There are five senses to the body: hearing, smell, taste, touch, and sight. Right now, only about two of those senses were working. Kendall just stared aimlessly at the sheet of paper that was in his hands. He couldn't believe the words that were written in the familiar hand writing from his youth. The blonde sat in his room that he shared with the tallest member of BTR, who was also his boyfriend, for over an hour just reading the letter over and over again. He didn't snap out of it until his roommate walked in.
"Hey Kenny, want to go to the pool?" James asked as he walked by without glancing at the blonde. When he retrieved no answer he turned and saw the distressed look on his face. "Hey, what's wrong?"
In response, Kendall just looked up, speaking for the first time in an hour.
"I got a letter, from my dad." The words were so forced, that Kendall almost wanted to throw up right then and there.
As soon as the words left the blondes lips, James knew how he was feeling. He remembered the night almost eight years ago, when the youngest had called him crying about his dad leaving out of the blue. It caught everyone by surprise. One day, Kenneth Knight was skating happily with his son and his friends, and the next he left without muttering a single good bye.
Walking over to Kendall, James wrapped him in a hug, the blonde shakenly accepted the gesture as the letter fell to the ground. It didn't surprise James when he felt the tears from Kendall land on his shirt. There are five senses to the body: hearing, smell, taste, touch, and sight. Right now, only about two of those senses were working. Kendall just stared aimlessly at the sheet of paper that was in his hands. He couldn't believe the words that were written in the familiar hand writing from his youth. The blonde sat in his room that he shared with the tallest member of BTR, who was also his boyfriend, for over an hour just reading the letter over and over again. He didn't snap out of it until his roommate walked in.
"Hey Kenny, want to go to the pool?" James asked as he walked by without glancing at the blonde. When he retrieved no answer he turned and saw the distressed look on his face. "Hey, what's wrong?"
In response, Kendall just
When his father left, Kendall blamed himself to the point where he started to cut himself in middle school. James and Logan had caught him one day before hockey practice in the boy's locker room. It took the two of them two years to get the youngest back to his normal, happy self. Nobody, other than the three of them, knew the dark secret from Kendall's youth.
Kendall's body started to shake with the unheard sobs that the blonde wouldn't let out. He hated crying over this father, it made him feel pathetic and worthless. James just held him tighter and whispered sweet nothings into his ears hoping to get him to calm down enough that he was able to talk about the letter. James really didn't want him to start cutting again.
It took forty-five minutes, but Kendall finally stilled in the brunettes arm.
"Are you ready to talk about it?" James asked lightly. He had laid down, and pulled Kendall into his side. The blonde has stilled in his arms, making him think it was too soon to push him into talking.
"Why?" Kendall asked as he set up, "Why now? It's been eight years, and the ass hole wants to make amends now? What's the point?" James sat behind him, rubbing his shoulders, urging him to continue. "He said that he felt bad for leaving like he did but he had reasons. What reasons are good enough that you will leave your wife, ten year old son, and baby daughter?"
"I don't know," James watched as Kendall dropped his head into his hands. "Can I read the letter?" All he needed was a nod, and James bent down and picked up the piece of paper.
Dear Son,
Wow, feels weird saying that. It feels like just yesterday I was teaching you how to skate. I remember how easy it was for you to start to skate, you were a pro the minute I slipped those blades on your feet. Scared your mom though, she was so afraid of you getting hurt. How is she doing?
Look, I know you probably have a lot of question to ask me, and I will answer them. But, the reason I am writing this is because I need to know if you will give me a second chance. I regret walking out on you, your sister, and your mother, but I had my reasons. Right now they don't seem like good reasons, and I feel terrible for the hurt that I have caused. All I ask is if you, just you, will meet me next week, Monday the 5th, at the little café down the street from your hotel. Yes, I know you guys moved down to Hollywood, but only from the great success I have heard in the news about you and your friend's band. I am so proud of you Kendall, even if your dreamed changed from being a hockey star to a pop star. Either way you have achieved something I never will be able to. Just, please consider coming to meet me? If you don't, I will know not to even try to contact your mother or Katie.
Love,
Your Dad
The first thought that came to James mind was punching the guy right in the face. He wrote like he still knew and loved Kendall.
"Are you going to meet him?" The date said in the letter was tomorrow, and it didn't mention a specific time. He really hoped Kendall would blow him off.
"I need answers," just was James didn't want to hear. "I need to know why he left, why he would even think about leaving his family. As much as I don't want to see him or talk to him, I need the answers to the questions that have haunted me since the day he left. But…" Kendall left his thought hanging.
"But what?" James asked as he placed a gentle kiss on the blonde's neck.
"I won't go if you don't think it's a good idea." Kendall admitted as he turned around to face him. "I'm afraid that if I go and don't get what I want, that… that I will start to cut… again." James could see the scared look in his boyfriend's eyes.
Gently, James cupped Kendall's face to make him look at him straight in the eye. "Listen to me, I will never, never let that happen. I about lost you once and I am not going to let that happen. You understand?" Kendall just nodded. "I love you too much to ever let you hurt yourself like that." Tears filled in Kendall's eyes as he listened to what his boyfriend was saying.
"I love you too."
James gently kissed Kendall and pulled him into a hug, tomorrow was going to be a long day.
(PAGE BREAK)
James woke up as the sun shined into his eyes. Slowly, he stretched out his arms and felt something scoot closer to him. It was Kendall, they must have fallen asleep at some point. James smiled as he watched him sleep, but his smile didn't last long. He remembered what the day had to bring them. To be honest, James was scared and mad at the same time. He was scared because of what this could do to Kendall, it could cause him to start cutting again. He knew that he told Kendall he wouldn't let that happen, but he really had no control in what his father will say or do when he goes to meet them. He was mad because this S.O.B. had left the poor blonde at a young age and expects him to just forgive him right off the bat? Right then, James made a promise to himself that, no matter what, he will do anything to make sure Kendall comes out of this without a scratch.
After a few more minutes of watching Kendall sleep, James slowly worked his way out from under him to go make breakfast. Placing a soft kiss on his forehead, James headed out into the kitchen. Logan and Carlos were already up and playing video games in the living room.
"Good morning, where's Mama Knight and Katie?" James asked as he opened the fridge to look for something to make.
"They left on a mother daughter day, if you are going to make breakfast can I suggest eggs and bacon?" Carlos said as he put the video game on pause.
"Hey! I was about to win!" Logan protested.
"Yeah, right." Carlos replied. "Keep on wishing Logie."
James just listen there bickering while he slowly made breakfast. He didn't notice Kendall walk into the kitchen until he felt his arms wrapped around him from behind.
"Good morning," Kendall whispered softly as he placed a kiss on the back of James' neck. He gave him a little squeeze before heading to the fridge to pull out the orange juice. James noticed that he didn't look very happy this morning.
"How are you doing?" James said softly so only Kendall would hear.
"I don't really know, I just feel-," Kendall was cut off by Carlos jumping into the kitchen.
"What are you two love birds talking about?"
"Nothing important Carlitos, your bacon is almost done." James changed the subject to food in hopes that the Latino would forget about his question. It seemed to work because he headed straight for a plate and scoped up his shared of the crispy bacon. James went to grab a plate for him and Kendall when he noticed the blonde was just starring into his drink.
Walking over to the table, James placed a kiss on Kendall's head before setting the plate in front of him.
"Eat up, it's going to be a long day," James said softly.
The guys ate in silence for a while before Logan's phone went off.
"Hello? Oh, hi Camille. Yeah, I will be right down." Logan hung up and turned to the guys, "Looks like you guys are on your own today, Camille wants help running lines for audition later today. Thanks for breakfast James!" Logan said as he walked out the door.
"Well, looks like it's the three of us, what do you guys want to do today?"
Kendall started to freak out, and James could see it, "Sorry Carlos, but I was hoping to have the day with just Kendall and I. You know, just the two of us."
"But," James gave him a look and Carlos understood, "fine, but not in the living room! I am going to go see what Guitar Dude is doing today then." As Carlos left 2J Kendall started to calm down, but only just a little bit.
"Are you done?" Kendall asked before grabbing both of their plates to go set them in the sink. James nodded and watched as Kendall walked into the kitchen.
"You know, you don't have to go today." James said, hoping to talk him out of going to meet his good for nothing father.
"I need to James, I need answers." Kendall said as he let out a shaking breath. "I need to know why he didn't love us enough to stay." Once those words left his mouth James was giving him a hug. He knew this was going to hurt Kendall one way or another. Whether or not he gets the answers he is looking for. "But, I think I need to you to come with me." That caught James off guard. "Once I see him, I don't know if I will have the courage or strength to go talk to him. I am afraid."
James didn't like that word coming out of Kendall's mouth. He never liked when his baby was afraid.
"Of course I will come with you. I will follow you were ever you go."
(PAGE BREAK)
James and Kendall were sitting at the only café that was near the Palm Woods, they had been there for over an hour. To Kendall, it seemed like his father had tricked him into coming and it hurt to think that he was left all over again.
James noticed this and took his hand in his under the table.
"He never gave us a certain time to meet, he will be here. If he isn't, well, then you know he isn't worth it."
Kendall starred at their connected hands in his lap, he could feel the hurt he felt the night his father left coming back all over again. He stung more than he remembered. James noticed the hurt in his eyes and started to rub his back. He hated see his Kendall this way.
"I actually thought he would come," Kendall whispered so only James could hear.
"I know," James was about to say more but he saw a guy walk up behind Kendall.
"Kendall?"
Slowly, Kendall turned around to face the man that looked exactly like him except he had brown eyes instead of green. It shocked James how much he resembled Kendall, he knew it was his dad without even asking.
"Can I sit?" Kendall just nodded as he watched his father sit across from him and James. "Didn't know you would bring a friend with you, what your name?" He said signaling to James.
"Um, I'm James Dia-"
"Diamond! You lived across the street from us in Minnesota! You look exactly like your father did when he was your age. We used to be good friend back in high school, how is he doing?"
"Good," James didn't like the way he was making conversation like they knew each other forever. He just wanted to grab Kendall and leave the jerk sitting there all by himself.
"Well, if you would excuse us James, I would like to talk to my son alone for a little bit. Thank you for keeping him company, it took me longer to get here from my place than I remembered." Mr. Knight said as he opened up the menu in front of him.
"He is staying," Kendall spoke for the first time. He let go of James hand and closed the menu that his dad was looking at. "I came here for answers and that is all I want. Once I get them, I am leaving." Mr. Knight looked a little taken back by what his son had said.
"Well, this is a private matter that I just want to talk to my son with."
"I am not your son. You gave me up the minute you walked out the door, and I will never forgive you for that." James was proud that Kendall was standing up for himself, but he could tell that it wasn't what Mr. Knight wanted to hear.
"I figured you would say that. You are as stubborn as I am, bet your mother doesn't like that, ha. We would get in fights all the time just because I was too stubborn to admit that I was wrong."
"Okay, I am not going to sit here and listen to you talk about a family you no longer have. So just, please, answer any questions I have for you and leave me, Katie, and mom alone. We have done just fine without you and we don't need you now."
Mr. Knight sighed as he sat back in his seat. They sat there in silence for a while before he spoke up, "At least you came right?" Kendall just stared at him. "Okay, what do you have to know?"
"Where did you go?" James knew this was hard for Kendall so he put his hand on his knee to show that he had his support through this. He could feel how bad the boy was shaking.
"I went to a friend's house in Texas and I stayed there for about two years before I moved to Hollywood." That surprised both of the boys, they didn't know that they lived so close to him.
"Why did you move to Hollywood, and if you knew we were here because of Big Time Rush, why didn't you ever try reaching me earlier?"
"I didn't know what I would say. I figured you and your mother and sister would want nothing to do with me. That was until I saw Katie-"
"You've seen Katie?!" James asked before Kendall had time to react.
"Yeah," Mr. Knight noticed the looks on both of the boys' faces. James looked like he wanted to murder him while Kendall was just in shock. "I wasn't stalking her or anything, I was just at the mall and I ran into her and her friends. I don't think she realized it was me, but I knew it was her the minute I looked into her eyes. She has my eyes you know, I could spot them a mile away."
"Stop, she is not your daughter. She doesn't even remember you, you left her when she was just a baby, I had to help mom raise her." Kendall said in a stern voice. He can take his father talking to him, but he didn't want him near his little sister.
"Kendall, you need to understand that I regret what I did and I just want to make amends."
"There will be no forgiveness, not from me, not from Katie, and not from mom. I just have one question left and I am leaving."
Mr. Knight slumped back in his seat, he realized he wasn't going to be able to get through to Kendall, "What is it?"
"Why? Why did you leave? Was it because you didn't love us?" Kendall's voice cracked towards the end and James gave his knees a squeeze.
"No! God no, Kendall I loved you and your mother and sister more than anything in the entire world! I still do-"
"Then why leave us?" Kendall said as a tear escaped and slid down his face.
"I didn't want to put you through the hurt or what could have happened to me. Kendall, a week before I left, I had a doctor's appointment for a physical exam for work. It didn't go very well, it turned out I had, have prostate cancer." Kendall and James froze at what Mr. Knight said. "I knew your mother and I couldn't afford to keep up the medical bills. So, I found a way to apply for a grant, but it required me living in Texas. I wanted to move the whole family down there but once the doctor told me I have a ten percent chance of surviving the surgery, I knew that either one way or another I was going to put you guys through hell. So I just left. After the surgery though, I made a complete recovery and I realized how big of a mistake I had made. I knew there was no way that you guys would forgive me so I stayed away."
"You have cancer?" Kendall whispered, he was close to having a complete melt down. Mr. Knight went and grabbed his hand on the table in hopes to comfort his son, but Kendall pulled away. "You ran because you had cancer? You don't even know the pain you put us through! I had to get a job to help pay the bills! With a job, school, and hockey, it all became too much, so you know what I turned to? I started to cut myself." Kendall lifted up his shirt enough so that his dad and James could see. It was a good thing that they were in a secluded area of the café, or James would have been worried about people seeing. Kendall's stomach was full of scars from where he made huge cuts. The worst one ran from his belly button up towards his neck, they couldn't see all of it because his shirt wasn't high enough. Mr. Knight was so shocked that it took him forever to find his voice.
"No, I never meant for this to happen, Kendall I am so sorry," Kendall stood up, cutting his father off.
"Save it, the only reason I am alive right now is because of James and Logan, they took care of me and helped put me back together. I don't need you. Stay away from me, mom, and Katie." Kendall grabbed his jacket and headed to the car. James was about to follow when Mr. Knight stopped him.
"James, I didn't get to tell Kendall why I wrote the letter for him to come meet me. I know you probably want nothing to do with me just like he does, but he needs to know."
James glared daggers at him, "You have on minute."
"I went back into the doctor's last week. My cancer is back, and they told me that it was hereditary. That there was a ninety percent chance that any children I had, if they were male, would get the same thing." James paled once he heard the new. "He needs to get checked out, he may want nothing to do with me, but he had to know. Please tell him?"
James just nodded as he slowly left Mr. Knight at his table. As he made his way towards the car he noticed that Kendall was in the passenger seat, coat on, with his hood up. He couldn't see the blonde's face, but from the look of it, he could tell that he was trying really hard not to cry. James was trying really hard not to cry himself. He slowly lowered himself into the car, his mind was flying in a million different directions. Could Kendall have the same cancer that his father has?
"Kendall," James started, he didn't know how to tell the blonde this, but he had to know. He could feel the tears starting in his own eyes.
"Please don't Jamie, I don't want to hear the 'I told you so'. I know I shouldn't have gone to meet him. I just needed answers, and now I regret it." Kendall looked down in his lap, "I just want to go home."
"Okay," James started the car, as they came up to the Palm Woods James was about to pull in but decided that Kendall needed to hear what Mr. Knight told him, even if he didn't want to hear it.
"James, you missed the corner." Kendall looked at his boyfriend with a confused look, When he noticed the scared look on James' face he knew something was wrong. "Where are we going Jamie?"
"You need to know."
"Know what?"
James didn't answer, he just kept driving until they reached the out skirts of town. He pulled up into an abandoned parking lot, and turned the engine off.
"James, please tell me what you are talking about." Kendall said as he turned towards James. To say he was freaked out would be an understatement. James was scaring the crap out of him.
"When you left, your father stopped me from leaving the table. He told me something, and I just don't want to lose you Kendall, I don't know what I would do without you," James said really fast as he turned towards the blonde.
"What do you mean lose me, you are starting to scare me Jamie."
"Your dad went back to the doctors, his cancer is back,-"
"James if you are trying to make me feel bad for him, it's not going to work." Kendall couldn't believe what he was hearing, James wanted him to go back to the S.O.B.?
"No Kendall, it's not that."
"Then what is it?"
"The doctor told him that his cancer is hereditary, and any son of his would have a ninety percent chance of having the same thing." James chocked out as he looked Kendall straight in the eyes. "You need to get checked out Kendall, I am not going to lose you."
Kendall couldn't believe what he was just told, the man that left him and his family at a young age to do the 'right' thing, comes back and makes his life worse? He crawled over the council of the car and curled up in James lap, it wasn't a very good fit, but Kendall needed to make sure he wasn't alone. James just pushed his seat back for more room and wrapped his arms around the blonde. Both of them had tears rolling from their eyes. They just sat there holding each other.
(PAGE BREAK)
It was hours before James and Kendall returned to the Palm Woods. By the time they finally walked into the apartment mostly everyone was back in bed, well, everyone but Mama Knight. She was sitting up at the table with a cup of coffee in front of her.
The moment they walked in, she jumped up and wrapped her arms around both of them.
"You two have no idea how mad I am at you! How dare you leave without calling or leaving a note to tell me where you are or when you will get back. Do you know how worried you have everyone? I had to force Logan, Carlos, and Katie to go to bed. You guys are in big trouble-"
"Mom, please stop, we have to tell you something," Kendall said as he pulled away from his mother. That was when she saw the tear stained cheeks on both of the boys.
"Oh my god, what happened? Did you guys get hurt?"
"No, just, can you sit down? I will explain everything."
Once they all sat down at the table, Kendall started to tell his mother everything. From the letter he received from his dad, to meeting him at the café, and the part about the cancer. By the end, both of the boys were silently crying while Mama Knight was making an appointment for Kendall with the doctor. When she hung up the phone, she hugged Kendall for what seemed like forever.
"Everything is going to be alright, you hear me?" Kendall just sobbed into his mother's shoulder. "We will do everything we can. If you have the same thing as your father we will take care of you. I promise you, I will never leave you."
James just sat there and watched as his boyfriend fell apart. He couldn't believe it, one day they were happily recording songs with Gustavo and the next, disaster messes up their entire lives.
By the time the boys went to bed, Kendall had snuck into James bed and buried himself in James' arms. No words were spoken as they fell asleep.
(PAGE BREAK)
James, Logan, and Carlos were at the studio trying to learn their new dance for their upcoming music video. Trying being the key word, James was messing up every five minute. It made Gustavo mad enough that he said they weren't allowed to leave until they did it right at least five times.
James just couldn't concentrate, not when he knew his boyfriend was at the hospital with his mother. He was getting tested to see if what he father had said was true. None of the other guys know yet, they just think he had to get an update on his flu shots. Kendall insisted that they wouldn't tell them, in case it was a false alarm, but as the time goes on, James can't help but think the worse. Which, makes him trip on Carlos for the fifth time.
"James! What is wrong with you today? It's like you don't know how to dance!" Logan said as he fell onto the ground. He was full of sweat and just wanted to head home.
"I am sorry, I guess I am out of it today," James muttered as he went to check his phone.
"You are just off because Kendall isn't hear," Carlos teased as he threw a towel at the tall brunette. Just as he said that, James phone started to ring in his hands. It was Mama Knight.
"Hello?" James asked as he turned away from the guys.
"James, we need you and the guys to head back to the apartment, we need to talk," Mama Knight said in a shaky voice. Right then, James knew the outcome of the test.
"No, no, no they have to be wrong!" James yelled as he felt his world fall apart around him.
"I'm so sorry James, just meet us at home. Kendall is going to need you." Then the phone went dead.
James turned to the guys and he could see that they were worried about what was going on. Without a word, James grabbed all of their stuff and headed out to the car. The guys followed asking what was going one, but James didn't answer. He barely waited for them to get in the car before he took off out of the parking lot. Right now, all he wanted was to get to Kendall.
"James! What is wrong?" Logan tried to ask, he was pretty sure James was going at least thirty over the speed limit. The studio wasn't even that far away from the Palm Woods! The brunette just ignored him as he half parked the car in the parking garage. James bolted from the car when it was barely in park.
Carlos and Logan raced after their panicked taller friend, by the time they got caught up, James was already at the apartment.
"James! Would you stop for a second and tells us what is going on?" Carlos asked as he held his side. He was pretty sure he pulled a muscle running up the stars as fast as he did. Which was saying something for the energetic young guy.
James didn't even listen to his friends while he practically ripped the door off of the hinges. Once he was inside he realized that his love wasn't even home yet.
"They aren't here yet," James breathed out as he sat on the couch.
"Yeah, I could have told you that. Mama Knight's car wasn't in the parking lot. Now, tell us what you are freaking out about." Logan softly said as he sat by the brunette, he could tell he was about to break down.
"I can't, I have to wait until they get home." When James noticed the look that both of his friend's faces held, he about told them everything. "Look, sorry to worry you guys, but I really need to see Kendall."
Before Logan or Carlos could ask why the front door opened. Everyone turned to watch as Katie and Mama Knight walked in with tear stained faces, which only made them worry more. Finally, Kendall walked into the room and he was still crying. He looked up and found James right away.
"Jamie," James was moving towards the blonde before he even started to speak. He engulfed Kendall in him arms and he started to sob into his chest. James fought really hard to keep his tears from spilling over as he whispered to Kendall.
"We are going to get through this, you hear me? There is no way I am going to let it win." Kendall's sobs got louder as James spoke. "I love you so much."
Logan and Carlos were so shocked at what they were seeing. They have never witnessed their strong leader cry before in his life, and it was scaring them more than anything in the world. Without a word, Logan walked over to Mama Knight to figure out what was going on. Walking into the kitchen, Logan noticed how the women he thought of as his second mother, hold back sobs as she watched James comfort her son. He immediately dropped the idea of figuring out what was wrong and gave her a hug.
It took about forty-five minutes for everyone to calm down. Everybody was scared to ask what had just happened. Finally, Carlos couldn't take it anymore.
"Okay, someone please tell me what just happened?"
Kendall, who was sitting by James on the orange couch, looked up at one of his best friends since pre-k. He still had tears in his eyes, and you could tell by looking at him that he was worn out physically and mentally. James stared out at nothing as he held Kendall's hand like it was his lifeline.
"I didn't go get flu shots today," Kendall whispered as he whipped his face of any tears that were still there.
"Okay, but that doesn't explain why you, Katie, and Mama Knight came back in tears. This is really starting to freak me out," Logan said as he sat at the kitchen table with Katie by his side. Mama Knight was sitting on the other side of Kendall and Carlos was sitting at the island in the kitchen.
"You need to start at the beginning for them to understand sweetie," Mama Knight said as she looked at her only son.
"I don't know if I can go through the whole story another time," Kendall choked out as more tears slipped down his face. "Please don't make me mama." Kendall leaned into his mother looking for reassurance. That was when James snapped out of his mini coma.
"I will tell them," James looked from Logan to Carlos. He knew that this story was going to break their hearts. Once James started, if all came out like a flood that wouldn't stop. He left out the part about Kendall's cutting, but told everything else in full detail. He watched as Logan and Carlos's expressions changed from anger to sadness over what James was saying. It broke his heart all over again to know that he was causing this pain to his friends, even if it wasn't really his fault.
By the end of the story, James couldn't tell if he was still upset or just numb to any form of expression. Somewhere along the line of telling the story, Kendall has curled up into his side and fell asleep. Most likely from the amount of exhaustion he had to be feeling from the previous day's events. He was still holding Mama Knight's hand as he slept against his boyfriend.
Everyone just starred at Kendall thinking the same thing. This was going to shatter their leader into pieces.
(PAGE BREAK)
Kendall woke up to the sun peaking in through his bedroom window. He couldn't remember how he had gotten back into his bedroom when he remembered falling asleep in the living room. Taking in his surroundings, he realized he was alone. James was no where to be seen and he couldn't hear anyone down in the kitchen.
Getting up, Kendall made his way down stairs and looked around for any sign of his family.
"Mom, guys, Katie, James where are you?" he asked out loud as he searched the apartment, but he couldn't find any of them. Getting his shoes on he walked down to the lobby to find it empty. That was strange, there was always people in the lobby.
Walking into the pool, it was empty too. Starting to freak out, Kendall ran to Roque Records, there was no Kelly or Gustavo. As Kendall ran back to the Palm Woods, he finally noticed a huge group of people huddled in the middle of the Palm Wood Park. Sighing in relief, Kendall walked over to them.
As he got closer he realized it was everyone he knew. The Jennifers, Jett, Buddha Bob, Guitar Dude, Jo, Camille, Logan, James, his mom and his sister. They were all huddled around a picture of someone that he couldn't see. They were also all holding lit candles in their hands.
Walking over to James, he noticed the tears in his loves eyes.
"Jamie, what is going on?" Kendall asked, but the brunette didn't seem to hear him. He tried to get his attention by grabbing his shoulder, but he hand went right through him. "What the?"
Turning, Kendall finally saw who the picture was of. It was him.
"No." Kendall was so confused he looked around as he finally noticed everyone was crying, "Guys! I am right here! I am not dead! Jamie, please, look at me!"
"Kendall?"
Kendall turned towards the voice and realized his father was standing right next to his picture. He seemed to be the only person who could see him.
"I don't want to see you."
"I know, but seeing as I am the only one who can see and talk to you, you have no choice."
"Why can't they hear me?"
"Come on son, don't you recognize your own funeral when you see one?"
Kendall shook his head as he backed away from the monster in front of him.
"I am not dead! If I was then you would have to be too!"
"I am Kendall, and so are you."
"No! I am not dead!" Turning around he noticed that James was the only one left in the park. He was staring at the picture with tears rolling down his face.
"I love you Kendall, I always will," James broke down after he blew out the candle that was in his hands. He touched the face of the Kendall in the picture before turning around and heading towards the Palm Woods, "Goodbye."
"No! James come back! I am not dead, I am right here! James! James!"
"James! No, come back! JAMES!"
James and the guys were sitting around the table in the kitchen when they heard Kendall start screaming in his sleep. Running over, James gently woke Kendall up. He expected the blond to be crying, but he just clung to James with all of his strength. He almost couldn't breathe with how tight the blond was holding him.
"Sh, it's alright. I am here, I am not going anywhere." It didn't surprise any of the guys that Kendall had a nightmare. He got them all the time when his father left them. That was one of the main reasons they had so many sleepovers. To help him get through them. They all had their role in helping him through them. James would comfort him while Logan got a glass of water and Carlos would gently rub his back in attempt to calm him down also.
No matter how long James rocked him back and forth, the blonde's grip never got any looser. He just held on like James was about to run away.
"I died." Kendall said softly as he buried his face in James' chest. None of the boys thought he would want to talk about his dream, but they didn't stop him. "I died and all of you guys went to my funeral, but I was there trying to get you guys to notice me. I yelled at all of you but no one listened." James tightened his grip and placed a kiss on Kendall's head. "Then my father showed up." James closed his eyes, this whole thing just kept getting worse. "He was trying to tell me I was dead and so was him. That he was the only one I had now. All of you left, you started to walk away from me Jamie." That is when the tears started to come. "You said goodbye. Don't ever say goodbye, please don't leave me like my father."
"I will never let you go Kendall. I am never saying goodbye." James choked out as he pushed the boy away from his to look him in the eye. "You will never hear me say goodbye to you." Gently, James kissed the distressed blonde to convey the love he had for him. Once they pulled apart James finished with, "I love you will all of my heart, and nothing is going to change that." Placing his hand on Kendall's cheek to wipe away the tears, he pulled him into another hug.
Turning to look at Logan and Carlos Kendall added, "You guys all promise me you will never give up on me. Don't say goodbye."
"We promise," Logan and Carlos said at the same time. They both had tears running down their faces as they watched their leader break down in front of them.
"I need all of you to promise me one more thing."
"Anything," Carlos said as he moved closer to Kendall.
"Don't let me give up. Don't let me think its okay to die and leave you guys, mom, and Katie."
"We won't," Logan and Carlos said again together.
"Jamie?" Kendall said when he didn't get an answer from him. "Please? Don't let me leave you. Fight for me?"
"Always," James said as he pulled him into another hug. Carlos and Logan joined this time. This whole thing was going to tear them apart, but they were willing to fight it. For Kendall.