Notes: Hello there! Well, actually this is a translation of my one-shot "Hacerte sentir mi amor" written originally in spanish (and posted on Wattpad and FanFiction), english isn't my native language so... I apologize for any failure, I will keep practicing.
Hope you like it
Make you feel my love
Yuuri cries every time we make love.
With this, I don't want to say that the act is carried out everyday or without control; sometimes the tiredness of the practices doesn't give the opportunity, some others we want to snuggle on the bed and let time pass until we fall asleep.
With the passage of time I have learned many of its expressions; when he's thinking, when he's ashamed, when he's hungry… Nevertheless, I still don't know the reason for his tears.
Today we arrived and I couldn't help cradled him in my arms to guide him slowly to the room, where I slipped my hands through his body and smoothly take his clothes off, and I make him mine again.
However, like always, he silently cried.
"Yuuri…" I whispered moments later, catching his attention. "Did I hurt you? I did something that you won't like?" Without being able to avoid it I let the question slip through my lips in a worried tone, he looks at me, confused.
"Hmm? What are you talking about? Everything was perfect," he responded, rubbing his eyes with a slight smile.
I looked the sheets and kept silence. How could he tell me that everything was fine if his eyes were still red?
"Viktor," he calls me, I stayed in the same position and seconds later my chin was raise, I gazed his worried expression. "What's wrong?" He asked softly.
I gulped and played with my thumbs, hesitating to say the thoughts that were rolling in my mind; perhaps inside of me I was afraid to know the answer. I sighed and looked him in the eyes.
"Yuuri, everything was okay?"
"Of course," he securely answers, searching in my eyes the reason behind my question.
"So why?" I asked and he looked at me unknowing what about I was talking. "Yuuri… why you cry everytime that we are together?" I say, in a way the he could understand the meaning of be together.
I brought my fingers to his cheek where a drop was slowly slipping again, and, at the same time that my hand cradled his cheek, the formed silence cut off suddenly by the laughter coming out of his mouth.
"What's so funny?" I asked arching an eyebrow, unknowing the reason for his explosive laugh.
"Nothing, nothing… It's just; I didn't think that you were worried about that," he replied, moderating his laughter among the words. I only look at him with an expression where "really, Katsuki?" could be read in all my face.
His laughter ended and, viewing my confused visage, he smiled and looked at me.
"Viktor, the reason behind my tears… Well, I, I cry because I'm with you," he finally said, I opened my eyes, terrified.
"Then… then everything was not okay… I, Yuuri, you do not like to be with me and for that you cry? Is that so?" I said, stumbling over my words. Quickly, the tranquil expression of Yuuri changed.
"What? No! You're wrong!" He say, alarmed.
"Then explain to me!" I asked for in a tone that I could swear sounded desperate. No, didn't sounded, I was desperate.
Yuuri grimace and averted his gaze, which danced between my face and the end of the room.
"I'ts… I, I don't really know how to say it. But it's nothing bad, okay?" He said to me, scratching the back of his neck.
I looked at him, waiting to hear something more, and he didn't say anything. I furrowed my eyebrows, inflated my cheeks, and turned my back, crossing my arms.
"Viktor... are you upset?" He asked, bringing his lips to my ear. I muttered a small 'mmm'. "Come on, don't be mad at me," he says, trying to search my gaze, I denied and bury my face on the pillow. "My love…" He whispered making circles on my hair. I almost lose but I stayed hidden.
Minutes of insistence after, I heard a sigh from his lips, the mattress moved and I tensed a bit thinking that he would raise from the bed; my doubts were dispel when I felt his arm around my waist and his forehead on my neck.
"Do you know? The first time I was next to you I turn like crazy on my mattress, it felt as if a thousand things will flit restless inside my stomach, and I couldn't sleep," he began to recount in a quiet voice. "And in a moment, I covered my face with my hands and I could settle a little my thoughts, then I knew I was happy."
I moved a little joining his body with mine, he kept silent for a few seconds and continue.
"When time passed and you asked me to be your lover, you made it happen one of my greatest desires: be next to my special one; and thanks to this you allowed my biggest desire became true," he paused for a moment and adjust his hands on my waist to whisper, "that you were this special one".
I trembled at the sound of his voice against my ear, got rid my crossing of the arms and I drove my right hand on his.
"When you asked me to make love, I was so… happy that I began to cry. I remember how you dried those tears," he remembered, laughing. "Days later, I attributed those tears to the mix of excitement and… first time's pain," he mentioned and I could perfectly feel the raise of temperature in his face. "But to the extent that our sessions followed, I realized that I was wrong."
When I heard his last sentence I felt like my forehead accumulated small drops of cold sweat, I made stronger my grip on his hand.
"How can I explain it? It is so indecipherable that I don't know how to do it," he said, letting out a small laugh that made vibrate every pore of my skin. "Waking up next to you, eat at your side, practice at your side, walk beside you…just be at your side; there's sometimes never believe it." He said with voice tone between fun and unbelieving. "In the course of the day… the days, sporadically percolates through my mind the thought that everything is nothing but a dream, and that one day, I'll wake up in my bed without you by my side."
My hand tremble at his thoughts, I moved my neck with in in intention to turn, but his voice stopped me.
"But," he said, pulling his face against my neck. "Is there...when you kiss me, when you gently touch me and put your body over mine; when your hands caress my skin and I can feel the yours; when everything else are dissipated and I can hear your heart beating; when you cradled my face and say my name."
He stops a moment to breathe and seconds later keeps talking.
"And is there when I realize; 'this isn't a dream', I think, and I see how your beautiful blue eyes are looking at me and you smile; 'it is not a dream,' I think and I can't keep from crying."
I gulped, my throat closes and my lips tremble, and with them, my heart too. If I felt terrified before, that sentiment now is inexistent, if I was the luckiest man in the world before, with what I feel now, that title is small, very, very small.
"What I said is true. I cry because I am with you, but not because I don't like it; is because I love it, because I adore you, because before you came to my side, I felt that my heart was halved, and since the first time you hugged me..., is complete… I am complete."
We silenced for a moment where I could feel his fingers moving on my skin and he moved restless, trying to find a deep hiding place into my back.
"I cannot help but comparing you with a light, a very bright that enlightened my way," he continues, lowering his voice tone. "Viktor, you're the best that ever happened to me, I am happy to be by your side, and I can't imagine a second without being at your side, I... I just can't imagine a life without you," he finished, trying to control the tremor in the last sentence, but he ended up releasing a sob on the last word.
My teeth gnashed and I turn completely, wrapping him in my arms.
"Don't cry my love…don't cry," I whispered in his ear, stroking his hair. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I repeated and cradling his face, I press countless kisses in every corner of it, pausing only to gather our foreheads. He denied gently.
"Don't apologize, you don't have to apologize," he said, showing a little smile while removing traces of tears from the corner of his eyes.
"Yes, I have to for making you cry." I whispered closing my eyes and I stroked his skin with my thumbs stealing the work to erase crying trace.
"You make me cry of happiness, you only make me cry of happiness, and it's okay, it is really okay," he smiles at me, placing her hand on top of mine, while one last tear escaped from his eyes.
"Probably… I gave many turns to the subject," I apologize, ashamed. "Yuuri, you're the best that ever happened to me too. You are my sun, my greatest treasure, I just think what I could do to see your smile every day…, I think of what I could do to always make you happy," I confessed, approaching my lips to his eyelids, leaving a mark of my kisses where salt water had been earlier. "And no, this is not a dream; I am here with you, you're here with me, and it will be in this life and the next, because there is no one else in the whole world that can make my heart beat so fast, only you." I finished, looking at him and giving the most sincere smile that could offer to convey how much I adore him.
Yuuri smiled back at me, and that smile brightens each one of my days, his voice rejoiced my senses, he was the one who gave meaning to my existence, he gave color to my life.
"You would spend your whole life with this Russian who doesn't know what to do to say how much adores you?" I whispered, stroking her cheek with the back of my hand.
He just laugh at my request.
"Well, I said yes from a long time ago," replied laughing. "You would spend your whole life with this Japanese who does not know what to do to stop crying?"
"Hum, I'll only make cry this Japanese of happiness, and sometimes… of pleasure." I let out, admiring the blush on his cheeks. "This Japanese had me in his hands from a long time ago. With this Japanese… I decided to spend the rest of my days from the first time I saw him. This Japanese…" I put my lips closer to his ear. "Is the love of my life," I whispered and pulled away to contemplate his face, blushed with a beautiful smile.
"So… do you?" He asked playful.
"I do," I said gently, caressing his cheek. "What about you?"
"I do," he replied, and we put together our foreheads, listening to the echo of our laughter throughout the room.
When you spend most of your life without knowing exactly what love is, he suddenly arrives without any clue, you… just know, you know when is the right person, because listening to his voice makes you happy, because you don't need nothing more, nothing more than him. And I didn't need anything more than Yuuri.
Sometimes you never realize that your world lack color, until someone comes along and put bright tones of color in every corners of your life, because it is not until that moment that you realize how beautiful the sun can be. Because just being by his side, the dark layer that covers the night becomes the most beautiful mantle full of stars.
Without a doubt, to be by his side made me a chaos, I never before felt this way, being quite a mess. But it doesn't matter; all the days are different, he makes me feel things that I had never felt before, joy, happiness. I never felt so happy for having chaotic emotions, I never felt so happy to be a disaster.
Every day I could hear love words from the man next to me, he loved me even If I was already a disaster plus the one he caused. It all boils down to nothing when I looked at his eyes, whenever I see the brightness in his eyes, we are alone, just the two of us in our own world, because he is my world, and nothing and no one can hurt us.
One of the happiest moments of my life was discover the warm of his hugs; because that day I understood it, no matter where I go, while he is with me all will be all right, because his arms are my home.
"Viktor," he called me in a quiet voice, I moved closer to him nuzzling her nose with mine.
"Yes?"
Yuuri cries every time we make love.
"I love you," He said smiling while cradled my face with his hand. I realized how the knot that was formed moments ago in my throat is unfolded, and slowly, I felt the water build up in my eyes.
And I….
"Ah! Viktor, don't cry!" He exclaims, blushed, not knowing what to do. I move my hand to wrap him in my arms hiding my face in the gap of his neck.
"I love you, I love you, I love you so much!" I repeated without ceasing, hugging him completely.
"I know, I know, I love you too," he replied laughing, cleaning the silent tears coming out of my eyes. "Forever," he said, smiling.
"Forever," I replied smiling too, bringing closer my face to kiss his lips.
I cry every time he says that he loves me.
Notes: If you are here, thank you! Again sorry if there's some failure, I really hope that you enjoyed this little story.
—K.
