A/N: Not my first fic but my first one written for Castle. Be gentle. We are a mighty and kind of crazy intimidating fandom. Have fun. I don't own these characters but thank you Terri and Andrew for letting me play with them for a little while.

Starts with dialogue directly from Countdown (3X17) but diverts quickly after that.

Thank you for reading!

"...he looked at me, grabbed all of the wires and just yanked them!"

Rick stared at her, forever amazed how she could manage to bring such beauty to the terrible case they had just closed simply by smiling through the retelling. Her laugh echoed through the conference room, breaking through the severity of the past few hours and providing her coworkers with an opportunity to breathe just a bit.

"All of them?" Ryan asked, turning towards Castle and failing miserably at hiding the boyish, superhero style admiration on his face.

"I figured one of them had to be the right one." Castle answered. He was beginning to feel the weight of the day on his shoulders but kept his tone light for the sake of the group.

They were both holding up well or at least pretending to. Looking into Kate's eyes, affirming that he knew exactly how lucky he was, they were, he could still see the chill from the freezer and the sheer desperation of the situation reflected back at him. She wasn't okay, wasn't remotely okay, but with her "Detective Beckett" mask still firmly in place, he was sure he was the only one who could see that.

She seemed relieved when Fallon interrupted and asked to speak with them. With the spotlight off of her for a moment, Castle saw her shoulders shrink under the weight of the day.

She stayed close to him while they spoke, taking comfort from the solid frame of his body or maybe it was the heat, or maybe he was imagining it; but even as he turned back to her after calling some inane joke after the departing Special Agent, she somehow seemed closer than she had been even a few seconds before.

"Hell of a day, huh?" He offered, approaching the subject of their near death with his trademark levity so as to not drive her back inside herself.

"Hell of a day." She replied.

Kate's eyes held a careful expectancy when she met his gaze and God he could fall in love with her all over again with the soft way that her lips curved upwards in a gentle smile. Maybe the past few days had opened her up a bit, knocked down another piece of that wall she so desperately clung to during cases like this.

Not that they had really ever had a case like this.

Whatever the reason for her sudden warmth, Castle was sure she needed a break and was more than ready to offer her an excuse to get out of the precinct and into his home for dinner.

Martha and Alexis were still in the Hamptons. They would have the loft to themselves and he certainly did not want to be alone to keep off the nagging chill by himself. No, a hot meal and a warm blanket were just what the doctor ordered but the invitation clung to his lips as he watched Dr. Motorcycle Boy approach from behind Kate.

And just for a moment, he had forgotten about him. Just for a moment, it had been just Kate and him and the world they had conquered together. Josh had certainly not played a role in the comfort food and movies he had all but planned out in his head for him and Kate. But, as always, he did the gracious thing. He stepped back physically and emotionally from the situation.

Kate felt his distance acutely as soon as shut down on her mid-sentence though the realization of why took her a few moments longer to figure out. Was a bad sign that she had completely forgotten about Josh? Why was he even here?

She went willingly into Josh's arms but kept her eyes trained on Castle as he sunk against the back wall of the elevator. His physicality had completely changed. His body was heavy, angry maybe? Definitely sad and she hated that she was the cause of that.

Watching him walk away today was almost more painful than watching him walk away with Gina last summer. But this time she was the cause of their ridiculous separation. And why was that again? Because she was with Josh? Had she ever really been with Josh in more than just a physical sense? The thought made her sick to her stomach. She wasn't just lying to herself and to Castle anymore. Now she had brought a completely innocent party into their back and forth, will they, won't they charade.

And wait, did he smell like alcohol? Had Josh been day drinking while she and Castle had almost literally died trying to save him and half of New York City? Resentment flared within her chest but she tempered it down.

Shit.

It wasn't fair and it wasn't right but she had to end this before it got worse. Before she actually started to hate him, his motorcycle, and the chaotic, one foot in, one foot out lifestyle he stood for in her world.

Kate stepped out of the elevator a few steps ahead of Josh. She wanted this done but wouldn't cause a scene in the precinct. No, she could spare him that at least. The cold air sent unnecessary chills through her body and straight to her bones. She wondered if Castle had found a way to warm himself up. He was probably cooking or watching Star Wars for the 900th time under some ridiculously heavy down blankets.

Kate rolled her eyes and smiled at the thought. He was still such a little kid and that was so refreshing to her, not that she would readily admit that yet.

"Your place or mine?" Josh asked, slipping up behind Kate and wrapping his hands ungracefully around her waist.

Tequila. He had definitely been drinking tequila. Cheap, rubbing alcohol quality too if she had to guess.

"Mine is closer." She answered, unaware that he took her answer for an eagerness hop into bed with him.

Kate's mind could not have been further from that scenario. She simply wanted this breakup to happen on her territory and as soon as possible.

Josh pressed into her as soon as the cabbie took off into the Manhattan chaos. His hand skirted her thigh insistently and she swatted him away again and again until he changed positions in favor of sliding his hands up her sapphire blue turtleneck.

"Josh." She hissed, frustrated and more than a little pissed off as she pushed his chest away. "Cut it out."

"Fine, fine." He said, holding his hands up in surrender. "We can wait until we get inside."

She sank back in the seat, skin prickling with disgust and closed her eyes for the duration of the ride.

Kate hopped out of the cab as soon as the taxi slowed enough. Josh held the door to her apartment building open for her and kept his hand planted on her waist as the moved through the lobby. His steps were slightly uneven and now that Kate was hyper aware of his potential inebriation, she noted each time he swayed into her just a little too hard.

Checking her father's watch, Kate noted that only 45 minutes had passed since she had left the precinct. Maybe she could catch Castle before his exhaustion caught the better of him once she and Josh were finished talking. She was concerned, so concerned, about how he was handling the events of the past few days. The worry over the safety of his daughter and mother, the very real threat to his life, she knew these things would take a serious toll on him. Sometimes, his facades were even more opaque than hers were. She knew he wouldn't have wanted to her to see him vulnerable anymore than she wanted him to see her fear. She also knew that as soon as his loft door closed behind him, that mask would disintegrate.

She wanted to be there to pick up the pieces with him.

She wanted Castle to be the one to comfort her when the chill crept back into her bones tonight.