A/N: Yep. Another Pemma oneshot. And it's really sad and angsty this time. Why am I so obsessed with angst? Anyway, mostly this was inspired by the memory of what's happened to some people Peter's cared about in the past...
The world feels so empty to me now. It's like everyone's lives still go on around me, but I can't be a part of that anymore. I stand in the middle of a New York City street and see all the people rushing past me, talking, laughing, laying on their car horns, but I can't hear a sound. My mind is a blank, and my heart is cold. Physically, my ears work fine. I'm just not registering.
The funeral was yesterday. Her mother came.
I've been trying all week to find a way to end this pain. I don't know how to go on without her. But loving her mended that part of me that was broken, and my powers came back in full swing. And now she's gone, and I'm immortal.
Maybe I believe in heaven. I think I do. An angel like Emma needs somewhere to spend the rest of eternity. That's the only thing that's kept me going, the hope that she's in someplace better, watching me and really hearing what I say. Maybe I'll find a way to get to her. If nothing else, if this doesn't work, maybe I'll find someone with the power to speak to the dead.
When she got hurt, I ran all over the country, coming into contact with as many people as possible, desperately trying to find someone whose gift would save her. But I couldn't find one. Claire suggested a blood transfusion a few days back, but we waited too long, and she was too far gone to be revived. If only I had thought to call her sooner...
I'm tormenting myself with "if only's." She always lived firmly in the present, refusing to dwell on the past, only looking forward to the future to find a way to make what we were given better. But I was never like that. I've always been tortured by the past, desperate to make it better so that the "now" can be still better. If she were here, she'd shake her head and laugh at me that way she did.
We were getting married. Less than two weeks 'til the wedding, and then Samuel had to pop up again, just in time to destroy what little piece of happiness we had.
I hate him for that. I don't usually find it in myself to hate people, not in the long term. But I have a feeling I'll be hating Samuel for a long, long time. Eternity, if Claire's right. Ah, but Claire's always been right about her power. And there's something else she told me about this immortality of ours. A flaw. A weak spot in our armor.
This is probably the coward's way out. No, it's definitely the coward's way out. But the fact is, the world doesn't need me. Not with Gabriel around. He'll take care of them. He promised me he would, when I confided in him what I was planning. And there are other empaths with limitless power around. My nephew Monty, for starters. The world doesn't need me. I doubt I'd be a very good hero anymore, anyway.
My fingers find that sensitive spot at the back of my head, where once a shard of glass rested. And then I drive the spike home...
Oh my god, it's HORRIBLE!! But now that I've written it, I don't want to waste my efforts, so I'll post it anyway. I completely hate this story, and I'll probably delete it after three days, but I had this picture in my head and now I've gotten it out and it won't bother me anymore. So if you wanna flame, go ahead. I'm flaming myself mentally right now!