This is for my dear friend Jules, who convinced me to actually write this
thing. This fic is the product of listening to "Angel is a Centerfold" by
the Cars. I don't own the song nor to I own Ron, Hermione or any other
character, place or idea having to do with Harry Potter. They all belong to
the goddess J.K. Rowling. This is a Ron/Hermione, but other couples may be
slash. This is a ONE SHOT. Repeat after me… ONE SHOT. Reviews would be
appreciated and flames will be taunted and laughed at. Overt sexual
references.
Ron Weasley wondered into Diagon Alley. It had been years since he'd visited the main wizard district of London. 'Been too busy catching all the dark witch and wizards of England and Europe.'
As is apparent, Ron had become an auror after graduating at Hogwarts and had lost touch with many of his friends from the school. He did not have the time to owl them and he honestly did not think that they would want to get involved in his life. Being the friend of an auror could be quite dangerous.
It was not a surprise when best friends, Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, decided to join the fight against the dark wizards as aurors. They had been doing the same thing at Hogwarts since their first year at the school. Harry, however, was off on a single assignment breaking up the usual team. And now Ron was left bored and alone, with no one left to do anything with.
When Ron thought of Harry, his thoughts generally turned to his other best friend, Hermione Granger, his studious little angel. In their last years of school Hermione had really blossomed and Ron's little infatuation grew from an insignificant crush to full blown love. It was not meant to be though. After graduating, Hermione had moved to Bulgaria to be closer to her boyfriend Viktor.
While they owled each other at the beginning, the boys had lost gradually lost contact with their female counterpart. Ron was saddened by that but thought it was for the best since he did not want her to get hurt.
Ron went part the owlery, Flourish and Blotts and Gringotts. He reached a hand in to his pocket to make sure he had enough money to buy what he wanted. It would be embarrassing to not have the amount needed… and might call attention to him. That was the last thing that he wanted. He had thought to put a glamour on his hair but decided against it. If anyone recognized him as a Weasley and his parents asked about it, he would tell them it must have Fred or George because it wasn't him and it surely could not have been Perfect Percy.
Ron looked both ways before walking into the store, thankfully seeing no one that he knew. He walked into the store. It was even stranger than he had remembered from when he and Harry had sneaked in as teenagers.
Ron and Harry had seen the Wizard Sex Shoppe one time when they had convinced Mr. and Mrs. Weasley that they could not get in to that much trouble if they were allowed to go to Diagon Alley by themselves. At least not as much at the twins but they were still allowed to go. After seeing it, they had to go in. While they were both famous in wizarding England, they were still normal, hormonal, horny teenage boys. The trip had been cut off short when they had seen Ron's older brother Percy inside with Harry's former Quidditch Captain, Oliver Wood.
Harry had quickly pulled a blushing and incredulous Ron out of the store before Percy had a conniption fit and Ron had died of embarrassment. The experience had worked partly in the youngest male Weasley's favor. He had been the least shocked when Percy had come out of the proverbial closet.
He ignored the strange garments and the photographs that oddly enough had sound; Harry had told him that they were the Wizard equivalent of porn videos. Ron hadn't had the heart to tell Harry that he had no clue what a 'video' was.
Ron walked over to the shelf of magazines. Glancing around, his look may have been seemingly idle, but to the trained eye one would know that he was about to do something he probably should not. Stooping slightly, he picked up three magazines. He briefly looked at the covers to make sure they were the types he would want to er…read. 'Wizard's Girl', 'Teeny Robes' and 'Playwizard'. He had heard that these were the best of the best. He cautiously walked to the front where he was to pay for the items.
The redhead set the items on the counter, not looking at the clerk.
"Ron? Ron Weasley? Is that you?" Shocked that the clerk obviously knew him, he looked up and into the face of his former roommate, Seamus.
"Seamus?! What are you doing working here? I thought that you were going to school to become a healer."
Seamus had the grace to blush and thus turned the color of his friend's hair, namely bright red.
"School takes money and that is something that I don't have. This is the only place that would hire me." The half muggle left off that the last place he worked he had gotten fired for blowing up half the inventory. Both seemed embarrassed by the current situation and shut up.
Seamus rang up the purchase as Ron looked anywhere but at his old friend. The red head handed him the money and Seamus slid the magazines into a plain brown bag and winked.
"See you soon, Ron. " called Seamus as the blushing boy left the shop. 'Maybe I should have told him that not only are the twins and Ginny regular costumers but Percy too.' He shrugged and pulled out his own copy of Playwitch from under the counter. He had been told that the centerfold was some really famous witch…
He flipped to the center and fell off the stool he'd been sitting on. A slack look appeared on his face. "It's… it's…"
Ron let out a sigh of relief as he entered the apartment that he and Harry shared. That had gone better than he thought that it would. He pulled off his robes and put on a pair of pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. He walked into the bathroom and sat on the toilet knees spread and pants down.
He flipped to the center and looked at the picture of the witch. Long brown hair and velvety eyes were all he saw at first glance… then he fell off the toilet and lay twitching on the floor. "My… my angel is the… the... CENTERFOLD."
A few hours later, Harry returned home to find a note on Ron's bedroom door stating that he was not to be bothered. The Boy Who Lived kept hearing the word angel and a thwacking noise coming from the room. He went into the bathroom and picked up the magazines on the floor. Noticing the titles, he vaguely wondered if Ron had seen that month's issue of Playwitch featuring their own Hermione Granger.
The End
That was meant to be humorous but I'm not totally sure that it turned out that way. Anyhow… Reviews are appreciated and encouraged…
Ron Weasley wondered into Diagon Alley. It had been years since he'd visited the main wizard district of London. 'Been too busy catching all the dark witch and wizards of England and Europe.'
As is apparent, Ron had become an auror after graduating at Hogwarts and had lost touch with many of his friends from the school. He did not have the time to owl them and he honestly did not think that they would want to get involved in his life. Being the friend of an auror could be quite dangerous.
It was not a surprise when best friends, Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, decided to join the fight against the dark wizards as aurors. They had been doing the same thing at Hogwarts since their first year at the school. Harry, however, was off on a single assignment breaking up the usual team. And now Ron was left bored and alone, with no one left to do anything with.
When Ron thought of Harry, his thoughts generally turned to his other best friend, Hermione Granger, his studious little angel. In their last years of school Hermione had really blossomed and Ron's little infatuation grew from an insignificant crush to full blown love. It was not meant to be though. After graduating, Hermione had moved to Bulgaria to be closer to her boyfriend Viktor.
While they owled each other at the beginning, the boys had lost gradually lost contact with their female counterpart. Ron was saddened by that but thought it was for the best since he did not want her to get hurt.
Ron went part the owlery, Flourish and Blotts and Gringotts. He reached a hand in to his pocket to make sure he had enough money to buy what he wanted. It would be embarrassing to not have the amount needed… and might call attention to him. That was the last thing that he wanted. He had thought to put a glamour on his hair but decided against it. If anyone recognized him as a Weasley and his parents asked about it, he would tell them it must have Fred or George because it wasn't him and it surely could not have been Perfect Percy.
Ron looked both ways before walking into the store, thankfully seeing no one that he knew. He walked into the store. It was even stranger than he had remembered from when he and Harry had sneaked in as teenagers.
Ron and Harry had seen the Wizard Sex Shoppe one time when they had convinced Mr. and Mrs. Weasley that they could not get in to that much trouble if they were allowed to go to Diagon Alley by themselves. At least not as much at the twins but they were still allowed to go. After seeing it, they had to go in. While they were both famous in wizarding England, they were still normal, hormonal, horny teenage boys. The trip had been cut off short when they had seen Ron's older brother Percy inside with Harry's former Quidditch Captain, Oliver Wood.
Harry had quickly pulled a blushing and incredulous Ron out of the store before Percy had a conniption fit and Ron had died of embarrassment. The experience had worked partly in the youngest male Weasley's favor. He had been the least shocked when Percy had come out of the proverbial closet.
He ignored the strange garments and the photographs that oddly enough had sound; Harry had told him that they were the Wizard equivalent of porn videos. Ron hadn't had the heart to tell Harry that he had no clue what a 'video' was.
Ron walked over to the shelf of magazines. Glancing around, his look may have been seemingly idle, but to the trained eye one would know that he was about to do something he probably should not. Stooping slightly, he picked up three magazines. He briefly looked at the covers to make sure they were the types he would want to er…read. 'Wizard's Girl', 'Teeny Robes' and 'Playwizard'. He had heard that these were the best of the best. He cautiously walked to the front where he was to pay for the items.
The redhead set the items on the counter, not looking at the clerk.
"Ron? Ron Weasley? Is that you?" Shocked that the clerk obviously knew him, he looked up and into the face of his former roommate, Seamus.
"Seamus?! What are you doing working here? I thought that you were going to school to become a healer."
Seamus had the grace to blush and thus turned the color of his friend's hair, namely bright red.
"School takes money and that is something that I don't have. This is the only place that would hire me." The half muggle left off that the last place he worked he had gotten fired for blowing up half the inventory. Both seemed embarrassed by the current situation and shut up.
Seamus rang up the purchase as Ron looked anywhere but at his old friend. The red head handed him the money and Seamus slid the magazines into a plain brown bag and winked.
"See you soon, Ron. " called Seamus as the blushing boy left the shop. 'Maybe I should have told him that not only are the twins and Ginny regular costumers but Percy too.' He shrugged and pulled out his own copy of Playwitch from under the counter. He had been told that the centerfold was some really famous witch…
He flipped to the center and fell off the stool he'd been sitting on. A slack look appeared on his face. "It's… it's…"
Ron let out a sigh of relief as he entered the apartment that he and Harry shared. That had gone better than he thought that it would. He pulled off his robes and put on a pair of pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. He walked into the bathroom and sat on the toilet knees spread and pants down.
He flipped to the center and looked at the picture of the witch. Long brown hair and velvety eyes were all he saw at first glance… then he fell off the toilet and lay twitching on the floor. "My… my angel is the… the... CENTERFOLD."
A few hours later, Harry returned home to find a note on Ron's bedroom door stating that he was not to be bothered. The Boy Who Lived kept hearing the word angel and a thwacking noise coming from the room. He went into the bathroom and picked up the magazines on the floor. Noticing the titles, he vaguely wondered if Ron had seen that month's issue of Playwitch featuring their own Hermione Granger.
The End
That was meant to be humorous but I'm not totally sure that it turned out that way. Anyhow… Reviews are appreciated and encouraged…