Blind
Fate's perspective in plain text.
Nanoha's perspective in Italics.
Fate and Nanoha's perspective in Bold.
As promised here is the first chapter of Blind one the two stories I'll be writing after The Right Kind of Wrong. Although I did mark this rated T it pushes its limits with mature situations. However I think T is a fair rating for now. And I repeat I will return to this after my current story unless it irritates me enough. Please read and review. Thanks!
Music: I don't use any lyrics in the writing but these songs were apart of the thinking process.
Blind by Lifehouse (The story isn't based off the song but it does match the theme well)
The Long Goodbye by Brooks and Dunn (Because I love it)
Already Gone by Kelly Clarkson (Cause it matches)
Disclaimer: I don't own MGLN or its characters. I don't own the music.
It was my first day at Tokyo University. This was it. I was finally on my path to becoming a doctor, to fulfilling my dream.
This was my chance to be somebody new. My chance to find my place in the world instead of feeling like a nobody.
I had arrived early to the Chemistry lecture to find the perfect seat. Instead of sitting at the very front of the lecture hall, I opted to sit at the top of the small hall to have a better view of the projector screen. As I waited I took note of all of my new classmates trying to identify which ones I could seek help from. We were five minutes into class when stressed out brunette with a side ponytail rushed in.
Oh this so embarrassing. I almost considered not even walking into lecture... which wasted another minute. Luckily the professor didn't make a production about my tardiness. I guess with a class of about 150 people a teacher wouldn't really care about one being late. The real problem with the situation was... where to sit? Looking around I chose the safest seat which was at the top of the hall next to a girl with long golden hair bound only by a black ribbon at the bottom.
Out of the corner of my eye I seen the blue-eyed girl sit down and began scrambling for her writing materials. At first sight I assumed she was one of those girls that didn't really care about actually receiving good marks in college. She's probably was here to party. That's what I thought at the time. Someone who didn't give a single thought about what they were doing at the moment and how it would affect her in the future. That's what I thought of her. Seeing that she was close to breaking down I gave her my pen which she took it gratefully, mouthing a silent thank you. I told her no problem in return.
After I calming my nerves and listening to the general idea of the lecture I glanced at the helpful girl at my side. When she gave me the pen I got a brief look at her eyes, going into shock as I was met with burgundy. I'd never seen red eyes before... my first thought was... vampire. I knew that was silly and began to secretly inspect her from the side. My first deduction was that she was a little miss perfect. You know those girls who resist doing anything against the rules, have perfect grades, do community service all weekend, workout all the time... the list goes on. But at the moment that was what I made of her.
Once class was over she handed back my pen and thanked me. She introduced herself as Nanoha Takamachi of Uminari City.
Her name of was Fate Testarossa from a place called Mid-Childa. We exchanged emails and phone numbers. It might be useful to know a smart girl, I'm smart but it never hurts to have an intelligent friend.
After we were done exchanging information we bid farewell going our separate ways.
I headed towards my next class... chemistry lab. As if I didn't have enough of it already. I prepared for three hours of fun. Walking there I couldn't stop my thoughts from returning to my new acquiescence.
I was actually pretty excited about chemistry lab. Most people aren't thrilled about a three hour lab but this was a stepping stone to working in actual medical lab one day. Heck I might even be able to blow something up. Despite my excitement for destruction I kept thinking about that brunette.
She's here!
For some reason I became excited when I saw Fate walk through that doorway.
I don't know why but I was glad to see Nanoha again... so soon. Without any real thought about it I walked over and sat next to her.
Oddly enough I couldn't fight the smile that came to my face when the blonde chose to sit next to me. The teacher assistant walked in and announced that whoever we were sharing our table with now would be our lab partner of the semester. Turning to Fate, I was greeted by the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen as she extended her hand saying, "Partners?" It was that smile that stole my life away.
"Partners." Nanoha responded, shaking my hand in the process. There was this shine to her eyes I'd never seen before, it was like anything was possible in those eyes. It was probably in that moment that I was captured for the rest of my days, but I didn't realize that yet. We held hands a little while longer probably trying figure each other out, but the game was interrupted by the instructions of the lab instructor.
It was that day that sealed our intertwined destinies and began the long goodbye.
We found out that we had a two more classes together and the other two were the same but we just had different sections. After the first three months we were best friends, inseparable. We studied together, ate together, had fun together... the only things we didn't do with each other was shower or go to the bathroom. Well I guess we didn't go on double date either... until one night. The night that changed everything.
This guy from the basketball team had asked me out. He was handsome and nice enough so I agreed. He also had a friend who was interested in Nanoha so we decided to go on a double date at a nearby Italian restaurant. Everything was going well... I guess. My date lost my attention in the first hour so my attention began to drift. I noticed Nanoha looked like she was enjoying her conversation with her date. Seeing her so involved irritated me for some reason I hadn't known then. Shaking it off, I decided I'd try again and began flirting with my date.
I was trying my best to act like this conversation was actually capturing my attention. But during one of my side glances at Fate, I saw her date cup her hand and whisper something into her ear while she just giggled. Watching that happen made my gut twist, I don't know why but it just felt wrong, it made me nauseous. At the time I didn't realize why so I figured it was the food and left to freshen up. Fate followed, concern plain in her eyes.
Nanoha looked sick so I told the guys we'd have to leave and thanked them for the dinner. Back at Nanoha's dorm room I helped her get ready for bed. She had a distant look in her beautiful eyes so I tried to find out what was going on. "Nanoha? Is something wrong? You seemed like you were enjoying yourself earlier." She continued to look away.
I didn't want to look into her eyes at the moment. I was confused about what I'd felt at the dinner table. Unsure if I could talk about it with her. She was my best friend, I hoped she'd understand, "I think something's wrong with me."
Fate gave me a strange look then smiled, "Well Nanoha-chan, we knew that all along." I knew she was just trying to cheer me up but I couldn't smile.
"Fate-chan, I'm serious."
"Okay. Then what's wrong? You can tell me anything."
"Really?" I said rolling over to face the wall next to my bed.
"Really." She said brushing the hair away from my face, leaning over me.
"I... I think I was jealous."
I wasn't sure who she was jealous of so I asked, "Who? You mean you have a crush on my date. If you like him you can..." Nanoha cut me off.
"No. I... I think I was jealous of him. I don't know why." It was to say the least confusing, but after a moment of silence she continued, "I think it was because I wanted to be him... I wanted to be the one next to you." The statement took me a while to digest. However this wasn't something that disgusted me or made me want to walk away from her. In many ways it explain a lot things for me, about my own behavior.
"I think I was little jealous too." I admitted quietly and she finally turned over to look into my eyes again. Even in the darkness with only the light of the full moon shining through the window her eyes still shone brightly.
"What does this mean?" She asked in a voice of innocence only Nanoha could possess.
"I don't know but I'm willing to find out." It was a little embarrassing to say but when it came to this brunette I didn't care what kind of humiliation I had to endure.
"Me too..." She admitted with a slightly frightened look in her eyes. Even I was scared of the situation, but fear couldn't stop us now. We were in too deep and we didn't even realize we were drowning until it was too late. I hovered an inch away from her face when she moved up to gently press her soft lips against mine.
It was like a fire ignited within my very soul. As if all this time I had been asleep and Fate's kiss brought me to life. The kiss deepened as our craving for each other grew stronger with every passing second that our lips remained connected. Pulling away only to catch a small breath I saw my lustful desire reflected by her burgundy eyes.
Her eyes a blue flame setting me aflame with their intensity. My hands moved on their own accord pulling her blankets back to uncover the prize. I gently laid myself on top of her, moving brunette locks away from her face so I could capture those sweet lips. Begging for permission, my tongue grazed her bottom lip. She not only granted entry but her own tongue hastily fought with my own for dominance.
I couldn't fight the sensations... lips trailing down my neck melting any resistance that remained. The moment seemed slow, the desire to feel of Fate's skin against my own clouding my mind. It wasn't long before our clothes were no longer separating us and passion took us into her arms. My body knew my needs more than my mind as I felt knots tightening inside of me forcing me to thrust against Fate. Realizing my desire she took me into her strong grip, my nails digging into her back as she held me throughout the release I didn't know I craved. That night... all I wanted was Fate... all I needed was Fate... I don't know if those two things have changed.
After that, in public, nothing changed. We still remained close but not that close... we remained best friends in everyone else's eyes. During the night we more than friends, we were lovers. However, both of us acted as though it was temporary... it was out of lust... it was nothing more than sex... it was just college girls having fun while they were still young.
I thought that if I didn't say it, then I wouldn't feel it. I was wrong...
During the second semester Nanoha and I had moved into an apartment together. We were happy in that small moment in time. The day we met the countdown to the end began. Every second together was another piece of sand filling the bottom of our hourglass. I didn't WANT to think about it, I didn't WANT to think about tomorrow when today was amazing.
Fate told her mother of our special kind of friendship. I'm not sure if she cared or not but she never pushed Fate away. Me on the other hand, I could never muster the courage to tell my mother my secret. However Fate never pressed me to expose our relationship to friends or classmates and especially my family. Instead she stood by my side, she told me that it didn't matter to her if anyone knew because it was our business and nobody else. For a long time I believed her. But dreams only last so long and reality hits you faster than you see it coming.
Nanoha's mother came to visit about two weeks before the end of school. We pretended as if there was nothing going on between us. We acted like we were only friends... nothing more. We tried to lie to her... in the process we lied to ourselves. But this was the sign, I knew the end was here. Goodbye came knocking at our door.
It might have been foolish but I actually believed my mother had fallen for our lie... but I was young... I was lying to myself. I still remember as if it was yesterday. Outside standing by her car we were saying our farewells but before she got in. My mother took a deep breath and told me this, "Nanoha... you need to end this... this experiment of yours. You have had enough time to play around but to continue will humiliate yourself and your family." I knew what she meant but I lied anyway.
"What do you mean?"
"You know what I'm talking about. The inappropriate relationship you have with your-so-called best friend... end it. It's time you start thinking about your future... about having a real relationship. What your doing now is wrong, end it before it gets too far. That's all I have to say. I'm not going to have this conversation again, I trust you will take care of it?" I was at a loss for words so I just nodded, "Good. Take care my daughter. Love you. Bye"
"Love you too." I don't know how long I stood there lost... confused. How... how could I just tell Fate goodbye? How could I end it now?
I'd heard every word. I didn't want to make her choose me or her family. I thought I'd survive, that her family needed her more than I did. So I tried to stop my heart from beating because hopefully if it doesn't beat it can't break. That was what I thought back then as I packed my bag quickly before Nanoha came back upstairs. I learned that, if you love someone, you love them with all the strength you possess, but sometimes if you love someone, you force yourself to let go with all the strength you possess. She must have been thinking it over... killing herself to make a decision as she returned an hour later. I heard the key slide into the lock. Unlocking more than just the door this time. This time she unlocked the chain she'd placed around me that had held me so close to her. I almost cried just watching her slowly open the door and close it. Her eyes never lifting to see me standing in the hallway with a duffel bag. When sapphire eyes met my own I could feel my heart beating faster, a ringing resounded in my ears. She knew but she asked anyway, "Where are you going?" Her voice cracked, my strength almost weakened however I remained determined.
"We knew this had to end sometime. I have to leave Nanoha."
"But I..." I knew she couldn't ask me to stay because that would mean giving up her family. Even though I knew, it still hurt. Maybe it hurt even more because I understood her torn heart.
"I need to go." I didn't meet her eyes. I couldn't. Walking towards her, "I'm sorry that..." I swallowed the lump in my throat, "That it has to be this way. Maybe some other place in time it could have lasted." I brought her into a tight hug, "This just... it... it isn't meant to be. I'm better as a memory." I felt her arms wrap around me, "Please, please be happy. I want you to be happy. It's all I've ever wanted for you." I paused holding back the tears, pulling away I looked into teary blue eyes. Even if I didn't say it, I felt it. Even if we promised not to say it, I couldn't lie at this moment in time. "I know we agreed that it wasn't..." I saw her shake her head, she didn't want to hear it but I needed her to hear it just once, "To me it was. I love you. Goodbye Nanoha." I whispered into her ear then placed a kiss upon her forehead before I walked past her opening the door to a new chapter in my life. My life without Nanoha. Something I didn't even think possible at that moment. In my car I let the tears I'd held back flow freely as I drove away. I prayed that after this her eyes would shine brightly as the day I met her without the burden of hiding our secret.
My knees gave out when I heard the door close on my life. She walked away and I let her. She told me goodbye and I let her. She told me she loved me and I said nothing at all. I felt the slow tearing, ripping feeling in my chest. It was as if I could literally hear my heart breaking. My head pounded and my breathing fastened. I felt like I had to throw up. I wanted to run away from here, from the pain. However there was no where to run where I wouldn't think about the person I cared for most. The one who held me all night when I received the call that my father had been killed by a drunk driver. The who helped me pass every test. The one who held my hand when I was afraid as she showed me the stars from a skyscraper. The one who held me tightly with arms full of love and acceptance. She was gone. I didn't know it yet but so was my heart. The floor must have been cold but it didn't matter as I laid there for hours curled up in a ball, trying to hold onto what was left of me.
Apparently even if you don't say it, you'll still feel it. Because even though I didn't tell you "I love you" everyday, my heart loved you everyday.