Ok this is the first…and hopefully not the only Naruto Discworld crossover to ever be thought up.
Now business first before the actual fic starts. Naruto not owned by me nor is the Discworld enjoy.
In a million universes there was a fourth new recruit for the Night watch that time, In a million universes that recruit was… well anybody you could imagine (yes even Rincewind) But in this one it was a blonde haired Ninja who found himself (after a discussion with Kyuubi) dimensionally misplaced.
Lance-Constable Naruto Uzumaki found himself stood in a line with three others, one was a tall and in Naruto's opinion (and possibly every illegal and legal criminal in Ankh-Morpork) was a very beautiful women with long ash-blonde hair and blue eyes, her name is Angua. She currently wore a leather skirt and tunic along with sandals as her armour needed to be sorted out as it had been taken to the armourer and had been told to beat it out really well here and here to fit bits that weren't found on a man. Naruto had blushed when he had first seen her. He couldn't quite put his figure on it but something had always triggered whenever he was near Angua, something Naruto imagined was left over from the Kyuubi. How Naruto had got on to the disc was beyond him as he had to give control of his body over to Kyuubi and let it do what was needed to be done, and Naruto was quite happy as his life was much better so far than it was back in the Elemental Nations.
Second was a very short person whose head was at a disconcerting groin height, a dwarf called Cuddy if he remembered right. This dwarf had a glass eye and was adamant about keeping his axe. Finally there was a very tall creature seemingly made of stone a Troll If Naruto could remember correctly called Detritus who due to his size was wearing modified armour originally meant for an Elephant, currently Detritus was having trouble with Saluting and kept knocking himself out. Saluting was something that Naruto and Angua had gotten right first time. As for what Naruto was dressed in he was currently wearing leather breaches a cotton tunic over which was a metal breastplate, a metal helmet on his head a sword hung from his belt and on his feet were a pair of leather sandals with metal shin guards. How he was in this line up was beyond him but all he knew was that he had been shanghaied in to the City Guard (Night Watch) by a Lord Vetinari who apparently ran the city of Ankh-Morpork
Captain Sam Vimes, City Guard (Night Watch) stared woodenly at the wall of the anteroom of the Partitions office. He should be happy…well as happy as any other man in his position would be. He was getting married in a few days, he was going to stop being a guard he was going to live a life of leisure. Vimes repositioned his best cloak so that more of his polished breast plate showed and taking out his copper badge buffed it on his cloaks edge and held it up to the light which glinted off its surface. AMCW No.177, he had often wondered how many others had had this badge before him and now someone would have it after him.
Sam Vimes sighed and thought about the four new recruits back at the Watch House. Four, ye Gods used to be a time when a new recruit would have to be drunk or mad to join the Watch. Now we've got four all at once. A Dwarf, a Troll, a…whatever the Blonde is as the Partition has said he's something else and a female werewolf. Still werewolf's better than a vampire. Vimes thought grimly as he stood and entered the Oblong Office.
"Ah Vimes I must say I was very saddened to receive your letter, captain." Said the Partition.
"Yes sir" Vimes said his voice more wooden than a furniture factory
"Please sit down, Captain."
"Yes sir" Vimes said and remained standing. It was a matter of pride with Vimes.
The Partition sighed, or he would have if he hadn't stopped doing that sort of thing as it was a waste of energy to sigh and that energy was best spent elsewhere. "Now for the main reason I summoned you here, with your departure from the Night Watch, I shall have to promote a new chief officer of the Night Watch…Any suggestions?"
Vines's mind came down from whatever cloud it had been ready to hide in as he was sure the Partition would of prattled on about his impending marriage first before getting down to guard business. And guard business required his full attention. "Well… not Fred Colon… he's just one of nature's Sergeants…"
Sergeant Fred Colon, City Guard (Night Watch) looked at the bright faces of the remaining two recruits before him. (Angua and Naruto having got the idea of the salute down were currently been shown around the City by Corporal Carrot) "Now let's try it again Lance-Constable Detritus" he said "The trick is you stops your hand just above the ear. Now get up off the floor and try again. Now then… Lance-Constable Cuddy?"
"Here!"
"Where?"
"In front of you sergeant "
Looking down Colon took a step back the swollen curve of his impressive (By police standards anyway) stomach, hiding the upturned face of Lance-Constable Cuddy with his helpful and intelligent glass eye staring back.
"Oh Right."
"I'm taller than I look"
Oh gods a Dwarf, a Troll, a man and they ain't the worst of it.
Vimes drummed his fingers on the desk "Not Colon then, besides he's not as young as he used to be and has a lot on his plate right now2
"Sergeant Colon has all ways had a lot on his plate, I should say"
"With the new recruits I mean." Vimes said meaningfully The ones you forced me to have. Vimes added within the safety of his own mind.
"Hmm what about Corporal Nobbs?" asked the Patrician.
"Nobby?"
The Patrician and Vimes shared a mental image of Nobby.
"No."
"No."
"Then there is." The Patrician smiled. "Corporal Carrot."
A picture of Carrot formed in Vimes' head.
"This" said Carrot "Is the Hubwards Gate. To the whole city that we defend." Explained Carrot to both Angua and Naruto.
"From what?" Angua asked.
"Oh from anything to everything the Disc can throw at us I imagine" Naruto said meaningfully as he scanned the horizon beyond the Gate.
"That is Correct Lance-Constable Naruto." Said Carrot cheerfully.
"What just us?"
"What No, just ring your bell as hard as you like and me Nobby, Colon and the rest of em will be along as quick as we can." Answered Carrot.
"Yeah and we hold our own until they get to us." Replied Naruto and Angua smiled in his direction and got a blush from Naruto in the process.
"So, what now?" Asked Angua
"Now the three of us proceed back to the Watch House." Answered Carrot. "Sergeant Colon will be reading out the nights report."
That was another thing Naruto and Angua had gotten down quick as well, proceeding the time honoured walk of police everywhere. A walk that is designed to save as much energy as possible, this is so that the police officer in question will be able to catch a criminal with as little trouble as possible.
"Sergeant Colon, he's the fat one right?" Asked Angua.
"That's him." Said Carrot
"What's with his pet monkey?" Asked Naruto
"Oh I think that you are referring to Corporal Nobby Nobbs." Said Carrot.
"He's Human!" said Angua clearly surprised and from the look on Naruto's own face he was surprised at the revelation as to Nobby's standing as a member of the human species.
"Yep" said Carrot as he strode through the city streets almost as if he owned the city itself.
As the trio proceeded, Angua asked a few more questions, eventually they helped out a man who had been robbed by an unlicensed thief. They quickly caught the thief who Carrot identified as Here 'n' now and promptly knocked him out then took him to the Watch House for safety as the Thieves Guild would do worse to him. And Carrot explained to Naruto and Angua that they would eventually understand how the city works, all while dragging Here 'n' now along to the Watch House whose head was bouncing from cobble to cobble.
As Here 'n' now was being mildly concussed while being taken to the safety of the Watch House. Elsewhere a clown had been killed. (while the death it's self is tragic, the debate as to whether or not the act itself was evil continues to this day across the multiverse.)
The Clown sat up and looked up only to see Edward d'Earth looking down at him with a horrified expression.
"I-I didn't mean to hit you that hard! I only wanted you out of the way."
"Why did you have to hit me at all?" questioned the former clown once called Beano. It was then that Beano felt that disconcerting feeling one gets when, while everything seems fine you can't help but think that there is something terribly wrong.
This was because Beano got the most peculiar feeling that Edward wasn't exactly looking at him, and was most certainly not talking to him.
KNOCK, KNOCK. Came a voice like the closing of crypt doors.
Beano looked up and to his left. "Who's there?"
DEATH.
"Death who?"
There seemed to be a chill in the air as Beano waited for the punch line. While this unseen event was taking place Edward was patting the face… well what had been the face of Beano the clowns face in a sad and pointless attempt to wake the former clown up.
I WONDER CAN WE START AGAIN? I DON'T SEEM TO OF GOTTEN THE HANG OF THIS.
"Sorry" said Beano as he watched Edward drag his… the body away stuttering about how it will be for the best and that it was in no way personal.
"Nothing personal huh, well I'd hate to see what he would of done if it had been personal." Muttered Beano
IT'S JUST THAT IT'S BEEN SUGGESTED THAT I SHOULD BE MORE OF A PEOPLE PERSON.
"One minute walking along doing my bit as a clown then…Dead."
THINK OF IT AS BEING… DIMENTONALLY DISADVANTAGED
"What are you talking about?" The shade of Beano asked once he had turned to face the cloaked figure of Death.
YOU'RE DEAD. IF YOU WOULD FOLLOW ME.
Beano looked thoughtful "Will there be custard pies? Red noses? Juggling? Are there likely to be any baggy trousers?"
NO
Beano, having spent most of his relatively short life as a clown smiled behind the makeup that made up his clown face. "I like it."
Well here's the first part done and that's all for now until next time.