As new as I may seem, I'll be quick to tell you all that I am literate, and have a good mind. I recently registered, so you haven't seen any of my work yet…
Since I have no real experience with law, I am hitting my head against the screen of my lovely Dell XPS 400, but I wish I didn't have to. But that's the way some things are, eh?
Of course, I will try my best, and I would just love it if you guys give me some ideas and tips, after reading the opening segment. I don't mind criticism, just as long as it doesn't discourage me.
Disclaimer: I do not own Law & Order: SVU. The werewolf does.
MASSACRE- Opening
"In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories."
We start off in a busy hospital hallway; doctors and nurses scurry by, while patients in wheelchairs and stretchers are escorted by a select few. After several seconds of medical-lifestyles, the camera focuses on the back of a nurse, and slowly turns to show her face. Black, and perhaps in her mid-thirties, her thick black hair is pulled back in a short bun. She wears plain white medical clothes, with white tennis shoes. And in her ears, there are studs of pearl. In her left hand, the nurse holds a clipboard, with small handwriting scribbled here and there. The nurse makes a right turn, heading into a hallway still as crowded. But soon, she enters a stairway and begins to head up another floor.
As she pushes through a door, into a hallway with barely a soul inside, she keeps walking. Soon, we find ourselves in a dead-end, where no one is at all; the nurse approaches a door, and knocks.
No reply.
She knocks again, a little harder this time, and says, "Hello?"
Yet again, not an answer. The nurse bites her lip, and gives an expression that tells us this nurse wants to leave, and return home. But knowing she has to report a message, attempts something else.
Trying not to be rude, she gently opens the door. Her hand slowly turns the knob, and she walks in. At first, she isn't looking inside, but-
"I'm sorry to disturb your meeting, but- oh my god!"
The camera turns, showing us a meeting room. A long black table in the center appears, surrounded by red cushioned chairs. But there is a disturbance- bloodied bodies are thrown every. Pools of crimson blood are beneath them, with signs of stab wounds in the stomachs. The only remaining survivor is under the table, crying. It is a girl of nearly seven, only wearing a shirt and briefs. Her light brown hair is disturbed, and her hazel eyes are wide, with small shiny tears trickling down her cheeks. Her skin is pale, yet not naturally. And she is shaking, with fear.
I really do hope you liked that! Originally, I wanted to write it as a script but changed my mind. Once again, I do not mind any criticism. I would really appreciate some ideas/tips, since I'm a little stuck here. But even if none come to me, I will try my best. And next time, of course, the chapters will be longer. Thank you, and please review!