Notes: For contrelamontre's air challenge, done in 21 minutes.
For Honor
You should have known better. You call yourself an intellectual, but at times, you are nothing but an idealistic fool. That's how you brought about your own downfall, anyway.
You loved him. You still love him. You love him with the intensity of a thousand setting suns, with the passion of a thousand thunderbolts, but no matter what, you are an intellectual, and love ranks near the bottom of your list of priorities.
You thought you did the right thing. You thought that by sacrificing the person whom you most love, you will save the Republic, but you were wrong. Your idealism steered you wrong, and you are now running for your life.
You think that maybe you should have been more like Antonius, but you can't change who you are, and you aren't particularly sure that you really want to be Antonius, anyway. He looks after his own interests too much at times, and you despise that trait more than anything else because it's dishonorable. That may be part of how you found enough reason to kill him.
Though Antonius chases after you now, thirsty for your blood, and you don't think you can really blame him. You did kill the man he loves, the man you love, and had it been the other way around, you would have done the exact same thing.
Sometimes, you wonder how honorable you really are, assassinating the leader of the Roman Republic. You did it to preserve the Republic, but sometimes, thoughts that you did it for selfish reasons prickle at your mind.
You won't deny it. You were jealous of Antonius, who is much younger and more handsome than you. You remember entering Caesar's house one day and finding the two of them in the bedroom, Antonius's muscular legs pulling Caesar into him as much as they can. You left as quickly as you could, and you wondered to yourself when that started and why you never noticed when you should have suspected something. You are an intellectual, but you are also an idealistic fool. You thought he loved you and only you; after than, you weren't even sure whether he loved you or not.
But still, you think your jealousy only played a minimal part in the big scheme of things, if any part at all. You are better than that; the code of honor you live by makes you better than that.
You did it for the plebeians, and you forgot that they couldn't understand. You are an intellectual, after all, and because you are, you shouldn't have let your idealism get the better of you. That's what ruined everything for you. You should have known better than to let Antonius live in the first place, much less give his funeral oration after you without your supervision. Antonius does not live by the same set of rules you do, and you should have remembered that he wouldn't let the death of Caesar go unavenged.
The past is past, however, and you can change nothing. You aren't sure you would even if you can. You are an intellectual above all else, and you believe that you did the right thing, no matter how hurtful. Your idealism may have damned you, but what you did for the good of the Republic won't be forgotten.