Hello everyone! So I'm sure that I'm not the only one that didn't sit well with the ending of that episode. To put myself at ease I decided to write this. Hope you enjoy!
Oliver stood in Thea's loft staring out one of her panoramic windows at his city. From up here it looked peaceful. After so many nights in the dark, half the time not even being able to see the stars, he took comfort in always being able to see the stars that defined Starling city, the stars coming from within the city itself, and somewhere in the many city stars, of course he knew exactly where, was a city star being lit by Felicity's lamps.
He knew she would still be up, just like he was, taking comfort in a container of ice cream, unable to sleep because of the pain and anger he had caused her. She would be alternating between angrily pacing, the cartoon of ice-cream forgotten in her hand, and sitting on the couch crying as re-runs played in the background. He knew her, and that was why he loved her.
He sighed, the only outward emotion he allowed himself in regards to his inter turmoil. His wound still pained him, and as exhaustion creeped in he slid down to the floor, leaning against a pillar, his arm pressed against the window, his hand resting on his knee. He closed his eyes, remembering the moment in the foundry when Felicity had turned around and seen him. For a moment he had had hope, he had felt happiness in a life that was no longer his to seek happiness in. For a moment he had held the woman he loved in his arms, and had known she loved him back. Had known by the way he had had to comfort her. For a moment she was his to hold and to love, but even before Tatsu's words had floated through his mind he had known the moment couldn't last.
His destiny wasn't his own. It hadn't been his since that yacht sank so many years ago, and that was why the moment couldn't last. Someone always needed saving, and he was the one to save them. It didn't matter who had put him in this position, someone had been pulling the strings in his life since the moment he had set foot on that island, all that mattered now was that he was in it. He had tried so many times to cut those strings, but every time he did someone else picked them up. But he would always do whatever he had to keep the people he loved safe, which is why he needed those moments with Felicity, why he treasured those moments, even when she told him she didn't want to be the woman he loved.
He opened his eyes, focusing on a spot in the loft in an attempt to take the sting out of those words. To take the sting out of the truth of those words. He would always be called away from the ones he loved, there would always be a distance between them, but he couldn't help loving her. Out of all the women he had loved, and Heaven knew there were many, he needed her the most, needed her defiance, her unwavering faith that he must always do what's right, even when that meant doing something that might be wrong.
He heard a noise and looked up to see Thea coming down the stairs. "Ollie, what are you doing up?"
He gave her a tired smile as she walked toward him. "Brooding. You were more accepting of my relapse with jail time than others were."
She sat down in front of him, leaning against the window, then rolled her head around to look at him. "Felicity wasn't okay with your disappearing for a month without a word?"
He laughed, not surprised that she knew how he felt. "Am I that transparent?"
Thea gave him a small smile. "About your feelings for her?" She shrugged. "To me you are, and well her feelings for you." She smiled fully now. "It's one of her charms."
His laugh was short and harsh and he ran a hand over his face. "So is her defiance. She always puts me in my place, and tonight was no exception. After hugging the life out of me, she read me the riot act." He paused, then added, "She told me she didn't want to be a woman I loved."
Thea frowned. "That seems harsh."
He sighed and shook his head. "No, it was warranted. She recognized a pattern about the people I love, about how I treat them, and she called me on it." He shook his head. "I don't really know how to explain the fight, but she's right, and it only makes me love her more."
Thea laughed. "You have it bad, Ollie."
He laughed too, a genuine smile on his face as he nodded. "Yes, yes I do."
"So what are you going to do to fix it?"
He sighed again. "Try to earn her trust back. She's hurt and feeling betrayed, and she has every right to. I have to make her believe in me again. I think trying to convince her will make me a better person."
"Some people just need a guiding star," she said as she rolled her head back to staring in front of her.
He nudged her with his foot. "Like you and Merlin."
She rolled her head back to look at him. "What do you mean?"
He shrugged. "I just think you could be a good influence on him."
She looked at him suspiciously, narrowing her eyes at him. "You're being awfully cool about Merlin since you got back."
He was quiet for a moment, then finally he said, "He's important to you. Sometimes you have to accept people you don't trust, but I'd like to think you can make him a better person."
"Just like Felicity does for you."
He smiled. "We all need our guiding stars."
Thea stood, put her hand briefly on his shoulder. "Good thing she loves you as much as you love you. I'm going to bed. Get some sleep, Ollie."
He squeezed her hand and watched her as she walked back upstairs. When she was out of sight he looked back out the window. He loved Felicity, he just didn't know how to love her in this life that wasn't his own, but he knew that if he had to work with Merlin he needed those moments with Felicity, the good ones and the bad, because sometimes you needed a guiding star to keep you on your path, and from the very beginning, from the moment he had first met Felicity and she had questioned his excuse of split coffee, she had been his guiding star.
Thanks for reading! Felicity's strength has always been my favorite thing I love about her, and I wanted Oliver to take comfort in her words, as much as they pained him. Hopefully I portrayed that here. Much love!