I set the plates on the coffee table for the fifth time in the last 20 minutes. Sydney is supposed to get here any moment now. I check the decorations on the Christmas tree again. I made sure that the decorations catered to her desires – small car ornaments and miniscule coffee cups hung from the branches and on the very top instead of a star I placed a beautiful crystal snowflake in memory of our first time together. In fact, snowflakes hung from the ceiling since it doesn't snow in LA, but I wanted the memory of our most special time together for our first Christmas together. Hopper is eyeing me curiously as I pace the living room.

Just as I place the food on the table I hear a knock on the door. Instantly all the anxiety and nervousness I'm feeling vanishes as I open the door and look at the light of my life. Sydney is standing in my doorway in the most hideous Christmas sweater ever and I feel myself fall in love with her just a little bit more. She is grinning when I grab her hands, pull her to me and kiss her.

She laughs as she breaks away and enters the living room. She sniffs and says "Is that chocolate and mint I smell?"

"Yes" I say and lead her to the coffee table. Suddenly, I'm nervous again.

The moment she lays her eyes on the coffee table it fills with pain and she says "Adria-"

But I put my finger on her lips and say "No Sydney, just hear me out okay? And if you still don't want them, I'll throw them out, okay?"

I remove my finger and she nods and looks at the mint chocolate cupcakes sitting on the coffee table.

I take a deep breath and start "Sage, I know these bring back bad memories for you but to me these signify a time during which we were so so happy. Just remembering your birthday is enough to take the darkness of spirit away. You make me so happy and it kills me to see something you once loved so much give you so much pain. Something that brought you so much happiness making you feel sad inside. And I hate that these might cause you to resent our time together, that you might regret ever being with me because of what you went through. So I don't want these to bring back bad memories for you, Sage. I want you to associate these with the good memories and what other way to make good memories than our first Christmas together. But if you don't want them, Sage, I'll throw them ou-"

I stopped talking as she tackled me and kissed me….for a long time.

I let her kiss me for as long as she wanted and when she was done, we touched our foreheads together and stood there in each other's arms, breathing the same air. When I opened my eyes I found tears making their way down her cheek.

"Sydney, no!" I started and started wiping her tears "Don't cry"

"Shut up" she said. "Shut up, Adrian. You – you – wonderful beautiful man. How could you ever think that I would ever regret being with you. I love you Adrian and loving you was not some random feeling for me. I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to this. I knew exactly what would happen, although I had hoped otherwise. And despite knowing that I was with you because you were the only thing that mattered. I couldn't live without you anymore. So don't you dare blame yourself for anything. I love you and not a single day has gone by where I loved you any less."

"Sydney" I breathe and kiss her thinking how in hell had I found someone who makes me feel so complete

We break from the kiss and just hold each other swaying to our own music.

"What about the cupcakes?" I ask.

She laughs and says "Keep them; we'll need them to make memories."

Oh I bet I know a way or two to utilize those cupcakes and make memories.

We keep swaying together and I hear her whisper "The center held, Adrian."

I squeeze her tighter and thank whatever higher power may be out there that the center held.