A/N: Ayden fu for getting me into eruri also fuck isayama for chapter 81. Don't judge me this is the result of desperate RPing.

Alt title: Denial of chapter 81.

I can hold my breath,

I can bite my tongue,

I can stay awake for days,

if that's what you want,

Be your number one,

Levi had attempted to convince Zeke to turn Erwin into a titan, so that he could feed Zeke to him. He walked away, wiping his forehead, before, 20 meters away, he collapsed.

Erwin watches Levi up until the moment he collapses nearby and the realization hits him. Levi was going to die for him if this kept up and he'd end up just another soldier who died for his cause. He couldn't accept a fate like that. Regardless of his own life, he'd make sure Levi lived.

Suddenly a feeling of intense energy surrounds Erwin and his vision is high above the trees. He scoops Levi in his arm and carries him to a safer area, away from the battlefield. Levi's body had finally collapsed, in soreness and exhaustion. Erwin walked straight to the safe area near the outskirts of the woods, placing him on the soft green grass, somehow still unstained with blood.

Levi seemed to be regaining some form of consciousness, his arm seeking out his knife. He refused to die from a titan; he was going to choose his own way out. His eyes opened slightly, trying to focus on the large hand in front of him. Erwin looks to Levi pleadingly and tries to mouth his name but he hears the sound of hooves approaching and turns his attention towards the soldiers galloping towards them.

Focused on keeping Levi safe, and unable to discern the identities of the men approaching, Erwin picks Levi up carefully in his hand and lets out a threatening roar before retreating with Levi. Levi shrieked, his body shaking as soon as "it" picked him up… Was this Erwin? He shut his eyes, trying to relax, attempting to save the last energy his body had.

Erwin searches the surrounding area for somewhere he could take Levi where no one would find them. A few of the soldiers try to use their gear to stop him and he swats them away. Levi tried to cry out that it was Erwin. It came out as a weak croak. Erwin kept running, until he came upon a safe location—in the middle of the woods. He set Levi down gently, looking for movement as he got down on all fours, looking at him, his mouth curling up—almost like a strange, frightening smile.

"Come out…. Erwin…. I want to see you… please," he said, leaning against the tree. Erwin shook his head—he wasn't sure he knew how to change back on his own, or even if it was safe too. It would be harder to protect Levi out of titan form.

"I don't… I can't get you out… I don't have a sword, Erwin…."

Erwin pauses for a moment and when it finally hits him he takes his hand to his nape and scratches at the skin of his nape before he's finally able to grab the skin. He lets out a pained groan as the titan body starts steaming and his human body pushes out of the nape with a powerful release of steam, his eyes opening. Levi attempted to climb up and help.

"Erwin…. Erwin…."

He manages to muster up his last bit of strength to break his human form free of the flesh before his titan body collapses. Levi forced his body up again.

"Erwin…. wake up….. God…."

"Levi…." he said faintly, consciousness returning to him.

Levi burst into tears, pulling him into his arms his hand reaching for Erwin's right arm, there again. He cried harder, his other hand snaking to where the hole in his stomach had once been.

"Erwin…. I almost lost you… Don't you dare fucking scare me like that again….. Erwin…."

"Thank God, I thought I was going to lose you."

Erwin wraps his arms around Levi and embraces him tightly. He never thought he'd get the chance to hold Levi again and he almost felt like tearing up himself. Levi started to hyperventilate, reality hitting him like a punch to the stomach. It felt like the air had been knocked out of him, and he couldn't breathe.

"I…. can't… breathe…" he choked out.

"Stay calm and take a moment to take it all in, Levi…"

"It's too much…" he said, looking at him, "It's too much, Erwin… I can't take more of this…."

"I know Levi, I know," he paused, "lay on me."

"I've… tried so hard to keep it together…. I don't…. I can't…. things are falling apart, Erwin…."

"You've done well Levi, and now you can rest. It's my turn look after you," he paused, "I love you. Thank you, for keeping your promise."

"I… I love you… too…" he said, "You have your body back now, too…"

"Yes, I noticed..." Erwin looks over at his right arm. "I'm surprised considering I lost my arm before I became a titan."

"You're…. Kiss me, Erwin. Tell me this is real…."

Erwin leans in and kisses Levi tenderly on his lips, holding the kiss for a moment.

"I… I love you so much, Erwin," he said, "love me… Take me away from here…"

"You'd be really be fine with leaving? What about your Squad?"

"We… We need to stop them…. I seriously have no idea… how much more I can do…. I'll fall apart… and I don't think you'll be able to pick up the pieces this time…."

Erwin ponders over this for a moment. He had already excepted that he wouldn't see his plan through to its full fruition when he was dying; he wasn't sure he could just abandon everything now.

"What do you want me to do?"

"Make this decision for me."

"All right, I'll call off the mission."

"Please…. I really can't do it…. The ape titan is dead….. Do you want…. we need to go to the basement…. Let's call it off, and reassess… Eren has got to be in a mess… and everyone else… That… leaves… Reiner? Bertolt… Ymir."

"Yes, at this point it would be best to regroup before we do anything further; we'll head back home and get our bearings. With their leader gone the shifters will also have no choice but to regroup as well so that should buy us a little time."

"Who were those soldiers coming after us…. Do you know…. I couldn't see…."

"I couldn't make them out very clearly, I couldn't focus on anything other than getting you to safety."

"We can't go back with you as a titan…."

"But we don't have much choice. They'll know once they see my right arm."

"I'm saying in your titan form, Erwin."

"Ah, Yes... of course. I plan to return in my human form. I'll have to learn how to control my titan form more effectively before I risk shifting again."

"You… were in such control…. You carried me, Erwin… You held me…. You were concerned… God, Erwin… When I realized it was you… I was so happy…"

"I suspected that to be the case, eating another shifter is the only way you can become one correct?" he gazes into Levi's eyes, "Levi, I can't even tell you how grateful I am that you're still alive... I didn't want to see you leave this world with me."

"I…. I'm…. I couldn't live in this world without you…. I planned on dying with you, Erwin…. I almost did after you grabbed onto me…."

"But thanks to you, we'll survive together," Erwin gets up, "are you feeling any better?"

"I… I can manage…" he said, grabbing for his hand, "Can… I bother you for a piggyback ride?"

Erwin keeps himself steady as Levi climbs onto his back. "All right, let's take the kids back home." Levi nodded, nuzzling into Erwin's neck.

"Wow, I managed to get us pretty far out of the way," he observed aloud.

"You always take care of me… in the end… pick up the pieces…"

"I owe you for protecting me all these years—and I couldn't let the man I love die."

I can fake a smile

I can force a laugh

I can dance and play the part if that's what you ask,

Give you all I am, I can do it. I can do it. I can do it.

But I'm human.