Chapter 1

Peter POV

James is in trouble again, but this time it really, seriously isn't his fault. Remus keeps biting his lip and snickering into his palm, but of course nobody suspects Mr I'm-the-Most-Adorable-Geek-Ever. For once James is innocent as Jesus, but his so-called best friends are being assholes.

"It wasn't me, though!" he tells McGonagall. She raises an eyebrow, and it's derisive. She doesn't believe him.

"We've all heard that one before," Sirius says with glee, and James turns to him disbelievingly.

"Oh Merlin," James growls to himself. He's going to disown his friends one day. "It was Remus, okay? I swear. I didn't even know the Slytherin common room was open at the time. I was asleep!"

McGonagall sighs. "I suppose you were asleep at the time fireworks got into the Slytherin toilets last week?"

James coughs. "But this time I'm serious."

"Weren't you serious about not putting laxative into Mr Snape's cereal?"

"Well, this time I'm seriously serious! You believed Remus! He isn't as innocent as he looks, okay; he's an evil, I don't know, mastermind?"

Remus chooses that moment to widen his cutesy puppy dog eyes and let his dark blonde hair flop over his forehead in that way that makes even McGonagall melt. It isn't fair. Everyone always blames James. Okay, it's usually his fault, but still. The principle of the thing shouldn't be to trust the guy with books. He's a werewolf, for Merlin's sake. People should be falling over their feet to trust James.

Maybe I have a thing against Remus Lupin.

It's just... He's always so nice. And that normally isn't a bad thing, but other people think it's a very good thing, and one of those people is Violet McKenzie, and that kind of pisses me off. I have possibly had the biggest, most embarrassingly pathetic crush on her for four years. Red hair, long legs, brown eyes, bubbly and bright and totally in love with Remus. The worst thing is that if I told him that I didn't want him to talk to her again he would probably do it.

Right now he isn't being so nice, which would normally make me happy to know that hey, he isn't perfect, but it's affecting James. James is the single most awesome person I've ever met, and if my heart didn't belong to Violet it would belong to him. He knows this, but is kind enough not to comment. Sirius claims it's because he needs his daily dose of hero worship from me, but I tend not to listen to Sirius.

Sirius says, "Remus is too cute and fluffy to be an evil mastermind. Like a chihuahua. But. Bigger and wolf-ier and... smarter."

Yeah. That is why I don't listen to Sirius.

McGonagall gives him a vaguely disbelieving glance and shakes her head slightly. I've come to think that everyone has given up on Sirius by now. "James," she tells him firmly. "James, I think you've acted out one time too much this year; or, in fact, the last four years. How many detentions do I have to give before the realisation sinks in that you cannot do this?"

James shrugs, and casts his eyes down, faking contrite. He's good at that. Unfortunately, McGonagall has gotten good at spotting it. "Potter," she says, and he winces. He knows that voice. Hell, everyone knows that voice. It's her Potter-you're-in-a-heap-of-trouble-and-don't-even-think-about-saying-anything voice. Not even James Potter can argue with that voice. "Potter, summer is coming up soon."

His lips twitch and I can practically feel the sardonic comment bubbling under his skin, fighting to be unleashed. I close my eyes and pray that his sense of self-preservation overrules his need for sarcasm. After a few seconds the world hasn't ended and he has stayed silent, so I open my eyes. McGonogall harrumphs in what could be approval, and continues, "And I believe that you have fourteen detention-less days between now and the breakup."

Remus twitches, as if he's having trouble keeping silent himself, as if he can't stand the guilt of giving James detention. See, there's him being stupidly kind and saintly again. It makes me sick.

"Professor," James begins after another silent minute. "I swear, it wasn't me."

Sirius raises a taunting eyebrow at him, and makes a face. James looks like he really wants to flip him off.

McGonagall gives a tight-lipped smile. "I'm afraid that figure has been reduced to zero."

James looks pale.

"Figure of what?" Sirius demands. "Zero of what?"

And people say I'm the stupid one.

"Detentions," Remus says, then pauses. "No, days without detentions."

Sirius still looks confused. "So he has zero detentions?"

I'm tempted to facepalm. Honestly, just. Sirius Black. In general. "No," I reiterate. "He has detention every day until summer."

James looks like he wants to throw up. "Quidditch," he mumbles to himself. "Merlin, the team will be a wreck without me! I'm their driving force. I'm the best chaser on the team, I'm captain, they'll die and Remus Lupin I hate you-"

I shoot Remus a nasty look just because. It isn't often I have real justification for shooting him nasty looks, and this? This is a winner. Betraying his best friend is pretty low, even for-

"It was me, professor," Remus sighs. I stare at him in horror. I hate him. Oh Merlin, there is so much hate in my heart right now it might explode all over Remus bloody Lupin and he would die and I would be so happy about it. "I stole the Slytherin Quidditch team's clothes from their lockers and replaced them with clothes made of leaves. Just... Don't punish James for it."

James looks shocked, like he would never have expected to be saved by Lupin's ridiculous sappy force of niceness. And we all should have expected it, because Remus is incapable of being anything but perfect.

So. Much. Hate.

McGonagall sends us out to 'deal with you, Mr Lupin, and believe me when I say you are in a world of trouble, young man', and I imagine getting my hands around his throat and squeezing tight, cutting off his air supply until he is gasping and purple-faced. But he's so nice, he would probably help me. I can see him now, tipping his head to get the right angle.

"Come on, Wormy, you're not closing the windpipe - you gotta put more pressure down here." He would smile and adjust my thumbs so they pressed in harder. "Come on, I know you can do it! Come on! Come on!"

I shake out of the fantasy as a familiar voice shrieks, "James, you're not dead!" and Violet does a weird jump/skip/shimmy that shouldn't be hot, but is. "Did Remus confess? Wait, of course he did, he's Remus." She rolls her eyes, smiles affectionately. "He's too much of a gentleman to do anything else." It's sarcastic, but you can tell she thinks it's true. Damn Remus Lupin to hell.

"I love him so much right now," James tells us all firmly, and I grit my teeth. If Remus doesn't stop being so god-damn nice someday soon I'll give myself an aneurysm.

Violet tosses a mass of red hair over her shoulder. "You realise you just gave your homosexuality false hope? It's somewhere in the closet at this very moment, crying. Waiting for the day it can be free."

She winks at me not-so-discreetly. I steadfastly ignore her. I don't have a crush on James. I don't.

James glances over at me, then at Violet, and I'm very glad he's the second most oblivious person on the planet right now. The first is watching the conversation with the typical blank expression, playing with a lock of slightly greasy black hair, staring at an approaching girl called Gwen. She's... Well. She's interesting.

She's smiling, as usual."Hey Violet!"

"Hey Gwen." The two are good friends. It's sweet.

"You'll never believe what just happened," Gwen babbles excitedly, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"What?"

She practically squeals with the thrill of sharing gossip. "Lockhart just asked Lily out!"

Violet's brows hit the ozone layer. "No way!"

"Uh, ya." She stretches out the 'ya' into two syllables. "She said no, though. He'll probably come over to hit on you in a sec."

Violet makes a disgusted face. "Gross. I mean, have you seen the guy? He's vain, ignorant and a stupid excuse for a Ravenclaw."

"I know, right?" Gwen beams. She's ridiculously happy in the same way Remus is ridiculously nice - they both annoy the hell out of me. "Anyway, I gotta get going. Places to see, people to do, twelve inches of potions essay to write for next lesson. Slughorn's a real bitch this year."

"Just write big," Violet says wisely. She's the guru of how-to-pass-class-without-trying.

"Will do. Later, Vi! See you around, Sirius." Gwen turns to Sirius and runs a few fingers across his face and if she had done to me I would have jerked away with a "What the fuck are you doing?" Sirius has no idea what personal space even is, so he leans into it, looking transfixed.

"Gah," Sirius comments. His eyes are a little glazed.

"Bye!" Gwen says cheerfully, and flounces away. She flounces and bounces everywhere, and it makes me want to kill her, just a little bit.

"Who is she and why haven't I met her before?" Sirius asks with a perpetually stupid inflection in his voice. Oh, boy.

James turns to him. "You sat next to her for three years straight in Transfiguration," he tells Sirius. "You know her, you freak. She tutored you in Charms!"

Sirius frowns. "Are you sure? Because if I'd had a tutor that hot I would have gotten slapped or gotten laid by now. And neither has happened. Ergo, you must be lying."

"She got her hair cut," I volunteer. "And she lost the glasses."

"And some weight," Violet adds thoughtfully. "Also, she now wears makeup."

Sirius nods but we can all tell he hasn't got it. It's okay, because tonight he'll probably wake us all up in the middle of the night to announce that he does remember, isn't that great? And he'll probably get a shoe thrown at his head and he'll huff but go back to bed and start snoring so loudly nobody can go back to sleep again, and there will have gone another sleepless night thanks to Sirius Black.

A/N: Is it good? My first fanfiction. Thanks to tHeMesSSEduPaNgEl for the help :)

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