Chapter 1

I tried not thinking about it. his scent still faintly lingered in my sheets, on my body and he definitely still crept in my thoughts. How is it that the boy that i loved….love, ups and leaves me a few days after we make love? We lost our virtues to one another. He didn't know the hold he had on my heart….the heart ache i still feel. His family crushed me as well when they left without a word. We spoke of forever's that obviously would never happen. Maybe it was the fact that i was a small minded human that would eventually fade to death? or maybe the passionate love making that i felt wasn't as good for him and he decided he could get better? Whatever it was, i made him leave. And he's not coming back because he doesn't want me anymore….

So here i am, Bella Swan stuck in forks wishing for a better tomorrow, to be in the arms of the man i know will never hold me again. I'm almost out of high school and i have no friends that have faith in me anymore. i think they gave up trying to make me happy, being depressed for ongoing months and all. Honestly i think even Charlie, my father, has given up on me too. It really doesn't matter to me though, nothing does anymore it seems like.

Current Day

I stare at the ceiling of my bedroom and listen to the rain hit against my window, memories of Edward flood my mind like a hurricane. What i would give to just see him in person….just to maybe understand why it was that he left. I quickly wipe my eyes from the tears that formed. I could hear Charlie shuffling around downstairs getting ready to leave, he stops at the door for a long minute and just as i think he will call out to me, he continues to walk out and closes the door behind him. I groan and get out of bed. time to get ready for school.I go to hop in the shower and afterwards find something decent to wear. I go with some sweatpants and a band T. At least i'm not wearing as much black like i normally do. I kind of want to have a good day and maybe actually try to make friends again...

When i make it into the school parking lot i notice the empty space where the Cullens used to park. A large lump forms in my throat and i force it back. "Fuck." i say to myself, i gather my things and i hear the bell has already rung marking me late for first hour. I make my way to my Chemistry class and knock on the little window. i must have interrupted the teacher because he scowls at me then opens the door.

"Ms. Swan please hurry to your seat." i shuffle quickly to my spot next to Mike.

"Hey Mike," i give him a weak smile, then he smiles wide and greets me. Its probably weird considering the fact that i haven't talked to him in what seems like a century ago.

"What's up Bella? How have you been? I-I mean it's so good to hear you speak." He blushed a little then looked down. I shrugged then when i was about to speak the teacher silenced me with a hand gesture. The rest of the class period Mike and i had passed notes back and forth during the video, long story short, i worked up the courage to ask Mike if he wanted to come over and hangout at my house. I longed for company to fill the dark gap Edward left me to deal with alone. I knew i could count on Mike to be that person. I felt like i was being selfish and i almost turned down my offer until he interrupted my train of thoughts

"Okay i'll be around by 6." He said with a boyish smile and i gave him a smile back and told him i'd text him. I couldn't just back down, Mike was a nice guy that always waited patiently for me. I decided maybe it would be good for me to think of someone other than rest of the day past in a blur, full of immature idiots and gossip. I kind of got used to ignoring everyone until Jessica started talking about the Cullens at lunch. That I tried my best to ignore.

"So Bella how come the Cullens left? Are you and Edward still dating?" asked Jessica in a snotty voice. She obviously knew it was a touchy subject but didn't care. A long silence then i got up and left. i could feel their eyes on me as i left and i knew Jessica and Lauren were probably talking about how weird and over exaggerated i can be. I sat in my truck trying to control the pain that my whole body felt. I thought back to the day when i first met Edward, when he told me all of his secrets, our first date, my first kiss with him in our meadow and the first time he told me that he loved me. I especially thought about the first and final time that we had each other fully. Then i remembered him telling me he didn't want me anymore, before he left. Why couldn't i just stop hurting? My vision was blurred with the tears that fell like a waterfall. I would never get over him. I would never get over what i thought we had. An array of memories now scattered for the wind to blow away.

I started up the engine and had it in mind to head to home, all i wanted to do was dream of what i wish i had. Then without noticing a hand bangs on my window. I cut the engine then open the door to see Mike holding his knees catching his breath.

"Hey Bella i-i'm really sorry about Jessica….She can be a royal bitch sometimes." His pale blue eyes met mine. His face saddened for some reason, he probably could tell that i was crying.

"Hey it was nothing Mike, i'm fine….i'm fine…" without thinking i started crying, tears streaming down my red face.

"Bella you're obviously not fine...i understand though. Hey how about we ditch class and head over to my place? I can make you some tea and we can listen to music." He lifted my chin up and looked me in the eyes. I nodded then moved over to the passenger seat. The drive there was silent, he made a few comments about my missing stereo. Which i had torn out after Edward and his family left, it was a birthday gift that i didn't want reminding me of them, especially while i drove.

When we got to his house his dads car was in the driveway but we didn't see him as we walked in. He lead me to his room and left me by his CD collection while he went down to make some tea. I was impressed by Newton's taste in music, and i definitely was impressed by how his room was displayed. He had a twin size bed in the corner next to two acoustic guitars. His walls were covered in band posters and his work shirt was draped over his computer.

"Mike you seriously know what good music is. I mean you have a good selection here." i told him as he walked in the room with two cups. "Thanks Bella, music is probably my best friend." as he enthused he pointed to his acoustic guitar and wall full of records. i chose a CD and put it in, City and Colour played softly in the background and i sat at the end of his bed. He held out a cup of warm tea for me and i silently thanked him. The taste of sweet honey and herbal tea warmed my parched throat. "This is delicious!" I exclaimed. He smiled brightly as if he was waiting for my approval.

A few minutes passed by and another song from the album started to play, Mike turned to me and looked like he was going to say something but ended up not. I blushed, for some reason i thought his awkwardness was kind of ….cute. I broke the silence with, "Thank you for the tea….and agreeing to hangout with me, I needed it…" he chuckled," Bella, I've tried working up the courage to ask if you would hangout with me for a while, but a lot got in my way. For one, your boyfriend and for two, I was afraid of being rejected." He looked down as he said that.

"He's not my boyfriend anymore...He left….remember?" i looked at the tea in my cup, concentrating on not crying. He shifted in the bed and picked up his guitar and pulled a pick from his pocket. He started to strum a tune. It was soft and didn't sound like anything i'd heard from any band. The melody was so soft and beautiful that when i looked at Mike playing it, there was a sort of glow around him. He was so concentrated on the notes that i felt invasive of his privacy. When he stopped he looked up at me with a blonde strand of hair lying between his icy blue eyes. I was in awe and took a sip of my tea to stop from staring. "That was really good Mike, what was it?" he smiled for a split second then answered, "my mom used to hum that melody to me when i was younger. I was so upset at her for leaving my father and I, but I remembered that beautiful song she hummed. I memorized it and eventually learned to play it." he paused for a moment.

" Sometimes when people leave us, it may be hard to get over and sometimes they leave without giving a reason as to why, but the people that leave will always leave you with something good to remember and always a reason to share it with others….Bella i know how he hurt you. You go to school looking like you died inside and that is what kills me. I always had a crush on you but i knew and I still know that you love him. I don't want to replace what you two had, I just want to get to know you….maybe brighten your days a little and you need someone to tell you how beautiful you are. I'm no Edward that's for sure but i can offer you a shoulder to cry on,an ear to whisper your thoughts to and arms to hold you with. Just give me a chance Bel-" I interrupted him with a kiss, not just a peck on the lips but a full fledged open mouthed kiss, the warmth of his words and his mouth made my thoughts of Edward fade to the back of my mind.

Later that night i thought back over the events that had happened today: I saw a side to Mike Newton that i never thought he had, I kissed him without regretting it and finally, I hadn't thought of Edward since I laid down in my bed that night. I love Edward...how could i do that to him? but then again how could he leave me? someone he claimed to have loved with his all `of his non beating heart to the end of the universe and back. I closed my eyes and dreamed about our meadow, only now it was just me laying there all alone.