IN THE LAND OF SANSAN
A woman's voice was counting backwards down to one as I fluttered my eyes open.
"…and three, two, one. Welcome to Fan Fiction Net. Enjoy your visit."
I sat up and looked around. Wow, these optics were incredible. It had the look of a 1080 HD pass on it, everything was crisp and sharp, and they seemed to have solved the fuzz that sometimes creeps in around the edges of virtual immersion. The trees around me were bending in a very convincing virtual breeze, and the sound of it was so good and subtle I was sure this was a Pixar job. A lot of their animators had branched out after the merger. The grass around me was lush and green, but not too green. I could even hear birds.
I got up off the pallet I'd been 'sleeping' on and dusted myself off. I'd chosen a nice avatar costume, brown and green and grey generic medieval stuff that had some embroidery fractals around the hems to keep it interesting. Lots of pockets too – very practical. Some people like to look just like themselves when they immerse but I wanted to blend in the first time I went through here. I mean, I knew the SanSans wouldn't see me, but it's important to me to at least look the part.
In all but one thing, though. I lifted my left wrist and pushed back the sleeve. There it was, my very own Fan Fiction nav unit, custom made by my favorite game designers – good old Bethesda! – to look just like the Pip Boy in Fallout 3. It was worn out and nicked and didn't fit the aesthetic, but I've just never found a better interface. Old habits die hard, I guess.
I heard distant voices and looked around. I could see the palisade down the hill and the gate where other avs were gathering, so decided to go for it and just run. The safety settings had never let me down before and I decided I'd risk a sprained ankle.
There were a lot of people here for this Walkthrough, I noticed as I drew up to the crowd. Usually Saturday late nights were the busiest times but the leap from beta had opened it up, I supposed. Plus with the HBO Asia channel, now traffic wasn't so dependent on North America any more. Oh well, once we got in and I turned on Privacy, I wouldn't see any of them anyway.
As I got deeper into the crowd I looked around, curious to see how everyone else would present. There was the usual amount of cosplay, lots of very fake redheads in long dresses. One girl had even gotten a special program for her eyes and they were the unmistakable Barbie Sansa size and colour. And a lot of dudes, too, I saw. Some of them had armor on, and one guy had a truly impressive show replica, right down to the burns. But ever since Rory McCann had blocked the legal use of his likeness in avatars, the faces people came up with looked weird to me; close enough, but firmly in the uncanny valley.
We stood and waited at the gate for the Guide to come. I nodded and smiled at people and all of us had that excited look people get when they're about to go to a really great concert…lots of raised eyebrows and laughing for no good reason. The guy next to me was really chill and was kind of bobbing along with earphones on. When I caught his eye and tapped my ear with a quizzical look he lifted one up and I could hear tinny but epic music pouring out of it.
"Skyrim soundtrack," he said, a little loudly. "I throw it on every time I come here!"
I nodded. I wished I'd thought of it. Next time.
The Guide was in front of us suddenly. She was nice looking, white, and I couldn't tell her age. I wondered if she looked the same to everyone or if she'd been tailored to my profile settings. Everyone hushed up as she stepped up onto the podium (a mini version of the Sept of Baelor, I couldn't help but notice).
"Hello and welcome all to the 10 am Immersion Walkthrough. My name is Maylene and I'll be taking you through orientation. You will be able to access me at any point in your Walkthrough by accessing the "Manage Walkthrough" tab on your menu." Wow, she sounds just the voice on the subway, I thought. But sunnier.
"Once inside the gate, you can wander freely through the Westeros map. Privacy can be turned on from your nav unit whenever you wish; however it will come on automatically anytime you turn your settings to include Mature Fics. Any inappropriate behavior by visitors outside of the Privacy setting will result in immediate expulsion from Fan Fic Net Immersion and permanent deleting of your account. We certainly don't need a repeat of the Archive of Our Own incident, do we?" she said, and smiled at all of us. Everyone chuckled and chuffed, agreeing. That page still hadn't recovered from the last lawsuit. No one wanted to be the one to ruin this.
"We encourage you all to enjoy your Fan Fiction Net Immersion experience. Immersion in Fic can be a deeply emotional and cathartic experience; however if you find yourself in need of counseling, please press the 'Emerge' button on your nav unit and a trained professional will be assigned to you.
"We ask also that you respect each Fic; no writing is allowed while in Fan Fiction Net Immersion, and no recording. Please remember not to touch the Characters. We want your Immersion to be as intimate as possible, but when people start poking the SanSans, the math does slow the servers down!" She laughed merrily. We all joined in, laughing and looking around, but I'm sure I wasn't the only one trying to spot who would be most likely to try and insert into a Fic. There's always someone.
She looked more serious now, he brows knitting earnestly. "Also, in the wake of the recent supreme court decisions, I am duty bound to once more ask if everyone consents to witnessing fics involving underage characters. We are no longer considered pornogr-" She was cut off when a woman at the back started shouting.
"This is PORNOGRAPHY! This is CHILD PORNOGRAPHY and you are all participating in the dissemination of FILTHY CHILD PORN." Her avatar was generic and cheap, I saw. Her pixel rate was low and clearly this was one of the open source programs you could download anywhere. The hair was just a shell and the face was stiff, but still she was menacing as she stalked forward through the crowd. "YOU WILL ALL BURN IN HELL, DIRTY FILTHY PERV-" She winked out of sight.
Maylene lowered her wrist and smiled at everyone. "Please forgive that intrusion. Rest assured that in the wake of the latest round of appellate decisions you are not participating in child pornography. But is anyone uncomfortable? Would anyone like to leave?" We all shifted uncomfortably and suddenly no one could meet anyone's eyes, but no one spoke up.
After a moment Maylene smiled and looked at her time counter. "Alright then, we're nearly at our window. If you'll follow me we'll go through the gate. Loading time should be minimal, we've got a good group here." She turned and stepped off the podium and started towards the doors of the palisade.
We all shuffled after her, doubts forgotten. We even sped up a little as we got closer; not even the imposing sign that gave the official warning about George Martin's opinion on Fan Fic slowed us down. I found myself crowding in with everyone else, just as excited as the first time I'd immersed back on Spock/Uhura. But this was better. After all, SanSan was special.
At the gate Maylene turned and placed her hand on the latch. She paused for a second and looked over all of us, her eyes sparkling. Then, she shouted "Welcome!" and threw the latch over with a thud.
Loading was darker than I expected; I thought they would have had some kind of screen saver. But it only lasted a few seconds before I burst out on the other side. I looked around. All the avatars were popping in. I turned and looked out over Westeros.
It was lovely. I could see the Riverlands with the Trident winding through it, all the Roads laid out like brick ribbons. The marshes and the mountains were equally detailed and inviting. King's Landing was nearby and over the water I could see the outlines of the other continent. Far off the Wall stood high and imposing. Skyrim was a good music choice, I thought. Westeros had that misty, far-reaching look of RPG games; everything looked as if it was miles away but I knew that a few minutes of running would take me pretty far.
"Okay! Everyone ready?" Maylene clapped her hands together and then looked at her counter. "…And, go!"
I lifted up my Pip Boy and thumbed the switch. It gave a satisfyingly retro click and then I looked up; Westeros was no longer empty. Crawling over it were hundreds of SanSans, looking tiny and far away. And I could hear them too, a murmuring as each Fic began to unspool. From this vantage point I could see them all darkening the roads like ants spilling out of a hill. It was thickest around King's Landing but I could see little nodes spreading out from the Vale, from Winterfell, far away in Braavos, and here and there a dot out in the countryside. But they quickly were branching out in all directions.
Well, I thought, rubbing my hands together. Might as well begin at the beginning. King's Landing, here we come.
I plunged downhill towards the city and of course neared it far sooner than I should have. Thank god for game physics, I thought. As I neared it the murmur resolved into shouts and clashing steel and explosions. Shit! I'd forgotten about the Blackwater Battle and I was coming up from the south. This was going to get messy.
A few others were headed in the same direction and we all got busy dodging Stannis' army as we headed to the water. I tried my best to not touch anyone, ducking around swords and weaving past dying soldiers. I saw the dude in the headphones a few meters away from me. He was picking his way through a mess of limbs and he looked over at me and smiled. "The blood looks great today!" he shouted. "Great high res!" He gave me a thumbs-up.
We all picked our way across the boats and the fire and landed below the walls. And finally there was my first glimpse. About a dozen different Sandors were busy in front of the Mud Gate, slashing and hacking and threatening to rape various corpses. Some of them looked like TV Sandor – even McCann's lawyers couldn't topple the fair use clause – but others were more bookish. Scars appeared on both sides of faces depending on where I looked. Blood spurted and men grunted as the Hounds slashed through them. I picked my quarry, a particularly faithful TV Sandor, and followed him into the gates as he panicked. The Blackwater episode had been what began it all for me, so I wanted a really faithful Fic to start with so I could relive that moment from the inside.
Oh, it was delicious! This Fic author was one of those picky canon completionists, so every drop of rain and fleck of blood was in place as Tyrion came down the steps and offered the Hound a sarcastic bowl of ice milk.
"Eat shit, dwarf," my Hound growled. I felt my stomach flip like it did when I'd watched this the first time on my laptop on the back porch, with a really good joint rolling through my system. Only this time I was beside him and the Immersion physics were seamless, working overtime to bring me every creak of leather and each curl in his neck beard. You're not supposed to interact physically with Fics but I swear I got spit in my eye when this Hound told Joff to go fuck himself. I was in heaven.
After that I left him and ran up the steps to Maegor's Holdfast with a handful of Sandors. We all got to Sansa's room at about the same time and I hunkered in a corner to watch them all settle themselves to wait for her. I had a few moments to really examine them and I could see the different Fic authors' flavors coming out. A couple of Hounds were still wet and gritty and even had a whiff of blood (but faint, no one's really cracked that sense yet), but some were really airbrushed looking. One was even shiny and sparkling and his armor had faint hints of pink and purple around the edges. I sighed. I always know that I'm way older than most of the Fic authors on here but it's quite another thing to see a young girl's romantic, clean version of SanSan in front of you. It made me feel a bit cynical and self-conscious, so I dialed my tuner until he wasn't there anymore.
Then, of course, a bunch of Sansa's came rushing in and things got really emo. All the Sandors started yearning and rasping in their corners and the Sansa's gasped and jumped back at them. Nobody was following the same dialogue so I cycled between all of them so each Hound got a chance to push Sansa to the bed and hear the stupid hymn – I've never liked hymns – and cry and drop their cloaks. Most of the Sansa's followed him, but a few of them stayed, clearly destined for a longer, canon-heavy journey to the Vale. I had never understood why she didn't go so I left with her and followed all the SanSans down the stairs. I dialed back up to full and almost ran into a bunch of them carrying sacks and bundles and pulling cloaks down over their hair. There were a lot of pairs in the dark hallway. The Hounds were all staring into clusters of Tully blue eyes and all the sharply indrawn breaths were pretty noisy. Plus the hallways had a lot of other Fic threads happening too – I'd forgotten how many were playing out pre-Blackwater. Bruised Little Birds were variously falling and stumbling and crying and standing tall and smiling and accidently being revealed in their small clothes and running away from the Kingsguard. Some SanSans were already standing in dark corners and alcoves, kissing fiercely and gasping at each other. Oh yeah! I'd forgotten about the red-haired whores…there were just a couple but there they were. I could barely hear what anyone was saying over all the growls and chuckles the Hounds were making.
I'd had just about enough of the Red Keep. I like a good rape fantasy as much as the next gal but seeing so many in one place was too intense. I fumbled with my PipBoy and found the fast travel menu. Kingswood, please.
There I was, in the woods near the first major inn. It was a good place to come out in. A bunch of SanSans were just riding in to the crossroads, and a few dozen more were busily finding caves to get out of their rain. All the Sansas were easier to see out here. They were tall, tiny, with long red hair and with hair hacked off to look like a boy, like children and like women, small waists and growing teats everywhere. She looked scared, she looked happy, she was on her own horse, she was riding in front of and behind the Hounds. But everywhere, super beautiful. Huh, I thought, the Sansa's are all more different than the Sandors. Almost none of them looked like Sophie Turner. But goddam if that Tully Blue wasn't everywhere. I wondered how many dollars the company that patented that shade was making today. Strangers dotted the landscape, snorting and kicking.
There were a lot more Walkthrough avatars out here too, each Fic with a cluster of followers. I could spot various Fics that I knew around me. Into the Woods was probably the dark one over there; I couldn't see it properly from where I was but the crowd of Tumblr babes all around it was unmistakable. No one else dyes their hair that many colors. A lot of bursts of applause coming from that bunch too. Cut it Out and Then Restart was off to the left, but most people followed that one later on when it got to Riverrun, so I had a good view of the Hound training Sansa to use her dagger. Nearby, one pretty standard Fic was rolling along nicely, the Hound passing Sansa a cooked rabbit by a stream, but a young woman's av was crying on the ground next to it. An older woman in a FanFic uniform was kneeling next to her, rubbing her back. She looked up at me and smiled, and put a finger to her lips.
"She's working through some father issues," she whispered, and turned back to offer a handkerchief to the girl, who wailed even louder at the sight of it.
But it was noisy everywhere. Between the Sansans talking to each other and avs verbalizing reviews every two minutes, I couldn't make sense of it all. It was time for Privacy.
Just for fun I decided to see how good the automatic setting was, so I clicked over to the Settings screen and set the ratings guide to "All". I was impressed; immediately every other av disappeared. But it didn't get any less noisy, because now all the Mature rated Fics popped up too. The groaning and gasping and cries of "Little Bird" made me jump. Christ, how many people could be naked at one time out here? The answer: a whole lot. Every time I came to a stream or a pool or even a clearing in the woods there was a naked Sansa standing in the stream or a Hound freeing his straining cock from his breeches. The caves were even more crowded. Some of them had three or four SanSans at various stages of fucking. And here even the airbrushed SanSans were very detailed. I had to look up at the trees if I didn't want to see pulsating woman's places dripping with wetness everywhere, like fleshy carnivorous plants in some crazy greenhouse. And from the looks of things none of the Sandors were shy about swinging their thick pulsing shafts around like they were building a house with it. God. Even sex gets boring sometimes. I dialed down a bit and went for a walk north.
The Kingsroad was really fun for a long time – I kept on catching up with different Fics. Sometimes I would just hang out while Lannisters and Starks made tense prisoner exchanges, sometimes it was just Sansa and Sandor riding beside each other and talking about honor.
I was walking along behind Robb's army, listening to Arya and Sansa whisper to each other about the Hound and whether they could trust him or not – silly girls! – when Maylene popped in beside me.
"Hello!" she said with a beaming smile. "How are you finding it?"
"Great, actually," I said, nodding. "It's my first time for SanSan immersion."
She nodded. "I know, I have your visit stats in your profile. I'm surprised it took you so long to come in, you've been in beta for ages!"
"Yeah, well, I was holding off. I've always been a fan of reading over watching and I didn't want to ruin it, I guess." I looked over at her, hoping she would understand.
"Oh I know, it's like that for a lot of people. But don't worry, once you find your proper Fics you'll wish you'd come here earlier. Everyone finds their groove." She patted me on the shoulder.
"Yeah, about that, do I have time? I don't really know how long we have in here for this window and I want to get up to Winterfell for a bunch of Sansa's weddings. Plus A Song of Steel is mid cycle and I want to get in there before it gets to Gregor again."
Maylene laughed. "Oh yes, don't worry. The window is just for load in. Once you're in you're in. Take as much time as you need. And call if you need anything." She started to walk off into the marshes of the Neck.
"Thanks Maylene!" I called out, but she was so far away by now she just waved at me.
I looked around. North was Moat Cailin and a few armies were laying siege to it. Away off west I could see the Twins and a whole lot of shittery was going down there, for sure. A trip over to Braavos? I didn't think I was up for it. While I stood there thinking a SanSan passed me, knee deep in snow as Winter overtook them. I looked around and bit my lip. There was too much to choose from. Where to?
I closed my eyes and thought of what I wanted most right this minute. And I then I could see what it was. I set my fast travel, and pushed it.
I came out in a grove of trees by a river bank. The sky was grey here, the waters rushing past. Even though the leaves on all the trees were still green, it felt desolate. I listened to the river for a moment, feeling totally alone. But then I started walking and soon I found the others.
It was a quiet and respectful group of avs, all gathered at a short distance from a tree. At its foot was the Hound. There was a blur of overlapping at his edges and I realized that several of him were all sitting here at once. It made him richer and yet more blurry at the same time. His scars were especially raw and red here, and his eyes were gray and cold and sad all at once. The wound on his leg was bad; it was swollen and oozing and for once I was glad that smell wasn't done better in Immersion. He was in terrible pain, sweating and weeping softly. I looked over my shoulder and sure enough there were the Arya's on her horse, retreating into the distance. I looked at the avs around me; everyone was somber and silent, watching the Sandors as he struggled with the terrible pain in his leg. The woman next to me broke down crying too, and I reached over and took her hand.
"It's alright," I said softly.
"I know," she said, looking over at me with her red eyes. "I know I can come back anytime. But it's so sad. I can't bear to lose him." She sniffled and started sobbing again.
"Believe in the Gravedigger," I whispered to her, and she looked at me with a small hopeful smile.
"I do," she whispered back. "We all do. But you know George. You can't love anything too much or he'll take it away."
I nodded sadly. I'd been there.
We stood there for a long time with the Sandors and watched them lose consciousness. And soon after a dozen Elder Brothers came walking along and knelt down and poured water down his throats. I wasn't the only one who held their breath and leaned in to hear Sandor's confessions. No one left even as the sky cycled into night. We gathered in a group and followed behind as Sandor was pulled in the cart to the Quiet Isle. Even Stranger was quiet, and there were at least twenty of him.
I stayed on the Quiet Isle for a good long time, watching Sandors heal, repent, rebel, dig graves, stay silent and spill out endless stream of guilt and regret in confession. I slept in his hut and walked with him for days on end. I even tried digging graves with him but they never persisted so in the end I just watched him do it. Watching him grow gentle and thoughtful and sober was like going through therapy with him – sometimes sad, often boring, but so satisfying. And I wasn't the only one there for the long haul. The woman who cried and good handful of others stayed too. We would give each other lots of privacy with our Sandors, never trespassing on one if someone had claimed him that day. At night we would gather at our own table in the Sept and eat together, trading sightings and theories and getting to know each other that way. We didn't talk about IRL very much, but then again we weren't there for that. The headphone dude came by periodically and sometimes he'd let me listen to Skyrim. It was beautiful.
One day I was sitting with the crying woman, whose name I'd since learned was Liana. It was a rare occasion when the two of us were watching the same Sandor. Today he was packing to go in search of his Little Bird.
"I'm just so glad for him," said Liana, "because I know Sansa's arriving on the ferry tomorrow and I can't wait to see his face when he sees her."
"Me too," I said. "I've never written past the books but I'm so glad when anyone does. If The Winds of Winter doesn't have any SanSan I'm going to lose my mind."
"Where have you written?" Liana asked "You've never said anything about this before."
"Oh, it's not a very long fic, just seven chapters," I said, ashamed. Seven chapters in six months, I thought. Most Fic authors did that in two weeks. "It's not finished," I explained. "They're down in the Riverlands together on their way to Riverrun. I write pretty slowly."
"But you've got to go finish it! You can't sit up here," Liana exclaimed. "You owe it to your followers. Do you have many?"
"Well, yes," I confessed. "And they rag me for it too. But what can I do? I can't rush it or it gets screwed up. I wrote one chapter too soon when I was high and it turned out all mushy and aimless."
"Well, put the pot away and brew a cup of tea and get down there! Remember in The Book Group when Clare couldn't get started? It's because she was blocked and you are too. You've just got to get down to work and unblock yourself. Inspiration doesn't come easy you know."
I stared at Liana, impressed not just with her good advice but also with her deep knowledge of Rory McCann's resume. "Are you on Tumblr?" I asked, suspicious.
"Of course I am, sweetie. You've got to balance your obsessions. You can't just spend all your time on one site or you go bonkers." I shifted, uncomfortable and guilty. I wasn't even thinking about home any more. How long had I been here? She was right; I was beyond obsessed. "Just spend a couple of minutes here each day for inspiration but then you get in front of that computer and you write!"
I knew she was right but it still took me a few more days to leave. After all, Sansa's were arriving the next day and it had been awhile since I'd indulged in any M rated material. A girl does not live on bread alone, am I right?
Finally though, I set off and walked south. I was headed for the Gate but soon enough I was walking through farms and fields that looked a little too familiar. And then in some late evening sunshine, I rounded a bend in the lane and came upon a lone SanSan, curled up together and looking up at the stars.
As soon as I came up to them my login button popped into the air beside them and I waved my PipBoy through it. Sandor and Sansa looked at me.
"Hello," said Sansa.
"Hi," I said, waving a little wave, like an idiot.
"Well," she said, "you left us in a nice spot. I mean it's much better than that rapey cliffhanger you abandoned us in for months. I like snuggling with him and looking at stars. But are we going to get to Riverrun or what?"
I hated these author/character interfaces. They always defaulted to modern language and I couldn't stomach the inconsistency. Pretty soon the Hound would be saying "Okay" and "for sure".
"I'm really sorry about that," I said. I meant it. "I'm not very disciplined and I get distracted by life really easily. I have a baby, you know."
"Not my problem," growled the Hound. At least he was growling.
"Okay, okay, you're right. I'll get writing as soon as I get back. Just hang tight." They nodded at me and went back to snuggling and looking up at the moon. I signed out again and looked at them fondly for a minute. What was it about these two? No matter how many times I'd thought I'd abandoned them, they always drew me back. Maybe eventually I would finish this.
I turned and headed south. It didn't take long to get to the Gate. And logout was the total opposite experience. Maylene was nowhere to be seen, and the only sort of goodbye was a standard font sign with a place for me to check "Remember me." I hesitated, but then checked it. Balance, Liana had said. I didn't have to deprive myself completely.
My pallet was right where I left it and I lay down and started counting. As I fell "asleep" I could feel my PipBoy tight around my wrist…..
When I came back it was two hours later. The dishes were still in the sink, the laundry had gone through its cycle and was waiting for me to put it in the dryer. I could hear the baby stirring at the end of his nap.
I sighed, closed my laptop and grabbed my coat, the stroller and the grocery list.
Time to get outside.
Author's note: So this story has been kicking around inside me for a while. Obviously the content is based on this site and so owes a debt to all the other lovely authors, and ultimately to GRRM, without whom none of this would exist, and who alone should profit from his world and characters. And also I think I draw a lot of inspiration from William Gibson and obvs from Skyrim and other RPG's. But the Immersion concept of seeing them all at once I think I CAN safely say is mine. I think. Please be nice.
Hope you all enjoy this. It's a one shot, but I'd love to hear your thoughts. A lot of me in here! Plus, sorry I'm such a slow updater on A Journey Home. Maybe this story was taking up all the room in there.