This is for all of you out there who see the extremely OOC fanfics and laugh!
Disclaimer: Nope. Don't own any of it.
What Happens in OOC-Fanfiction-Land
Edward: Bella, I love you, and I would do anything for you. My world isn't complete without you in it. Even though I've been tempted by various gorgeous vampires during the approximate 100 years I've been "alive", I turned them all down. All I want is you.
Bella: Really? That's nice. OH LOOK! A SQUIRREL!! -runs off to chase squirrel-
Edward: Even though I was born in 1901, and I act like the perfect gentleman all the time, I'm going to use some slang I've picked up over the years. WTF?!
Bella: -returns from chasing squirrel- Gosh darnit. I couldn't catch the squirrel… but look who I ran into! -pulls Eric Yorkie from behind her back-
Edward: Eric? What?
Bella: Well, Edward, this is going to be really hard for me so I'm going to be straightforward. I'm sick and tired of being in mortal peril, and spending time with superhuman vampires. Eric and I are in love! We're heading to Vegas in -checks watch- ten minutes!
Edward: WTF?! I thought the idea of marriage appalled you! You said we were too young!
Bella: -sighs, and twirls hair around finger- Honestly, Edward, I just didn't want to marry you.
Edward: You didn't want to … marry… me? But… why? -begins to cry even though he is physically incapable- I… -sob- thought… you… -sob- loved -sob- me!
Bella: Well, I did, but not anymore. Sorry Edward. You were just a phase.
Eric: Bad luck, mate. Sorry about that. But she is FIIINE!
Bella: Oh! -checks watch- It's time to leave, Eric-pooh!
Edward: "Eric-pooh"…?
Eric: All right, Bellie-Wellie!
-Bella and Eric skip off into the sunset, even though they're heading towards Vegas and that is to the east of Forks-
Edward: Well, would you look at that …. Oh well. I guess it's time to go make out with Tanya!
Bella is with Eric and Edward is with Tanya. Everyone lives happily ever after.
THE END