Lost and found
A/N: Hey guys! This is just something that popped into my mind a couple of days ago... It's just really silly...
A fair warning though: I have rated this as T but it does contain mentioning of sex toys and if sex toys make you feel funny in a bad way then don't read...
Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds... poor me!
BANG!
Emily Prentiss rushed into the office of techkitten Penelope Garcia and slammed the door behind her.
"You know what's nice?" Garcia's voice was dripping with sarcasm."Knocking..."
Emily didn't hear her or she just didn't care. "I've lost Little Hotch!" she hissed.
"Uhm...what? I know he's no Morgan but you can hardly call him little, Em..."
"No, not Hotch Hotch... Little Hotch!"
"Wait what? What do you mean? Is Jack lost?" Garcia was getting more confused by the second.
"No, Garcia! Little Hotch... You know that thing that I've named Hotch..."
Realization dawned on Garcia and her lips formed an "o" as she finally got what Emily was talking about.
"Oh! That Little Hotch..." Garcia tried really hard to suppress the smile that was creeping up her lips.
"Yeah! That little Hotch." Emily almost snarled.
"Wait, you brought it here!? Why?" Garcia now looked utterly confused and if Emily hadn't been completely panicked she would have found it severely amusing. But under the current circumstances nothing would bring a smile to her face. The wide eyed panicked expression she was sporting was glued firmly to her face.
"I... uhm... I sometimes bring it with me in my go bag... It's great for stress release during bad cases..." Emily wanted the ground to open up and swallow her whole.
"Oookay... whatever floats your boat, my vision." Garcia was still struggling with the laughter that desperately wanted to bubble up. "But please enlighten me. Why, again, did you name it?"
"Uhm... I read somewhere that naming it can help make things happen... help with the... uhm... the fantasizing..." Emily's cheeks were burning up.
"Oh... I see... and you chose to name it after Boss Man... Nice choice!"
"Yeah... well..." Emily didn't know what to say... Confessing that she was more than a little attracted to Hotch felt superfluous. It was pretty obvious from her actions that she was.
"You don't have to explain Em, I get it. You like him. That's nothing to be ashamed about. And don't worry about losing Little Hotch, no one will ever know that it's yours...."
"Well... about that.... remember when I got that label maker? I got a little carried away and labeled a lot of things... So it kind of has a little label on it saying "Little Hotch – property of E. Prentiss".
"Oh, God!" Garcia couldn't control her laugh anymore...
"Hey! Stop it! This is a real problem... what if Morgan finds it... Or Rossi... they'd never let me forget it. Or what if Hotch finds it... I'd never be able to look him in the eyes again..."
"Don't worry, Gumdrop. I'll help you find it. I'll just have to get JJ in here too, we need all the manpower we can get. She knows about Little Hotch, right? I'll just IM her."
* * *
Morgan turned towards his laptop when he heard the ding of a new message. It was from Garcia... Wonder what she wants...
JJ,
We need you! Em has lost Little Hotch.
You know her vibrator...
Come to my office. Now!
G
Morgan didn't know what to do. Did he read that right. Had she really lost her...thing... and had she really named it after Hotch! Oh God, this was just to good to be true! He had to tell someone...
"Hey, Pretty Boy. Get over here!"
"What?"
"Here, read this..."
"What is this... Is it that morons blog again? That Star Trek...." Reid stopped talking as he read the message. "Oh no, that's something I could have gone all life without knowing and now I won't ever forget it. Eidetic memory remember? Why did you show me that, Morgan?"
"I thought it was funny. Should I send it to Rossi too? I'm sure he'd get a kick out of this..."
"Do whatever you want. I'm going to get some coffee and see if maybe I can unlearn this particular piece of information..."
* * *
"Oh my! Oh... not good... not good... very very bad..." Garcia looked at one of her screens with panic all over her face.
"What?! What Garcia? What did you do?"
"Uhm... I might have accidentally and I mean accidentally sent the message to both JJ and Morgan."
"You what! You're the computer genius. You are not supposed to do mistakes!" The panic that had been more controllable a minute ago came rushing back to the surface and Emily felt her knees bend under her.
"Sorry! I didn't mean to..." Garcia said at the same time as JJ slipped through the door looking a mixture of worry and amusement. She really was worried for Emily but that didn't mean that she didn't see the humor in the situation.
"Em! What have you done?" JJ asked her friend.
"I've lost Little Hotch... and I have no idea where it is."
"Don't you mean he?" Garcia spluttered and received a swift slap on the arm from Emily...
"Okay, calm down Emily... just retrace your steps. Try to think where you have been today. Do you know where you last had it?" JJ tried to calm the situation down.
"I put it in my go bag this morning. Then when I arrived at the car park I dropped my bag and one of the zippers broke so I put most of the small things in my purse instead... at least I think that I put most of it there. Now I'm not sure... a bunch of stuff fell out..."
"Okay... so one of us will go to the car park and look there. Where else have you been?" JJ asked as if she was leading a search party.
"Uhm... I've been to the break room but I didn't bring my purse with me there and I've been to the ladies room once. Maybe it's there..."
"Allright" JJ said in her most authoritative voice. "I'll go to the car park, Garcia you'll go to the ladies room and Em you'll go back to your desk and search through your go bag and your purse again. Then if anyone finds anything just let the others know and do the same if you don't find anything."
* * *
Emily rushed back to her desk trying at her best ability to avoid everyone. Still she felt like she had every eye in the bullpen on her. But she didn't have time to worry about that. Her main concern at the moment was to find her lost sex toy before anyone who'd tell Hotch did or God forbid the man himself found it. She'd be beyond mortified if Hotch ever found out that she's so attracted to him that she named her vibrator after him. Plus he'd think she was crazy and any hope that she ever had of them becoming more than friends would be squashed.
The second she got back to her desk she grabbed her purse and started rifling through it putting all of its contents on her desk. Credentials, lipstick, aspirin, paper napkins, cell phone, mascara, compact, chapstick and iPod... but Little Hotch was nowhere to be found...
She pushed her purse back on the floor and stretched to reach her go bag where it laid behind her desk chair when she felt a pair of eyes on her back.
"Hey there, Princess... you looking for something special? Need any help?" an annoyingly smug voice behind her asked.
"Don't listen to him, Emily. He'd never be brave enough to look for something like that anyway" another voice squeaked.
Emily didn't see any point in lying. She knew that for sure that Morgan knew about her current situation and apparently he'd seen a reason to also let Reid know. She looked up at Rossi's office and saw the he was looking right at her. When he caught her eye a smile spread across his lips and she knew that he knew. She shot him a glare and turned towards Hotch's office. She only saw the top of his head bent over his desk. He was obviously buried in a file and she dared hope that he had no idea what was going on out in the bullpen. Then she heard that annoying voice again. This time is sounded if possible even smugger.
"Well... Princess, are you going to answer? Do you need any help finding whatever it is that you're looking for?"
"Oh, shut up Morgan!" Emily snapped. "You and Reid both obviously know what it is I'm looking for. I know that you got that message from Garcia. I was there when she sent it. And you must have seen that is was addressed to JJ. Why are you going around reading other people's messages anyway?"
"I get messages from Garcia all the time. I don't check that all of them are for me. This is the first time that has happened." Morgan said looking way too innocent.
Emily glared at him and was going to say something snarky back but realized that in her current position she had very little to get him back with. So she settled on a final glare and sighed.
"Please just leave it okay?"
"Okay." Morgan answered his voice a lot less smug.
"Sure thing, Em." Reid concurred.
"Thank you. Ehm... you guys don't happen to know whether Hotch knows what I'm looking for, do you?"
"No, I don't, sorry. I just told Rossi. I wouldn't do that to you."
"Me neither. But don't worry Em, if he knew I'm sure that he would have..." Reid stopped mid-sentence and his already large eyes got even bigger as he turned his gaze to somewhere above Emily's head.
Emily turned around already sure of what she was going to see when she did so. There was Hotch standing outside his office a stern look on his face.
"Prentiss, we need to talk. My office. Now."
Dragging her feet behind her Emily walked up the stairs to her boss's office while Morgan and Reid looked on in silence.
As soon as Emily walked into Hotch's office she spotted it lying on his desk. In the middle of his desk on top of a pile of files were her light purple vibrator with the distinguishing white label on it saying "Little Hotch – property of E. Prentiss".
Hotch walked up to stand behind his desk and before he had a chance to say anything Emily started to ramble apologies and explanations and maybe giving away a little too much information.
"Oh God, I am so sorry Hotch. It's nothing. It's just a bit of fun... I don't mean anything by it. It's just for stress release. Well... maybe not just that... but you have to believe me I do not mean in any way to offend you. I had it in my go bag and then it wasn't there and..."
"Emily, slow down... Don't worry. I'm not mad. I'm actually a little glad that you say that you didn't mean anything by it."
"Huh? What do you mean?" Emily was profoundly relieved that he wasn't mad but what did he mean that he was glad.
"I mean that I was a little worried about what you thought of me, naming something so small after me."
It took her a few moments to realize that he had just made one of his rare jokes. But when she did she was so worked up and high on the fact that he hadn't fired her that she decided to also have a little fun.
"So you mean to say that you are more well endowed than that little vibrator?" She asked with a small smile.
"Indeed I do..." he answered
"Well okay then... Maybe I should try out the real thing sometime then?" She asked giving him a saucy look.
"I think that that you pretty much have to now. You are not using than little thing again Emily. Not when you have complete access to the real thing as you put it." He answered wiggling his eyebrows.
"So I have complete access to the real thing, do I?"
"Yes you have. Complete access starting right now. I just have one question."
"Sure, anything..."
"My place or yours?"
A/N: Hope that you liked it... I wrote most of this on a 4,5 hour train ride yesterday... it felt a little strange writing this in a public place... but fun too!
Please review! Thanks a bunch!