Our Son

Authors Note/Disclaimer: Obviously I do not own Chicago Fire, that credit is due to the writers/creators.

Summary: Losing Noah.

One Shot

Gabby Dawson laid motionlessly under of the covers of her blanket watching the white lace curtain sway gently in the wind, tears escaped her eyes rolling down her already damp cheeks. Her dark brown hair was mattered to the side of her face from the tears that were pouring down her cheeks.

Gabby didn't understand why life was so cruel, what she had done to deserve this. It had resulted in her laying on bed for hours on end, no motivation, no need, no want. It was as though she had stopped being. She spent the hours assessing her life. Combing through everything she had ever done, trying to understand why her.

"Gabby" Leslie Shay spoke softly, her voice floating through the small crack of the door, though she didn't expect Gabby to acknowledge her.

Gabby heard the voice but didn't respond. All that she did was cry, she wanted to scream but above all she wanted to hold her little boy once more and never let him go.

"Gabby, honey, talk to me" Shay stepped into the room and took a seat on the edge of the bed. Her heart was shattered for Gabby, her usually strong and independent best-friend seemed defeated and broken. "Gabby" when she recieved no response she breathed deeply. "Honey, I know you miss Noah but this isn't healthy" Shay mumbled softly referring to the state that Gabby was in. It had been three weeks since Noah's death and she did nothing but sleep and cry. Shay had been staying with her in the apartment and at night she woke to Gabby screaming from nightmares.

She wanted to be able to help her best-friend but she knew that she couldn't understand what Gabby was going through.

The 51 family had attempted to help but Gabby pushed them all away, she had even pushed Matt away and no one understood that.

Some would say it was because being with Matt brought back to many memories but what others thought was that she pushed him away in her time of need; when he would have been good for her.

/~/~/

Matt sat on the grass in the park watching Katie as she built her fourth sand castle in the playground sandpit. They were just down the street from Gabby's apartment and his heart ached knowing that she was in walking distance but he couldn't see her.

Running his hand over his face he found it hard to believe that he would never get to experience this with Noah, would never be able to sit and watch him playing on the equipment or even with his sister. In just three short hours, three weeks ago his life had changed so much, he had lost a son and a fiancé in the matter of one night.

"Daddy, do you like my sand castle?"

Katie's soft voice pulled him from his thoughts, he painted on a weak smile for her. The last thing he wanted the seven and a half year old to see was how incrediably sad he was. "Very good baby" He found himself murmuring to her.

Katie frowned at the way her dads voice lacked enthusiasm. Everyone treated her like the kid she was but she wasn't stupid. She understood what was happening around her.

Matt didn't want to show the sadness he was feeling to Katie but at times he couldn't help it; there were just moments in the day when the sadness would tackle him from behind and he couldn't fight it off.

"Dad" Katie said as she ran up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I miss Noah too but he's watching us" Katie said innocently.

Matt nodded slightly. "I know baby, it just makes me rather sad that your brother is not here anymore" He had explained what had happened to her but at seven he had tried to keep it sensored.

"I love Noah daddy, why did he have to go?"

It was the question Matt dreaded and he hugged her tighter. "Oh honey – I don't know" He murmured as he allowed a few small tears to escape his eyes, he didn't often cry but crying for his son he found himself doing often.

"How come Gabby isn't with us dad?" Katie asked.

Matt wiped his tears away. "Because Gabby is living back in her house down the street" He pointed to the red building, Katie had been their many times before back when Gabby had lived there previously. "I'm not seeing her anymore" He tried not to go deeply into the details, thinking of Gabby hurt him.

After losing Noah she simply hadn't wanted anything to do with him, he remember their argument where she just begged him to let her go so he did as she asked and regretted it every moment since. He loved Gabby more than she would ever know and that the reason why he let her go, let her have the space she need to deal with their son's death.

He felt his daughters arms slip from around his neck. "Katie" Matt murmured shaking the thoughts from his head. "Honey" He watched her take off running heading start for the red building, he grabbed his phone and wallet off the ground and ran after her.

/~/~/

Seven an a half year old Katie knocked on the door of Gabby's apartment door until Shay opened it, she was certainly shocked to see Katie standing before her. Matt rarely let the seven year old out of his sight when she was with him for the weekend. "Sweetie, what are you doing here? Where is your dad?" Shay asked, glancing down the hall looking for the blonde firefighter.

"Following me. Where is Gabby?"

Shay sighed sadly. "Sweetie, Gabby isn't in the best state for visitors right now. Maybe next week…" Shay felt the little girl push past her.

"No! No, I have to speak to Gabby" Katie shouted, she stormed in the direction of Gabby's bedroom to see her fathers ex-fiance leaning against the headboard holding Noah's teddy bear. "Gabby, you broke daddy's heart" Katie's words were spoken angrily as she stared at Gabby with her hands on her hips. "Daddy lost Noah too Gabby, why do you have to be so nasty? You told daddy you loved him!" Katie's shouting caused a tear to escape Gabby's eyes.

"Katie" Gabby whispered quietly causing the seven year old to stop and look at her, it was the first word Gabby had muttered in three weeks.

"We miss Noah too Gabby, you were meant to be my mom to but you just left. Why did you leave?" Katie asked softly.

Gabby let the tears roll down her cheeks as she opened her arms for Katie to hug her, the little girl jumped up onto the bed at the chance and buried herself in her mother figures arms. "I'm sorry, so sorry" She murmrued. "This is my entire fault"

Matt who bad been leaning in against the door frame stepped into the room. "No Gabby, this isn't your fault, it's no one's fault it happened and I know you wish you could change it. I wish I could change it, I want Noah back just as much as you do" Matt said as he took a deep breath. "He was my son to Gabby. I was going to help him with his homework and teach him how to build things. I know you are hurting but I am hurting too and I want to help you through this"

Gabby stroked Katie's hair, taking a moment to pause and lean forward to hug him. "I'm so sorry"

"I'm sorry too"

Katie looked up, slightly squished between the both of them. "I love Noah"

Gabby looked down at her. "We all love Noah"

/~/~/

Gabby laid beside a sleeping Katie, her arms wrapped around the young girl, Matt behind her his arms wrapped around her waist as he snored softly in his sleep. Losing Noah the pain she felt was undeniable, it crept of on her all day making her feel as though she was drowning underwater. A piece of her heart broke every time his name was whispered.

Making it through the day was hard but to think she would have to do it for the life time made it seem almost impossible.

Noah had been her life and now he was gone.

Thoughts?

Much Love. x