(((A/N Don't own anything all belongs to joss whedon! Plus various other companies! I repeat buffy and anything related are not owned by me! As much as i would like them to be! So please do not sue!)))))
Regrets? Honestly who knows what you regret but yourself. So why do people believe its acceptable to tell you that you'll regret something when you obviously have to make the decision yourself. Others nagging is more likely to make you choose the wrong thing because you'll either do something to please them or go against there wishes just to prove that you can. That could screw up you entire life. Believe me I know.
2 years ago I fell in love. Unfortunatly my friends and family didn't approve of my choice and decided that someone else was better for me. I have always been the good girl done what my parents wished and let my happiness come second best. I am now still seeing the man that my family picked for me, Carl, yes hes a sweet guy but hes not Spike. Spike was my choice he was the man I fell in love with, the man I gave my heart to. He always will be. Carl knows I don't love him but hes hoping that I will eventually grow to love him and forget Spike. My family thinks I already have, that he means nothing to me anymore thats why there fine with him being around often and helping out. You see he was a friend of my sisters, ish, and thats how we met because he helped her with slaying him being a vamp and all he was good in a fight. He showed me a different side though a softer gentler more loving side. I fell in love with both sides.
Now he barely even looks at me never mind talks to me. I'm not suprised its hard for me to even look him in the eye after the way I treated him. Its the hardest thing in the world to be with him everyday but not truly be with him. He even lives with us now, I think my sister must really hate me imagine if I got Angel to move in with us but she wasn't allowed to do anything and they had to pretend they didn't love each other, were friends at most, even when they were alone. All this is because she doesn't think he's good enough for me and told him that if he didn't leave me alone she would stake him and I couldn't handle that. No matter how hard it is to see him now it would of been ten times harder for him to of died because of me.
So I sit silent, at one of there everlasting scooby meetings, sneaking quick glances a him while pretending to be listening. I hear my name being called and look up to see Carl asking if I want him to walk me home. I decline politely and tell him that I think we need some space to collect our thoughts and decide how we feel about each other. He laughed and said thats the nicest dumping hes ever had. I try to tell him hes got it wrong and I wasn't ending it but he just gives me a serious look and says I know you better than you think I do. Then with a kiss on the cheek he leaves. I sit there with a big silly grin on my face while everyone looks at me confused. "The King has left the building, Buffy I'm going home I'll see you later" and I left laughing to myself on the way out while the others just looked on in total shock.
Later that night when everyone came home they already knew what had happened because Carl had forgotten his wallet and when he went back to get it he got quizzed about it. Buffy came into my room fuming telling me I'd thrown away the best thing that had ever happened to me, I would never get a second chance and live with the regret my whole life. I laughed in her face and replied that we were never going to be forever just till I couldn't cope with the lies anymore. I told her that I had never loved him and couldn't let him waste his life, he deserved more as did I.
At the magic shop the next night everyone was there, including Carl who while we had been together had become an honourary scooby. I would never take that away from him, plus we need him. Buffy was pairing everyone up for partrol I wasn't really paying attention until I heard Carl being paired with Buffy. A little confused I asked who I was with not quite prepared for the answer she was going to give. " Spike." Now I was really confused I asked why I wasn't with Carl to which she replied it wasn't fair on him which I guess is true but Spike! She usually doesnt even like me being in the same room as him.
We walked around the cemetary in silence for the first half hour not seeing a single vamp, well except Spike obviously, and it was starting to get on my nerves so I sat down where I was and wached as he turned around and gave me a confused look. I just look right back waiting for him to say something. "What the bloody hell is your problem" was what I heard, that wasnt what I had been expecting but at least he spoke to me. " I'm sick of the silent treatment, I'm sick of you ignoring me every minute of the bloody day." I had screamed this at him and now it was back to the silence as he looked at me in shock. He looked like he was working out a complicated maths problem all the while staring at me, I got up and left I couldn't cope with that calculating look. I ran home fell on my bed and cried. My heart was breaking again and this time I couldn't hide it from my family and pretend I'd moved on. I had to get out I had to leave! I quickly packed a bag stole money from Buffy's savings jar in the kitchen and ran to the bus stop. Tears streaming down my face I saw Willow and Tara across the road and ran even faster. I caught the next bus to LA and didn't look back as I drove out of what truly is Sunnyhell.