Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight of any of it's characters although i do believe everyone wants to own a piece of Edward. Hm? am i correct.
Summary: She settled for him, knowing deep down it wasn't going to last. When it fell apart, could she convince herself even she deserved more? He had lived with heartbreak longer than he thought possible. Will he let her mend his broken heart? When Edward and Bella meet, things can only get better, or can they?
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Bella's Point of View
Girls always tend to dream about being a princess or even a movie star as they grow up. When I was younger I dreamed about being a character in one of Jane Austen's novels, particularly Elizabeth Bennett. However, I knew I would never be a character in a book, no matter how hard I dreamed. I would have to make my own novel, a novel of my life. I figured if I could not be a character in a novel that I would make others fall in love with the characters in her novels as well. Well at least that was my plan when I entered college. But as most young girls when they go to college, I fell in love. Well at least I thought it was love at the time. He was charming, charismatic, and handsome to a point. We met on my first day and hit it off right away; he was a year older and gave me a tour of the school. Before I knew it we were dating, and as far as I knew I was completely and utterly in love with him.
Sure we had our arguments and he had a major problem with flirting with other girls. But in the end he always assured me that I was the only one for him. And of course being the hopeless romantic that I was, I believed him. As I was starting my third year in college he began to make me rethink my future. I wanted more than anything to be a literature teacher since I was born, make children fall in love with the stories that I myself fell in love with. But then suddenly he was telling me that maybe that wasn't the right career path for me. I would just try to shrug it off and continue pursuing my love.
Then one cold night I took the test that would change my life as well as his; I was pregnant. When I told him, I was beyond frightened. I was relatively sure that he would just up and leave me, but he didn't. Instead he asked me to marry him and I accepted. Of course, not everyone was exactly happy with the situation. Especially my father, he didn't want me to end up in the same situation him and my mother had been in. Him and my mother married extremely young and then had me. They tried their hardest for years to make it work, even having another child when I was 13 years old. But as soon as my baby sister Nessie turned 2, they realized that it wasn't going to work anymore.
So my father was basically outraged when I announced I was getting married. My mom just told me she wanted me to be happy. And my two best friends Rosalie Hale and Angela Weber thought I was crazy, but were behind me one hundred percent. I kept my pregnancy from everyone but Rosalie and Angela. I figured if my father knew about that part he would kill James. Oh yes his name was James, James Dunham. So I eventually became Mrs. Dunham and we gave life to the most beautiful little girl I had ever laid my eyes on, Jane Elizabeth Dunham.
The first couple of years seemed fine, well as fine as it could be. I ended up dropping out of school to raise Jane. James didn't want anyone else to watch her; he thought it was the woman's job. When Jane turned four he bought us a small three bedroom house that I absolutely fell in love with. But of course as soon as he got the house things started to become worse. He had a temper, he never hit me or anything like that, but he would yell a lot. He started getting angry when Rose and Angela were coming over. And then he started saying things like I got pregnant on purpose to tie him down.
Somewhere during all this I started to recognize I wasn't in love with James. By the time Jane turned six we realized that the marriage was not going to work and decided to divorce before things got messier. We both loved Jane to pieces and wanted to give her the best life possible, even if we couldn't do that together. James gave me the house, saying he wanted Jane to continue to grow up there and knew that I always loved the house. He ended up getting a two bedroom apartment closer to his job and would take Jane on weekends and occasionally during the week if he wasn't too busy at work.
So here I was, 28 years old, one year out of a divorce with a seven year old daughter I had during the week and occasionally during the weekends. My 15 year old sister Nessie was now living with me so she could attend a prestige private school that I lived by. She wanted to pursue her love of the Cello, a love she had developed when she was younger. My parents thought it would be easier for her to live with me instead of on campus, plus the tuition was cheaper if she did that.
It was Sunday night which meant one thing, our Sunday evening men's hater club dinner. Okay so that really wasn't the name, but Rose tended to call it that. Rosalie Hale was beyond beautiful; sometimes I wondered why she was even friends with a plain Jane like me… But that was beside the point. She dated often, but she always ended up finding something wrong with the guys. Angela on the other hand was in a relationship with a fantastic guy, she just didn't want to rush things. I think they were both afraid of turning out like me, though they would never admit to it.
We were gathered in the kitchen preparing dinner as we waited for James to drop Jane off. Well Angela and I were preparing dinner. Nessie was at the table doing her homework, while Rose sat next to her sipping some wine telling us about the latest guy she went on a date with.
"The whole date he had the tooth pick in his mouth! He even attempted to kiss me goodnight with it still in there as he walked me up to the door of my apartment complex," she groaned. "Seriously, where are all the good guys?"
"Ben's a pretty decent guy," Angela said with a blush as she started to mix the salad together.
"Decent?" I smirked, "I thought he was charming?"
"Fantastic," Nessie added with a smirk.
"Oh, and don't forget sexy," Rose added as she took a sip of her wine. We all started to laugh as Angela's cheeks turned a bright red.
"Guys stop it." She looked down embarrassed.
"You know we are only doing it out of love my little snicker doodle." Rose reached over and poured some more wine into her glass. "What homework are you even doing Ness?"
"Music Theory."
Rose raised her eyebrow and stole Nessie's paper from her. "What the hell is Music Theory? Actually don't answer that, it's probably too complicated for me to even care about."
"Gee thanks Rose love you too." She rolled her eyes and snatched her paper back.
"But who gets homework in a music class? Isn't that weird? Should I have a talking to this teacher?"
"No Rose, it's common to get homework in Music Theory. Besides, Mr. Cullen is really cool!"
"Mr.?" Rosalie's eyes lit up. "Is he hot?"
Nessie shrugged her shoulders. "He's good looking. I'm sorry. I try not to look at my teachers like that Rosalie."
"And you shouldn't," I threw in there.
Rose just rolled her eyes. "Is he single?"
Nessie rolled her eyes and shook her head as she looked at me seeing I was doing the same. "He's divorced."
"Not always a bad thing. Any kids?"
"He has a daughter; I've seen a picture of her on his desk. I heard he use to have a son but he died like two years ago or something. He was like three years old."
My heart instantly broke for this man I didn't even know. "Oh my god, that's horrible!"
My sister nodded. "Yeah I think it was a car accident or something. I don't really ask anyone, and I don't think he even talks about it soo…"
The front door opened and I could hear the scurrying of feet followed by the voice I loved the most.
"Mommy!" my little angel yelled as she appeared from around the corner. She threw down her bags and came full speed at me, throwing herself into my arms.
"Wow, getting big on me there," I smirked as I picked her up to the best to my ability. "Soon enough I won't be able to pick you up cupcake."
"I don't like that," she said with a pout as I placed her feet on the floor. She went over and gave Angela and Rose hugs before settling herself into Nessie's lap.
"Where's your daddy sweetie?"
Before she even had a chance to answer, James came waltzing into the kitchen holding one of Jane's bags.
"Right here!" He placed the bag on the floor where she threw hers and came over to inspect what I had made for dinner. "Penne Ala Vodka? You never made this for me when we were married."
"You never asked." I said as I stirred the food and rolled my eyes.
"Oh, I didn't think I had to ask baby," he said with a smirk as he came up behind me and smacked my ass.
"James! Argh!" I pulled myself away from him and grabbed the pot off the stove and began to pour it into a huge bowl.
"Hello James," Rose said with a scowl.
"Oh hello Rose, how many hearts have you broken this week?"
"Not nearly enough. How's that slut of yours? Victoria is it?"
"Rose!" I yelled, "Language."
"Victoria is just fine Rose." He rolled his eyes and turned to Angela. "Hi Angie."
"Hey James."
"And isn't it my favorite ex sister-in-law. How's school Nessie?"
"It's school?" she replied, rolling her eyes. "Are you leaving yet? Because your ego is taking up all the breathing room."
"If only you were a little older Swan," he said as he shot her a wink.
"James!" I yelled. Was he seriously doing this? I knew he was joking, but still; Jane was in the room. "Jane is in the room."
"She knows I'm just messing around. Well I guess I should be going, I know you guys love your men haters club Sundays."
"I really think that's what our Sunday dinners should be called," Rose pointed out but we all choose to ignore her.
I walked over and placed the bowl of pasta onto the table as Angela did the same with the salad. "Jane baby, say bye to daddy."
Jane wiggled off of Nessie's lap and ran over to James. He picked her up and lifted her in the air before pressing a kiss on her cheek. "I will see you next week, okay sweetie?"
"Okay daddy, I love you."
"Love you too." He put her on the ground, said his goodbyes and headed out of the house.
"You know for such an as—umm… an annoying person, he's really good with Jane," Angela said as she unfolded her napkin and put it in her lap.
As much as I hated to admit it, it was the truth, most of the time any way. There were those very rare moments when James would completely put his own wellbeing in front of Jane's and that always scared me. I was constantly afraid that one day he would realize he didn't want to be in her life anymore and just up and leave. It took her a long time to understand why daddy and mommy weren't going to be married anymore. Him leaving her for good would be devastating.
After dinner and dessert, Rose and Angela headed out so I could get Jane to wind down and eventually off to bed. We all changed into our pajamas and settled into the living room to watch some television before bed. I usually paid more attention to the book in my head then the program that was on the television. Nessie was on her phone sending a text message to one of her friends and giggling every so often at their response. Jane was on the floor playing with our cat Emily Bronte. Oh yes, I went there and named my kitten Emily Bronte, but really it wasn't entirely my idea as much as it was Jane's. I was cuddled up into my side of the couch reading Jane Eyre for probably the millionth time in my life. No matter what I did I always ended up rereading my favorites.
I glanced up at the clock and saw that it was nearing nine, which meant it was time for Jane to go to bed. I placed my bookmark into the page and put my book down on the coffee table.
"Time for bed angel."
"But I don't want to! Nessie's not going to bed yet." Jane started to pout at me, trying to weasel her way out of going to bed.
"Oh, don't give me that face Jane Elizabeth Dunham. Besides, Nessie is going to bed soon. Isn't that right Nessie?"
"Hm?" Nessie glanced up from her phone, obviously not knowing why I had said her name.
"Aren't you going to bed in a few minutes?" She looked at me confused for a second so I shoot her a wink.
"Oh! Yes of course I am." She stretched out her arms and yawned, "I'm very tired, aren't you tired Jane?"
Jane just shrugged her shoulders and scratched Emily Bronte's head.
"I don't know…"
"You know what?" I smiled and let a fake yawn slip through my lips. "I'm pretty tired as well. What do you guys say about all of us going to bed?"
"Yeah I think that's a fantastic idea." Nessie closed her phone and stood up, stretching out her body some more. "I'm so tired I think I'm about to fall asleep on my feet!"
It was times like this that I enjoyed having my sister live with me. Jane looked up to Nessie in every way possible and I was glad that Nessie tried her hardest not to be a bad influence on her niece, Especially when at 15 most teenagers wanted to be out partying with their friends. She would trade that all to stay home with me and Jane. Nessie would never admit it, but I think one of the reasons she was so amped on moving in with us was so that she could keep an eye on me after everything I had been through in the last year.
"Can't we stay up and watch Leno?" Jane asked hopefully, which caused me to raise my eyebrow in suspicion. How did my little girl know who Leno was?
"When Aunt Nessie babysat me last month she let me watch Leno."
"Wha…?" I turned and looked at my sister; she instantly put an innocent face on.
"Who, me?" She slung her shoulders in defeat. "It was when Rose kept you out really late that night at that opening of the gallery. Jane was worried about you so I let her watch Leno with me, but I swear it was only the one time!"
"Yeah, yeah don't give me that." I put my hands on my hip and looked away from my 15 year old sister and to my 7 year old daughter.
"And for that, it is most definitely bedtime! Especially since it's Sunday night and you missy have school in the morning!"
Jane finally stood up and groaned. "Okay momma I'll go to bed…" And then her eyes lit up. "But can I watch Leno on Friday?"
I knew I should say no but it was so hard to do so when she looked almost excited.
"Maybe, but you have to be on your best behavior this week. Now go brush your teeth and I will meet you in your room in five minutes."
"Okay!" She ran over and gave Nessie a big hug and then headed up the stairs to the bathroom.
"Come on Emily Bronte!" For a cat she definitely tended to listen, and headed up the stairs after Jane.
"So how much trouble am I in?" Nessie asked as she flopped back down on the couch and reopened her phone. "Because I need to tell you how weird it is for my sister to like punish me and stuff."
It in truth was rather weird, especially since we had a thirteen year age difference between us. Sometimes I forgot we were even sisters, and found myself feeling like her mother instead.
"I'm not going to punish you, but please don't do that stuff often.I want her to have a regular sleeping schedule. God only knows what time James lets her go to bed over there."
Nessie nodded as she reached over to pick up the remote and started to flip through the channels.
"Bella can I ask you something?"
"Is it going to take long? I have to tuck Jane in."
"Well I was wondering; do you still love James?"
I stood there shocked at first, no one had ever asked me that. Not even after the marriage came to an end.
"I-I uh… Let me go put Jane to bed." I swiftly walked out of the living room and headed upstairs to Jane's room. She was, as always, cuddled into bed, Emily Bronte curled up in a ball near her feet.
"You want me to read you a story sweetheart?"
"Not tonight mommy," she said with a yawn. I guess she couldn't hide being tired any longer.
"I love you."
I went over and tucked her in, leaning over to press a kiss on her forehead.
"I love you too. Sleep well baby." I walked over to the light and flipped it off and headed out of her room, leaving the door cracked so she could have the hallway light till she fell asleep.
When I headed back downstairs Nessie was still sitting there. "So what was that ridiculous question you asked me again? I seemed to have forgotten…"
"Bella…"
I groaned and threw myself down on the couch next to her. "Is it wrong that I am starting to believe that I never truly loved him the way I should? I mean I did love him, and I am grateful that we were able to bring Jane into the world, so I don't regret being married to him at all. I just think that I expected our love to be different then it actually was and—" I buried my head in my hands. "This is ridiculous, this whole conversation. You are the last person I should be talking about it to…"
"Why? Because I'm your sister?"
I stood up and shook my head. "No, because you are 15 years old and I don't want you to have to worry about those types of things for a very long time." I ran my hand down my face. "Do my a favor Reneesme—"
"Okay, ew! Remember the rule? We do not use my actual first name, like ever!" she groaned and buried her head into the side of the couch. My mother was going through quite a phase when she named my sister, she was never going to live it down.
"Okay, do me a favor Nessie; enjoy your life and when you are given the chance to fall in love? Let it happen and don't make it be something it's not," I sighed and picked up a few empty glasses that lay around the living room. "And with that I'm going to take this into the kitchen then head upstairs and go to bed."
"Dude, you are so an old fogy!"
"Thank you." I rolled my eyes and headed into the kitchen and placed the glasses into the sink. I gripped the sides with my hands and took a deep breath trying to fight back the tears that were always trying to break free.
It wasn't that I actually missed being married to James or anything, or even missed him for that matter. I missed being in a family though, even if that so-called family wasn't that perfect. I wanted Jane to grow up with a loving family, and it killed me that I couldn't fully give her that.
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A/N: Okay so that's the start of Lost in the Past, Found in the Future. I do have a lot planned in happen in the story so I hope you will continue to follow it. I am going to try to pick out a posting schedule to follow, but right now I am trying to get breaking cedric closer to ending, so I think once that happens the story will be updated a whole lot. But I do have the new two chapters basically done so that's always a plus? Hmm? I seriously thought up this story while in my car listening to Something Corporate.
I definitely want to give a shout out to my new fantastic beta stavanger1. Who's insight and suggestions are completely fabulous! And I am very glad she chose to help me out with this project. So extremely huge props to her for doing so.
So I don't want to sound an annoying beggar but I love you all and would love to get some a whole lot of reviews to find out exactly what you think of this story. Especially all of you fantastic people that read my other stories and hopefully your love will follow over to this story.
I am going to stop being a big nerd! Hugs & Edwards.