a short sketch
(NOTE: for best effects concerning George's "acne," use small, round, red stickers which can be removed easily . . . or just pretend. :-)
(GEORGE walks on SL, hanging his head, and stops center stage. He bends over to look at something.)
GEORGE
Ew. Roadkill. A toad, or something.
CLEARASIL (from offstage)
George! (runs on SL) George! Oh, there you are. I was afraid I'd lost you.
GEORGE (startled)
Who are you?
CLEARASIL
I'm Clearasil. I'm your guardian angel.
GEORGE
Guardian . . . ? Don't angels have wings? Wait, did you say Clearasil? (rubs pimpled face)
CLEARASIL
That's my name. And yes, most of us do have wings. I'm just an angel, second class. Anyway . . . (looks at GEORGE expectantly)
GEORGE
What??
CLEARASIL
Well, aren't you going to tell me?
GEORGE
Tell you what?
CLEARASIL
Tell me that you wish you were never born.
GEORGE
What?! OH. You've got the wrong George. THIS (points to face) is what I wish I never had.
CLEARASIL
Well, then. (notices toad) E-e-ew! (shudders) Roadkill!
MARY (enters SR)
George? George! Oh! (sees CLEARASIL) Who are you?
CLEARASIL
Oops! You're not supposed to be able to see me. (sprinkles something over his head)
MARY
Where did he go?
CLEARASIL
That's better.
GEORGE (looks from one to another, puzzled)
Nowhere?
MARY (eyes grow wide as she notices toad)
Eek!
MARTIN (enters SL)
George? Mary? You need to go back home. Your parents are looking for you.
(MARY and MARTIN start to leave. MARTIN notices roadkill and walks in a wide circle around it.)
GEORGE
I'll be along in a minute.
(MARY and MARTIN exit SR.)
GEORGE
Now, where were we? You're Clearasil, you say. Can you clear up my face?
CLEARASIL
Your face? Yes, I can, but the effects would be . . . DISASTROUS!
GEORGE
Yeah, right. The only disaster is that I have acne in the first place!
CLEARASIL (gasps)
NOW I see why I was assigned to this case. Now how . . . ? Well, yes . . . I suppose that might work. (looks upward) What do you think? (turns back to GEORGE) Okay, George. You've got what you asked for. (removes pimples from GEORGE's face and pust them on the toad, who "hops away)
GEORGE (feels face)
I don't have any more zits! Hey, what happened to that toad?
CLEARASIL
Hmm. When you got rid of your acne it must have had the aftereffect of bringing the toad back to life . . . (puzzled) Somehow . . . I'll have to talk to God about that one.
(MARY walks on SR, talking to MARTIN.)
GEORGE
Hey, Mary! Martin!
(They walk on by, ignoring him, and exit SL.)
CLEARASIL
George, since you never had acne, you allowed your self-image to become rather . . . bloated, and you became rather stuck-up. Neither Martin nor Mary are speaking to you.
GEORGE (frowns)
Harry! Where is Harry?
CLEARASIL
Your brother's gone, George. Remember when you saved his life when you went ice-skating five years ago? Well, because you never had acne, you considered your face too important to freeze and your nose too important to run. You weren't there to save him, George.
(ERNIE and BERT enter SL.)
GEORGE
Ernie! Bert! You're still with me, right?
ERNIE
Yeah, right. We never were.
(They exit SR.)
CLEARASIL
George, you tease them for being Sesame Street characters. I'm afraid they aren't speaking to you, either.
GEORGE
No! This is awful! I want my face again! (hides face in hands in a sob and kneels) I want acne again.
(Meanwhile, CLEARASIL has gone to fetch the toad and puts the "acne" back on GEORGE's face, dropping the toad, once again roadkill.)
BERT (enters SR)
George, are you OK?
GEORGE (still not looking up)
What would you care? You aren't speaking to me, remember?
BERT
What? George, you're my friend.
GEORGE (feels face and hops up)
Bert! (hugs him, then proceeds running around and finding things to say to . . .) I love you, _________! I love you, ________! (etc.)
(BERT leaves inconspicuously, SR.)
GEORGE (encounters toad and hesitates, then picks it up)
I love you, toad!
(bell rings)
GEORGE
I've heard that every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings. Attaboy, Clearasil! Thank you, Lord, for giving me acne!
THE END