Falling Into Place – A 'Jelly' FanFiction
"What kind of freak stays at work this late?" The story behind why Jen was still at school to catch Bart.
Jen couldn't help it. Whilst Tilly was in her lessons she found herself constantly staring, drifting off into different worlds. Worlds where they were together. Worlds where they could work.
It was insane. Over and over again Jen told herself that she was insane. She was a teacher, and Tilly was her student. God, she wasn't even a teacher yet. The phrase 'Over before it's even started' comes to mind.
But somehow, she still couldn't help looking. No matter how much she told herself not to, she still stared, still dared to dream. And what made it so much harder was that she knew Tilly was doing exactly the same thing. Jen would often catch Tilly smiling at her, and it was obvious from her work that she wasn't focusing in class.
They needed to talk, Jen knew this. But every time they tried, she got scared. She shouted and fired accusations when it was just as much her fault as Tilly's. More than in the eyes of the law. She was the one that would be fired, after all. But she needed to talk to her. She needed to get both of them back on track. Tilly's art was amazing, and Jen was not about to let her fail because she found a distraction. If it was anything else, she would have already dealt with it. Just because it involved her, why should it make a difference? It was still a student's work after all, and Jen had the responsibility of helping Tilly to her full potential. And with this oh so convincing story playing in the back of her mind, Jen finally bit the bullet and decided to approach Tilly.
As the bell sounded for the end of class, Jen practically had to run to stop Tilly leaving the room. That was the way it was now – Tilly got in and out of the classroom as fast as she could, no time for talking anymore. But Jen knew this by now and made sure she was by the door before the students left, then it was easy to ask Tilly to stay behind. It was just her friends she needed to get rid of now.
"We'll wait here for you, Tilly."
"It's OK, Maddie," Jen replied quickly. "This'll only take a second, but I'd appreciate it if you'd wait outside."
"Why, Miss Gilmore? Got something to hide?" Jen could feel Maddie glaring at her, though she didn't show it. Although Tilly denied it, Jen was sure that Maddie knew. Even if she didn't know the full story, she knew that something was going on. Or had gone on. Nobody would speak to a teacher like that. Ok, so she wasn't exactly a teacher yet, and Maddie was the beautiful, blonde, Queen Bee of the school that thought she could get away with anything, but even she used to have a little respect.
"Maddie, go and find George. He'll be waiting for us by the café." Jen smiled, silently thanking whoever's up there for keeping Tilly on her side, even after the way she treated her.
Maddie listened to Tilly straight away, and though she was reluctant to leave, she soon turned around, even shutting the door on her way out. Immediately Jen turned to Tilly, who was already walking towards the easel where her most recent work was waiting. With a deep breath, Jen tried to talk, but made another silent 'thank you' when Tilly beat her to it.
"I'm guessing you don't just want to talk about my work? What, with asking Maddie to leave and everything."
"Well, I… I do want to talk about your work, yes, actually. But we need to talk about something else too. You know what… I mean, of course you do, I mean, you know why… just-" Jen was cut off when Tilly lightly placed her finger over Jen's lips.
"You look cute when you get flustered."
Jen was shocked and her eyes widened as she pulled Tilly's hand away and tried to speak again, already knowing what she was going to say. And she could tell by the look in her eyes that Tilly had a pretty good idea too.
"Tilly, we can't. Not here, not now. I need to talk to you about it. We really need to… Oh, I don't know. But come back later. A few hours after sixth form finishes. I'll wait around… I mean, I have work to do anyway, so I can stay here for a while, and no one will be around then. We can talk properly."
"OK." It was a straight reply, and for some reason Jen felt guilty. She couldn't help thinking that she'd upset her, but what else could she do? This needed sorting. It was only when Jen noticed that Tilly had picked up her bag that she snapped out of her thoughts.
"Hold on you! We still need to talk about your work. I mean, seriously," Jen laughed as she walked towards Tilly's easel. "What on Earth is going on here?" Tilly laughed too, and Jen couldn't help thinking that she would never get tired of the sound.
Three o'clock came and went, and Jen grew all the more nervous as time went on. No matter how hard she tried to work, she could never quite convince herself to do it. Not well at least. The whole situation reminded her of the way she told herself that a relationship was insane. That was useless too.
Eventually, far later than she expected, Tilly turned up. It had gone seven by now, and Jen couldn't help but wonder how long she would have waited. Something told her she would have waited all night. Though she said hello, anything else was worthless. They both knew why they were here, why waste time putting off the conversation?
"I want to stay friends with you. You're a great girl, Tilly, and I want to keep you in my life, but it's too risky to be with you. You know that, don't you?"
"It won't work."
Jen was shocked. It was such a blunt answer. Normally, Tilly tries to convince her, tries to persuade her that a relationship was clearly the best option. Stunned, Jen could barley manage a reply, and eventually settled on "What?"
"It won't work, Jen. We've tried. Being friends doesn't work. Whenever we try to talk, I just want to touch you, to hold you, to kiss you. Jen, you can't tease me with that anymore."
"But I can't just let you go-"
"Then don't."
"Tilly, please…"
"Jen, what do you want me to say? I can't just keep pretending that nothing's going on between us. You can't either. You said yourself, we'll just keep getting distracted and someone will figure out what happened."
Tilly's words hurt. They were things that Jen had said to Tilly so many times before, but she didn't realise how much she could have hurt her. The idea of losing Tilly finally seemed real, and the pain that it caused her reduced her to whispers whilst the butterflies in her stomach burned and screamed as they tried to drag her to the floor.
"I don't want to lose you," Jen managed to whisper before feeling Tilly's hand cup her cheek. For the first time in weeks, she didn't fight it and simply let her eyes flutter shut. She didn't want to say anything. She didn't want Tilly to say anything. But she did. She said that one thing that could still shock her.
"Jen, I love you."
Jen's eyes flew open. She never thought about anything except Tilly. The only things that were ever on her mind were excuses she could use to talk to her. The only thing she never thought about was love. She wouldn't let herself. She knew what she'd find if she did.
But finally it was all coming together. She cared more about Tilly than she thought was possible, and she knew that Tilly felt the same for her. Maybe she was worth the risk. It was a stupid rule anyway. OK, so she didn't really trust herself – surely she'd do something to give it away – but with a little bit of caution, maybe they could make it work.
She loved Tilly. Of course she did, it was as clear as day to anyone who looked. It was time to stop thinking. She just didn't care anymore. Right now, it was only her and Tilly and nothing was going to separate them.
After a long pause, Jen took Tilly's hand and leaned forwards towards her. She let her lips brush across Tilly's and made a mental note of how soft they were. She could feel Tilly holding herself back, letting Jen lead, and once again Jen felt guilty. Tilly didn't want to scare her off again, like she had so many times before, though Jen could tell that she wanted just as much to close the tiny gap between them. Desperately Jen tried to think of something to say, but nothing really seemed appropriate, so she decided instead just to kiss her. Surely that says more anyway. But just as she'd decided on the best use for her mouth, there was a crash from the classroom next door and the two girls sprang apart.
"Leave."
Tilly turned to Jen, confused. "What? But I thought-"
"Tilly, leave. Whoever that is, you need to go. If it's staff, which is unlikely, then they can't see us together this late. If it's a student, which is even less likely, well, same reasons. And if it's neither, then you definitely need to get out of here."
"Well you do too!"
"No Tilly, you go. I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"No you won't"
"Yes Tilly, I will, I promise. Please just go." At that Tilly turned and ran towards the door, sweeping up her bag as she passed it. Just as she reached the door Jen called out after her.
"Tilly!" Tilly stopped but did not turn around. "I love you." The minute the words had left Jen's mouth Tilly turned around and ran back to her. She wrapped one arm around Jen and pulled their lips together. She kissed her so passionately that all Jen felt from her was love. Almost as soon as it had started, Tilly pulled away and ran out of the room. Jen took a moment to compose herself, whispering yet another silent thank you, before carefully walking towards the room next door.
When Jen got to the room she took a deep breath before opening the door and turning on the light. What she saw was Bart McQueen, desperately trying to unplug a computer from the wall. On seeing Bart a wave of relief swept through her – somehow she knew that he had more problems than she did. With one final thought of Tilly, Jen turned her mind to the problem in front of her. She didn't mind. She'd see Tilly tomorrow. Finally, everything was falling into place.