He sat there, twirling his cane.

Doing what he always did, avoiding Cuddy.

The game was getting old... But he didn't care.

Waiting for something, anything to happen.

As long as it wasn't something mind numbingly boring.

It wasn't.

Artemis Fowl was going about his usual routine, at least his usual routine when Butler was absent from the household. The manservant was abroad in America, specifically in New Jersey visiting a contact. Without Butler to personally search the Manor for bombs every six hours, and with only a team of around two dozen guards to protect the Manor... Artemis was required by Butler to protect himself as best as he could, especially with the rest of the Fowl family once again away from the household. Artemis knew Butler was right and that it was indeed a rare thing to be overly cautious...

But even so as he gazed into the mirror he found himself wondering...

"Is the Kevlar jacket really necessary?"

It was, but not for him.

"When in doubt, check for Lupus!"

King House spoke as he sat at his throne, gesturing with his cane.

Or rather his royal stave.

"Perfect for beating the disobedience from the hired help." Spoke the king to his fearful servants, Taub and Foreman both of whom had been staring at his impressive stave. They both left immediately to run the commanded tests out of fear of a most sound thrashing.

House spoke to himself as they left, chuckling under his breath.

"You can skip the tests if you like, everybody

Meanwhile the mighty king was still bored, so he clapped his hands.

"Bring the entertainment! I want my jester and my dancers!"

Into the the room came three people.

Allison Cameron dressed as a cheerleader, Kutner with white face paint and a jester's hat, and Thirteen wearing a lab coat monogrammed with the number 13 on the back. Thirteen and Cameron abruptly began dancing, after a brief period they were wearing considerably less. Kutner danced the Charleston and elected to keep his clothes on.

Suddenly, amidst the dancing and music a man with boyish looks and freshly blow dried hair rushed in wearing a tube top and a short skirt. "House, you're going to need to see this."

Abruptly the dancing stopped, the music stopped, the dream simply ended.

All that was left was doctor Wilson standing in the doorway, and he was wearing a much less revealing outfit than he was mere moments ago. (Much to the dismay of Wilson fan girls who collectively slapped their computer monitors in frustration.)

House sat up in his chair, he had fallen asleep.

"What time is it?" Asked House as he reached for his cane, wishing for all the world to have back the narcotic induced dream of moments ago.

"It's around 4:00 in the evening with a chance of an overdose, eyes partly cloudy and senses failing rather often throughout the afternoon hours bringing impressive highs lasting through to tonight and possibly a horrible hangover tomorrow morning. This forecast brought to you by Wilson's House of depravity and pancakes."

House actually clapped his hands as Wilson took a bow over that extended metaphor.

"So it's 4:00 and you have something you want me to see. What is it?"

"Your next patient, mid forties male, huge Eurasian build. Bullet wound, point blank range, moderate caliber bullet."

House shook his head from side to side through the daze of the drugs. At least he hoped he was shaking his head from side to side. To Wilson it looked as though he was having a seizure.

"What part of a bullet wound is even remotely interesting?"
"The point of entry, square at the heart. He isn't dead, instead he's fading in and out of consciousness and hallucinating. When the surgical staff tried to get at the bullet and started to open the chest cavity they couldn't cut through the tissue, they want to bring in a saw but until they know what exactly is keeping this man alive the saw might kill him. House, it's like this man's chest has been laced with Kevlar."

King House arose from his throne, royal stave in hand. And gallantly followed his doctoral comrade in arms to the ER.

All the while with an almost vampiric smile across his face.

Artemis was going about his day, still wearing the jacket as Butler instructed. Artemis was taking a short break from his usual business and was instead simply seated at the dinner table enjoying some caviar. He was actually starting to get used to the weight of the armor when the telephone rang.

Artemis started to ask for Butler to answer the phone when he remembered Butler was still in fact in New Jersey. So Artemis stood up and began to walk across the room when he immediately found himself with his face on the floor. The Jacket made him top-heavy, so when he attempted to walk normally while wearing it he simply fell over.

Unfortunately during this fall he managed to hurt his right ankle, rendering poor Artemis injured with a limp. Nevertheless he gallantly limped toward the phone, finally answering it on the 5th ring, Artemis for some reason felt like something was very wrong in the world. The phone call confirmed this suspicion.

"Umm, hello? Artemis?"

The voice sounded familiar, almost like Holly's but not quite the same.

"This is Artemis Fowl II, do I know you?"
"No, we've never met. But I don't have time to chat right now. Artemis, Domovoi has been shot. I saw it, the shot was point blank at the heart. He isn't dead though, he is still breathing but he is oxygen deprived and fading in and out of consciousness.

He told me some things while he was hallucinating that the doctors here are insisting I ask you to explain, they think it might be relevant to discovering how he is still alive and what might have caused the unusual fibers in his chest cavity.

Artemis, who is Foaly?"

Artemis's heart skipped a beat.

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

Artemis said as he hung up the phone.

Artemis then quickly limped off to the place he kept the fairy communicator.

"We have a problem."

And that ends the rewrite of scene 1!

I hope to have cured the scene of crappiness, by the way in scene three I introduce a new character named Artemis House, he does NOT exist in the same reality as Artemis Fowl and Greg House, his story is seperate at the immediate moment though he will play a critical role later in the story. that is all I can say about him.

I own nothing except the original characters in this story and the concepts for the story.

Please review and give your thoughts!

-Stolas