So. It's been a while since I uploaded anything. I am (slowly) working on my rewrites, but my job sucks. I have a crappy wage and crappy hours, so I'm stressed out to the max because I'm trying to save to move out (I'm nineteen and desperate to get my own place, but seventy pounds a week, then minus thirty for rent to my parents? Yeah, no hope there).
Recently, my friend brought this game we were both obsessing over (I can't afford it sob) and she lent it to me to play first. When I got to the end, I wasn't completely satisfied with it. So, I decided to spice things up a little.
Note: my choices in the game were probably completely different to everyone else's. I kept nearly everyone alive, but killed Norah (I felt sorry for her) and Ryan (he was a jerk). I also let Jodie sleep with him but deny she loved him in the Dragon's Hideout. Personally I fell for Jay, so that's where I've taken Jodie.
Oh, and if that's a spoiler for you ... well, why are you reading B:TS fanfiction?
This isn't how I imagined my life would end up, no matter how many times I wished for it.
The gentle patter of rain against the windows made the perfect backdrop to the darkened room in which sat a woman. Her cheeks were still damp from crying. I always wanted a normal life. A family who wanted me, perhaps one day a husband and a small but cosy house, far away from the DPA. Anything but what I got.
Jodie Holmes sighed, glancing across the small motel room to the lone piece of decoration she'd allowed herself these long few weeks. The pink bunny stared back at her, unmoving. I miss him. Hell, I miss him more than I ever thought I could. Since finding out the truth about who he was, why we were tied together, I realised that I never for one moment hated him.
The bunny had seen her through everything. It had been with her when the monsters had attacked her, when her so-called parents had left her, and when she'd been forced to leave the only true parental figures she'd known. I guess, in some ways, it's a good thing, though. I have to start learning to fully depend on myself. He's always been there, a protection against the bad, but now … now I have to be strong.
She knew what she would do with it now. She was twenty-four, far too old to be playing with stuffed toys. Yet it held too many memories to simply throw out. As unwanted a connection to her past as it was, she didn't have the heart. He's not the only one I miss, though. I made so many mistakes. I killed men who didn't deserve it because the man I loved told me to. And in return, I abandoned him and then, when it seemed as if things might finally be starting to look up … I led him to his death.
Zoey could have it. Jodie sighed, running one hand through unkempt tangles of hair. It would probably serve the toddler better than it had her since she'd left the DPA. I hope you understand that I can't be here. I can't stay with anything that reminds me of all that happened. I feel so much guilt about all of it. I killed so many people. Fuck, we killed so many people. All of us.
So why do I feel like most of the blame lies with me?
The streets were cold in winter, even as wrapped up as she was as she trudged through knee-high drifts of snow. The city was quiet. After all, it was Christmas Eve.
She'd spent most of the last year in a daze. After the events of the Black Sun, she'd spent three months hiding out in a cabin, learning to live a life without Aiden, without that extra sense that she'd grown so used to. She'd spent that long trying to retain a hold on sanity. Her memories had been slowly slipping away, making everything seem little more than a blur. Everything she and Aiden had ever done together, from the tests in their little lab to killing Gemaal, everything became fuzzy. It was hard to distinguish truth from illusion.
Except for the deaths of those she cared about. Those memories clung to the forefront of her mind, untouched by the turmoil breaking elsewhere. Night after night, she remembered them. Norah, her poor, fragile mother, killed in mercy to save her from a fate worse than death. Shimisani, killed by Ye'iitsoh, guilty of nothing more than remembering a few words. Gemaal and Salim's father, along with all those others brutally murdered on Ryan's orders, falsely accused of being 'warlords' instead of peaceful men.
Nathan and Ryan, locked in a duel in front of the Black Sun. Ryan, dying in her arms while she sobbed for him.
Of all the deaths she relived nightly, his was the worst. She'd spent so long hating him, so long trying to forget her feelings, that he'd died not knowing how she truly felt. She'd denied her love for him when they'd escaped the submarine, despite the chance of dying there in the cold. It had been too difficult to face then. But he was a part of her, much like Aiden had been. He'd found a way through her defences and made himself at home in her heart.
And that was part of the problem. He hadn't been the only one in there, not after he'd betrayed her. Logically, she knew she couldn't blame him; she'd followed his orders, just as surely as he'd followed his higher-ups. But it hadn't eased the pain she felt at knowing the man she'd bared her soul to – the only man she'd given herself to – had lied to her about the one thing that he knew could hurt her in so many ways.
He'd died saving her, and it was only that act, in those final minutes of his life, that had made her realise how utterly stupid she'd been in denying her love for him and rebuffing him at every turn. Maybe he'd still be alive, if only she'd released all the bitterness and rage she'd felt and channelled it into what it had been, once upon a time.
But it was too late for regrets now. He was gone. Just another part of her past she had to learn to let go if she was ever going to move on.
She stopped in front of the apartment building housing some of her old friends. Her parcel was cool in her gloved hand, snow dampening some of the paper. With a shudder, she glanced around. Nobody passed her in the darkness of the night, but that same darkness meant there was likely to be nobody awake to grant her access to the building. If she still had Aiden around …
She glanced at the buzzer. Only six of the apartments were occupied, and of those six, only one had a first name she recognised. Stan.
It would be good to see her old friend, she reflected, glancing down at the present. To show him that she'd survived. She didn't know quite how often he'd visited her in the hospital after the burning building, didn't know if he'd tried to visit her after she'd woken up and had to escape the CIA. Some part of her felt guilty. She hadn't really thought of him since that night, not really. Nor of Tuesday and Zoey, Jimmy or Walter. She hadn't known them long, it was true, but she felt a connection to them, these other outcasts who had taken her in and shared what little they had without knowing the truth about her.
Taking a deep breath, she pressed the buzzer. The intercom crackled, and she reached with her other hand into her pocket to pull out an old photo. It was the only thing she'd swiped from the room after she'd woken up, that photo of her friends together, cleaned up and off the streets. She'd looked at it many times these past few days, trying to decide where her future lay.
'Who's there?' The voice was slurred with sleep, and Jodie jumped slightly. Swallowing nervously, she looked at the photo in her hand one last time. They looked so happy. She couldn't suddenly jump back in their lives and ruin that. She couldn't take away anything they'd earned. What happened if the CIA suddenly decided they wanted her back?
Her decision was made in that instant. With a deep breath, she leant towards the intercom. 'Stan,' she whispered, and then bent down to place the present next to the door. Smoothing out the folds in the picture one last time, she gently placed it on top.
By the time the door opened and Stan appeared, breathless and hastily tying the belt of his dressing gown, she was long gone.
More months passed. Winter melted into spring, and still Jodie kept herself separated from people. Her twenty-fifth birthday came and went with little to acknowledge its passing other than a rare treat of chocolate in celebration of another year of not dying.
When summer rolled in, bringing with it heatwaves and the smell of heated tar and asphalt, she considered herself ready to move on. The scents made her feel homesick for a place she'd never truly left behind, and the heat just reminded her of what she had been missing in the years since. She'd lost track of time. It couldn't be more than four years since she'd been with them, but it felt like a lifetime.
The ride was long, giving her too much time to think. If Aiden had been with her, she'd have held her usual one-sided conversation with him as he did everything possible to snag her attention during the brief stops to relieve herself or satisfy her hunger and thirst.
A little over a day later, with the sun beating down on her and making her shirt stick to her back, she spied the ranch. It had changed little since she'd last visited. The only immediately noticeable differences were repairs done to the roof where she remembered Ye'iitsoh's claws ripping up tiles. The rest was as she remembered: sweet, homely.
Peaceful.
Revving the engine, she rode the bike closer and closer, coming in around the back. Sheep bleated their annoyances as she passed them on the outskirts of the ranch, but she paid them little attention.
The house came closer. Keeping her eyes down, she pulled the bike around the corner and then to a stop beside the benches surrounding the tree. Memories flashed through her mind, of eating amicably with Cory and trying to evade Jay's questions about her past. Oh, he'd been such an ass to her then. But then another memory followed as she kicked down the bike stand, a memory that forced down any doubt about her decision to return. Maybe in part, the words Jay had said to her had made it impossible for her to settle anywhere else – 'You'll always find a home here.' And here did, indeed, feel more like home than anywhere she'd been before.
The house with her fake parents had been cold and unwelcoming, largely in part due to her father and the restrictions on her leaving. That had been no home for a young girl. The DPA, equally, had felt more like a cage to her. Confined to one room to live in for close to a decade, that had been merely a place to eat and sleep rather than any true home, even with Nathan and Cole so close by. Her apartment had been the closest. That had been a refuge for her, but knowing she hadn't chosen it herself – that it was hers purely because the CIA needed a home for her – that had made it harder to settle there. And then she'd been on the run, and 'home' became a foreign concept for her.
But here, on this Navajo ranch, she felt at home. She felt loved and accepted, and needed. It was more of a home than she'd ever experienced.
She climbed off of the bike, conscious of the three sets of eyes focused on her as she cocked her hip against it. For one long, heartwrenching moment, nobody moved, and she found herself questioning again whether it had been such a wise idea to return, having spent little more than a week amongst this family who she loved.
And then Jay moved, running towards her, and her heart soared. She met him in the middle, throwing her arms around him. He buried his face in her hair, clutching her to his chest as Cory and Paul watched from the sidelines.
It felt like coming home.
They had a feast that night – or, at least what classed as a feast on the Navajo ranch. Jodie found herself enveloped in hugs from Cory and Paul before they ushered her inside and filled her in on life on the ranch since she'd last been there. She dodged any questions about her life these past three years – they'd set her mind to ease about how much time she had lost with her memory – and instead sat there whilst the three men took turns working on the dinner and finishing the chores. She'd come late in the day, so there was little left to do other than ensure the animals were settled in for the night and there was enough food and water to last them, so much of the preparation she sat at the table while Paul and Jay worked at the stove, Cory sat beside her with his enthusiastic twinkle in his eyes as he spoke.
It saddened her to remember Shimasani would not be joining them in their celebrations, but she knew she was in a better place, a place where she could watch over them if she chose. Hell, the old woman probably never left the ranch, even in death. The thought cheered Jodie considerably as father and son laid the meal out on the table.
They ate ravenously, though mouths full of food didn't stop the conversation from flowing. Jodie smiled and laughed constantly, though it made her cheeks burn. How long had it been since she'd truly enjoyed a conversation? How long since she'd actually laughed? It had been even before the Black Sun, she was sure of it. There had been little to enjoy after, and ever since her expedition to Kazirstan things had been bleak.
Paul was the first to notice, and he put down his cup of water with a gentle smile in her direction. 'I think,' he said, cutting Cory off mid-sentence, 'that it's been a long drive from the city. Perhaps we should let Jodie retire for the night.'
She glanced up from her plate, upon which she now noticed she'd been pushing around peas aimlessly. Silence descended upon the table as her eyes met Paul's. She'd been so lost in her own thoughts she hadn't noticed that she'd stopped eating.
Jay stood, abandoning his own plate of half-eaten food (although it was his second helping, so perhaps it wasn't as worrisome as she thought). 'I'll go get your things from the bike,' he said with a small smile as he passed her chair. His hand landed briefly on her shoulder and squeezed, and then he pulled open the door to the darkening sky and stepped out.
She wanted to tell him not to bother, she hadn't brought much, but words failed her as a yawn broke out. Maybe she was more tired than she realised. With a shaky nod, she pushed her chair back and stood. 'Thank you,' she murmured, walking towards Paul. She smiled and bent down to give him a hug. 'I know you don't have to do this.'
'I do,' was his response, but anything else he might have said was cut short when Jay came back in, her backpack slung over his shoulder. He glanced briefly at Jodie before looking at his father with a questioning glance. Paul merely nodded, eyes crinkling.
'Come on.' Taking hold of her hand, Jay led her through the doorway and into the hall. Hesitating for a brief moment beside his half-open door, he led her down towards the room she'd occupied the first time. She tried to contain the disappointment welling in her chest. 'I figure you'd be most comfortable here for tonight,' he explained as he pushed the door open and stepped back so she could enter. 'Just until you … you know, settle in.'
She gave him a smile as she dropped onto the bed. 'Thanks, Jay.'
He hovered awkwardly, just inside the doorway, seeming not to notice he still clutched the strap of her bag. His dark eyes watched her, though she found it difficult to decipher any emotions within them. 'Jay …'
He swallowed, and took a step forward. One warm hand came up to cup her cheek. 'Whatever it is,' he whispered, thumb stroking her face gently, 'Tell me tomorrow. You look exhausted.'
She turned her head, nestling into his palm. 'Okay,' she replied, closing her eyes. 'Tomorrow.'
Morning came too quickly, but she took her sweet time waking up in the morning. None of the family had come to rouse her, which she assumed was their way of showing they respected her need for sleep and privacy. She appreciated it as she stretched in the morning sunlight, kicking off the thin sheet she'd dragged over at her at some point during the night.
The room was just as she remembered it, though maybe a tad brighter without the shutters in place to keep Ye'iitsoh out. She smiled. At least some good had come of her last visit, even if it had cost them Shimasani. With a yawn, she pushed herself to a seated position.
Her backpack still lay next to the bed, where she'd tossed it after pulling out her sleeping shorts and tank top. Rolling her shoulders, she regarded it with thought. Her letter to Cole was still in there, a bit battered after carrying it around for nearly a year. She'd sent him the picture she'd drawn so many years before, just to help him put his mind at ease that she was okay – and to put her mind at ease too. She missed him, but life had to move on. She couldn't go back to him, not without remembering all the experiments the DPA did, not without remembering Nathan.
She pulled out the envelope. It was unsealed, and she carefully pulled out the letter. Flattening it on the bed, careful of the well-worn creases, she looked at the last line.
There was no ending to the letter, not yet. How could there be, when there was no ending to her story? I don't know where I'm going from here, what to do now it's all over. At least for now. I know it will never be over, but until they find me again, or they build another condenser – whichever comes first – I need to find something to make live worth living for.
At least she'd be able to add to it. At three pages long, she was amazed she hadn't finished it yet, but there had just been so much to say. With a sigh, she folded it up again and slid it back into the envelope and her bag. Before she could finish it, she had to talk to some people.
She was dressed within ten minutes, and left her room to find the house empty. A plate of fruit sat on the table when she passed it, and she snagged an apple from the display for breakfast. She'd given up on coffee to wake her up. It served to do little more than keep her awake to relive painful memories she could at least escape into oblivion from at night. Pausing for just a moment, she took a second one as well, slipping it into her pocket for now. One never knew when a snack came in handy.
She pulled the door open, and stepped out into the heat of the day. Glancing around her, she noted the men hard at work. Cory carried across two buckets of water from the pump to the sheep pen, a faint coat of sweat covering his exposed skin. Paul was at the corner of the house, perched on a stool with stacks of wood beside him. Three new fence panels were propped up against the wall, and he was hard at work on a fourth, sleeves rolled up to expose muscular forearms used to manual labour.
But it was Jay who caught Jodie's eye. He stood in his usual place, with the horses. Ashkii was facing him, openly defying his master. Jay's back was to the house, but she could see the edge of the saddle he held carefully in front of him. With a smirk, she made her way towards the pen, careful not to attract Jay's attention.
Aiden? The thought went out without her really paying much attention to what she was doing at first, until there was no response. It was automatic. Last time she'd been here, she and Aiden had tamed Ashkii together. But, of course, there was no Aiden anymore. No cheat to taming the horse's wild spirit.
'C'mon, boy. Nothing to worry about.' Jay's voice was soothing as he took a step towards the horse. Jodie crossed her arms against the wooden fencing, watching as she took a bite out of her apple. 'Just a saddle, that's all it is.'
Ashkii neighed, backing up two steps for every one Jay took towards him. Jodie resisted the urge to laugh at him. Even when Jay managed to back him into a corner, the horse continued to resist, rearing up on his back legs and forcing Jay to stumble backwards to avoid a hoof to the leg. 'Damn stubborn horse,' he cursed, turning around to make his way to the gate.
He froze when he noticed her, casually resting against the fence, a half-eaten apple in her hand. She gave him a warm smile. 'Ashkii being difficult again?'
He sighed, finishing his walk to lean against the opposite side of the fence. 'He never stopped being difficult.' Draping the saddle over the gate, he ran both hands through his dark hair. 'Fancy working some of that magic you used last time and then taking a ride with me?'
She shrugged, twisting the apple in her hand. 'I can't promise it'll work this time. I've lost my magic touch.'
'It's worth a try.' He gestured towards the pen, where Ashkii stood eyeing them both up. 'If it doesn't work, then never mind. But he seemed to like you before.'
She sighed, biting down on the apple so as not to drop it as she climbed over the fence. Dropping nimbly on the other side, she threw Jay a long look as she tore off a bite of the fruit. Once she'd swallowed it, she nodded thoughtfully. 'Where would we be riding to?'
'The churros.' His voice was soft, filled with warmth, and it sent a small thrill through her. She remembered the last time they'd been there together, though it took her addled mind a moment to pull up the memory. God, she'd been so ready to share her past with him that time, and so sure then that she had feelings for him, and he for her.
She smiled at him. 'Consider Ashkii tamed.'
Of course, nothing was as easy as that. Several attempts later (and one nearly trampled foot), she'd slumped on the ground, letting the saddle rest in her lap, and pulled the other apple out of her pocket, intending to eat it herself while Jay saddled up a second horse. To her surprise, Ashkii had shuffled forward, sniffing at it intently, and when she pushed herself up and offered it to him, stood still as he happily munched and she managed to saddle him up.
'Huh. Guess you're easy to bribe.' She gave him a gentle pat on the neck in praise as Jay led his horse out of his stall. He took one look at the saddle, now secured to Askhii's back, and shook his head.
'Damn, you really have to tell me your secret.' Making his way over, he stroked the stallion's nose. 'Remember how to ride?'
Jodie grinned. 'Nope, not really.' She swung herself up into the saddle, gathering the reins up. 'Guess you're going to have to remind me.' She bent herself over Ashkii's neck, whispering gentle words of encouragement into his ear. Jay watched her, his expression unreadable.
After a moment, he turned and climbed into his own saddle, then spurred his horse into action with a cocky grin thrown Jodie's way. With a laugh, she encouraged Ashkii to follow.
'I wasn't sure I could believe my eyes, you know.'
'Why not?'
'Because of how long it's been.'
They were sat under the shade of a large tree, facing the churros as they milled around. Jodie sat with her legs crossed, eyes focused on the piece of ground visible between them. Jay sat beside her, close enough their knees touched. He leant forwards, one knee raised, fingers twirling a strand of grass back and forth. 'I thought, maybe, you'd be coming back soon after you left. And then a month passed. Then two and three. By the time six months had passed, I began to think you'd found something better.'
She closed her eyes, sighing. 'Then a year passed. And two. And I thought, that's it. She's found something, someone, else. She doesn't need to come to this ranch, to a place she has no real ties to. And I tried to lock you away. To put you out of my mind.'
'There wasn't anything else. Not really.' Her voice was hoarse with restrained emotion. 'Jay …'
He shook his head. 'Let me finish.' He inhaled deeply, dropping the grass and instead buried one hand in his hair. 'I tried to put you out of my mind. After all, why would you still love me? After two years? I knew it was highly unlikely you'd ever return. I moped around, though if you tell Paw or Cory I admitted to it …' He chuckled, but there was no amusement in the sound. 'But I couldn't give up on you.
'I was an ass to you when you first came. I know.' He threw a glanced towards her, his lips curving into a smile at her suppressed laughter. 'Okay. Maybe a bit more than an ass. But when you refused to give up, and helped us, I started to genuinely like you. I'm not an easy man to get to know, or to like. I'm even harder to fall in love with. But you didn't give up trying to get to know any of us. You did your best to help us, even though you didn't know us. Even when it could have cost you your life, you decided to help us.'
He stretched his other hand out, found hers. His palm was warm as he threaded his fingers through hers. 'And when you chose to leave afterwards, I realised I didn't want you to go. That's why I offered you the ranch to come back to.' He squeezed gently. 'And when you kissed me …'
'Jay …'
He turned to look at her, face serious. 'Jodie, I don't know if this'll work between us, whatever this is. I know you have secrets, but I'm willing to try to make this work, whatever those secrets are. You don't need to lie to me. Or to my family. We've accepted you twice now. We can accept anything you have to tell us.'
Her eyes filled with tears, and she licked her lips. 'It's a long story, I wouldn't know where to start.'
He smiled, gently wiping away her tears. 'At the beginning's always a good place. After we've done all the chores, you can start to tell us.' He pulled her close, pressing her face to his chest as he embraced her. Her arms came together around his waist, holding him there, her anchor. 'Take as long as you want to tell us everything, but we'll be there throughout it all.'
She smiled into his chest. 'Thank you.'
That night, she started her story after dinner. Folding her legs beneath her on the chair, holding a mug of hot tea Cory had prepared for her, she swallowed hard as the three waited patiently.
'I don't know when it started,' she began, clearing her throat. 'Well, I do, but I don't know when I started to notice it. But ever since I was born, I had this entity attached to me, this other being. I called him Aiden, and he was always with me.'
Her words caught, and her eyes filled again. Waving away Jay's concern when he made to stand, she wiped her eyes with the edge of her sleeve. 'Nobody believed me at first. He was my imaginary friend, though at times he could be really irritating. But he became a problem one winter, when I snuck out of the garden to take part in a snowball fight. He nearly killed a boy who attacked me.'
She told them everything about her childhood with Susan and Philip, and didn't notice she was crying until she came to the end of that first night's tale, ending just before she left for the DPA base. Again waving off concern from all three of them, she downed the rest of her tea and stood shakily, excusing herself.
The following night, she told them what she remembered of her early life with the DPA: her first meeting with Nathan, the experiments, her relationship with Cole. She told them how she nearly killed her so-called 'father' when he left her in the DPA permanently. They listened patiently, not interrupting, barely reacting. She could hardly bear to look at them.
The stories came easier the third night, when she told them of the first condenser she'd shut down, the way Aiden had defended her against the other entities. As easy as they came, she didn't notice that the story had left her shaking until Jay draped a blanket around her shoulders and pulled his chair up beside her.
That was the first night he stayed in the same room as her, though he stayed in the chair watching over her.
She told them of meeting Ryan, and her early training with the CIA the following night. She told them of the embassy, of the absolute agony she'd experienced when Aiden had ventured too far away from her for the first time.
The night after was one of the most difficult, and it took her a long time to get to it. Jay sat beside her, though he made no move to touch her. Hating herself even as she voiced the words, she told them of the dinner date, of Ryan taking her to bed afterwards. Then she told them of the mission she undertook to hunt down Gemaal, though her memory was fuzzy for the most part. They listened, and they didn't judge, though she berated herself for every moment.
The following night, she told them nothing. They ate dinner in silence, before Cory excused himself to take an early night while Jodie sat staring aimlessly at the door to what had been Shimasani's room. A faint echo of a shape sat in the doorway, noticeable only in the weak moonlight that broke near midnight. A small smile tugged at Jodie's lips, and she left to her own room, content.
'After I killed Gemaal, I jumped out of a plane.' Those were her opening words the next part of her story. Tonight, Jay sat on the other side of the room, watching out of the window though it was clear he was listening. His distance hurt her heart somewhat. Paul had taken his place of encouragement, clutching her hand in his, though his palms dwarfed her. 'Thanks to Aiden, I survived, but I wasn't good enough at evading them. They somehow guessed where I'd be, and tried to capture me. I escaped, but they cornered me in a small town. Aiden went mad, killed them all. I never understood what he said, but I got the feeling that as far as he was concerned, it was us or them. Of course, being Aiden, it was always them who got killed.'
She leant back in her seat. 'I became homeless after that, met some good friends.' And she proceeded to tell them about Stan saving her life that snowy night, taking her to Tuesday, Walter and Jimmy. She told them about her near death experience, her visions of the future and of Aiden yanking her back.
It was the hardest yet, telling them of her visions. Of the apocalyptic future she knew was unavoidable, though how she knew she had no idea. They looked unsettled by the idea, and she felt the despair she'd come to know so well at the Black Sun creeping up on her again. Really, she thought, what was the point in having saved humanity then if it was going to fall to this new condenser?
Jay shared her bed that night. Wrapped in his arms, she felt safe again for the first time in years. He made no moves on her, just held her close to keep the nightmares at bay.
She told them how she'd felt when she'd been at the ranch before, and how when she'd left, she'd gone to find her mother. She nearly broke down telling them about Norah, but Jay was there to hold her as she sobbed into his shoulder, Cory gently stroking his fingers down the back of her hand to reassure her. She told them how she'd felt it was a mercy killing. Anything was better than the prison of that dark drug.
Once she'd regained her composure, she insisted on continuing. She told them of the Dragon's Hideout, being reunited with Ryan and having to make him suffer to keep the mission's integrity. They were amazed at the tale of the underwater condenser, and the bid for freedom.
She kept the conversation she and Ryan had had secret. Jay didn't need to know that Ryan had confessed his love there, thinking they were dying. That would just hurt him, and she didn't want to hurt him anymore than necessary.
They spent the next day with the churros, a picnic shared between them as they joked around, skirting around the issue of secrets still being kept. Several times, Jodie caught him looking above her head as if to find the invisible entity she had once been tied to, and each time reality came rushing back in, crushing her heart just a little more.
She finished her story that night, out by the campfire they'd erected. Jay sat on her right, one hand gently curled over her thigh. Cory sat on her left, just far enough they didn't touch but close enough to lend her strength. Paul sat on the other side of the fire, tending the flames when necessary.
She let her head rest on Jay's shoulder, her hands wrapped around his arm. She told them of Nathan's machine to hold his family on the earthly plane. She shuddered when telling them of how McGrath tried to imprison her consciousness with the same drug he used on her mother, then calmed again when recounting how Aiden had brought Cole and Ryan running to rescue her.
'It was too late though,' she said, voice somehow strong. 'Nathan had already decided his best chance was to lower the containment field and free entities. They killed so many scientists before we got to the chamber they kept the condenser in. Cole was attacked, nearly killed, pretty early in. Aiden saved him.' Her voice filled with pride. 'I didn't even need to ask him. Ryan wanted to leave him to die at first, but I couldn't do that to him. We dragged him to safety, and Aiden healed his wounds for me. Then we carried on into the heart of the Black Sun.
'I found Nathan, deranged. He shot me, then when Ryan found us, shot Ryan in the stomach.' Tears dripped down her cheeks, and she took a moment to compose herself. 'Ryan shot him back, though. They killed each other, right in front of the condenser. Nathan was reunited with his family, all he'd ever wanted, while Ryan just … died.'
Jay's hand rubbed up and down her arm soothingly, while Cory's stroked her back. Over the top of the fire, Jodie could just see Paul's eyes, shining sympathetically. 'Somehow, I still don't know how, I made it to the condenser and shut it down. And in that instant, my soul hung in the balance.'
She cleared her throat. 'I saw the Other Side. Everyone I'd lost. My mother, Ryan … Shimasani.' She smiled at the Navajo clan, though it was shaky with tears. 'She looked happy there. She's with her ancestors, in peace.' She lifted her head. 'I nearly went. When I realised who Aiden was, why he was on the Other Side … I nearly chose them. I could be reunited with my true family. My twin, who died in the womb and was tied to me when I was born … I could finally have a proper relationship with him. But I could also return. And in the end, I realised, no matter how many people I lost, no matter how many people were on the other side … more depended on me returning. I had people to live for. Friends I couldn't let go that easily.' She squeezed Jay's arm, turning her gaze to him. He watched her, eyes sad. 'People I loved. So I chose life.
'I lost Aiden in doing so. He was kept in the Infraworld. When the Black Sun exploded, something snapped, and our connection broke. For the first few months, I couldn't cope. I locked myself away in a cabin, trying to get used to life without my entity. Life without my friends. Eventually I returned to society, but still kept myself secluded.' She lowered her head to his shoulder again. 'It took me more than a year, but I finally decided to return to people. I left Zoey a present, but I couldn't bring myself to talk to Stan. I console myself with knowing I found a way to let them know I'm okay, after I disappeared so suddenly.'
She sighed. 'I took another few months, just to decide where my life was going, and then I came here. Back to you. Back to the only place that has ever felt anything like a home.'
Jay pressed a kiss to her forehead, then gently rested his cheek against the top of her head. It was Paul who spoke. 'It can be your home, forever, if you so wish.'
She smiled. 'I so wish.'
Jay didn't kiss her. The days slipped by as she settled into a routine of getting up early to help with the breakfast for when Cory and Jay woke, then helping in the ranch. She took some of the responsibility with Ashkii and the other horses, and ran other odd jobs around the ranch as she slowly settled in. Paul refused to let her do too much, his reasoning being that she hadn't grown up on a ranch, unlike the three of them. She didn't mind. It gave her more time to observe Jay as he worked.
She'd already been sure of her feelings, but watching him day in and day out just cemented them. No matter how she felt about Ryan, she loved Jay. He was a good, honest man. She watched him hard at work tending the animals, admiring his shapely body. The way his muscles bunched as he moved, the intense look of concentration on his face as he set to a task.
Many times she'd found herself with a goofy smile on her lips as she watched him, one she'd quickly shaken off when he glanced towards her. The man seemed to have a sixth sense, for he noticed her when she didn't want to be noticed, and almost always looked at her when she was admiring him. Only once had she managed to admire him for any length of time without him noticing her, and that was purely because he'd been busy fixing the water for the shower while she stood at the door.
It had been nearly two months since she'd come back to the ranch by the time she took things into her own hands. The heat was at an all-time high, and she'd taken to wandering around the ranch in shorts and a tank top, while the men seemed content stripping their shirts off within a few hours of starting work.
One such day, she had beaten Jay out to the horses and was brushing down Ashkii when he came out, his sleeveless top half-unbuttoned. She caught herself staring, a blush working its way across her cheeks when she turned back to Ashkii. Her equine friend huffed at her vigorous brushing, swatting his tail in her direction.
'Guess your magic's wearing off.' Jay was right behind her, and she jumped slightly. She was still trying to get used to not knowing who – or what – was around her by looking through Aiden's eyes for brief moments. It had been easy when she was alone, but once back in society it became more difficult to adapt to. 'This boy's looking a little skittish again.'
'He's not the only one.' She sighed, letting her hand fall away from Ashkii's coat and turning around. Fuck, he was closer than she thought. Turning around brought their faces so close, she could feel his warm breath fanning across her cheeks. 'It's been two months since I got back,' she whispered.
'So it has.' His hands found their way to her waist. 'It's been three and a half years since you left.'
'But I came back.' Her hands came up to bunch in the fabric of his shirt. 'Jay …'
'Don't.' His face became serious as he pulled back just a few inches. 'Don't say anything. It's my turn today.'
She smiled up at him, waiting. He looked down at her, lifted one hand, and carefully brushed back her hair from her eyes. 'You need a haircut. Although I do quite like it long.' He brought it to his lips, and she inhaled deeply. 'Jodie … I know I've not really shown you how I feel since you came back. How long did it take me to share a bed with you, after all?'
She laughed softly. 'Too long,' was her throaty reply. He grinned.
'If I'm perfectly honest, I want to do more. I want to be more to you than just someone to cuddle with at night. I don't know if I'm the reason you came back, but I hope I am. And I don't want to compete with this Ryan guy you mentioned. I know how you felt about him, and I don't want to intrude.' He pressed a kiss to her forehead. 'But I do want to take up a place in your heart that is similar. I want you to love me – maybe not the same way you did him, but in your own way, just right for me. For us.'
She raised one hand, wrapping it around his neck. 'I already love you. Ryan has nothing to do with it anymore, Jay. He's my past.'
Jay's smile was radiant when it broke. 'And I love you,' he whispered. 'I've loved you since you first came here. I don't care how sappy that sounds, but it's true.' He lowered his head so their foreheads touched. 'Plus, Ashkii doesn't think this place feels right without you being here.'
She grinned. 'Then, Ashkii's going to have to get used to the place feeling right because I have no plans to leave.'
Jay laughed, and then met her lips with his. The kiss was passionate, full of desire, but sweet at the same time. A kiss between two people who knew all there was to know about one another, two people who overcome everything thrown in their path to be together.
That night, when they made love, Jodie felt at home.
She posted her letter to Cole two weeks later, the ending finally decided.
Aiden's back, Cole. He never left. He's still watching over me, and with him I imagine is everyone else we lost. Norah, Ryan, Shimasani. Okay, maybe Ryan watching over me might be a little … uncomfortable.
I found a place to finally call home, Cole. A family who willingly accepted me as one of their own, gave me a place I feel at peace at last. Twenty five years of searching, and I finally found where I'm meant to be. I have a man who loves me for who I am, knows all my darkest secrets and is still willing to accept me.
One day, you're going to meet Jay. And Paul and Cory too, of course. And Aiden and Norah will be here, completing my side of the family, and Shimasani, completing theirs. But my family does include you, Cole. Never forget that. You were more of a father to me than anybody.
I will always be your little princess, no matter where I am.
And ... there you have it.
I've been in a slump, but this wouldn't stop.
Four hours last night to write this, and I finished it about half one.
(Considering I'm working today, maybe I shouldn't have spent so long on it!)
Hope you enjoyed!
Love, (for once not living up to her name as literally as normal) Tears x