Disclaimer: Harry Potter is the property of J.K. Rowling.
Author's Note: This is a fic that used to be posted under an old account that I don't use anymore. I originally wrote it back in 2005 and then took it down. I was only a silly teenager when I first wrote these, but they still amuse me after several years and I hope they amuse you as well.
Sirius Meets Larry
Sirius was out taking a stroll in the park. He wasn't supposed to be in the park, of course, since he was supposed to be in hiding and if the Big Bad Ministry of Magic caught sight of him they would huff and puff and blow his house down, and then haul him off jail, but Sirius was feeling quite fearless that afternoon.
As he prowled down the sidewalk in a set of black Muggle clothes, he met a squirrel. "Greetings, my squirrely pal," said Sirius, who was sensitive towards all animals.
The squirrel took one look at Sirius, then scampered up a tree and out of sight.
"You'll always be in my heart, squirrel friend," Sirius said as he looked at the tree sadly. "You'll always be in my heart."
Sirius soon forgot the squirrel and continued to stroll down the sidewalk. After about five minutes of casual strolling, he met a Muggle man.
"Hello!" said the Muggle. "My name is Larry."
"My name is Sirius," said Sirius, keeping his voice down so that no one would hear. "Would you like to be my friend, Larry? I don't have very many friends because I'm on the run from the law and my mother frightens people."
"I don't have many friends either," Larry said sadly.
"Well, I have to go now," said Sirius. "I'm not really supposed to be in the park. I'm not even supposed to be outside." He waved farewell to Larry and headed back home.
Larry bought an ice cream cone and shared it with a squirrel. The squirrel soon became an addict to ice cream and had to go to an Ice Creamaholics Anonymous meeting to overcome this strange addiction. The poor squirrel was never cured.