A/N: AAAH SORRY THIS IS SO LATE I THOUGHT I HAD POSTED IT ON VALENTINES DAY OH MY GOD AND THEN I HADN'T AND I FEEL TERRIBLE.
This is less mushy than in previous years, but I like to think the emotion is more real. Or not. Man I don't even know nothin' no more.
To any The Wooing Of Sirius Black readers; NO, I haven't forgotten you! I've been on an extended holiday with my partner, and spent the last two months sick as a bloody dog. I've been in to hospital, had blood tests, the works, and nobody has any idea what's wrong with me. Greeeeat. BUT... as soon as I get my writing groove back I PROMISE to finish TWOSB. Pinky swear. This one won't be unfinished..
I LOVE YOU ALL, FANFICCERS. HAPPY VALENTINES.
Disclaimer: I don't own any characters, and I don't make any money off this. Please don't sue me or I might have to cry.
Warning: Slash, swearing, cuteness.
Dedicated: For Hannah. Just like every single thing I do. You are my everything, and I love you with every fibre of my being. Thank you for being you and being perfect and divine and wonderful and mine. I love you, I love you, I love you, times a thousand. I am yours forever.
Happiness
"Happy valentines day, Moony."
"What?" Remus started at the voice, turning from his gaze over the lake to see the speaker. It had been a while since he had really spoken to any of his friends; since the hideous experience with Snape at the Whomping Willow, it just seemed safer to stay away from everyone. Half the time, Remus felt as though he shouldn't have come to Hogwarts in the first place; like he should have had more consideration for the safety of other students, simply stayed home and let his parents do their best at teaching him. Other times he felt bitterly angry at the unfairness of it all; why should he have to suffer for others, he had every every right to a decent education, and it was the school's fault for not containing him better, Snape's fault, everyone's fault but his.
Of course, the one most at fault was Sirius, and he knew it. He had never explained his reasons to anyone; all anyone knew was that Snape had been goading him, and that was only because the slimeball owned up to it. Sirius hadn't said a single word to Remus since, asides from a single, meek "Sorry." in the hospital wing the day afterwards; he knew just what he had done, and that it wasn't something to simply be forgiven. Remus hadn't had it in him to re-open the lines of communication either. He wanted to forgive Sirius, his best friend in the world, but every time he considered it, it just seemed... impossible. Sirius had gone too far, and Remus couldn't begin to understand, and couldn't begin to forgive until he understood.
The abrupt greeting was, therefore, not expected in the slightest by Remus, and he was somewhat taken aback by the whole thing, unable to respond with more than a "What?" and a stunned expression.
"Happy valentines day. It's February 14th. Valentines day." Sirius continued, meekly edging closer to Remus' sitting place on a boulder at the lake's edge. "I just... wanted to say."
"Oh." Remus was still drawing a complete blank, communication wise, unable to think of a single thing to say to Sirius. The drive to forgive him was almost overwhelming, but completely unthinkable at the same time. "Happy Valentines, then."
Sirius was unable to suppress a tiny surprised smile, despite the flat tone of Remus' voice. "I... uh... look, it seems stupid, but I made you this." Sirius' pale cheeks reddened as he handed over a small white envelope, unable to meet Remus' eye properly.
"Er... thanks." Remus said, taking the card, simply unable to figure out how to properly respond to this situation. He opened the envelope to find a simple white card inside, with a carefully cut out red and gold loveheart, and the words 'Happy Valentines Day' on the front. Still completely bamboozled, Remus opened the card, squinting slightly to read the compressed block of writing inside.
Moony
Happy Valentines day!
I know I've been a complete and utter git in the worst way possible, and I don't know how you would even begin to think of forgiving a prat like me (God knows I'll never forgive myself) but I want you to know what really happened. I've wanted to explain to you for ages, but I know coming from my mouth it'd just sound like another Sirius Black Patented Excuse, so I hope this card sounds more sincere. (Because it is.)
I ran into Snape on the way back from a Hogsmeade run, and he started trying to stir things up as usual. I know I'm usually the one that goads him, but I've really been trying to listen to you lately and leave him alone, but he was really kicking up a fuss, like he wanted a fight. When the usual stuff about my family didn't get a rise he started slagging you off, like he knew you'd get more of a rise than anyone else. He was saying all this stuff about how you must really be a wimp if you're sick all the time like this, and I tried to ignore it, but then he started calling you a fairy and my boyfriend and stuff like that, and I got so angry I just lost all of my senses.
"Yeah? Go down to the Whomping Willow tonight, press the big knot on the trunk with a stick, you'll see what kind of fairy Remus is."
I still remember my exact words. I've relived that moment a trillion times, and it never gets any better. I know I've been a horrible prat, and I don't expect you to begin to forgive me... I just hope you understand. I only ever wanted to protect you, Remus.
I'm sorry.
I miss you.
-Padfoot.
Remus read the entire card twice through, trying to take in everything that was happening before he spoke, looking up at the pathetic, ashamed face of his best friend. "You were trying to protect me?"
Sirius nodded sadly. "Really ballsed that one up, huh?"
Remus was unable to contain a single chuckle. "Pretty much."
The chuckle seemed to just exaggerate the glaring silence between them, the uncomfortable air where once there had only been easy friendship.
"Like I said, Remus... I don't expect you to ever forgive me... I just want you to understand. I never wanted to hurt you. I just... I don't know what I thought... That he'd see you and be too scared to ever tease you again. I didn't want anyone getting hurt. I'm so, so sorry, and if there's anything I can do... anything you want to do... to make it better. Anything. You can hit me if you want."
Remus shook his head. "You know I hit like a girl. You told me so." He half-joked, still simply lost for words.
"You do." Sirius admitted, a blanched smile curling onto his face. The silence between uncomfortable sentences weighed on both of them like a velvet curtain. "I just... I couldn't stand him saying those things about you. It was horrible, the way he talked about you. Like you were some kind of... queer tart."
Remus again released an ill-concealed giggle, then his face fell as new thoughts emerged, the reason behind the teasing only just sinking in. "He thinks I'm queer?"
Sirius nodded. "Sounds like it, from the way he was going on. And apparently I'm your boyfriend, though I'm not really doing much to dispell that, what with the valentines card and all."
Again, Remus cursed the fact that he could never cover up a laugh, at least not where Sirius was concerned. "There are less gay things you could do." Remus agreed, then paused thoughtfully for a moment. "I don't mind though, Sirius. I really don't. People can say what they like about me, as long as it's not 'monster'."
"I mind though." Sirius said abruptly, then paused, embarrassed. "I mean... there's nothing wrong with being queer, 'sfar's I'm concerned, but the way he made you sound... it was disgusting."
"I know." Remus nodded. "But I just... I don't care. I just want to get through school without anyone dying."
"I know." A new level of shame washed over Sirius' face as the horrible subject of their chat came into stark focus once more. "I'm sorry."
"I know." Remus sighed. "Just... look, thanks for explaining. I understand why you did it, it's just gonna take me a while to deal with it."
"I know. You don't ever have to forgive me... I wouldn't. And I won't." Sirius took a deep, steeling breath, and muttered something Remus barely made out as 'now or never...' "There's something else."
"What?" A ripple of shock washed through Remus, wondering what else Sirius could possibly have done.
"I... it's about the card. I mean. The day. I mean... everything. I... bloody fuck. I can't even say it out loud. Have you got a quill?"
Remus pulled one out of his bag, and handed that to Sirius along with the card, which Sirius set about hurriedly scrawling a message onto the back of, sinking to a sitting position opposite Remus as he wrote.
"Here." Sirius said breathlessly once he had finished the card, handing it back, something akin to terror in his eyes. "Just... I figure you probably can't hate me more than you already do, but please... don't."
"I don't hate you." Remus said, in a small but true voice, before turning the card over to read.
Bloody hell, I can't believe I'm too much of a ruddy pansy to say this out loud.
I wasn't just offended by Snape. I don't even know how to put it. Terrified? Enraged? I don't know. Emotions and words don't go well together.
The point is, I think I've known for a long time, though it took me long enough to admit to myself, and a hell of a lot longer to admit to you, and oh god I'm rambling like you now. Shows how nervous I am.
I love you.
Not friend love, like I love Peter, or brother love, like I love James. I bloody fucking love you, Remus. Valentines-love. And that just makes everything I've done to you, everything I've put you through, that much more terrible.
Please, please, please don't hate me.
And if you do, please do me a favour, though I don't deserve it, and please don't tell the others because I couldn't bear to lose them as well as losing you.
I'm so sorry.
I love you.
Remus looked up, the first tears he had cried since that awful morning waking up in hospital wing pooling in the corners of his eyes. "Sirius, this..." He said, unable to so much as construct a sentence. The last puzzle piece. At last, he understood.
"I'm sorry." Sirius brushed away tears of his own, moving to stand up. "You don't have to. I'll just-"
"Don't go." Remus said, catching Sirius' hand and pulling him back down. "I just... need a moment. Big ol' brain working here."
A startled smile brushed Sirius' face at the use of his old nickname for Remus when he was deep in thought. He sat back down, staying silent, waiting nervously for Remus' verdict.
The verdict, when it came, however, did not come in the form of words, but an action, a single wonderful action. Hand still on Sirius', Remus leaned forward slowly, pressing the shyest and most hesitant of kisses on Sirius' lips. Sirius was so stunned it took him nearly a second to remember to return the kiss, not trusting his luck enough to respond with more than timid pressure, lips trembling with nerves.
"I get it." Remus smiled, pulling back a mere centimeter, forehead pressed lovingly to Sirius'.
"So you... you feel the same way?" Sirius breathed, desperately looking for an answer in Remus' unfathomable golden eyes.
"I think so." Remus said thoughtfully. "I had never even thought about it, but I figure I must."
"How do you figure that?" Sirius asked, confused.
"How else would I have forgiven you so quickly?" Remus asked, and gently pressed his lips to Sirius' once more.