At 2300 hours, she left Tom's quarters.
At 2310 hours, she stood in front of Chakotay's door and lifted a trembling hand to press the chime.
The door swished open and Chakotay stood there, solid and reassuring. One look at her face, and he knew that something was wrong.
"I hope I didn't wake you." She volunteered tentatively, trying not to feel the way his eyes bored into hers, searching her soul for the cause of her pain.
"Not at all." His tone was measured, but she knew him well enough to detect the concern just below the surface. "I was just reviewing some reports. Would you care to come in?" Wordlessly, she nodded and followed him in.
"Have a seat." He waved his hand vaguely to indicate the couch, upstanding and neat, without a speck of dust on it. It was as if he didn't even live here. But then again, that was Chakotay.
She sank gratefully down and accepted a steaming mug of coffee that he replicated for her. He stood in front of her for a long minute before speaking.
"Would you mind telling me what's wrong?" She stared into the swirling liquid, as if they could put into words what her mind could not.
"Tom and I…spent the weekend together." She started. "We wanted to see if we could make it work, if living together is something we'd consider in the future."
"And?" Chakotay prompted. "How did it work out?"
"I don't know!" she burst out suddenly. "I can't tell if I'm relieved or devastated to be without him."
"Well, how does it feel when you're with him?" Chakotay asked calmly, the rock in the tumultuous sea of her outburst.
"It feels…amazing." She bit her lip softly, trying to piece together the fragments of emotion in her mind. "I've never felt this intense about someone. It's like….my body is electric, when he kisses me. When he touches me. I can't get close enough to him." She sighed and returned her gaze to her coffee, which, maddeningly, still wasn't providing her with any easy answers.
"But?" Damn Chakotay, he knew her too well.
"But then he says something, or does something, and it infuriates me! It's like he's so afraid the world will screw him over again, that he raises shields whenever someone gets even the slightest bit close to him! And, quite frankly, those shields often manifest in the form of him being an asshole!"
"Do you love him?" Chakotay questioned.
"Yes." She answered quickly, and without hesitation. "But sometimes…I'm afraid love might not be enough. I'm afraid that one of these days, my temper will drive him away, or his wounded sarcasm will drive me away. At some point, one of us won't be able to handle the other, and the whole thing will fall apart. And that….absolutely terrifies me." She gave a small, shaky laugh. "Does that make any sense?"
"It does." Chakotay wrung his hands in front of him thoughtfully before he continued. "But I think you need to stop worrying so much about the future. Voyager's got years before we reach the Alpha Quadrant – plenty of time for relationships to blossom. You and Tom have a strong, healthy relationship. Either it'll work out, or it won't. And both those options are okay." B'Elanna sighed.
"I hope you're right." She stood and brushed the dust off her uniform. "I'd better go. I have the early shift on the Bridge. Thanks for the coffee….and for listening to my crazy, mixed up feelings." He smiled.
"Anytime, B'Elanna. My door is always open. You know that."
And as the doors swished open and closed, he found himself hoping that the next time B'Elanna came to his door in the middle of the night, it wouldn't be in search of a cure for a broken heart.