Unfolding, a bones fanfic

Unfolding

Brennan's sense of rationalising, belonging, feeling, understand… her sense of everything was unfolding all because he was folding back in to himself.

Bones visits Zack one last time.

What I can remember
Is a lot like water
Trickling down a page
Of the most beautiful colors
I can't quite put my finger
Down on the moment
That I became like this...

The beeping of the heart monitor was enough to keep me grounded, it was the only sound to that could keep me grounded. He had a heart… he still had a heart even though mine was breaking.

I knew what sound a breaking heart now makes… at first it was the sound of a car door being slammed shut… then it was a gun shot… the final break came when he admitted to it all.

My world unfolded when his folded back into it self.

Stepping past the guard I hold my chin high despite the need to curl up into a ball and cry until my pain was washed away.

You see I am the bravest girl
You will ever come to meet
Yet I shrink down to nothing
At the thought of someone
Really seeing me
I think my heart is wrapped around
And tangled up in winding weeds

He looks so small, so innocent to the world laying beneath tubes and his covers… if there was ever a time I could wish I would do so now. I would wish to take back the years of knowing him… the moments I actually felt friendship for him… the day I finally opened my heart to him.

Shaking my head I knew I would never wish for that… instead I would wish to take back the heart ache… to take back the moment he was led astray.

"You are trying to understand why even though you have the answer" his cool voice called out as his dark eyes turned to me. Despite his coldness I could see he had been crying. That small act was so human that I actually dared to believe that perhaps they were wrong… that the confusion of the explosion and the pain killers had made him confess.

But the logical part of me already knew that no matter what this was the last time I would see him so innocently.

"I do have the answer already… I understand why you did it I also know why you couldn't allow Hodgins to get hurt" I admit and he nods slowly studying me as though I was some new puzzle.

"Its an emotional need… not logical… your returning here even after you have all the facts, trying to find some reason to satisfy your emotional state" he states and I slip into a chair, he was in no position to hurt me but I already knew he would never hurt me physically.

Emotionally it was like he was taking that knife to my heart as well.

But I don't wanna go on living
Being so afraid of showing
Someone else my imperfections
And even though my feet
Are trembling
And every word I say I'm stumbling
I will bare it all... watch me unfold
Unfold

"It's a social reaction… when some ones basic belief system is disrupted they must find some reason to bring order back" I can only admit mournfully as his face blanks and he nods.

There is no more emotions left in him at least not enough for me to read anymore. Another break to my heart.

My world unfolded even more… there was always a small glimpse of emotion in him for me to read but not anymore he was folding back into himself.

"I was never sociable" he admits as I blink the tears back and nod in agreement… there was no point in lying not now.

"They believe that's the reason why you did what you did" I couldn't bring myself to say the words… I could describe exactly what he did, his movements the angle of which he drove the blade and with what force.

But I didn't… instead I allowed only one tear to snake it's way do my cheek which he watched with interest and nothing more.

"They are more emotional then you" he points out and I nod not even questioning the fact he didn't include himself. He never would… never will again.

These hands that I hold
Behind my back are
Bound and broken
By my own doing
And I can't feel
Anything anymore
I need a touch to remind me
I'm still real

"Booth wants to help you… even though he understands you have to pay for what you did he wants to make this hurt less for me" I tell him and he simply furrow his brow attempting to understand why anyone would do this.

There was once a time he could understand but not anymore.

"Even if you had the power to lessen my punishment you would not" he points out coldly not angered by the fact that I wouldn't but simply no longer holding enough emotion within his folded world to care if I did or did not.

"You would expect no less from me" I state as he nods and looks away, lost in his own world for a moment and we are left in a silence that feels so heavy.

"The master spoke of you once… he would like to have met you" he tells me not looking at me, I know why not because he was ashamed of what he did but because that evil bastard still held some power over him.

"But you're too strong for him to make you understand" he tells me before looking at me and for another heart breaking moment I see the last of the man I grew to love and feel proud off slip away.

"I admired that about you…" he trails off as the pain increases again and I turn my head to keep the tears at bay. He doesn't need tears… they would only be for me.

"Thank you" I thank him with as much heart and soul as I could muster while my world fell.

"You won't stay any longer now will you" he half asks half states and I shake my head before rising from my chair. The pain was too overwhelming for me that I had to escape, back to some where that I could cry, lash out and try and understand why him.

"The rest of the team will be there for your hearing… I will be as well" I promise him but it means nothing, he simply accepts the news with a cool disinterest.

"Good bye Doctor Addy" I can't bring my self to use his first name… Zack Addy was the boy who came to my lab with such nativity and innocence that I fell for him and open my heart.

"Goodbye Doctor Brennan" I turn from him and make my way to the door, not willing to look back.

"Booth once said we were alike" he tells me, rooting me to the spot fighting the tears back.

"You and I… but I found fault with his logic, physically there was once a time I might be able to fight you but after my injuries that would be impossible… intelligibly I may out wit you by several points… but emotionally you are my better" he admits causing the final piece of my heart to break and my world to unfold completely.

I turn and rush back to his bed, the sobs already catching in my throat as I bend over his side and press a lingering and hard kiss to his forehead.

Moving down I watch my tears drip on his face as I press my forehead against his, the sobs already stealing my breath.

"I hate you Zack Addy" I whisper and he closes his eyes, the last of our bond now slipping away.

"Because you broke my heart" he simply nods and opens his eyes to stare up at me… the last time I did this I saw a little of my Zack now there was nothing.

"My only heart is physical… it is healthy and in no danger of breaking or failing" he tells me almost sadly but I step back and brush his hair back.

"you were right… there is fault with Booth's logic" I agree before turning and walking out of the room and Zack's life for good.

The pain wouldn't lessen… the pain in my heart would bury itself deep in there because Zack Addy the man I came to think of as a brother, friend and family member had driven it in there.

I don't look back… there is no point, any reason I came here hoping to find my Zack still there was quickly destroyed.

I didn't lose Zack today nor the day he confessed… I lost Zack months ago, I only had to come here to understand that because Zack was folding back in on himself my world everything that I believed in was unfolding.

All because of what he did.

The end

I watched 'Pain in the heart' the other night and I cried during the last scenes... my poor Zack... so this was something that was rattling around my brain and I needed to get it out before I made my self cry again. Hope you like or even understood it... tell me what you all think.