughts racing through his mind.
After a while, Shepard took a step back and looked at him critically. "I've done my best, Commander, I hope it's not too tight", she mused and then raised an eyebrow and stared up at him seriously. "This means I won't see you again, doesn't it?"
Kaidan checked his pistol, and lowered the visor of his helmet. He winced at the pain on his side, but he already felt the meds working their way through his system well enough to allow him to function properly. Whatever Dr. Chakwas had done, was working. He narrowed his eyes at the horizon, looked up speculatively and turned to Shepard grinning momentarily before taking off.
"Try and stop me", he laughed._