Time (Clock Of The Heart)
an Aaaah! Real Monsters Fanfic
by Save Fearow
Author's Note: Borrowing a concept from Clockwise to explore an alternate-reality while providing an in-universe explanation for certain events in Where Have All The Monsters Gone? It might be helpful to read "Growing Up Slickis" for more on Ickis' backstory. Dovetails with another fanfic, so if you're a long-time reader you can probly infer -exactly- when this takes place, but why spoil the surprise?
Ickis tried very hard to be a good son, and a good student, the kind of monster that would make the Great Slickis proud. It hurt that so many of his attempts met with failure, which was why he felt so glum as he wandered the Academy's halls. There had to be -something- he could do to change things. A glittering light caught his eye, and Ickis edged toward it. There, half-buried and all but forgotten on the farthest trophy rack hung the Clock of Rashtock. Ickis had been so excited last time, when he discovered he could repeat an entire day. But that had been very short-sighted of him. Why stop there, when he could redo an entire lifetime of errors, just with a flick of his wrist?
Ickis snatched up the clock and hung it round his neck. "You an' me, we're going places." Ickis whispered, as he spun the hour hand back 994,008 times.
There was a flash, and Ickis blinked his eyes, utterly captivated by the sight of New York City, back in 1884. "I did it, I went back all the way to my beginning! All I have to do now is find my parents, bring them together, an' everything's right!" he professed. "I don't even gotta -look- for them, I'll just listen!"
Ickis pricked up his ears and waited for a voice he'd longed to hear.
"He is fearsome and he's brave
And the day he's gonna save
'Cause he's mommy's little bonsty boy!" Squelia crooned.
"Doesn't daddy get any credit?" Slickis wondered.
"You're in the second verse." Squelia insisted.
Perfect! That meant they were still in the house, talking about how they expected him to hatch soon, ready to go over bonsty names again. Ickis was forever grateful he hadn't been born a girl. For one thing, that would make dating Oblina even -more- of a long shot. For another, it would mean being named in 'honor' of Granma Malvara. Ickis thought she sounded like a very intuitive monster, maybe she would have even discouraged the name Smalvara, since it was pretty obvious what diminitive the other monsters would choose. It was hard to find a label worse than 'bunny rabbit' but 'Small' came awfully close.
The first rumble nearly jolted Ickis off his feet. Maybe he should have set that clock back another hour, because life in the city was about to get very dangerous for monsters that preferred to live underground, or in rickety structures that got overlooked by human eyes.
"D-don't be gone too long." advised Squelia.
"I'll be back in no time." promised Slickis.
The voices were alot closer now, but Ickis still needed to make up for lost ground. Ickis readied himself for a long jump, and launched himself across the street. He might have been in for a painful landing if he hadn't been caught by a floppy-eared monster. "Whoa, there. Got a lot of spring in your step, little guy. I always admired that in a monster." Slickis acknowledged cheerfully.
"I'm so glad I found you, or you found me, it doesn't matter as long as I talk to you d- Slickis." Ickis quickly amended.
"You've heard of me?" Slickis noted with some surprise. "Didn't think I was that well-known outside of the Academy. Do you follow Sewerball? I used to be the champ-een pitcher." recalled Slickis.
"Yes, I love Sewerball!" Ickis professed. "Tell you all about it after you save m- Squelia."
"You know my wife, too? She's terrific, best pouncer in the world. I love that girl. What's your name, son?" asked Slickis.
Ickis was only stumped for an instant. "Biff." he decided. "There's always a Biff in these kind of adventures."
Slickis considered this. "Biff? No, doesn't sound -quite- right for my bonsty. We'll choose something else. Squelia likes a vowel sound, I think she was leaning towards that." he mused.
"Name him Ickis, it's what his mother wants. Later someone will call him Icky, when she's feeling gracious mostly." Ickis insisted.
"Sounds terrific. Excuse me, I gotta go check on my other neighbors, they'll be another tremor soon and-" Slickis started to walk around Ickis, but the little monster pulled him back.
"Forget the neighbors, Squelia's the one that matters. Carry her to shelter, she won't make it otherwise!" Ickis argued. "Help Gr- General Brickis hold up the walls. You were always better at looming, jus' don't tell him I said that, he's real prideful!"
"I'll say. Not entirely his fault, though, that war affected him more than he lets on, I think." Slickis concurred. "Sure, why not? If my family needs me, I should be there for them."
"Yup. Run after them, focus ONLY on keeping -them- safe, and don't look back!" Ickis suggested.
"What about you?" Slickis wondered. "Don't you need to get to a shelter, too? I could take you with us."
Ickis bit his lip. It was really tempting to talk more with this younger Slickis, but he didn't think it would be a good idea to be seen by his counterpart in this timeline, even if he was only a newly-hatched bonsty. "I was jus' leaving, ha ha!" announced Ickis as he spun the clock again. He tried to make it turn for the entire 113 years, but it snagged a little bit towards the end and refused to complete another rotation.
There was another flash of light heralding his entrance into another moment in time. Ickis yawned and stretched. His room was arranged much the same as always, same snorbly glasses, same copy of Beowulf on the nightstand (but there weren't near as many books on the shelves), the posters had changed to reflect less pop culture, and he missed having Fungus' dog dish on the floor. He checked the loose floorboard and noted that the flashlight was still there, along with a single comic book and a scrap of flash paper, showing 8 smiling monsters. His mother even had her paws around him and was leaning over to smooch Slickis when the image was flashed. "Yesss!" Ickis squealed happily. He ran downstairs but didn't stop to notice that his artwork focused more on Sewerball now, and less on his classmates.
"Dad! Dad! Dad! What day is it, what day is today?" he called out.
"First day of school." Slickis noted. "Time flies when youre having fun, huh Ickis?"
"Or when you've got a clock like mine." Ickis mumbled.
"What was that about?" Slickis asked.
"Nothing, nothing, I'm jus' excited. I'll sure miss you and... um, everybody else. I can miss them even when they're still around, right?" Ickis suggested hopefully.
"Of course. We'll miss you too, Icky." Squelia greeted him as she entered the room.
"Mom!" Ickis hugged her tightly. "Mom, I can't believe it's you, oh wow! Am I still your little bonsty boy?"
"Always. I love you so much. Have some mealworms, baby, fresh from the stove!" Squelia offered.
"Maybe later, let Dad have first bite." Ickis insisted.
"Don't mind if I do!" Slickis declared happily. "Such a good boy, always thinking of the old beast."
Ickis raced across the hall, searching for the others and spied his boisterous uncle. "Ya-ha Yaggoroth! Were you really as big a fluff-head as everyone says?" Ickis wondered.
Yaggoroth frowned. "Well, I'll be a bonsty's uncle! ...No wait, I been that for more'n a century. Can we try this again? I wasn't ready!" Yaggoroth professed.
Ickis was in too much of a hurry to answer him. Instead, he rocketed towards his paternal grandmother. "Granma Malvara, what a big tail you have! Does it turn blue too? Everyone always teases me about that, I never seen it happen to another monster! Wouldja show me sometime, I promise not to laugh!" Ickis babbled.
Malvara rolled her eyes. "No, I thought I'd keep that a secret from YOU because you're the -only- monster I've ever managed to fool." she quipped.
Ickis laughed. "Yes! You're -exactly- like Dad told me you were!" he chirped. "Think she's witty, oh so witty, this ditty is riiight! An' I pity anyone who faces her tonight!"
"Well, your high spirits are certainly infectious." Malvara admitted. "You're my clever grandson, Ickis."
"But he -betta- NOT try'n fool me! Don'tcha encourage him none, Shnookie." General Brickis scolded.
Ickis was puzzled. "I thought Mom was Shnookie." he admitted.
"EVERY gal can be Shnookie. Din't yo' fatha teach you nuthin' boy?" demanded Brickis.
"He taught me you were the most menancin' monster north of N'Awlins. You scared fiddy humans durin' the war!" Ickis supplied. "I know all about that, Granpa Brickis you were amazing!"
Brickis clapped his grandson on the back, hard. "There's hope for you yet, soljuh!" he announced.
Ickis ran to the living room to greet his other grandparents. "Granma Kelia, did you dirty up the whole house?" Ickis inquired.
"I thought I was just finished, but I guess I could always throw another layer of dirt on!" Kelia obliged.
"You can work later! Let's do shadow puppets now! Look it's the First National Bank of Toenails!" Ickis declared as he wiggled his claws.
"Being held up by robber tycoons!" Kelia contributed, deflty melding the shadows. "It's great to be a shadow manipulator, if looming doesn't work out for you Ickis, give that a try!"
"Sorry dear, I'm afraid monsters don't have -that- much choice in their destinies. Primary scaring attribute is inherited from the parents, generally speaking, although they may pick up a second or third trait from earlier ancestry. I could count on both paws the number of monsters who taught themselves a complete new technique, without taking a lesson from bio-history. There were 7 of them so far." Daggoroth explained as he closed a copy of the Encyclopedia Monstronica.
"Granpa Daggoroth, read any good books later?" Ickis questioned.
"Oh!" Daggoroth looked flummoxed. "That depends on how you define 'good'. I read several bestsellers that I found to be excellent, but they may not be to your liking, in which case they -wouldn't- be good. Although I've always believed you shouldn't judge a book by its cover. That's a very common saying, first attributed to Jungo, although many monsters adhere to that theory, and I would never claim it for my own idea, I meant no disrespect by adapting that philosophy for my personal use."
Ickis stared at him. "I didn't understand half'a that! Jus' give me a few matrices sometime, then we'll be getting somewhere!" Ickis declared.
"Those ARE fun. We'll do the augmented variety, I always preferred those." Daggoroth proclaimed.
"Me too! Yup, my world is perfect." Ickis noted as he sauntered back into the kitchen, flanked by his relatives. "Wait'll the Gromble sees me now!"
Slickis' ears drooped and a hush fell over the room. "Son, the Gromble hasn't taught a class since 1884. He retired after the quake, poor guy was completely devastated when that retirement home collapsed, lost his entire family since his little sister was visiting her folks at the time. I- I always wished there was somethin' I could've have done to help him, Gromby deserved so much better." Slickis professed.
"Shh-hh, nobody blames you! A monster can't be in 2 places at once!" Squelia stated. "We really needed you, just where you were! Icky might never have hatched otherwise!"
Ickis looked apologetic. "Yeah, what Mom said is probly almost definitely the most likely possible scenario." he responded. "Guess I'll be going back to whoever's Academy it is now, at least I still got Oblina an' Krumm to pal around with!"
"Who are they? Do they go to Balook's class also?" wondered Squelia.
"Never heard of this Oblina, is she your first squish? You're really growing up, son." Slickis attested. "We've met Krumm briefly. He's the son of Shlumm and Horvak, lives with his mother in Jersey, if I recall correctly."
Ickis' eyes widened. "But Mister Horvak got custody! You argued -for- that an' the judge listened!" he insisted.
Slickis laughed. "Why would I do that? Horvak's such a cheapskate he wouldn't even spare a pinch of penicillin. 'You got yerself a family, ask them fer help!' Bah! Mentioning a family did nothing to convince the doctor in Chelsea to look at you. At least Shlumm -wanted- to lend a paw, she's got a generous nature." Slickis growled.
"Lucky you had Uncle Yaggy to come to your rescue!" Yaggoroth stated proudly. "Pounced the door right off its hinges, dragged that doctor out, and made him treat you for bronchitis. Worth the 10 years they had me in the slammer afterwards, ya-ha!"
"Why do you think we still give you room and board?" Slickis commented.
"I assumed it was because I'm such fantastic company." Yaggoroth remarked. "Makes you wonder why most girls won't date a convicted felon. Aggravated assault, even makes me sound kinda dashing."
"Oh, Yaggy. I don't think you should phrase it like that." Squelia informed her brother. "But we are very grateful to you, it counterbalances the embarassment we routinely feel as well."
Ickis backed away. "Nice as it is that Uncle Yaggy's known for something kinda praise-worthy, I really gotta be going. I have to um, return a copy of your biography to the library, Dad." Ickis lied.
"I don't have a biography." responded Slickis. "I'm not famous at all, except maybe around the Gorblat Lanes. Got enough toenails to fix up the home just by rolling sixty frames or so every week."
Ickis trembled. "That's n-not how it's s'posed to be." he protested. "You're a great scarer."
"Oh, I loom often enough. But that's jus' for fun, and to keep limber, I'm hardly what you would call a professional." Slickis asserted.
"Whaaat?" Ickis yelled. "I can't stay an' listen to this!"
"Course not, you've got school. Be sure to study hard and have a putrid day!" chirped Slickis.
"Sure, absolutely, I agree with you. It's about time I got going, ha ha! I'm off to the Academy, an' NOT anywhere else, so don't check up on that! I love you all! Bye!" Ickis cried out as he exited the home.
Squelia frowned. "I love him too. Doesn't he want his mealworms? It's not like a loomer to miss breakfast. And Ickis sounded a little... odd, I think. Did you think he was odd, darling? Maybe I'm just worrying over nothing, but I could have sworn he was behaving unusually, wouldn't you say so?" Squelia fretted.
"Should've kept him inside another couple minutes, see if his fur changed color." Yaggoroth opined.
"They wud kick you right outta the Army fo' that. Violation of protocol, yessuh!" Brickis informed them. "Leas' that boy's got an excuse fo' lackin' discipline. Ain't no monster never 'mounted to nuthin' whut din't do his duty!"
Ickis hurried northward along Pearl Street, onto Bowery, then 3rd Avenue, until he reached Oblina's mansion off East 23rd Street in the fashionable East Village. At least she still lived in the lap of luxury, that had to be worth -something-, right? He was blocked by Lugo, the ever-faithful butler.
"Young master, I'm afraid I cannot admit you into the household." Lugo intoned.
"No way! You know me, Lugo. It's Ickis, I'm Oblina's friend, or I could be! Are you really gonna turn down the first male monster who ever came to visit her?" Ickis questioned. "You gotta know how lonely she must be, I can hear the anthraxichord from outside even!"
Lugo shuddered. "There are times I wish my sense of hearing -weren't- so keen." he admitted.
"Think you got it bad, try living with these big ears." Ickis tugged on them morosely. "Please let me talk to Oblina, jus' for a little while! She's smart, it shouldn't take much to convince her!"
"Very well, young master. I shall alert Miz Oblina to your presence. Wait outside the servant's entrace, please, until you have been given permission to venture further onto the premises." instructed Lugo.
"Please don't let her say no, what if she says no, I don't want her to say no." Ickis pleaded while the butler scurried inside.
He listened in on the conversation (not deliberately, he just keep his ears pointed towards the mansion) which primarily consisted of Oblina's muffled laughter. But at least she was willing to listen to Ickis' story if it meant time away from the obviously hopeless music lessons. He smiled when Lugo returned and gave him an affirmative nod.
Ickis sprinted along the corridors, counting each step until he saw Oblina (10,419. They might want to consider putting in an escalator at some point.) "Oblina, Oblina, you are not going to believe this!" he hollered.
Oblina cowered slightly. "I'm so sorry, I really don't know you. Please forgive my rudeness... and my accent." she apologized.
"No no no! You are not shy, you are brave! You're the best scarer in the Academy, it's what you were born to do!" Ickis proclaimed. "You were timid for like, one week, tops! Then you hated me, but then you felt sorry for me, an' THEN we were friends. Except when I make you mad, then you scold me or ignore me. But you always forgive me. That's why we go on adventures an' save all of monsterdom! This is one of those days!"
Oblina blinked. "You think that we save all of monsterdom? That we just go rushing headfirst into danger, as if we were characters in a scary tale?" Oblina inquired.
Ickis nodded vigorously. "I prefer the comic book analogy." he admitted.
"That's crazy talk! You are a crazy bunny!" Oblina scoffed.
"Yesss! Get mad at me, that's the first step. If I can jus' take you from that to pity to friendship in one day, everythin' will work out!" insisted Ickis.
"Were you dropped on the head as a bonsty?" asked Oblina.
"Not sure, I think my egg rolled alot once. Dad found me somewhere off Broadway, think there's a service center there now, so I must've travelled for miles before getting lodged in some debris." Ickis recalled.
Oblina's face fell. "Oh you poor boy." she murmured.
"Yeah, step 2's done! Makin' great strides, now! Come with me, we gotta find Krumm, then we'll go on a scaring spree before all the young monsters start disappearing!" Ickis beckoned for her to leave.
Oblina laughed. "You think we will disappear? I heard a rumor about that once, but it's just what they tell bonstys to get them to behave." she asserted.
"That's the Oblina I know, skeptical to the end!" Ickis beamed. "Do you wanna take the scenic route along the Jersey turnpike or pop in a toilet and hope for the best?"
"I've hardly ever been outside the mansion." Oblina confessed. "I wouldn't know which way to go."
"I'll let you hold my paw if we go through the sewers." offered Ickis.
Oblina grimaced. "We'll hitch a ride." she determined.
"Sure. We won't pick a mail truck though, when we did THAT we ended up in Egypt." Ickis remembered. "C'mon, follow me!"
Oblina's eyes widened. "What did you say about sewers again?" she asked nervously as they walked along the hallway.
"See those yellow-and-black cars? Those are ricksees, that's what people ride in when they wanna go someplace in a big hurry." he stated.
"Ricksee? Are you sure that's the right word?" wondered Oblina.
"Who's the expert, me or you?" Ickis wanted to know. "We're looking for a very specific type of human. I warn you, they're a bit strange these so-called 'Mets' fans. And dey tawk like dis, so's you knows dey's real big-shots, tink dey so spes-hal."
"You have got to be kidding me." Oblina commented.
"Hoy dere, taxi. Oy wanna go back ta Joisey." a human howled, as he adjusted his blue ballcap.
"That's the fool now." Ickis persisted. "Hop up on the bumper, and hold tight. Along the way, I'll tell you 'zactly why those National League bums seldom win THEIR pennants. AL East, that's the division where champ-eens emerge!" He scrambled aboard easily, and helped Oblina do the same.
"Ickis, I don't know about thiiis!" Oblina wailed as the taxi drove off. She almost lost her balance right away, but Ickis grabbed her and pulled her back.
"Keep both paws aside the vehicle at all times while the ride is in motion." Ickis advised.
"Ooh, I can see why you believed I hated you." she moaned.
"There's no reason to be ashamed of motion sickness. I used to throw up on my Dad all'a time when we went globetrotting. He was a very famous monster, once. I always thought that was kinda grating, cause he wasn't at home very often, or when he WAS there'd be groupies surrounding him, but now I- I think I miss it a little. Does that seem weird to you, not appreciating what you had till it's gone?" Ickis questioned.
"No. I appreciated my breakfast more when I ate it. Now that it's splattered all over the asphalt, I don't miss it at all. In fact, I wish I hadn't eaten anything!" claimed Oblina.
"I skipped mine. Not really s'posed to do that, but what's the worst that could happen?" Ickis wondered.
"It could weaken your immune system." theorized Oblina.
"Oh the combustibility already does THAT. I think. Maybe I don't have it in this universe? Hard to tell, a monster's body -doesn't- recognize combustion as an invasive element, although it is one, so a normal immune response isn't triggered jus' by acquiring it. Dad says the complications happen later, so you don't always expect it. Like how my throat is burning a little, but only when I really concentrate on it, y'know?" Ickis mused.
Oblina shook her head. "You are a sad, strange little monster." she remarked.
"So I've been told. Universal constant, alright!" Ickis cheered. "That's how we'll find Krumm down in Jersey. He's the worst-smelling monster in the entire Academy! We'll track him by scent. It's not as powerful as my hearing, but I got a pretty good nose for sniffing out clues."
"I can't even -see- your nose. It's hidden by the fur." Oblina noted.
"If I wiggle it an' breathe out, sometimes you can see the nostrils." Ickis demonstrated.
"Ha ha! Okay, yes, but you look even -more- like a bunny rabbit when you do that." giggled Oblina.
"Other Oblina was polite enough NOT to point that out. You're losing points in the most hebopply girl competition." announced Ickis.
"Hepa-doodle?" Oblina tried to pronounce the new slang. "What does that mean, anyway?"
"Wait'll we meet up with Krumm an' save everybody. Then you'll be hebopply beyond compare." Ickis promised.
Oblina beamed. "You're on! Let's find this Krummy, I was looking forward to meeting him. Based on your description, he sounds perfectly hideous!" she swooned.
Ickis huffed. "He's perfectly something." he groused.
They disembarked from the taxi and strolled towards a ramshackle home, where a fresh slime pie was sitting on the porch. "This must be Krumm's mom's house." Ickis detailed.
Oblina slicked back some of her hairs. "How do I look, Icky? Truly repulsive, or somewhat repugnant, or what?" asked Oblina.
"You're a putrid mass of corruption." Ickis assured her.
"You're not just saying that, are you? For a short, fuzzy, lunatic you are not totally devoid of charm." Oblina admitted.
"Keep it up, girl, you'll be the most hebopply of them all!" Ickis encouraged her.
"There he is! That must be Krummy!" Oblina declared. She shoved Ickis out of the way in her haste to meet up with the walking stench factory. "Yoo-hoo Krummy!" she waved.
"That's my name, don't wear it out." Krumm paused. "Actually, I don't think names -can- wear out, but it never hurts to take precautions. I'm a very careful monster."
"Yeah, I'm hoping that explains the apron." Ickis noticed as he approached his former friend.
"Nope, I just like wearing that. But Mom says I should be cautious, or I'll end up like some desperate former athlete who never rose above Academy level, trying to cadge mold off his friends. Or I'll be a fluff-headed jailbird. Or a really creepy old General who keeps flashing back to the same battlefields or a..." began Krumm.
"Okay, we get it." Ickis snapped. "Y'know your mom USED to be the kind-hearted one."
"She is. Those are all monsters she feels sorry for, but she knows a lost cause when she sees one, and doesn't want me to become like them." Krumm explained. "That's why I stay here, and spend my time baking and doing needlepoint."
"What about Sewerball?" queried Ickis.
"You could lose an eye that way." Krumm responded.
"What about wave-riding?" asked Ickis.
"Also an invitation to disaster, given how easily I could lose my balance. I have no interest in learning to swim." Krumm professed.
"Why does everyone say that?! Fountains are very dangerous, they look deceptively shallow. Jus' cause you can stand up in them, doesn't mean there isn't deeper water out there and if you don't face down your fears, how will you ever cross the oceans?" demanded Ickis.
"Why would I even do that? It's not like I'm going to swim to Antartica or something." Krumm offered.
Ickis shuddered. "So not fair. You guys don't have to go there this time around, but I still remember -everything- about it!" he bemoaned.
"Your friend is bonkers, nuts, completely off his stick." Krumm told Oblina. "No offense." he added quickly.
"Friend is such a strong word. Ickis is more of an... acquaintance? He dragged me out here, not that there aren't things I appreciate about Jersey, really." Oblina gushed. "My name is Oblina and I am thrilled, simply thrilled to be here in such -revolting- company."
"No way! Take away his popularity, his stench, his oh forget it! I was -never- any good at keeping you from acting all swoony!" Ickis snarled. "We'll see how well you guys hit it off when you're missing your eyeballs Krumm, an' you don't have any arms Oblina! That's what's gonna happen sometime soon. I wanted to launch myself forward 3 more years into the future, but I ended up here instead, an' I've already determined why. The pool of elders is drying up, cause we've ALL been slacking. Monsters will start vanishing -even- faster here, I think cause Dad doesn't scare full-time an' the Gromble isn't Headmaster so he hasn't motivated anyone! Balook is an incompetent, he can't have taught the Academy very well."
"That's a very disrespectful thing to say regarding your teacher. If -I- were lucky enough to be a student, I would lecture you for that behavior." Oblina insisted.
"See? You -wanna- be a scarer, even without reading Dad's book! Somewhere deep within you beats the heart of a frightful creature. I'll prove it to you, we'll go scaring together, jus' like we've always done in the past! Once you share an experience like that, it impacts you forever!" Ickis claimed.
"Scaring is the most dangerous activity of all." Krumm proclaimed.
"They only gloss over the theory of scaring in my library." Oblina confessed.
"Stop being such bonstys!" Ickis pouted. "I'll demonstrate. If a monster like ME could do it, anyone could!" He ran towards the nearest human dwelling in the suburbs.
"Ickis, what are you doing?" questioned Oblina. "Get back here!"
"Yeah, I'm not used to all this running." Krumm panted. "It's giving me a stitch in my side."
Oblina paused in mid-stride then raced back to Krumm. "Let me have a look at you, Krumm. Maybe I can help!" she offered.
"Hey, come on! I need you guys." Ickis hollered. He scowled as he eyed the human gardener. "No, I DON'T. I'll leap out in front of him, growl, an' loom, in that order." Ickis charged at the human, fangs bared.
"Did you say somethin' Bernice?" the human yelled. He looked away and in a moment of distraction, absently sprayed Ickis with the hose. "Hang on, think there's a rabbit in our garden. I'll run the little critter off, don'tcha worry none."
Ickis sputtered and coughed. "I'm really not that- yeep!" he beat a hasty retreat away from the irate man.
Back on the other side of the street, Oblina was clapping slowly. "Oh bra-vo, Ickis. You are truly a credit to your Academy." she sneered.
"Jus' having an off day, happens to the best of us. Let's try it again, but we'll work as a team this time, whaddya say?" Ickis suggested.
"I say I want to get home, I'm grown tired of this game. I readily admit, your doom-saying was fun at first, but now it is getting a tad tedious!" she remarked.
"I'm with her. Come back to my house Oblina, we'll find the right pipe for you to get home. Mom still remembers the way back to New York, no problem." Krumm stated.
"But, but, we haven't done anything yet to fix things!" whined Ickis.
"There's nothing -to- fix, Icky. It's all in your head. You should run back home too, or at least dry yourself off before you catch cold." Oblina advised.
"Never! I'll take to the sewers, fine, but I'm going straight to the Monster Hall of Records! Who's with me?" Ickis roared. A cricket chirped.
"Good luck with that." Krumm commented.
Ickis scowled. "I'll find the Gromble. He's the only monster I've haven't talked to yet, so he must have all the answers!" he reasoned.
"What's a Gromble?" asked Krumm.
"I have no idea. Maybe his brain has disappeared." theorized Oblina.
"See you on the other side!" Ickis called out as he plunged into the nearest sewer grate.
It took hours, but Ickis managed to crawl his way back to New York, where the Monster Hall of Records awaited him. He shivered and ran inside, still dripping wet.
"Your Grombleness! I knew I'd find you here!" Ickis skidded to a stop in front of his former teacher. The Gromble was dressed in his waders, rimmed with the yellowish liquid excess from the pool. He looked much older and tireder than Ickis remembered him, however.
"Shouldn't you be in school? That Academy has really gone downhill if they permit truancy." the Gromble informed him.
"Ha! I -knew- you'd want to come back there! I've messed up really bad, an' everyone's disappearing again, look!" Ickis called out, as he gestured towards his missing right paw. "This happened during the final half-mile stretch!"
"Good. It won't be long now until all the monsters are gone. Maybe then I'll have some peace of mind." the Gromble allowed.
"No, that's not it AT ALL. You weren't supportive last time, but that was just cause the pool told you to act like that! The pool of elders, that's the solution, isn't it? They'll talk to me an' I'll feel inspired to go save everybody!" Ickis shrieked with delight and ran to the pool's edge. "Okay, ancestors! Tell me what to do! Come on, don't be shy, speak up!" Ickis frowned. "Start by telling me to stop my snivelling, that's great advice. Always lead with an insult, it works for the Gromble. Actually, I think he usually STOPS with the insult, but really anyway you want to do this is fine, just say something!"
The Gromble sighed. "The pool isn't talking to you, is it? It seldom does speak up. Do you know -why- you can't hear it?" the Gromble asked.
Ickis sniffled unhappily. "Maybe I've got an earache? Feels like I'm coming down with something. Which is weird, usually I wouldn't admit to that." Ickis realized.
"Oh, that must really endear you to your teacher." the Gromble responded sarcastically. "Young monsters don't come here often, there isn't much to interest them in the Hall of Records. The pool is made up of ancestral spirits, it NEVER talks to anyone who -hasn't- experienced the loss of a loved one, the more recently they've suffered such grief, the more likely the pool is to reach out to them." he explained.
"But I have, well I did, I just changed it a little, this isn't fair!" Ickis complained.
"Life's NOT fair. I came here for privacy, and you've denied me that. Trying to commune with my departed grandparents, parents, even my sister is one of the few joys I -have- left in my life." the Gromble revealed.
"No way! Your gran'parents died before I was even born, like 1800 something, I was nodding off during that lecture, I apologize. Buuut you've got a Mom an' Dad, an' a sister, a brother-in-law, 2 nephews, an' 66 students who would do -anything- for you!" Ickis professed, as he started to cry.
"Yeah right, kid." sneered the Gromble.
"It's true! I would, I would give up all I have, right now if you would be my teacher, an' Oblina an' Krumm would be my friends, an' Dad would be famous but still make time for me when I'm not at school!" Ickis yelled. He snatched at the clock of Rashtock with his remaining paw. "I -hate- this life, an' I -hate- this clock! I wish it were broken!" screeched Ickis. He tore the clock of Rashtock free from his neck, and threw it into the pool, where it began to dissolve immediately.
"...brogen..." Ickis echoed weakly.
Slickis put a paw on his son's forehead. "Hey, it -does- feel as though your fever's broken. Good call, son." he sighed with relief.
"Dah?" Ickis opened his eyes wearily and coughed. "Is it alride again? The Gro'ble is Headbaster, Oblida an' Krub go to school wit' me, an' id's jus' the two of us here?" he questioned.
"Of course." Slickis responded gently. "I'm here for you Ickis, jus' as I've always been."
Ickis began to sob. "I'b sowwy, I hadda fix ebry'thing dis way. I gabe 'em back a world dey'd be habby in, b-but it forces yuh to be miz'rabuh. Waaah!" Ickis confessed.
"How can I be miserable when I'm with m'boy?" Slickis wondered as he placed a loving paw on Ickis' shoulder. "Jus' wish you felt better. Sorry, Ickis. Never shoulda let you try such a dangerous scare, I hate seeing you get hurt. You're very important to me, please don't ever forget that."
Ickis hugged him fiercely. "I won'd neber. Don' blame yo'self Dad, I wuhd'a done subthing -else- crazy if you tol' me no. Ahchoo! Da Gro'ble says I shud come wit' an off buddon." Ickis insisted.
"Huh. That just sounds like a quick fix to me, and one that doesn't really address the underlying causes of the problem." observed Slickis.
"Dat's cause da Gro'ble isn't cleber like you." Ickis replied. "He has knowlid' bud he yells abou' it so -buch- I don' eben lissen most'a da tibe."
"I used to tune some of that out too." Slickis admitted. "Um, very early in my Academy days. Before I got to know your mother and everything. I was a great student for almost ALL of my semesters, really."
Ickis coughed. "I belieb dat. Cours' I -also- thin' dat bonsters can be heroig if dey wear a cape, an' da Gromble won'd fin' out if I smugga a bark-an-bide inside by dorm, an' dat blues is da best music genruh, an' Oblida -coul'- fin' be hebobly, so yuh oughda keeb dat in pa'spectibe Dad." Ickis informed him.
Slickis shrugged. "At least most of those concepts were semi-plausible. I'll take what I can get." Slickis acknowledged as he ruffled his son's fur. Ickis smiled at the familiar gesture of affection, and didn't protest at all.
~~~The End.
Author's Note: If episodes like Wake Me When It's Over, It's Only A Movie, Hats Off, and Fear, Thy Name Is Ickis are anything to go by, Ickis' dreams are crazy vivid. Despite the title being a Culture Club reference, this story owes more to Prefab Sprout's hit single "Appetite", particularly this refrain: 'So if you take, then put back good. If you steal, be Robin Hood! If your eyes are wanting all you see, then I think I'll name you after me. I think I'll call you... appetite.' (Loomers are always hungry, even for things they can't have. Maybe -especially- for those.) Reviews are appreciated!