Dean held the vial gently in his hand, the white light inside escaping between his fingers.
He half expected it to be warm or familiar, to give away some hint that it was alive and that it was Cas. His grace. There was so much power hidden away in that little vial and yet it was small and cool and light.
He nervously rolled it in his hand.
He was going to give it back and Cas was going to be very happy. It made him feel powerful in a way, he was holding onto a something that would make his angel better again and the suspense made him giddy.
Dean put it in his pocket. He wondered whether Cas would be able to tell he had it. If he would be able to sense it.
Castiel looked up from the book he was reading when Dean walked over to him.
"What are you reading?"
"Pride and Prejudice."
Dean raised his eyebrows. "Really? Are you enjoying it? If you need good reading material you only need to ask."
"Yes, I think so. They have many misunderstandings because they don't always say what they mean. They don't explain and instead they guess what the other one is thinking and feeling." Cas looked at Dean sheepishly.
Dean smiled as he sat down next to him and Cas continued seriously, "I think I understand. It is important not to act purely on assumptions."
Dean was about to say something about Cas taking the story too seriously but he got distracted by his friends pensive stare. He had a sneaking suspicion that Cas realised how cute he looked when he was trying to understand, so thoughtful and yet a little perplexed. Cas never changed. He was awkward and sincere and resilient and he didn't need superpowers to make Dean feel warm and light hearted.
"You know Cas I'm kind of proud of you, you are getting pretty good at being a human. For an angel."
It was his crooked smile that made Dean's chest tight.
Then he remembered the vial. He shifted in his seat and licked his lips. Giving that back would make Cas an angel again and he would have his own problems, his own heaven and he would do his own thing like he always did. Disappear again. He felt selfish but he just wanted Cas to stay. To stay human and reachable.
If there was one thing Dean wanted it was that.
Whenever he asked himself "what do you want?" in his head the answer was always "I want Cas." He didn't know why or how he wanted him but it was the truth underlying everything even if he didn't understand it. It was just there in his subconscious and he barely realised it was there.
However most of the time he was too busy looking after Sam to worry much about himself. His wish for Sam to be happy, his conscious wish, had always been there. He had modified it a bit over the years until it was just for Sam to be ok. When he was feeling more pessimistic it was simply for Sam not to be actively dying that day.
Meanwhile Dean was just sitting and staring at Cas.
Dean Winchester was supposed to be brave but he was scared Cas would leave.
It gnawed at him and for a few moments he was stuck in indecision.
He placed his hand in his pocket and held the vial of light.
Cas had always been a light for him in dark places.
"I have a surprise for you," he said holding Cas's gaze, "something we managed to get back for you."
Cas waited expectantly.
He lifted the vial out of his pocket and held it out, the light spilling out to illuminate their faces.
Castiel's blue eyes lit up, "Dean? Is this?" he questioned for a moment but he had already wrapped his fingers around it and was opening the lid.
White light ghosted upwards and poured into his mouth, filling him up. Dean closed his eyes.
For a moment the air cracked and Dean could almost feel feathers bushing over his skin. When he opened his eyes Cas looked the same as he always did.
"Thank you Dean."
"I'd do anything for you Cas," he replied truthfully.
Underneath he was surprised. He was surprised because Cas still looked the same. Because he hadn't run away. Because he felt relieved, relieved that Cas was whole again.
Something had been fixed in Dean as well, something he never knew was broken.