For some reason, dark and lemony is the only way I seem to know how to write for this couple. Please forgive me.
Anyway, if you forgot how to read summaries or ratings, this is rated M for sexual content and stuff. Uses dub names. Takes place after the series. If you're too young to be reading M-rated fics, I would recommend that you leave. But I'm probably too young to be writing them, so I can hardly talk.
This story was beta-read by DancingKirby. Who wins at life.
She opens the door for him every night, but when he comes, it isn't for her.
When the sun goes down, she becomes restless, though she tries to hide it. She bustles around her apartment, always moving, never holding still for longer than a second.
Knowing that he is coming.
Not long after darkness falls each night, the knock on her door sounds. Alexis opens it to find Zane in the threshold, black coat and all, and they hold each other's gaze for a brief moment—hers sad and accepting and his devoid of emotion—before they wander to the bed and have sex.
It happens every night without fail, and both of them get something out of these nightly meetings. Zane gets the feeling of victory; the knowledge that no matter what happens in the duel arena, he can still dominate someone with ease outside of it. Alexis, of course, gets to be with Zane, even if only for a moment.
Despite the haze that he puts her under every night, however, she knows that she isn't really with Zane—not the way she wants to be. She does not lie to herself; she knows what those nights really are. She knows that his coming over every night and making love to her are not for her; when he comes, he is thinking of himself and his desires, nothing more. She knows that when he kisses her and feels her and strokes every part of her body he can touch, it's not an expression of love.
But even knowing this, she never stops him. Even though he arrives at her door and breaks her heart every night, she never says a word to make him quit. She still kisses him back when he kisses her and moans when he touches her, because it is Zane.
Because she loves him. She's loved him for years, even when he fell into a darkness that he never came out of, and she knows that this is all she can do to be close to him. He won't be with her any other way.
And because she loves him, she never fights him; she only follows his every command, and doesn't try to stop him when he leaves after they finish. Sometimes she cries for the pieces of her glass heart that he takes with him when he disappears, but it's always silent, always after he has left.
Making him happy is all that matters to her.
One night, he doesn't appear.
She is confused and worried by this, but doesn't know what to do. She doesn't have his phone number or address, nor does she know anyone with said information, and she doesn't know how else to reach him.
She stops herself in the midst of her concern, shaking her head and burying her face in her hands. Why do I care?
Why does she care? Zane isn't her husband, her boyfriend, her anything. He's just a Pro League duelist with a brutal attitude who feels the need to come to her house and have sex with her every night. He doesn't care about her; his heart is locked away behind a shield of darkness and ice and cruel words and those electrodes. There is no "us" with him and her; only two separate people.
She shouldn't care at all.
But I do. I do care.
She cares anyway—because her emotions are that strong, because she can't move on, because he's the only one she can ever imagine herself caring for in that way. Whatever the reason, it's still the truth.
I love him.
When he shows up the next night, he says something to her, for the first time in a very long time.
"I ran into my little brother last night. He wanted to duel me. I thought I should teach him a lesson. He kept getting back up. I had to duel him fourteen times before he collapsed."
She doesn't reply, only stares.
After a few seconds, they go over to the bed and proceed to start stripping each other of clothes. But this time, Alexis is hesitant without quite knowing why. Her motions are uncertain, and she finds herself wanting to cry, but doesn't.
When they are both naked, he leans over her, and she speaks up for the first time.
"Zane?"
He stares down at her with turquoise eyes that show a faint trace of surprise. Possibly he is shocked at the fact that she actually said something.
Whatever the case, his mask of hardness quickly goes back on, and he replies, his voice scornful. "What?"
Alexis bites her lip. She doesn't know what she wants to say, but she feels the need to say something.
She swallows. "I…" Her voice breaks, and she clears her throat and tries again. "I…"
She trails off, feeling like an idiot. What is she trying to say? She can't even get more than one word out into the open; why is she bothering?
He waits a few seconds, then plunges right on top of her, his lips making for the side of her neck. She fights the urge to scream as he roughly kisses her there.
When his hands begin moving over her breasts and stomach and waist, she struggles to push him off. He sits up and gives her a questioning stare.
She sighs and looks at him with sad eyes. "Zane," she says quietly.
"Don't," he says, his voice loud and abrupt.
She gives him a blank look. "What?"
"Don't…give me that look," he says forcefully.
Alexis looks away, tears forming in her eyes. "I'm sorry."
Zane immediately grabs her arm and pulls her to face him. "Why?" he demands.
Alexis sighs and reaches up to swipe at her eyes with the back of her hand. "For not being good enough for you. For not being enough to make you happy." She laughs bitterly. "You must really think I'm weak."
Zane seems shocked at her statement. He lets go of her arm and turns away. "You shouldn't be apologizing," he tells her, and there is something tortured in his voice. "You have nothing to be sorry for."
At this, Alexis bites down hard on her lip, but it isn't enough to keep the tears from streaming down her face, thick and fast.
She thinks of the Zane from the past, the one who actually did care, the one who first captured her heart, all those years ago; she thinks of how he slips away from her time and again, no matter how hard she tries to hold on; she thinks of how she's shattering her heart just to be with the Zane that's in front of her now…
"You're wrong," she chokes out.
She bows her head, sobbing quietly, wishing desperately that she could hide her tears from Zane. And yet, at the same time, she wants to keep crying forever, and just let the tears fall.
Isn't that fair? Doesn't she have the right to cry, after everything that's happened, everything he's done to her?
After a long, silent pause, he takes her chin in one hand and lifts her face up. She is surprised when he uses his free hand to wipe the tears from her cheeks.
"Why are you doing this?" he whispers. "It's killing you."
Alexis can't help but smile at this. The answer is so obvious to her, and yet he doesn't see it.
"Because it's you," she replies softly. "Because you're the one asking me."
He looks confused at this, and she continues.
"I love you," she says boldly. She places her hand on his cheek, still smiling. "It's a pitiful excuse for what I'm doing, but it's true. It always has been."
Zane stares at her in shock.
They sit that way for a long time—her hand on his cheek, his hand supporting her chin, and neither of them move; they only stare at each other.
At last, Zane takes the hand on his cheek and lowers it, holding it in his. Alexis feels her eyes widen when he pulls her body closer, so that their faces are inches apart.
He hesitates for the briefest moment, then leans in and kisses her.
He presses his lips against hers, hard and desperate, and his hands reach up and trace over her face, and his body moves into every line of hers. Her heart pounds wildly as her face and neck ignite under his tender caress, and she reaches for his face, touching it, memorizing it with her fingers.
When both of them are finally out of breath, he breaks away and leans his forehead against hers. Both of them breathe heavily.
"I'm sorry," he whispers.
Alexis backs up and shakes her head. The apology doesn't make her feel better; it only hurts her to see the pained expression on his face. "It's not your fault. I never said—I should have—it's not like I—"
He places his finger on her lips, silencing her. With his other hand, he brushes the hair from her face. He lowers his hands and grips her shoulders.
"I'm sorry," he repeats.
Alexis opens her mouth to speak, but before she can say a word, Zane draws her into his arms, and her cheek falls against his shoulder as she collapses into his embrace. He holds her tightly, so tight it almost hurts, but to her it feels warm and beautiful.
"I was wrong."
A single tear leaks from the corner of her eye at his words, and he pulls her closer, lowering his mouth near her ear.
"I won't hurt you anymore," he promises.
I hope that was okay. Well…sure, it was dark and lemony…but…oh, as long as it wasn't bad.
Also, I believe I need to get my head examined.
RRE.