Zoro's hand was shaking, and he cursed himself for not staying more composed. This was something he had thought about nonstop the last few weeks, he knew what he needed to do. His eyes though, they struggled to focus on the cook's name written on the outside of the envelope. It was a never ending battle. Did he leave it here, for him to find, or did he remain silent about it...forever?
All he could hear were the voices of his friends in the back of his mind, telling him how hopeless it was, how Zoro was only hurting himself by putting himself through it. But how could he not? He loved Sanji, truly and whole heartedly loved the bastard. How could he not wait until the last possible minute for even the tiniest glimpse of hope?
But now it was much to late. He was on borrowed time he wasn't allowed to have. He was interfering by harboring such feelings, yet wanting to stick swallowed thickly, dropping the envelope down onto the table. He didn't have much time now. The groom had only just stepped out, something about helping with instructions to a catering crew, but that didn't matter.
Zoro had his full. He couldn't have asked for a better last image of his love that didn't match like he had hoped. Sanji couldn't stop grinning even if you paid him a million dollars to. He was all dressed up a tux, hell it was his wedding day he was going to look extravagant, who would expect anything less from him? It was a bittersweet memory that was to be his last of the blond. Zoro would cherish it, regardless if it meant it was the last moment before he went and married someone else. Even though it was a reminder he was not good enough to be the one standing up there and across from him.
Without realizing it the pressure in his eyes had become to much, straining them to become red. He should go now, there was no use waiting around. He didn't want to get caught by Sanji and have to explain something, or worse, see his expression when he read it. It was Zoro's soul written down on paper, the truth that had been locked up in his mind the last few years that they'd known each other, the things he thought each time Sanji laughed, or smiled, or created an extra special insult just for him.
No Zoro couldn't. He'd come to his decision. He'd made up his mind and waited until the last possible moment like he promised himself. He couldn't help but repeat it again and again. He was giving up Sanji. It was the only thing he could do, throw in the towel. It wasn't his or Sanji's fault. He had tried, honestly and really tried over and over to reach out to him, only to miss the spot light. Sure, he could have done more for it, screamed it from the top of his lungs and demanded Sanji look at him, really look at him, the way he always wanted. But it was useless and Zoro wasn't the type of person to force his affections on another. If it didn't come up on it's own, he didn't want it to happen.
He could only tell Sanji the truth now, when he knew there wouldn't be another time. Because Sanji might have his happy ending here, but the only way Zoro could possible find a happy ending was somewhere else, far from his soul mate.
Because no one ever said that just because they are your soul mate, which Zoro felt Sanji truly was, that they would pick you. He didn't know if it meant he was at the butt end of the cosmic universes bad joke, but he was determined to find peace with it. He'd met his soul mate, had fantastic years and memories that he wouldn't trade anything for with Sanji, but this lifetime, they would not spend together. If he suffered now, could there be a light later in a different life, a different place, to bring them together again?
Wishful thinking was only taking up more time. He turned from the table, looking at the door, his hand shakily moving to check for the ticket he'd stored in his inner coat pocket. Satisfied to find it there, he clenched his teeth, taking a deep breathe. Then he stepped forward, opened the door and stepped outside. The cook was blessed to have so many to come and support him, letting Zoro blend in easily with the crowd standing around waiting to get into the chapel. Unfortunately, he wouldn't be here to support him, even as a best man. He found his way out on his own, preparing for the rest of his life the same way, a painful but happy smile on his face. Sanji would live a good life.
Sanji was sure of it too, positively radiating when he walked back into the room he had been dressing earlier with his best man. He came in, having nearly slammed the door open in his excitement and with a kick in his step, strolled on in.
Of course the first thing he moved to would be the mirror, but being the goofy dork he was, he combed his bang, already starting a rant about how the kitchen staff was going ape shit and how he might as well go down there himself to get stuff ready, he would probably accomplish it in half the allowed time. He laughed, glancing to the back of the reflection, expecting a reply or to see the other man he'd left here in the room, only to be disappointed.
His brow furrowed slightly, and he turned, feeling the weight of an empty room. It was silencing. He called out Zoro's name, walking around the room and even checking the closet, or the bathroom door that was connected. Without realizing it his heart had began to race. Surely Zoro, one of the most important people here for him, who he'd be no where without, hadn't ditched him on the biggest day of his life? He was his best man, he needed him there, he was the one who was going to get him through this day when things got rough.
That's when Sanji's eyes found it, laying there on the table along with colognes. His chest felt empty, approaching it and staring down, the tips of his fingers brushing across his name written in that god awful script that was more appealing to him then the most stunning of penmanships. He picked it up quickly, a burning in his fingertips, as if it would burst into flame before he could read it. He dropped the envelope, letting the envelope fall, cursing because a photo fell out of it.
He bent down, quickly picking it up and seeing it. It was Zoro, his arm wrapped around his shoulder and holding him close. He looked positively smitten and happy, and Sanji recognized it. It was a memory he often referred to as the happiest he had. Allowing a chorus of curses to escape his lips, there were a million thoughts coming to his mind about what this meant, what would be said in this letter.
He didn't stand back up, letting gravity take hold of him, dragging him down to the ground as he began to read it. What was this? Why was this here, on this day of all days? Were these Zoro's real thoughts, and feelings? The blonde sat there in silence, letting each word ingrave into his mind. This was the worst. This wasn't what he wanted. Things weren't suppose to turn out this way.
Sanji never realized what Zoro had thought all this time, he had just shrugged it off. The thing that tore through him the most? He had felt the same. He had been the same to Zoro, loving him from afar. Had he known that Zoro had loved him back, that he had ever had a chance, he would have never put either of them through this. He literally thought what he did was the best, thought Zoro didn't even swing that way and that he'd get shot down immediately if he even tried.
The truth was he loved Zoro just as much, if these words were true. He loved being near him, the very thought of him, he couldn't go through a single conversation without the damn bastard finding its way into the content, it was a wonder any woman would marry him at all. But then, his eyes, nearly swelled to fight back prideful tears, found the bottom of the page. The reason Zoro finally wrote down his feelings, addressing them as final words. He was leaving and giving up Sanji, so that he may live his life to the fullest with his new bride and future family.
"No." Sanji said breathlessly, all the pain coming to his face.
No this couldn't be it. Zoro couldn't be leaving him. What was he doing sitting around here? Zoro had just been here, maybe if he tried he could find him. Nothing else mattered anymore. Nothing, and that included getting married to some woman he thought he knew, but honestly someone who ranked much higher on the scale, which Sanji could truly see his life with, was much more important. He jumped to his feet, putting the letter and photo back onto the table, fleeing towards the door and slamming it open.
The area outside was more empty now, the guests being invited and seated into the chapel. A man, someone from the brides side of the family gently cuffed his arm while he walked, lost in thought. He had tried to explain to him that the ceremony is ready to start, should Sanji take his place, but the cook brushed him off. To his concern there was no wedding. How could he put Zoro through what he had, asking him to be his best man? How could he, having felt something just as strongly, having always wanted just the slightest chance with Zoro, have been so blind to each and every effort he made for the same cause?
Sanji wasn't sure what he'd do when he found Zoro, if he found him, but he knew he couldn't let this go to waste. This was like a second chance before the first chance was ruined. There was still time, there had to be, he wasn't a married man yet and he wouldn't be, not unless it was some Marimo up there with him, dressed in white or not. He didn't know what he'd say, but he knew he just had to say something. Something to get Zoro to understand him as well, to be with him, to start anew. To set everything right.
Author's Note: The result of listening to 'Say something' by A great big world about a dozen times cause in one of those feels. XD Hope you enjoyed, all comments and reviews welcome!
A special thank you to BlacKat- GrenEys for going out of her way to beta this for me! =u=b it is much appreciated and sorry for making you cry but you took it like a champ ./shot.