TITLE: Time For A Change

AUTHOR: Vid Z.

PAIRING: Harm/Jen

TIMELINE: Season 10, April 2005

DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the TV show JAG are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this fic. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

WARNING: this is graphic M rated material, so be warned. You have to be at least 30 to read this stuff :) It's smutty smut starting with part 3.

Do NOT read this while at work, for your own good.

SUMMARY: a six months after she left the Navy Jen has finally decided that the time has come for her and Harm's relationship to make the next step. The way she makes him know leaves no doubt in his mind. It's M rated for a reason...

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I step into my apartment after a long day at work. Sometimes I really wonder why I'm still bothering. I should just quit the Navy, for real this time, and go do something which will at least hold my attention and my heart.

JAG has become a routine, one I can't get rid off and one which is ultimately unhealthy. Staying in a job which does not interests you anymore, one you can't find any joy in, is not a good thing to do.

I need to at least get away from the HQ, to get myself out of the rut and start afresh.

Perhaps it's time to take that retirement when my 20 are up?

Cases all look the same, unchallenging, one true criminal after another, not one innocent person among them. My gut instinct, which always served me well with identifying an innocent preson being framed, has been silent for months.

The office environment is even worse. We've lost many people in the few months before that day, people who would never be replaced.

Even though I didn't get along with the Admiral for over a year before he resigned he still was a part of JAG. Now he's a pensioner and visiting baseball field... Have never expected that of him, since he never showed any particular liking for that game. Maybe Mac and I have finally gotten to him and he lost his sanity?

My friendship with Sturgis is in tatters. Last year I was convinced it couldn't get worse. How wrong I was. Just weeks ago the man I considered my oldest and closest friend actually recommended I get charged with murder! Didn't even do a full and thorough investigation, he didn't even trust me when I told him that plane was headed for the rig.

Harriet resigned at the same time as the Admiral. She decided that family is more important than the Navy and I have to say I agree. She's got the right idea and of course the reason to fulfill it. I would've put family ahead of the Navy too if I was in her shoes. Harriet has 4 children now and a spouse, so it's no wonder that she gave up the Navy to raise the kids. Because of the number of kids she has she was faced with an ultimatum: either she sacrifices her family, her children, on the altar of her career; or she sacrifices her career for her children. She made the right choice, if anyone asks me. At least they'll know she's the Mommy and not that nice lady who comes to visit in the evening, while they think Mommy is the baby-sitter or the daycare worker. I myself have nothing, no loved one, waiting for me to come home every day. If I had at least a wife I don't think I would hesitate resigning if it was better for my marriage than staying in. Guess I'll never find out.

As a consequence, Bud is as happy as a clam to have Harriet at home taking care of the brood.

Mac... Hm. Mac, now that's a complicated tale. When I made that deal with her 6 years ago I really thought we had a chance, that we'd have a child and everything that goes with it. A marriage and the whole package. I just didn't count on us changing so much in the meantime, to the point of becoming incompatible. Life is what happened.

As they say: life is what happens while you're making plans

Since then we both had other... interests. I made a miscalculation believing she wanted the same as I did after Renee and Brumby left, somehow believing we would both stay single so we could fulfill our deal and get together. The last thing I expected was for her to break it off permanently only 1 year before we would make good on the deal, cut any chance for a future together at the knees and get together with the last man I'd ever expect.

Then May 2004, the day our deal should've been cashed in, rolled around and she was still with him. Then he was gone. Then there was Tanveer. Mac really knows how to pick 'em. Then Christmas came and Mac made some promises about not pushing me away anymore, which she broke within days. Like when Jordan's friend came onto the scene and Mac was back to pushing me away.

And now she's found another interest, namely one LT Gregory Vukovich.

Over the past few years I've learned (yes, I CAN learn from my mistakes) that I shouldn't get involved in Mac's relationships with other men, it'll only make her angry at me and as a consequence I'll get hurt. Which means this time I won't get involved and try to make Mac see reason so she'd stop this before the shit hits the fan and I won't try to talk to her about the smartness of what she's doing.

I've also thankfully grown out of the jealousy I felt when Mac was with another man. I'm glad for this, because it was one of the things that made my life harder and more bitter than it needed to be and it also means that having Mac in my life is not a condition for my hapiness any longer. By the end of 2003 it's become obvious to me that I would never have her in my life like that, so it's good that I don't need her anymore. I want a life and I want a family, I want it before I get too old to be able to have it, and that is something I will never have with Mac, no matter how long I would wait and even if she didn't have endometriosis. I'm glad I've moved on, now I can finally start living for real, something I should've done years ago.

I can finally move on and insure that Mac and I both can finally start living healthy lives and find someone who will truly make us happy. We haven't made each other happy in a long while and it's about time this mutually-destructive behaviour stops.

I hope she finds happiness in her life and I hope I find it as well.

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