I hear screaming. I feel the sweat on my palms and forehead. I feel myself thrashing my limbs around. The terror that fills me is only too familiar. This is how I feel every time I have a nightmare. Except this is not a usual nightmare. It is not about the Hunger Games, or the revolution, or Snow, or the capitol, it is not even about Prim. It's about Peeta. I scream again.
"PEETA! "
"Katniss shh! I'm here, I'm here"
"PEETA!"
"Katniss it's alright! It's just a nightmare. Wake up!"
I open my wet eyes to meet his bright blue ones. I feel his arms holding me, gentle but firm. I stare at Peeta realising that he is here, with me; realising that my dream about him being gone, about him being hurt and killed while I lay helpless, about having to live without him, was just that, a dream, a nightmare, not real. The realisation hits me hard with a flood of relief. I look at him and throw my arms around his neck, tightening my grip as fresh tears well up in my eyes.
"Peeta" words softly escape my mouth. "Peeta! You w-w-were . . . g-gone. . . I . . . they. . .t-t-took. .you. . . g-g-gone. ." I sob into his chest. His arms hold me closer to him securely. He sits up and pulls me onto his lap. I keep my hold on him, determined to never let go.
"Sh Katniss, it's not real! I'm here Katniss, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere . . . I'm right here!" His words seep into me like heat and I'm safe. His presence means safety, comfort. As I take this in, the fear of losing him becomes so real again. The fear of having to be without this comfort and closeness that only Peeta can give me. I've felt it before, but now, heightened by the nightmare, it nearly chokes me and makes me clutch to Peeta so tightly. Hot tears pour out of my eyes and I start crying again. I'm shaking severely with sobs that Peeta's voice sounds worried when he speaks again.
"Katniss are you alright? It can't hurt you Katniss. I won't let anything hurt you." He assures me and holds me tighter.
His voice comforts me like nothing else can and I know that I need him. He rocks me slowly still whispering comfort to my ears and stroking my tangled up hair. The crying ceases eventually but I stay wrapped in his arms. I think about how much he means to me. I need him. I am so thankful to him, for everything. From the bread when we were eleven years old, to our two Hunger Games, to the rebellion to now. I regret that it took me so long to realise it and I don't want to keep him waiting any longer.
I break apart from his arms slowly, look into his concerned, searching eyes and bring my lips to his. He seems surprised at first but then his lips respond to mine. I start to kiss him more urgently and I feel that thing again, the hunger that overtook me on the beach. It stirs inside my stomach and travels to every inch of my body as we kiss. And I know this would have happened anyway. That what I need to survive is not Gale's fire, kindled with rage and hatred. I have plenty of fire myself. What I need is the dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again. And only Peeta can give me that. And I want him to know this so badly. I want him to know that he's the one I can't survive without. I try to put all of these feelings into our kiss, trying to show him all unspoken emotions and words that I could never bring myself to tell him. I can only show him, unlike Peeta who was always amazing with his words. But when he kisses me back with the same passion, his lips return everything I was trying to tell him back to me. And I know that he understands me. My fingers knot in his hair and his hands go on my waist and pull me closer. The hunger inside me grows even more and turns me into tingles and I don't want to stop.
When we finally break apart we are both breathless. I bury my face into his neck because I don't want to end this closeness. Peeta whispers into my hair.
"Katniss, oh Katniss!"
He moves me so that we are face to face and his blue eyes look deep down into mine. His face is serious. There are hints of disbelief and fear behind his eyes but in the way he looks at me they are full of pure love. His hands cup my face and he holds my gaze.
"You love me, Real or Not Real?" he asks me.
"Real" I tell him. Looking straight into his eyes without even the slightest hint of doubt because it's true and Peeta deserves that.
Tears fill up his eyes and his face lights up in the brightest smile I have ever seen on him. It fills me with so much hope that I can't help but smile back before I start kissing him again.