Hello everyone, this is my first CM fic, I love the show and decided to write in the fandom. This is a reponse to the JJ Departure challenge put forth on the Chit Chat on author's Corner forum. I instantly thought of this song and decided to write to it. I don't own anything. The song is Leave the Memories Alone by Fuel, and all Criminal Minds characters belong to CBS. Trust me, if they belonged to me, thigns would be a lot different, lol. So, pelase read, review, and enjoy:) So here I am with my thoughts of you
And this world I've left for me
Stoic faces when I think of you
And how I once believed
So now you call me, but you know I won't let you through
I've myself to deceive
The BAU bullpen was silent, staring up at the woman who had just announced what they had all been afraid of. JJ was leaving. Three words that dug deep into their minds and stung like a vicious swarm of bees. It was unexpected, diving in from out of the blue and blindsiding them. No one could find the words to speak with millions of thoughts racing about their heads, planting seeds of shock that quickly blossomed into countless questions with little time to ask them. Six faces looked up at her, half stoic, unwilling to emit the emotions that everyone knew was brewing inside.
JJ stood, looking at the people who had accompanied her into danger and hell countless times over the years, the ones she trusted with her life and wouldn't hesitate to take a bullet for. They weren't just teammates, they were family. She felt the tears welling in her eyes fall, creating tiny, wet rivulets down her cheeks, dripping off her chin and splattering to the carpet beneath her feet. Shutting her eyes, she breathed in and tried to calm herself as she stared down at her family.
Hotch cleared his throat, the first real sound heard since the announcement, and crossed his arms over his chest. Rossi stood to the side of him, looking up to the woman that he had so greatly influenced. Feelings of pride had swelled up inside of him, battling the inevitable sadness that she would soon be gone.
Morgan looked angry, sad, and confused; trying to figure what was making her leave and why she felt that she had to. Prentiss stared solemnly at the blond, another friend leaving her and she had no control over it whatsoever. She had grown close to JJ over the years, their friendship holding her up at times when she just wanted to fall. Shifting her eyes away from JJ so she couldn't see the tears welling up in the raven-haired woman's eyes, Prentiss glanced at Garcia. The computer-tech analyst was openly crying, small sniffles and sobs escaping her lips and Morgan gently put an arm around her, letting her sob into his shoulder.
Then, she looked at Reid and felt her heart shatter. He looked like his heart had been ripped from his chest and stomped to dust. Closing her eyes again, she steadied her breath., wondering how she had deceived herself into believing that this team would last forever as a whole and that they would never fall apart. But now, as she stood there, delivering her goodbye to those she considered family, she just hoped the memories wouldn't fade.
So leave the memories alone
I don't want to see
The way it is, as to how it used to be
Leave the memories alone, don't change a thing
And I'll hold you here in my memory
Reid looked away from JJ, glancing around the room, finding something to focus on. Anything, anything but her face. He knew that one look into her eyes would break him. He loved her, probably more than she could ever imagine and now, in this moment, she was leaving. Truthfully, he was scared. Afraid that in a few months time, her memories of the BAU would fade and in a few years, she would hardly be able to acknowledge their existence. He didn't want to see his present, this moment in time change. They way it was right now was beautiful, perfect to him; a wonderful blend of personalities and people to create a family.
In his mind, he could already see things changing. Her office would be empty until they brought someone new in, erasing all signs that JJ had been there. Although, he knew he could find the signs, the evidence that she had, in fact, spent six years sitting in that very office, going through and picking cases for them to dig into and unveil the horrific side of people. He knew the exact location of the coffee stain on the floor, just a few centimeters away from her desk, the indents in the carpet permanently carved into it from her desk and chair…
He wouldn't change anything. No, he loved the memories made, the moments that would be frozen in his mind forever, being played back in his head. Reid would hold onto her memory after she left. She wouldn't be gone, no, she' just wouldn't be there, the place Spencer wanted her to be. Instead she'd be living her life back home with Will and Henry while he spent every minute in that bullpen missing her and her golden hair, impeccable smile and shining aura.
So I find me in your garden now
A sad smile for the scene
And all the flowers that we planted now
Taken by the weeds
But in my minds eye, you know they still bloom for me
They stand tall there, in that summer breeze
A few days later, they held the going away party, celebrating the years she had spent with the BAU bonding with the team and avoiding the real reason they were gathered their. JJ was leaving, and nobody really wanted to admit it, knowing that know one could take her place and be as close as she was to all of them. Reid stood across from JJ as they surrounded a medium sized cake, slathered in a layer of sky blue icing with the words 'Thank you for 6 years!' in a darker blue gel-like substance. Small flowers decorated the rim, sculpted beautifully out of different colored icing. He kept silent, a small sad smile on his face, knowing that this was it. This was the last time he'd see JJ for quite some time
As Garcia replayed a memory, the entire crew laughed and Reid couldn't help but chuckle, remembering the event distinctly. Reid smiled, remembering everything that had happened over the past six years, all the memories that had been made, too many to relive in one night alone. Six years of laughter, love, and getting through the struggles and hardships that had become obstacles in their paths. All the memories that she helped create, everything that happened between them. How she blamed herself for what happened when Tobias, no matter how many times he told her it wasn't her fault.
All the things they went through together and overcame would never be overshadowed by the space that would be put in between them. They would never be forgotten, lost in the sands of time or faded from his mind. He wouldn't allow it. The memories still bloomed for him, still flashed in his mind like scenes from a movie that struck a chord in you. Memories that stood tall and bright, frozen in his memory, yet warm. It reminded him of summer. She reminded him of summer, so soft and warm, bright and golden. Sunlight created golden sheets of silk from her hair and moonlight illuminated them in a faint, silver glow. She was an endless summer, his endless summer. There was no doubt that her memory would stay with him, regardless of where she was or what she was doing.
Leave the memories alone
I don't want to see
The way it is, as to how it used to be
Leave the memories alone, don't change a thing
And I'll just hold you here in my
my memory, yeah
He would hold her there, in his memory; if that was the only place he'd be able to see her anymore. He would leave the memories alone, not touching them or moving them in fear that they would break or get lost. His mind kept them locked away, somewhere safe where they couldn't be touched by time or space. Reid drew in a breath, shutting his eyes as JJ went around, hugging everybody. Everyone was crying, even Rossi and Hotch. Tonight was the end of an era, the end of a fantasy where JJ blessed everyday with her presence. The air around her never vain or deceitful, always pure and selfless.
Then, he felt JJ's arms wrap around him and he opened his eyes, inhaling the sweet coconut of her shampoo as he wrapped his arms around her. "Spence."
His heart melted, hearing his name slip past her lips like warm honey. She was the only one who called him that.
"JJ…" He murmured, trailing off as he hesitantly said her name, as if saying anything would just shorten the time he did have left.
"Thank you for…for everything, Spence."
"Thank you for six years I'll never forget."
So leave the memories alone
I don't want to see
The way it is, as to how it used to be
Leave the memories alone, don't change a thing
And I'll hold you in my memory
Then, she uttered the words that ultimately shattered his heart.
"Goodbye, Spence." And she was out the door, the last time she would ever leave the building. There she went, leaving behind six years of memories he truly would never forget. There went the smell of coconuts and honey, the golden beacon of light…there went his endless summer.
You'll never change
You'll never change
You'll never change
You will never change