"This is it!" Snowpaw hissed, leaning over to flick Owlpaw's ear with her tail, "Finally! The moment we've been waiting for!" Owlpaw didn't reply. He stared down at the ground, his head spinning. His sister was right. This was the moment. He was going to be a warrior. All his training and chores had been leading to this and here it was. He tried to muster up some excitement, in vain. He didn't want this and he never had. It was mouse-brained, but he was a Clan cat who had never had any desire to be a warrior. When he'd still been a kit, his sisters had played games about RiverClan attacking or a ThunderClan ambush and he'd gone along with it. But now there was an actually chance of being hurt in battle. And for what? Something useless, like borders or prey. Life in a Clan was an endless cycle of birth and hunting and fights and death. Sometimes, Owlpaw wondered what it would be like to be a loner. He'd live for himself and nobody else. He wouldn't have to live with the constant pressure of the opposing Clans' animosity or the full bellies of his Clan mates in leafbare. It was the sort of life that seemed worth living.
But here he was, in the midst of the crowd that had gathered when Robinstar had called for a Clan meeting. Snowpaw was trying to sit still and be dignified, but Owlpaw could tell by her twitching tail that she could hardly bear it. His other sister, Mallowpaw, sat next to her mentor, her eyes gleaming with elation for her littermates. She wouldn't be getting her medicine cat name until her mentor decided she was ready for it. Owlpaw wished he still had time too.
"Snowpaw!"
The sudden call made Owlpaw start. His sister padded up to the Clan leader, her tail quivering with anticipation. "I, leader of SkyClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on this apprentice," Robinstar began, "She has trained hard to understand the ways of your noble code, and I commend her to you as a warrior in her turn." Owlpaw wondered if he could say 'I don't' when Robinstar asked him if he promised to protect his Clan. He could just picture it.
"Owlpaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend your Clan, even at the cost of your life?"
"I'm sorry, but I don't," Owlpaw mewed, lifting his head high.
"Then by the powers of StarClan, I...what?" Robinstar faltered, "You don't?"
"I can't make promises I don't know if I can keep," Owlpaw replied calmly. Paying no attention to the murmuring Clan, he leapt down from his spot beside the leader and padded towards the Clan entrance. He was finally free.
If he only he could manage to speak so boldly in front of the Clan and leader.
"Snowshade! Snowshade!"
Owlpaw glanced up as Snowpaw, now Snowshade, swept proudly towards him. He tried to congratulate her, but Robinstar cut him off.
"Owlpaw!"
Owlpaw didn't want to get up, but his paws moved at their own will. Before he'd decided what he was going to tell Robinstar, he was facing him and listening to the usual speech about the code and StarClan. "Owlpaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend your Clan, even at the cost of your life?" Robinstar meowed, staring expectantly down at the apprentice.
No! Panic began trickling through him. This wasn't the life he wanted. This wasn't the life he'd chosen. This wasn't the path he wanted to follow. There had to be something more out there. He wanted to be the one to find it. He opened his mouth, desperate, wanting to tell the Clan leader everything.
"I do."
The words came out of his mouth before he could stop them.
"Then by the power of StarClan, I give you your warrior name," Robinstar went on, oblivious to his internal struggle, "Owlpaw, from this moment you will be known as Owlwing. StarClan honors your thoughtfulness and patience, and we welcome you as a full warrior of SkyClan."
"Owlwing! Owlwing!"
SkyClan's cheers filled the air, led by an enthusiastic Snowshade, but none of their happiness passed on to Owlwing. He wanted to run to his den and hide, not sit vigil through the night. Why had he let Robinstar think that this was what he wanted?
Because I have no other choice, he realized. There was no destiny for a Clan cat than that of a warrior and they had to follow it. The path Owlwing had been set on was a forced one and there was nothing he could do about it.