I'm dying…

This was it. The final countdown. Not only was her whole body feeling limp, her head was starting to droop and sway in the most rhythmic motion. It was almost therapeutic… in a sickening sort of way.

Please. Let this be over. Kill me now.

She could feel her lids growing heavy and slowly blockading the light from the outside world. Voices all around her seemed to die out as she felt her grip on reality delicately slip away from the tip of her fingers.

Please…!

The pain was slowly fading…ever so slowly.

And everything went black.

[1] The Human

What does normal mean?

It was a magnificent day in the modest city of Konohagakure. The birds were singing, the sun was shining. All was going right with the world… except for Sakura Haruno.

You can always look it up in a dictionary and find some bland, sensible definition and I'm sure for some cases, that's the kind of definition you're looking for.

"Sakura…"

"Mrfhgmmm…."

"Sakura?"

"Mmmm….."

"SAKURA HARUNO, WAKE UP."

"Mmmhuh-…wha-?" The worn out schoolgirl rubbed her eyes and drowsily looked at her teacher towering menacingly above her.

My name is Sakura Haruno, and yes, dictionary-readers, this is a standard, average, ordinary day.

While sitting in any small, wooden desk provided through the courtesy of the Konohagakure Senior High School, anyone can seem like a giant. And hell, Mr. Ebisu definitely fit the picture. With that menacing gaze, the flare of his nostrils, he was definitely a force to be reckoned with. Or so he thought. But with his oversized ego aside, he settled for yelling and – maybe "unintentionally" – spitting in her face instead.

The invisible pole up his ass. My never-ending lethargy. This part was definitely included in another average day at school.

"Honestly, if you're really this tired, just do me a favor, and GO HOME. Your snoring is interrupting my work," he stated matter-of-factly. That nasty attitude. "There are actual students here who want to learn." He turned on his heel and headed back to chalkboard to finish his in-depth notes on the next "extraordinary fictional wonder."

"Mmm…yeah. I'm sure the class was contemplating suicide like I was…," yawned the rosette who slouched lazily in her seat; cheek to palm, elbow on desk. Her eyes were half-lidded and were desperately waiting to go back to sweet, blissful slumber.

Obviously, I'm overworked and underappreciated.

"Excuse. Me. Ms. Haruno…," Mr. Ebisu grumbled through gritted teeth.

Upon hearing the venom dripping off Mr. Ebisu's words, Sakura's posture instantly straightened up and her normally almond-shaped eyes turned into frightened, green saucers.

'Shoot! I was supposed to say that in my head! Ugh, good going, genius,' Sakura thought as she realized her slip and quickly placed her palm over her mouth. An incoming downpour of horrid, but school-regulated words and spit-droplets attacked the pink-haired girl and anything in a five-foot radius.

In those few retched minutes, she didn't know who she felt worse for: herself, or the other students surrounding her. She's the one who fell asleep during the most boring class taught by the most boring human being on the planet. She deserved it.

Okay, sue her and she'd plead guilty.

But leave the poor innocent people out of this! Unfortunately for them, their fresh, ink-written notes are going to get splotchy and moist thanks to the wonderful bodily fluids of Mr. Boring.

But to be fair, I am just some normal girl in some normal town getting yelled at by some normal teacher. And I don't usually get yelled at by anyone, besides my mom, so this was as "abnormal" as my life gets.

He was still going at it and perhaps trying for a world record for the world's best human fountain. At this point, it was surely a possibility.

I could say I must have the "lackluster" gene somewhere in my body or maybe my destiny written in the stars stated that I'm forever trapped in my boring, nobody-life.

But for some reason, I think someone up there has bigger plans for me.

And God, or whoever else has some grand master plan, I know you're probably really busy running the world and whatnot, but I have a HUGE favor to ask. Remember when I was begging to die like say…10 minutes ago? Yeah, I would like a rain check on that.

Now would be an even better time.

Was that a puddle forming around her desk?

Please, thank you, Amen.

Two hours later and wearing a new and thankfully dry shirt, Sakura found herself in the cafeteria. The noisy commotion and the clanking of sneakers on the metal flooring made her feel lost in a familiar and somewhat-comforting crowd. She carried her paper lunch bag to the same table she sat in throughout her whole high school career.

Waiting for Sakura were her two friends, Hinata Hyuuga and Ino Yamanaka. Ino, the blonde, flipped her hair over her dainty shoulder and belted out a hearty laugh. The one sitting across from her giggled sweetly into a balled up hand and took a sip from her miniature milk carton. Ino turned to see Sakura coming and waved her over urgently while displaying a giant grin on her face. The happier atmosphere lifted Sakura's mood. She quickly sat down to get the latest gossip from her girls.

In between laughs, Ino managed to cough up a just-barely manageable sentence.

"Haha- Hina-haha-Hinata, tell Sakura- HAHAHA!- what you just told me!" Before she knew it, she was unattractively snorting in attempts to stop herself from laughing. It only made her look worse and laugh even harder.

"What's going on?" Sakura asked with suspicion.

Unlike her other friend, Hinata took a deep breath and tried to calm herself before saying a word. She still had a quivering smile on her face but spoke clearly, thankfully.

"Uhm…So, I don't know if you've met this guy yet…but there's a new student in my phys. ed. class, his name is Nar-Naruto…," began the dark-haired girl just loud enough to be heard over the background noise of the cafeteria. "He decided it was a good idea to play basketball…"

.

"Wait, let me get this straight. He was playing basketball…with his shoes… and no ball…"

"Yup…with one shoe to be exact…"

"How the hell-"

"I know…" The soft-spoken girl nodded in agreement. "I didn't understand what he was doing. He just…took off one of his shoes and started throwing it into the basket."

"That's…weird. Did he make it?" Sakura found this more bizarre than funny. But then again, Ino and Hinata had some interesting senses of humor.

"A couple of times…but then his shoe got tangled up in the basket." A snort could be heard in the background. Ino chimed in with more laughs and she ended up putting her head down on the table and slamming it with her fist.

"Hahah! So the idiot's without a shoe! Haha!" The more she snorted, the more she sounded like an actual pig. "What a moron! Hahaha! The people at this school do the DUMBEST stuff!" Hinata's giggling started up again and Sakura suddenly knew what she found to be so funny. The two of them laughed along, but mostly at Ino and not with her.

What a surprise. A student does something stupid in school; the rest of the student body hears about it less than a day later. Humiliation spreads like wild fire.

Such was life in high school.

Pointless gossip about pointless people and their pointless lives.

It was normal.

When the laughter finally died down, the three high school juniors started munching on their overpriced lunchroom snacks and drinking their sugar-packed juices. The pig took a hefty bite of her chicken Caesar salad which she vowed to have every day for the rest of her high school life until she lost 5 pounds. Hinata slurped up the last of her milk and nibbled on a soft, chewy, chocolate chip cookie, warmed up nicely in the cafeteria kitchen. Lastly, the pinkette sullenly reached into her pathetic paper brown bag and pulled out a sandwich she brought from home.

She wasn't even sure if it could be considered a sandwich. It had no lettuce, tomatoes, onions, or pickles. No cheese, mayo, ranch, mustard. Just cheap sliced bread and mechanically processed and reclaimed meat. She didn't even know if the meat was 100% meat. She just knew she would be 100% sick if she had to eat this… for the fourth time this week.

"Som'ing w'ong?" asked Ino, with a mouth full of chicken and salad-y goodness. She didn't even have the courtesy to swallow her food because she was too preoccupied. Sakura looked at her friend with a morose gleam in her eyes.

"I fell asleep in class again and Mr. Ebisu tore me a new one…," she sighed and slipped her sad excuse of a sandwich back into the bag. At least talking about her morning would make her feel somewhat better, she figured.

"Wow, that sucks, Pinkie. Did he spit? He always spits!" Ino shuddered at the thought. "Remember when I had him for study hall last year? I swear I had to keep a raincoat in my locker just for him."

Sakura burst into laughter and Hinata just thanked her lucky stars that she never had to meet this Mr. Ebisu. Ino assured her that he was terrible and that he should be avoided at all costs.

"He is terrible," agreed the glum and worn-out Sakura. "I mean, I can't help it if I fall asleep... I've been spending more and more time at the hospital. I can't afford to lighten up! And projects, homework…! God, it's just too much…" She groaned and positioned her head down on the table.

Hinata placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "If anyone can handle it, I'm sure you can… You're really smart, you can think of a way to get through this." Emerald green eyes met a soft, friendly smile. She couldn't help but smile back.

"Yeah, seriously! C'mon, don't let a dumbass like Ebisu ruin your life. You're so much better than that." Ino winked and offered her own words of wisdom from the other side of the lunch table.

"Wow, you guys are the best…" Sakura thanked her friends with a corny, but overdue, group hug. The bell rang, ending their lunch period. Suddenly, everyone in the cafeteria seemed to simultaneously get up to throw out their trash. A sea of students rushed out into the hallways to get to their next destinations. The three girls waved to each other and ventured off in separate directions.

Sakura Haruno could not have looked any more fitting as a candy striper. Hell, she herself could've been mistaken for a piece of candy. The apple green eyes, the bubblegum locks, the peppermint uniform. Luckily for her, the only sweet thing about this job was…

Nothing.

There was no pay because it was only volunteer work. The only decent looking men were over twice her age. She was stuck doing the dirt-and-grime work. And not to mention all the sick people…

"Sakura, we need you to take this stool sample downstairs for analysis!" ordered one of the attending physicians on call during this hectic night. The woman looked busy, carrying craploads of patient files and case reports, but still managed to keep her black, shoulder-length hair on her busy little head.

'If I were her, I'd be pulling my hair out by now…,' thought the errand girl, sighing as if her life depended on it. Although she didn't really know many names, she definitely knew this young doctor. Shizune started working here as soon as Sakura started volunteering. She couldn't help but feel kind of connected to her since they both started at the bottom rung doing the dull, unproductive jobs. They were kindred spirits and were on their way to becoming professional workplace buddies. But unfortunately, one of them actually graduated to bigger and better things.

The candy striper took the piece of crap and dragged her tired feet to the elevator. While alone inside, she started to bang her head against the elevator door to try to save herself from insanity and slumber. She's been slaving her butt off and running around in circles ever since the last school bell rang. No homework done, no studying time. And she still had two more hours left to complete before she's allowed to leave. She sighed deeply.

This crap was seriously getting to her.

Sakura was definitely ambition and starry-eyed when it came to her future. Sadly for her, she had to volunteer for a certain amount of hours before she could even think about a chance to work at the Konohagakure Medical Center, the best hospital around for miles. What sucked even more was that she didn't have a chance to volunteer sooner because the old hospital was torn down 3 years ago and just recently finished rebuilding this year. Now, she's stuck cramming all of her hours into junior and senior year before she graduates. She sold her soul for four days a week from the second she steps out of school to the second the hour hand reaches 10 o'clock.

And God, how she wished it was 10 o'clock.

After having a small talk with the laboratory technician, Sakura left the stool sample with him and went back upstairs to file paper work. After working at the hospital for a few months, she started to get the flow of things. Which floors were the busiest, which ones had the most traffic, the laziest doctors… But today, on this lovely Thursday, she knew exactly which hallway to avoid: The 5th floor psychiatric ward.

The more people I avoid, the less errands I have to run…

Sakura managed to duck behind a potted plant as two doctors walked by. Next, she aimed for the soda machine that was approximately 3 feet away. Not entirely mission impossible, but of course, luck seems to run out a lot around here. With adrenaline pumping through her system, she sprinted. Her bubblegum hair flew behind her as she rushed with her eyes on the prize. The next thing she knew, she found herself flat on her butt and rubbing her sore face.

'I somehow managed to run into a brick wall…' Sakura thought sarcastically as she regained feeling in her nose. The next thing she noticed were the dark, masculine shoes in front of her. She half-expected that a hand would reach down to her, help her up, and she would hear a "Sorry about that" from an apologetic human being. Maybe he would smile, and they would become friends…

But no.

Instead, she looked up, received a very dirty glare, and got a "watch where you're going" from a demon in human skin. Her emerald eyes twitched in anger as the jerk just walked over and left her sitting on the floor like an idiot. Pushing herself off the floor with no help from whatshisface, she dusted herself off and growled under her breath.

"Hey! Maybe you should watch where you're going!" she growled. Ha, nice comeback! That'll show 'em!

He turned to face her and she regretted everything.

"I was watching where I was going," the young man stated bluntly. "It's not my fault a pink-haired freak enjoys jumping out of bushes to fuck with people."

"…"

She was stunned for two reasons.

One, he was so snarky. What the hell?

And did he just insult her for her hair? Oh no, he did NOT.

And where does he get off with having such a nasty attitude? Geez, someone seriously needs some anti-cranky pills, stat.

And two… He was gorgeous.

The word "gorgeous" itself was an understatement. It's hard to tell how good-looking a person can be when you are looking up at them while sitting on the floor, basking in humiliation. But once Sakura got a good, long look at his face, she wanted to invent a new word to spell out just how attractive he was. She felt herself internally swoon as she marveled over his dark, sexy, spiked-up hair. She felt herself melting from looking at his toned, well-built body. She felt like she was falling into a trance just by staring at his deep, endless eyes.

It was weird to think about, but she never felt like this before. She just wanted to leap into his arms and let him have his way with her, but at the same time, she was paralyzed with a fear. She felt her skin go cold and her whole body shiver. She was starting to get a bad vibe from this guy…

This was most certainly not normal.

The demon's heated, piercing stare was making her uncomfortable and weak all at once. Her normally spunky spirit was sucked out of her and she heard her lifeless shell apologizing quickly and obediently. Sakura turned around abruptly and only thought about ways to get out of such an awkward situation. Before she could even take a step in her new direction, she found herself on the floor. Again.

'Damn it, am I going to survive to make it home?' she screamed internally as she rubbed her swelling cheek. Standing before her was the chief of medicine, Dr. Tsunade. The blonde woman bent down and held a hand out. After what she went through, Sakura gratefully took it and thanked her superior.

"I guess I should watch where I'm going, huh?" laughed the young volunteer. This wasn't exactly the escape route she planned to take, but Sakura wasn't in a position to argue. She turned her head to see if the stranger was still there, probably mocking her stupidity. He wasn't. She couldn't decide if that was a good thing or a not.

"That might be a good idea," smiled the blonde woman. The chief could have passed as a 20-something year old, but Sakura knew much better. If anything, that woman was a master at rejuvenating and healing and her youth and beauty were exceptional. She was sharp, cunning, and demanded respect. Another side of her was almost motherly, caring, and inspirational. With all her abilities and characteristics combined, it's no wonder she became the chief of medicine. Tsunade was pretty much everyone's boss, and that included Sakura.

"It might also be a good idea to get back to work?" hinted the doctor.

"I'll get right on that! Sorry!" The volunteer bowed respectfully and ran as fast as she could before she could get into any more trouble. As she turned the corner, she could still hear Tsunade yell "No running!" but that didn't stop her. The sooner she got back to the nurse's station, the sooner she could…file more paperwork…

.

The tapping of her pen went in sync with the tick-tock of the clock. It was indeed mocking her.

"C'monnn…30 minutes? That's nothing…," mumbled Sakura with fake enthusiasm while twirling a pen between her fingers. She just finished filling out admission forms for some patient in the ICU suffering from what looked like an animal attack. It was weird, considering that there weren't many wild, let alone dangerous, animals around in Konoha except for the occasional squirrel. Even then, it's not every day that someone gets attacked by rabid squirrels. The report itself wasn't very elaborate, so the only facts she could get out of the case was that there were bite marks around the guy's wrist and immense blood loss. If he was found a minute later, the young man would've croaked.

Poor guy.

While passing on the forms to a nurse, Sakura found herself wondering about tall, dark, and handsome. Was he a patient here? He didn't really look like one, but maybe he was just being admitted…? She certainly hasn't seen him before. She was hoping he just signed up to be another volunteer. That way, she might actually have a chance to at least learn his name. Then, she started to wonder if he was busy being a fucker somewhere else and it just made her mad all over again.

After mumbling a few curse words about a certain good-looking devilchild, she thanked Father Time for finally making it 10 o'clock. After changing out of her uniform, she ran out of the hospital and she swore she heard a quick "stop running in the halls!" when she zoomed by Dr. Tsunade's office. Her shoes splashed against the wet sidewalk and she leaped over every puddle that was beginning to form. Once on the next bus headed home, she took a seat and leaned her head against the ice cold window. The exhausted Sakura watched the little rain droplets race each other to keep herself busy, but her mind was suddenly in chaos when she remembered the loads of homework she had to do the second she got home.

She wanted to rip her hair out.

Dark, saggy eye bags were living underneath her dull green eyes. Her pasty white skin seemed to cling to her bones for dear life. Her pink hair-

"Holy crap, what happened to you?" questioned the baffled blonde who was munching on her diet-breaking French fry. Ino couldn't believe her baby blue eyes. There was a zombie sitting next to her at lunch.

"2 Hours of homework, 3 hours for the Literature project, 1 hour to study for Chemistry, 1 hour for studying for Philoso-"

"And when did you make time to kill yourself and rise from the dead, exactly?"

"I think I've been dead for this past month…" grumbled Sakura, who was half asleep on the lunch table. Surprisingly enough, fatigue and sleepless nights were routine for Sakura Haruno. But that didn't mean she wasn't allowed to complain about it.

"I don't get it…" mumbled Hinata, taking a sip of her milk. "You… don't look that bad, Sakura."

Sakura lifted her head off the table. Hinata cringed but tried to smile to make up for it.

"Heh heh…maybe you just need a good nap?"

"Or a proper funeral…"

.

The last bell just went off and Sakura couldn't be more relieved. She served her four days at the hospital for this week, so she was free for the weekend. No tests to worry about for another week or so and no school to bother her for a couple of days.

'Beauty sleep, here I come!' she thought excitedly as she slammed her locker. The strap of her bag hung loosely on her shoulder as her steps resounded through the empty hallways. She took her time getting ready to walk home. Every other student already rushed to their respective means of transportation, so she wouldn't be so surprised if she was the last life form still in the building.

But at this moment, she still couldn't help but be.

The large double doors of the school's main entrance looked like the doors to heaven. Before she could reach them, however, she heard a voice coming from the hallway on the right. She froze in her spot.

I thought all the students left already…

"Aww, c'mon, just lemme borrow a pair!" cried out a very desperate-sounding blonde boy who ran to the front doors. Judging by his lack of footwear, Sakura surmised that this kid was Naruto, the boy Hinata was talking about earlier. She could briefly recall Ino laughing about how the loser used his second shoe to try to get his first shoe from the basket. It was a mystery as to why his shoes were still stuck up there or why he would even bother to try in the first place…

"Not a chance," responded a guy with a low, stoic voice. They were really far down the hall, but their echoing voices were heard just fine. It was a huge shame; he sounded cute…and strangely familiar.

"So what, I'm gonna walk around all day with socks?"

"School's over, moron. And you're not even wearing socks."

"Aww, man, what happened to my socks?"

"How do you even managed to get dressed in the morning…"

"Without my socks, apparently!" Naruto grumbled and pleaded with his friend for money to buy new shoes. By the looks of things, his friend was already out the door and the blonde followed like a desperate puppy. Sakura was a little cautious when she reached the entrance of the school. She was getting that sick-in-your-stomach-feeling again…

"Miss me?"

"Wha-?" Sakura choked on her gasp and stumbled after being caught off guard. Leaning against the school's exterior was the demon spawn from the hospital. How did he manage to look so good? He was even more gorgeous in the daylight.

"It's rude to stare," he answered coolly, with a mind-shattering smirk.

"HA! Don't flatter yourself," she retorted confidently, but inside, she was going insane.

Okay Sakura, you got this, girl!

Yes, he's hot as hell, and yes, he is really tempting, but that doesn't mean you have to fall for his rock hard body, mysteriously everlasting eyes, and his sexy hai-...

...Crap.

"Care to explain why you're following me?"

"For your information, Demon spawn, I go to this school. And I'll have you know that-"

"You're excited to see me?" He walked up in front of her to get a better look at her face. She didn't realize how tall and intimidating he could be, towering over her in shade. It was hard to hide the pink color creeping up on her face, but she tried to will it away the best she could. It didn't work and his sexy, taunting half-smile wasn't helping out, either. She opened her mouth to say something, but no words were forming.

"Yo, SASUKE! Can ya move your ass? I really need to take a crap!" yelled the impatient knucklehead, standing in the parking lot. Sasuke rolled his eyes at the moron's outburst and looked back at the little girl in front of him. She was blushing from embarrassment and it only made her look so innocent… It was making him sick.

"I'm not done with you," he whispered menacingly before he turned around and smoothly walked away.

Suddenly, Sakura found the courage to breathe again. She thanked the Gods that were probably sending her a favor that was a few days overdue, but she was in no position to complain. Her emerald eyes watched what seemed to be the most expensive-looking car she has ever seen drive away. A dark silhouette was in the driver's seat, but she could swear that even darker eyes were on her.

This guy…

She was left staring and wondering what just happened.

The Human

.

.

It starts off slow...but give it a chance.

Please review.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything; any part of this story that resembles popular references, logos, brand names, etc. is mere coincidence.

Rated M for language, blood/gore, and other stuff later on.

Frequently Asked Questions/Important Notes:

1. Will there be romance involved?

In short, yes...? There will be...? Love triangles, drama, and the works. It's more like dark and maybe even unrequited love, but this story is supposed to have some kind of dark humor to it, anyway. And yes, things get sexy. Like... very dirty sexy. The good kind of sexy. (As if there was even a bad kind of sexy.) But the romance isn't like all flowers and hearts and "oooh, I love you! Kissy, kissy!" Not that there's anything wrong with that because sometimes, I'm even in the mood for a good love story, but this isn't a love story. It's a tragic love story. Tragedies come first, love comes second. But it is there... to appease the masses. I guess.

2. Keeping people in character...?

Sakura is falling under the category of the archetypal teenage girl, but with the Sakura-twist. She's booksmart, spunky in spirit, but she doesn't really act on her spunk in the first part of Naruto. In shippuuden, she does quite literally "kick ass", but there's no physical "ass kicking" for her to do throughout most of this story, but she does learn to grow as a person like she has done in the Naruto series. But pulling her out of the ninja world, she is focused on as a not-so-typical girl (even though she may think she's typical) forced into an atypical situation and that's pretty much what the story is about - plus all the bloodshed, drama, torture, and vampires and shit.

The character of Sasuke is more like the Shippuuden Sasuke after he kills Itachi and vows to destory Konoha. The crazy, uncontrollable Sasuke, but he's still a "genius," it's just that his mind is clouded with revenge and hatred that he can't really think straight (at least that's what I think). But when he feels he needs to, he does use his common sense, but with all the other ethical issues surrounding him, he kind of just throws morals out the window. And Sasuke isn't a very loving character, obviously, because he plans on just killing people left and right hence why it's a challenge to incorporate "love" into this, but trust me, it will be there.

Naruto is a goofball and will forever be a goofball. He has a heart of gold and a good conscience despite...what he is... (next chapter, ahem), so he does have his redeemable characteristics. In the anime/manga, he's depicted as the hero, but he takes a backseat on this journey. He'll have his shining moments eventually.

3. So, uh, who exactly is the bad guy here?

Everyone is a bad guy and everyone is a victim. In other words, keep reading and you'll find out. -winkwink.

4. Fan Art? Whazzzap?

I remember I had a review about someone asking if they could do fan art for this story. And I really don't see why not. I'd love to see fan art or any other spin offs of this story or random, crack chapters, whatever. I used to do fan art for this, but I, uh... yeah, got lazy. Happens, sorry. Anyway, anything is wonderful and I'd love to see fan art.

I don't really answer review-asked-questions as author's notes because I think author's notes take away from the flow of a story (I don't know why, I'm just...yeah), so you'll notice my complete lack of author's notes besides "please review" and really urgent stuff. I'd rather you message me and I'll check my emails and my inbox and whatever else... But if it's questions about the plot of a story, expect really vague answers. Sorry. Can't give everything away. -winkwink,sexysmile.

And I erase old author's notes. The only useless words you'll ever see will be on this chapter (One, in case you're confused already...) and on the most recent chapter. Any other chapter will have the author's notes erased.

Thank you for taking time out of your precious life to read this and if you got past chapter one, give yourself a huge pat on the back because it is probably the most boring chapter in the whole story.

Happy hunting.