It wasn't a world for children anymore.
Maybe not even adults. She was elated when Hershel saved her boy, but just weeks later, after the farm fell, she saw her own boy get torn apart in front of her, and she was powerless to stop it.
Being shunned by her husband, the one person in what was left of the world who should stand by her, made it a point to avoid her at all costs. Just when she needed him the most, just when she needed to hold the father of her deceased son, he turned his back.
She deserved it, she thought, after she pushed him away that night beside the dying fire. He thought it was because she had feelings for Shane, her one mistake. But he was also the man who raped her that one time when they thought they were safe.
She tried to apologize, again and again, but was met with stony silence. He didn't even stand with her when their son was placed into his grave.
It wasn't a world for children. She felt guilty for thinking…for hoping that her history of miscarriage would work in her benefit.
Carol grieved with her, both mothers having lost a daughter. The grey haired beauty was her only form of the emotional support she needed.
The one day they found an abandoned shopping mall. Andrea was in her glory, grabbing Coach purses without having to worry about money. When they were settled down for the night she pulled barely there clothes out of the Victoria's Secret bags to show them off in a desperate attempt to get the attention of the men.
Lori didn't care anymore. She had to do what needed to be done. The department store which was attached to the mall allowed for some to look for food and clothing, while she and Merle went to the pharmacy. The redneck loaded up bags of medications, and after searching, Lori found when she needed. She was foolish to think a morning after pill would do the job.
Without making the same mistake, she quickly read through the directions. Two pills, taken twenty four hours apart. While nobody was looking, she swallowed the first large pill, washing it down with the water from a crushed plastic bottle. She slipped the other pill, unnamed and unmarked, into her pocket. When she left the area with a bag of first aid supplies she saw a half opened box, but what caught her gaze was the yellow object on the floor. She picked it up, clicked the sharp part back, and put it in her pocket.
Rick had cleared the bookstore, and they ate stale biscotti from the café. While her husband was looking at the books young, hopeful medical school students would have purchased when there were still alive people to treat, Lori was reading through a book about surviving emotional manipulation.
After fifteen years together, thirteen spent in a roller coaster marriage, she was in shock when she read through what was a checklist. They resort to pouting or withdrawal to get attention or attain what they want. Check. They don't show you empathy or compassion. Check. They disengage or use neglect or abandonment to punish or frighten you. Check. They are emotionally distant or emotionally unavailable most of the time. Check.They invalidate or deny their emotionally abusive behavior when confronted. Check.
She never realized the pattern she fell into. A chill crept up her spine as she realized she couldn't think of a peaceful resolution to any argument they had. And with Carl gone, it was as if their marriage never existed. Whatever arrangement they had, it was all a lie.
Her fingers were trembling when she unzipped the backpack she held so dear. She pulled put the photo album that reminded her of a much happier day. Flowers everywhere, guests waiting in sweet anticipation, happy smiles. After throwing the book to the side, she replaced it with her manual.
The cramps woke her out of a light sleep. The store was pitch black, but she memorized the walk to the bathroom. She walked bent over, partly because of the pain in her stomach and also to feel the floor as to not to step on anyone. She was holding onto the bag from Macy's that she prepared when the light was still low.
A bright light shown in her eyes, making her wince and raise her hand. She knew it was Rick, checking to see what the noise was. She looked away, needing to get to the bathroom.
The spasms were horrific. She never felt so much agony. When she turned on the tap no water came out to help her since the vomit out of her mouth. The bathroom was dark, and she knew she was bleeding heavily. She couldn't see to clean herself up.
When she changed into the new clothes, threw the blood stained ones in the trash and left the small room.
Rick was standing near the entrance to the bathrooms. He clicked the flashlight on and was about to ask if she was okay.
Without a word, she motioned for him to hold out his hand. She dropped her wedding and engagement rings into the palm of his hand and walked away.