Nothing like typing furiously because you just realized tomorrow was Halloween and you wanted to post something :D Anyway, Erin Conners is my friends character and the basic story was her idea as well but I wrote it for her. So here's for you!
It was two months before Halloween and Dr. Erin Conners had a plan. She plopped ceremoniously across from one Lt. Col. John Sheppard, a vital asset to her evil plan. Erin leaned forward, her dark curls narrowly missing her tray of food.
The Colonel dragged his eyes up from the tray, "Yes?" He drawled around a mouthful of eggs.
Erin only grinned in response.
John now looked slightly worried. "Do I want to know?"
"Halloween is two months away," she stated.
"Uh-huh. What do you want to do? Dress up as Prince Charming and Cinderella?" John joked.
Rolling her eyes Erin said, "No. I have something much, much, much more exciting in mind."
With a mock expression of panic John said, "You know what? I gotta go." He made to stand but was only half way when Erin said sarcastically, "Ha ha I don't think so," she made a down motion with her finger and commanded, "Sit down. Besides, you would hate yourself for a long time if you missed out on pranking McKay."
John suddenly looked extremely interested and sat back down, motioning with his hand for her to continue. "You were saying."
"My sister and I used to play huge pranks on the neighbors for Halloween. I figure the city could use the same kind of fun." Erin explained innocently.
A grin spread slowly spread across the Colonel's face, it gave a whole new meaning to the phrase 'devil may care.' "We'd have to rope Caldwell into getting us some... supplies."
"There will have to be some preparations before then." Erin agreed.
John nodded and Erin smiled, she had successfully converted him to the dark side. Yes there were going to be cookies.
"Colonel Caldwell!" John jogged to catch up.
"What can I do for you Colonel?" Caldwell asked.
Doing his utmost to keep a maniac grin from appearing John spoke, "Your next trip to Earth is tomorrow morning, right?"
"Yes." Caldwell said warily, wondering where the younger man was going with this.
"I have a little favor to ask."
Uh-oh.
"Hey Chuck, you busy?" Erin asked as she walked in to the control room. She leaned on the control console and gave him a sweet smile.
"Nope, what do you need?" Chuck asked politely
Erin grinned. "I have a favor to ask of you. Do you have night shift the last day of next month?"
"Actually, yeah." The technician replied after a moment of thought. "What kind of favor?"
John lounged on his bed, going over the list he'd complied of the supplies they needed to pull their operation off. Erin would be arriving soon to check the list twice before they handed it over to Caldwell and his elves.
Not a minute later Erin came bouncing in announcing, "I got Chuck, he'll be on night shift by himself that night and he's going to let us do whatever we want to the control room." She dumped herself in the nearest chair and continued her report. "I also talked to the cook serving dinner that night. She's going to serve that beef concoction thingy that knocked everybody out for a day last time."
John chuckled at that memory. The mess hall had been serving the meat of an animal called puhreah. It had had a great taste but, due to a chemical reaction to some of the spices the cook used, it had sent the entire city into a deep sleep for a whole day. "Sounds great, Caldwell has agreed to pick up our supplies on his next trip to Earth."
"Good. Now let me see what you have."
John obligingly handed over the list which Erin scanned quickly.
"John, John, John you only have half of what we need." Erin mockingly scolded, she stood and sat again on the edge of his bed. Taking his pencil from his hand Erin pointed to the first thing. "We'll need at least twice as much superglue as that. A lot more 'crime scene do not enter' rolls..."
"Wait a minute!" John objected. "How much of the city are you planning on doing?"
Erin looked up and answered him as if she were stating a fact of life, "Well all of it, of course."
John raised his eyebrows. "There are over four hundred people here, possible even five hundred. How are the two of us going to do them all in one night?"
"Well the Daedalus will be here on Halloween." Erin pointed out.
"You're going to get the crew of the Daedalus to help?" John asked, his voice gaining a note of incredulity.
"Yes, they will do it. And if they refuse I can always threaten to use our leftovers on the Daedalus." Erin shrugged nonchalantly, unconcerned.
John swallowed and joked, "If I'm ever stupid enough to get on your bad side I'm giving you prior approval to punch me... really hard."
Erin laughed out, "Just remember you said that when you get on my bad side," and proceeded to modify his list.
By the time Erin had finished John was wondering how Erin's hometown had survived her upbringing.
Two months later John, Erin, and Chuck all politely refused food for the costume party, claiming they weren't that hungry.
Erin had bullied John into being Prince Phillip and sweet talked Chuck into being a dragon and persuaded Teyla, Miko, and Dr. Cole to be faeries while she herself was Sleeping Beauty. Ironically she was one of the few people who were actually going to be sleeping much that night.
Kanaan had politely declined to join in on the costumes, everything about his expression when he said so screamed 'you people are very strange.'
Just before they left for the party John leaned against the wall tugging at the ends of the gray vest wondering once again how he'd been convinced to wear this. Seriously, he wasn't a cape kind of guy. At least she hadn't made him wear that formal attire with the poofy sleeves the prince wore at the end of the movie.
Erin finally emerged from the other room fully arrayed in her high quality bright pink Sleeping Beauty gown and cheap plastic crown. "Ready?"
"Sure," John answered, he really wished he could've gone as someone other than a prince because Rodney was never going to let him live this down. "You know, I thought you would've gone for Prince Charming and Cinderella."
"I was," Erin admitted. "But Jennifer claimed it first. She said it was her favorite movie growing up. Besides, Prince Phillip was captured, beat up, and still fought the biggest bad guy against all odds, you guys are too similar not to do it."
John chose to ignore the comparison in favor of clarifying in a slow voice, "Jennifer as in Jennifer Keller."
Erin nodded, "Of course."
John smiled, this is too good to be true. "Does that mean McKay is Prince Charming?"
"Yup, I even got to help her bully Kavanaugh into being her pumpkin." Erin added gleefully.
"Wow..." This is won't be so embarrassing after all. He thought.
"Mhmm, now," Erin leaned over her bed and snatched up a hat that looked like it came straight out of Robin Hood. "Hat." She ordered.
John's eyes widened, "W-what! No! I have to wear a cape, that's bad enough. I am not wearing a hat, especially not that hat."
"Yes, you are," Erin announced, leaning over she dropped the hat on his head. Without out waiting for him to protest she grabbed his arm and hauled him out of the room. "Come on, Phillip, we're going to be late."
A minute or two after she'd stopped dragging him along and started walking with him, John asked suddenly, "How do you do that?"
"Do what?" Erin questioned with a confused expression.
"You are 5'7. I'm six feet. And right now you're almost as tall as I am, which means you're wearing at least four inch heals. How can you run in those?" John elaborated patiently.
Understanding crossed Erin's face but was quickly replaced by incredulity. "Four inches is nothing, it only gets hard when you hit six or seven."
"Nothing," John parroted.
"Nothing," Erin affirmed smiling, obviously amused. She turned away as they neared the entryway of the mess hall. "Let's go crash this party." 'Sleeping Beauty' grinned as she looped her arm into 'Prince Phillip's' and strolled into the room.
John wasted no time in locating his teammates, the scientist in particular. Rodney was squirmed in place next to Jennifer, tugging at the ends of his blue coat. Teyla was standing next to Dr. Cole and Miko, who was holding Torren. Ronon was lounging next Amelia Banks in...
John squinted, Amelia was wearing a bright yellow gown so that meant the two must be Beauty and the Beast.
"Was there a theme going on for this Halloween that I didn't know about?" John inquired, sweeping his gaze across the room to take in the fairy-tale themed costumes.
"Yes, of course there was. We took one Girls' Poker night to plan it all out. Jennifer claimed Prince Charming and Cinderella, I took Prince Phillip and Sleeping Beauty, Amelia obviously got Beauty and the Beast. Alison Porter got Snow White and Prince Charming #2, and Justine Rae got Rapunzel. Oh and Katie Brown took Ariel and Prince Eric, she actually convinced Radek to be Prince Eric." Erin listed. "I think all of the major characters were claimed but I don't remember everybody's names. Anyone else got to be other characters in the movies."
John stood still trying to find a way to respond for a full minute before, with nothing else to say, he told her, "I'm just going to grab something to eat. I'll catch up with you."
Erin laughed and wandered toward Teyla.
As soon as she turned her back John snatched the hat off and headed for the buffet table. He noticed Lorne and stepped up behind him. "Looks like you got the better end of this arrangement." John commented, indicating the Tangled themed costume.
Lorne looked up from the food table at his superior. "I don't know, sir. Justine's taking an awful lot of pleasure in calling me Eugene and Fitz. You'd think she could stick to Flynn."
John smiled, "At least you don't have to wear a hat."
Laughing Lorne straightened the shirt of his Flynn Rider costume. "That's true, but I'd still like her to stop calling me Fitz."
"So, where is your girlfriend now?" John asked innocently.
Lorne turned and pointed a finger at Dr. Justine Rae, who had long, golden hair perfect for her part and wore a purple and pink dress. "She's right over – " Lorne stopped and narrowed his eyes at John realizing what he had said. "She's not my girlfriend." He demurred.
"Whatever you say, Major." John acquiesced, still smiling.
Still staring at John with a narrowed gaze, Lorne very slowly and very deliberately changed the subject. "Did you notice that the cook served the puhreah meat?"
John turned to stare at the platter Lorne indicated. It was the same meat alright, of course John knew that, but how did Lorne know? The cook had dressed it up pretty good. It looked like an oversized turkey. "How do you know?"
"It's the same shape, I can tell."
John squinted at for a long moment, "It looks like a giant turkey." He remarked at last.
"Yeah, it kinda does, but dimensions are different. Puhreah is not as tall and it's wider. The meat is more compact too. I should know, I spent three days hunting these guys for sport with the Palarians." Lorne explained, motioning to the each part of the dead puhreah as he did so.
"Huh," John made the noise as if in puzzlement while he wracked his brain for a suitable excuse. "Still looks like a giant turkey..." His eyes alighted on the bottles at the other end of the table. "But, considering the amount of alcohol here it's probably not a bad idea to have the city knocked out. With luck they'll all sleep through their hangovers."
Lorne laughed, "That's true."
"Fitz!"
The phony thief and fake prince turned to see Justine Rae hurrying toward them.
Leaning close to his executive officer's ear John whispered, "At least she's hot."
Lorne didn't get a chance to respond because Justine took his forearm and started to pull him away, he settled for a glare and allowed himself to be dragged away.
Fluttering his fingers in a farewell John smiled at the two. He grabbed a kiwi-in-the-shape-of-an-apple fruit Rodney had dubbed Kwipple and set off to find is partner in crime.
Later that night John and Erin set up their 'control' in John's quarters. Erin was the overseer of the whole project and was patched into all the radios of the Daedalus crew who had been pulled in. The cameras had been set (Novak) to be on a recurring loop so that anyone (McKay) trying to find out who the culprits (Erin and John) were would fail in achieving their goal.
The Daedalus marines had been split into teams of two and had seen Erin's instructional "How To" video on how to apply each separate item.
Both Erin and John directed the teams through the halls to each room and made sure they followed the list for each room.
Colonel Caldwell stood behind them for his own amusement. "So, what's your strategy Doctor?"
Erin tossed a grin over her shoulder and looked back at the laptop currently monitoring teams 1-6. "Half the scientists are going to have clear plastic wrap across their doorways and shaving cream wigs. There will be buckets of a gooey syrup that A-3 discovered on the mainland, it's harmless don't worry, stationed on either side of their beds for when they stand. Thus the need for a shower. The shampoo bottles have pink dye mixed in." She explained, Erin took a deep breath before continuing. "The other half will have their beds, along with themselves, dragged out onto the nearest balcony." Erin tilted back the laptop screen which had all six teams she was watching on it. The scientists/closet prankster pointed to the third screen. The screen showed team 3 gently pulling a bed onto a balcony, the bed's occupant was snuggled deep in the pillows and blankets clutching a soft blue teddy bear. "Their toothpaste will mysteriously color their teeth blue and there will be fake skeletons in the closet.
"Half of the soldiers are going to have ghosts hanging from their ceilings, eggshells, yoke and all, will cover the floor and they're all getting sharpie butterflies, flowers, eyeliner, lipstick, all of which will look like the were drawn on by a three-year old as well as plastic wrap on their doors. The second half is going to get the same aforementioned gooey syrup all over their floor and thread spider webs all over the room. That will make it hard to walk and they will inevitably fall onto the gooey syrup. Their section of piping has been section of and dye has been added. Their whole bodies are going to be a rather detestable shade of orange for a day or so.
"Everybody is getting salt on their toothbrushes, chocolate pudding on their toilets, spiders hanging from their ceilings, and a pumpkin that says Happy Halloween."
Caldwell turned to John with raised eyebrows. "I wasn't aware you hired these kinds of people here on Atlantis?"
John smirked, "Well, sir, she's a perfectly good geologist."
Erin smiled sweetly. "And you haven't heard all of it yet. The labs are going to have dummies hanging from the ceilings by ropes, there'll be chalk outlines, ketchup all over the floor and wall for blood, and 'Crime Scene Do Not Enter' tape as well."
"Payback for the scientists taking everything but the crime dramas and TV shows out of the rec room." John explained for Caldwell's benefit.
"The mess hall," Erin extended. "Is going to have 'Dr. Meredith Rodney McKay, PhD, PhD, Lantean Resident Genius, was here' written across the wall in giant red letters that look like they're bleeding."
Caldwell shook his head in amazement and John grinned happily, that part had been his idea.
John picked up the last part "Now the really fun part is I got Chuck to let us wrap the Stargate in toilet paper and set up gigantic thread spider webs."
"I take it that's where you're planning on putting the giant life-like spider." Caldwell guessed, having been curious about it as soon as he saw it.
"Yup." John crowed gleefully. "And there are a whole bunch of little spiders to go along."
Without looking from the monitor, Erin added, "And if there happens to be a Dr. McKay dummy wrapped in thread being held by the spider attached to the web..."
"...We have no idea how it got there."
Late the following evening John sauntered into the mess hall. The whole city only now starting to revive from its slumber while only four people remained awake. The Daedalus had left early that morning on schedule after Chuck had assured them that no threats were on their way to Atlantis and the city would be safe while the people slept.
The food table was set for dinner as the sleeping people would be awake soon. Grabbing a turkey sandwich John scanned the mess and spotted Erin slumped in a chair on the other side of the room.
"Hey," John greeted dropping the tray on her table and sliding into the chair across from her.
Erin turned, she hadn't noticed him until he spoke. "Oh, hey." She returned. "I was just thinking how weird it is for Atlantis to be so quiet."
"Yeah," John agreed. "No sound, no problems, it's a nice change every once in a while but I would never want it to stay like this."
Erin nodded, "Yeah, but I'm gonna enjoy it while I can. It'll get pretty loud after what we did." She added the last sentence with an excited grin.
John laughed, "McKay'll be down here any minute now." He leaned in and gave her a conspiratol grin. "I just wanna see his face when he sees our beautiful artwork."
Erin looked over and admired the huge red letters on the wall to their left. "Yes, I can't wait to see his reaction. Out of everybody's his'll be the most priceless."
Their conversation came to a halt as the first people began to arrive blearily for sustenance.
Ronon was the first of John's team to appear. To John's experienced eyes he looked a little angry, thankfully closer to unhappy than angry. He grabbed a tray, filled it to the brim, and strode over to his team leader. As he got closer John noticed the orangish tinge to his tanned skin. It was all John could do not to laugh while Erin choked on her water.
Teyla was second. She slid into the chair next to Ronon and gave John a measuring look that he was pretty certain meant she had guessed already who was behind the whole thing.
Erin's teammates Captain Luke Deneke and Major Anthony Turner arrived together .They looked immediately suspicious of Erin, which she had expected. The two took the table directly behind John, no matter how much the colonel told them they could sit with him and Erin they still felt uncomfortable eating dinner with their commanding officer.
Erin was about to join them when Rodney McKay dropped into the seat next to her and started talking faster than humanly possible.
"Okay, I've been all over trying to find out what pranks were played on everybody and it looks like our Boogie Man hit everybody. Whoever it was obviously had this all planned out..."
John shared a 'here we go' look with Erin as they listened to the fruits of Rodney's investigation. John completely demolished his sandwich and Ronon had almost finished eating everything on his tray by the time the scientist stopped.
"So what did you two get?" Rodney asked.
John glanced at Erin as he answered. "I had the make-up 'n stuff."
"And I had my bed pulled out onto the balcony." Erin reported.
"Your guy's rooms were pretty clean." Rodney stated.
John tried to distract Rodney, "You broke into my room?"
"I broke into everybody's room who didn't answer the door." Rodney told him offhandedly.
"We weren't very hungry so we didn't eat much. Must've worn off us faster." Erin breezed over the subject. "Now – "
"If your bed was on the balcony you would have blue teeth." Rodney added suspiciously.
"I got it off with some mouthwash." Erin lied.
Rodney focused on the table behind John and snapped his fingers a few times, "Major, major, uh."
Major Turner twisted slowly in his chair and supplied in a humoring tone, "Turner."
John smirked and, turning to the Major, offered, "At least he remembered your rank."
"Yes, yes, whatever," Rondey pointed his thumb at Erin, "Would she do something like this?"
"Absolutely." Turner confirmed without hesitation.
Rodney's expression turned smug. "You two are the Boogie Man."
John and Erin shared a 'we're busted' look, sprang from their chairs so fast they knocked over, and fled the room at top speed.
Leaping from his chair as well Rodney yelled after them in good humor, "I'll get you my pretty! And your little dog too!" and raced after them with a manic-bordering grin.
Ronon, Turner, and Deneke followed his example and joined the Boogie Man chase. The three men easily caught up to the scientist.
When they saw John and Erin Ronon surged forward and barreled into his team leader, catching him around the middle. Turner took the opportunity of Erin's distraction to grab her and toss her over his shoulder.
"Anthony!" Erin squealed in protest.
"Okay, you got us." John grunted. "You can let us go now."
"Oh... nonono... nono." Rodney huffed breathlessly. "We going to see what you two felons did the 'Gate room."
Erin lifted her head to stare worriedly at John and mouthed, 'the web.'
John responded with, 'uh-oh,' as Ronon effortlessly flipped him over his shoulder. Clearing his throat John said, "You know, uh Rodney, the labs look pretty cool."
"Already seen 'em." Rodney answered.
"Oh really? What was in them?" Deneke inquired curiously.
Rodney scowled and opened his mouth but it was John who answered. "Chalk outlines, ketchup, dummies hanging by the ceiling, and 'crime scene do not cross.'"
Deneke grinned, "Good one."
"Oh, yesyesyes, haha." Rodney snarked back, rolling his eyes at the group behind him as he turned back to his front he froze and his jaw dropped.
Ronon, Turner, and Deneke snickered and John and Erin laughed aloud as Rodney took in the sight of the toilet papered Stargate, the 'spider web' above it containing the giant spider, and last but not least the dummy wrapped in thread dangling by the spiders arms.
With huge eyes Rodney turned slowly toward John. "You didn't!"
"I did, didn't I?"