Adventures in Living

Hello, and welcome to my newest fanfic! I've been missing my Cloti story lately, since I finished it a while ago, I came up with this idea. I hope you all enjoy! The word in italics are journal entries, normal font is what's going on in the present. That will make more sense when you read on. It might end up being a bit drabblish at times, only because of the nature of the whole thing. It is a self-contained story though, and will definitely end up CloudxTifa. It's sort of a companion piece to "Puppy Love" since it surrounds birthdays, but there's no connection to it other then that. I totally don't own FF7… if I did, oh the pairings I'd make cannon! Oh, and I don't think this will have any sort of lemon in it, but if I end up changing the rating, I'll let ya'll know!

Cloud's Entry 1: Aerith

Cloud Strife stretched a bit as he sat up, glancing over at the clock. It was nine-thirty, which meant he'd really over slept, and he moved to get up and get dressed. He was vaguely aware that it was his birthday, it wasn't like he ever celebrated it or anything, but it really hit him full force when he saw a present on his desk, along with a note.

Cloud,

For once, relax on your birthday. I'm taking care of your deliveries, and took the kids with me; we'll be back this afternoon. Enjoy the quiet and get ready for cake.

Tifa

The swordsman felt a small smile come to his face as he sat down at his desk, running his fingers over the flat package. He wondered what was inside, and if he should wait for Tifa to get back to open it. He couldn't remember the last time he got a birthday present, so he decided to go ahead. His best friend wouldn't have left it there for him to see if she hadn't expected him to open it, right?

His fingers slipped under the paper and he pulled it back, a gratifying rip issuing from the package. The tiny smile remained and he removed all the wrapping, looking down at the book. It was truly beautiful, bound in black leather; his personal crest was embossed across the front. His fingers ran over the wolf head, then pulled the book open to the inside cover. He saw Tifa's neat script again; the date was printed, as well as the occasion.

August 19th, Your Birthday

Cloud,

I've been told every hero needs to tell his story. Yours is one that I know you don't want to share, but I still think it needs telling. Use this journal to do that. Maybe after we're all gone, someone will find it, and learn from our triumphs and mistakes.

Tifa

Cloud stared at the inscription for a few moments, before opening it to the first, lined and blank page, the gold leaf on the edges of the pages glinting a bit. He picked up his pen and sat there for a moment, thinking of how he wanted to do this. If he started in a traditional way, he just didn't think that would do justice to everything that happened, and yet, there were so many people and events that that sort of approach didn't seem to put the attention where it needed to be.

It was true, the people in the center of this story really should be the focus, and he was never really a man that stuck with tradition. He paused for a few moments, after deciding the best way to start would be at the beginning of the alphabet, because there was no person that was more important then the other. In careful, fluid strokes he wrote the first word in his birthday present… Aerith.

I met Aerith at a time in my life when I didn't really know who I was. I knew my name was Cloud, and thought I was a SOLDIER, first class. She was a sweet, feminine girl that always put others first, but while she was near me, with me for many months, she never really knew me. I think, in some ways, she did, she had a gift for seeing past masks, but I was the reason Zack died, the man she's really loved, and I couldn't even remember him. She never should have gone with us, all I ever did was lie to her, and I never got the chance to tell her the truth. My other friends, they all forgave me, I was able to explain myself and look in their eyes so they knew I hadn't meant to do it… but not her.

I'd watched the light fade from those emerald eyes, and still she had a small smile on her face, knowing the rest of us now had the chance to stop that murderer… her murderer. I left her there, in that cold, pristine city belonging to her ancestors, then we had to turn our backs and focus, her sacrifice would mean nothing if we didn't. Sometimes I'd see Tifa and Yuffie trying to consol each other, the way sisters did. We all knew the three of them had developed a tight bond, being the only women in a large group of men, and I desperately wanted to join them, but didn't. I knew that Aerith had feelings for me, she hinted to it a lot, but I wasn't really in the right mind to open up to anyone, and it wasn't until weeks after her passing that I finally found myself. I have no doubt that both she and Tifa worked together in the Lifestream to fix my damaged mind, but once Sephiroth was defeated, and the world was saved, the enormous weight of her death settled around me, and it was all I could do to move, and breathe… then I got sick.

I know, if it hadn't been for her gentle pushes from the beyond, I would have died. If it had not been for her amazing powers to heal, I would have remained dead on the inside and the Geostigma would have taken me. I had it all planned out, to just die in the Church, the one place she'd never see again, but in reality, she must have known me better then I'd always thought. Deep down, I wanted to live. I wanted to be happy, and raise Denzel and Marlene, and read the paper with Tifa, and talk about deliveries. I wanted my family. And that damaged man I had been may have loved Aerith, but the whole me, the fixed me… I knew Tifa and I had a bond that was deep, and she would always be home to me.

Aerith knew this, she could see into my heart when she spoke to me, and still she never wanted anything for herself… she only wanted to heal me of the scars her death had left. When I nearly died after my second battle with Sephiroth, I knew that they were both there. My addled brain could process the fact that she wasn't alone. She was with Zack, the one I know she always wanted, and in return she wanted me because I was so very much like him. Just like I wanted her because my mind had concocted this story I was living through memories and stories Zack had told me, and he wanted me to protect her. My feelings for her, I don't know if they were mine, or Zack's, but when Tifa was there to guide through what had happened, I know it was Aerith that made it possible. And I'll always regret causing the two of them friction, because they loved each other like sisters. I'm just glad Yuffie's crush on me was fleeting and was directed on someone else not long after he joined our group, because if I'd caused the three of them to be angry at me, I would have been in for a world of hurt.

Did I ever really love her? I did, just not in the way she probably wanted. Do I miss her? Every day, but it's getting easier to draw breath and not suffocate, and every time I see the kids smile and ask how my day was, every moment I'm alive and making sure I live to the fullest for her, the sadness drops away, a grain at a time. Do I wish it had been someone else that had died, I get asked that every so often, and I can honestly say "no." I wouldn't want to belittle her memory by making light of the sacrifice she made. She went there alone, knowing full well she may die, and I'm angry she didn't take someone with her, and I'm angry at myself that I wasn't strong enough to fight Sephiroth off at that point, but I know why she did it.

She loved us, all of us, we were really the first family she had beside Elmyra, she loved her mother, and Midgar, and all the people there. She loved the planet, she could feel it's pain, and she was the only one who could cast Holy. She knew, her sacrifice would probably save everyone, and even within the Lifestream, she gathered a force to stop Meteor when Holy wasn't working. I know people look up to me as the hero that defeated Sephiroth, but when it comes down to it, she saved the planet. She should be the hero.

Aerith was a purely good person, and the world is a worse place since her death. At least there is a world left who can mourn her, and it's all because of her sacrifice. I know, we'll meet again in the Lifestream, but she's made it quite clear I don't have a place there yet. So instead, I'll stay here and protect the planet and it's people in her stead, and I'll live the best way I know how. Thank you Aerith, you will always be with us.

August 19

The swordsman sighed softly and put the pen down, rubbing his hand over his face, and through his hair. That had been hard, putting his complicated feelings about the flower girl down on paper, but it felt good too. If Tifa were right, and many years from now someone found this journal, at least Aerith would never be forgotten. In fact, none of them would be forgotten, because he was going to record something about everyone. He closed the book and got up, heading toward the bathroom. He needed to start the day, even if he was supposed to be relaxing. He'd write another entry after her showered and ate something, then Tifa should get home, and for that, he was anxious. He felt a soft, familiar presence around him, followed by the soft scent of lilies, and he smiled a bit. "Thank you… for everything."